Who should move out?

[tiredofgames]

What is the name of your state? missouri
my husband knowing that i don't make enough money to support myself is trying to put pressure on me to move out of our house so that he can keep it. he has told me that he would give me money for my rent deposit and 1st months rent payment. he is getting really mad at me because i've not moved out yet. is it in my best interest to move or let him move? he also told me that if he moves he's taking our son and if i move our son will live with him. any advise would help.

 

[withonel]

my opinion-not an attorney

Don't move, especially don't move without your child.
Get a lawyer and file for divorce and/or legal separation, be sure you are able to stay in the home, get custody established.
Let him get as mad as he wants, but protect yourself before he files and you end up on the defense.

 

[tiredofgames]

Thanks, I think I just needed to hear someone tell me that. Although my husband can get really angry and he starts breaking things and threating to knock me out and not hesitate when he does it. He is very controlling and will not let my son live with me. I overheard him tell our son that he had a place for them to live. Should I wait until he moves out and then file for divorce first?

 

[stealth2]

I would file for divorce NOW, ask for custody, and possession of the house. Don't move w/o your son. But since you are still married, he has every right to take the boy when he moves (as you would were you to move). Next time he gets out of control, call the police. W/o any sort of proof, you're not going to have much luck using his temper/violence in court or as an argument for custody.

 

[tiredofgames]

I have taken digital photos of the things he has broken or damaged. Our son is 14 and has seen him get out of control, but he does what his dad tells him and expects him to do. Our son doesn't want to make a choice of who he wants to live with and I feel like I don't have any control over the situation. I'm also afraid to file while my husband is still living in the house. I'm not sure if this would push him over the edge or not. He also told me that he had a few things up his sleeve he was going to do, whatever that meant.

 

[stealth2]

So you show the photos in court, and your husband says "ME??? I didn't break any of that stuff - it was HER!" What do you do then? He said-she said doesn't cut it. That's why police reports are so important.

What you could do is call the Nat'l Domestic Violence Hotline (www.ndvh.org, I think) and get a local number. They'll be able to help you sort out how to file, etc.

 

[tiredofgames]

Thank you, I will check out the link. So should I let him move out, file for divorce and change all locks on home?

 

[sevengables]

Call the National Abuse Hotline - the number is in your phone book under "government listings". Ask them where the local Shelters are and go talk to them in case your husband does go over the edge. I've been there. Don't do or say anything right now to make him angry so he won't suspect what you're doing. Also call your county clerk's office (also in the phone book government listings) and ask them if they have a department that helps abused spouses file separation/divorce/restraining orders. Most courts do have this. When you file for separation, also file a retraining order and give a copy of the restraining order to the police in any county where you might be. If the police don't have a copy of this restraining order, it's likely they won't respond as fast or at all for that matter. They definately won't enforce one if they don't have a copy. Also call legal aid (govn't listing) Don't tell your son anything or involve him in any way...he night accidentally tell your husband or be scared by your husband into telling him what you do. A good site on the internet to go to for help is "silenttears.com". It helps abused women and has many, many resources. Very important -- pack a bag of close and essentials, including money for hotel/food for both you and your son and put them in the trunk of YOUR car. If you don't have a car of your own, keep it somewhere easily accessible to only you (and not where your husband will find it). Your son is of legal age to decide who to live with. I suggest if you ever do have to leave, take him with you. If you do leave without him, your husband can claim you abandoned them.

Good luck and whatever you do, make your calls today for your own safety. Don't wait in hopes someone here will give you the magical answers. You must get help now.