Which is better?

[carofl93]

State is FL.

Mom is in VA. Custodial father is in FL. FL holds jurisdiction. Father has had custody for 5 years at the end of this month. Mom disappeared for 4.5 of those years. No contact at all for those 4.5 years.

We (dad and me~stepmom) think Mom is getting ready to fight for custody again. Fat chance, but we want the family intact. SD is 11. From everything I've read and relayed to hubby, FL won't listen to a child until age 12.

SD is getting pretty messed up by what Mom is saying, and has expressed to both of us that she wants to stay put in FL. Mom's hubby is active duty military and will most likely move around a bit before he gets out or retires. Dad is retired military. We don't plan on moving at all.

Hubby's insurance pays for psych visits. SD had regular counselling for 2 years after he got custody. We are planning on finding another psych pronto as she needs a non-biased outside party to talk to and listen to.

Hubby brought up the idea of a GAL to speak on her behalf should Mom try for custody. We know nothing about GALs or the FL courts relationship with the GAL.

Would a psych's word be better or just as good as a GAL's word in court?

I know step parents have no rights to their stepkids. I know step parents are supposed to stay out of this kind of thing. I've helped to raise this kiddo for 5 years. She was 5 and a half when hubby got custody. She's like one of my own and I don't want to lose her to Mom or anyone else for that matter.

Trying not to ramble, but hoping I got the pertinent info in there. Any further info needed, just ask.

Thanks,
Carol.

 

[LdiJ]

Mom would need a significant change in circumstance in the child's life in order to prevail. Obviously there is no significant change.

On top of that mom had no contact with the child for 4 1/2 years. Mom's odds of prevailing in this case would be extremely slim.

 

[carofl93]

Thank you LdiJ, for the reassurance. It means a lot coming from someone of your expertise. I did find a local psych for SD....she needs it. Poor kiddo's having nightmares now.

 

[sharingthoughts]

Reply back

Hello carofl93:

I am a pseudo-stepmom (Dad and I not married yet) and I can relate to your feelings. It's hard to know your role - even if you have been the most positive female influence to the child. It sounds to me like mom has little chance of doing anything here (I was a domestic relations paralegal for 7 years) and if she hasn't followed through on the life of her daughter so far, I'm a firm believer that people generally don't change. So, stay strong! It's a hard "battle" if you will going though the court system and it's good to see that she has a stable stepmom in her life. Plus, she's 11 - the Courts tend to weigh the thoughts and wants of a child that age heavier than if she was 6 or 7. No matter what the actual written law says. In a case I worked with, the Court listened to the wants of an 8 year old, saying that they were old enough and that their wants were well constructed. So, you have much to hope for here. What pressure to put on a child of any age - and I'm sorry she is having nightmares. It sounds like she needs to be reassured of the stability in her life.....which it sounds like she has that stability, and is lucky!