Woman claims paternity after 12 years in MI

[holmek]

What is the name of your state? Michigan
My husband had a relationship 12 years ago with a woman (long before he met me). She got pregnant. He thought it was his until he found out she was also sleeping with another man. Due to the infidelity, they parted ways never really knowing whose child it was. About 4 years ago she called my husband stating the child wants to meet her father. He offered to get a test done and have her in his life. The woman declined and he didn't hear from her until yesterday when he received an order to appear in court to determine child support. If he IS the father, can she claim back payments? Any suggestions?!?

 

[hexeliebe]

If he is the father then yes, back child support can be ordered. HOWEVER, in his answer to the order to appear your hubby needs to demand a paternity test.

If he doesn't already have an attorney then get him one if only to draft the answer and to demand that paternity be established before any legal proceedings be initiated.

 

[FJ1200guy]

Okay here's the deal with back child support in MI. I am SURE Hex will correct any inaccurate comments I make. lol

If it's been over 6 years since the child was born, and the paternity hasn't been established, and you haven't made support payments before, and you weren't out of state ducking a court action, no back support will be ordered.

Here's a link to verify:

http://michiganlegislature.org/mileg.asp?page=getObject&objName=mcl-722-717&highlight=

Let me know if that link sux to bad. It's from the Michigan Paternity act... so I think it applies here.

Later, Lyle

 

[NancyLou9]

But family court judges don't follow the law

Especially when CSE is involved.

The family court will routinely give orders that are in the best interest of the county, in this case, CSE. Back support will probably be ordered to cover the child's life up to now and there will be an arrearage.

However, paternity DOES need to be established, however, I'll bet a dollar to a doughnut that CS will be ordered pending paternity testing...

Welcome to the world of family court that thrives on lies, injustice and no rights when you are the NCP.

There's a site that is on the internet which I belong to that is for NCP's like your husband. It's a free site and you will meet many, many people like yourself and your husband.

www.deltabravo.net/custody

They recently went thru some changes, but they are basically the same. It's really a support and self-help group but they have some good people there.

 

[stealth2]

Re: But family court judges don't follow the law

Welcome to the world of family court that thrives on lies, injustice and no rights when you are the NCP.

It would behoove all to remember that for every NCP that gets a raw deal, there is a different CP who also does. One brush can't paint all situations.

 

[NancyLou9]

Sorry, but...

I can find you about 150 NCPs that have gotten the raw deal...

If you can find a CP that "thinks" they got a raw deal, I'll bet it's because they have to let the NCP spend time with the kids, they have to let the NCP talk to the kids on the phone, they have to make the NCP more than just an ATM... the list goes on...

Family court routinely disallows justice for the NCP.

I can find you several, probably in the hundreds, NCPs that have not seen their kids for several months or years, due to interference on the part of the CP. And when they file Contempt against the ex for not allowing parenting time, the court simply ignores it or does nothing to stop it.

I can easily paint most CPs in the same cloth because there are so many that pull the same tricks... CPs tend to forget that the other parent has given half their DNA to the child that is being treated like a pawn...

Also, there is federal law that will give grants to states to set up offices to enforce parenting time, in the same way they enforce CS, in these situations, but there's no money in it. CSE gets to keep 6% of the monies collected so there is a fiscal reason to enforce CS. There is no money in enforcement so these offices are not set up.

What a concept, free help in enforcing parenting time. But then, the longer an NCP goes without seeing their kids, the higher the likelihood they will stop paying their child support. That's the real agenda.

 

[stealth2]

Then you don't know very many CPs, hon. There are a$$holes on both sides of the fence, male and female, CP and NCP. Having a pissing contest over it doesn't help anyone.

 

[FJ1200guy]

A judge won't follow the law? Interesting comments, Mary Lou. Just to stay on topic, do you know someone that is in the same position as the poster, and had to pay back CS? I'd be interested in that info.

Now as for the attitude toward the court system, I can't say that I disagree with either you or Stealth. I bet you've had a bad experience, and I'd like to hear about it on a new thread, is that cool? Heck, email me and we can share FOC horror stories, even! LOL The thing is, SO many people, CPs and NCPs, are so bitter, the court system has to cut through a tremendous amount of bulls.h.it, which is going to make some folks bitter. Been there. Let's face it, it's tough to know what's what in many cases. So email me with your idea on how to go about setting fair custody and CS and visitation in every case, and how you would decide who is lying, who is not, ect. I'm glad I don't have to do it, personaly.

Hope to hear from you soon, take care! Lyle

 

[nextwife]

Ah, but any woman who truly does NOT want to become a parent has legal options available to her that are not available to the male parent. In many states, a woman can CHOOSE adoption (or another alternative), whereas the male parent cannot make that choice. So many parenting situations begin with one party wanting to parent and the other, not (or at least, not at that point in their life).

Additionally, the nature of being the CP means you automatically get the greater benefit- the child in your home. No matter what the NCP does, if one IS the CP you get the best deal because you have the child.

Additionally, what does the NCP "get"? The right to visitation, IF it is not interferred with or the CP doesn't move so far away that it becomes impractical. And visitation is NOT something that one can file to collect THEIR "arrearage" of. A mom can show up with a twelve year old in some states and maybe get awarded "back child support" but how does a NCP get what HE lost out on for twelve years? How does he get to spend babyhood, toddlerhood, preschool, grammar school etc with his child? He won't get awarded "back" what he lost. So, the nature of being a NCP automatically creates a situation in which the NCP gets the worst deal. No amount of money in my pocket would ever compensate for not having my child. Having the child IS the best deal.

 

[FJ1200guy]

Where did I get Mary Lou? Sorry, I meant Nancy Lou... LOL Duh. Now I will get nasty posts from a few posters for my mistake... sigh. The typo/spelling police are ALWAYS watching!

 

[holmek]

The plot thickens...

The phone call that took place 4 years ago was because the mother claimed the daughter was asking questions about her father. She wanted to arrange a meeting between my husband and the daughter. He said, if that's the case, then let's get the test done so we're all on the same page. When he said that, the mother's tune changed and she withdrew her offer of arranging a meeting. It just burns me up! We are dealing with a child's life here! He was right in asking for the test back then. How could he just take this girl into his life without knowing for sure? I feel so sorry for the child. We are ready and willing to take her into our lives, but it seems her mother is just looking for the handout. The last post was excellent. This poor child has gone long enough without a father and we without her. Why couldn't the mother have just called us? In fact, I know she did call us because I saw her name on caller ID a month ago, but she didn't leave a message. Anyway, it just makes me sick to see this happen. That court date can't come soon enough for us.

 

[NancyLou9]

Both of you have good points...

And the saddest part of all of it is that the kids are the ones who suffer...

Yes, we did have some really bad exp. in the family court, as have many other people.

In the family court, there are two good people, who went out of their way, usually, to be good parents. After a divorce, they become people who's only interest is themselves... How can I pay less CS? How can I get more CS? I won't let the NCP talk to the kids on the phone. Why can't I talk to the kids on the phone. I have a new boyfriend/girlfriend that has less than acceptable standards, how can I hide that fact?

It sickens me how perfectly lucid judges can hear both sides of a story and completely discount all that a normal person would give credance to.

Since you asked, I'll send you an e-mail with some examples of the stuff we went thru. We are now suing her in Common Pleas over her abuse. Since the family court wouldn't make her accountable, maybe Common Pleas will, in our state, not hers.

 

[sroutlaw]

Hey nextwife,
Just one comment to all that women have all the choices stuff. Men don't have to pull their pants down and bring out Mr Weebles, either....so they ultimately DO make a choice each and EVERY time...unless you are saying most of these guys were a victim or rape?
And I know of no state where dad doesn't have to consent to adoption, same as mom.

Steph

 

[NancyLou9]

HolmeK

It's been my exp. in interacting with other father's that are in the same situation as yours, that the more resistant the mother is to testing, the less she believes the child is the product of the man she is accusing.

It doesn't mean the child isn't his, it just means that the mom isn't sure herself.

If the child ends up being your husband's, then congrats, you now have a daughter. If she isn't, then your husband won't have anything to worry about. And believe me, it really is about the CS for this woman.

In my first marriage, my ex never paid dime one for CS. But I loved my son more than I hated my ex, so I never went after him. I paid for my son to visit his dad every single time. I was the one who sent him gifts with his dad's name on them. I was the one that had him call his dad minimum once a month.

Now that my son is grown and in the Army, he still has a relationship with his dad, but he knows who the one is that took care of him all those years. I'm the one he calls regularly. Now that he's an adult, he chooses who he spends holidays with. He alternates holidays and I'm fine with that. To me, family relationships are more important than money. But, more often than not, he comes here for the holidays.

 

[nextwife]

Steph

Actually, there are a number of states in which, if no father comes forward to contest adoption within a given time period, the adoption CAN go through with only the mother's and the court's written consent.

See http://www.adoptionsolutions.com/general/state laws/al_law.htm You can insert various state abbreviations into the URL and scroll through various state adoption laws. Once conception occurs, woman DO have more options than men do. Additionally, woman can and do lie about whether they are using birth control. My friend's nasty stepdaughter was so despirate to get pregnant, because a couple friends already had babies and she wanted one, too, that she actually told a couple of different guys she was already pregnant to convince them NOT to use birth control and that it was ok to have unprotected sex!

And, woman can move during the pregnancy and never notify the father. They automatically get to be the CP without sharing the child. Then they can show up three years later, after they got to have ALL the baby years as the sole parent and get awarded CS back to birth. I missed out on my daughter's first two years. She had no parent until she was 2. Nothing can compensate for having missed out on that time together.