Woman claims paternity after 12 years in MI

[stealth2]

Re: One last time...

And I resent you folks putting me in the position where I have to agree with Stealth, dammit.

Yeah, well the feeling's mutual.

Nancy - you cannot possibly know if the two cases have the same circumstances or not, or whether they will have the same outcome or not. The OP's husband is best served by speaking with a local attorney who will be able to give him a realistic view of what the likely outcome is. And yes - you ARE using scare tactics. That's totally counter-productive.

 

[NancyLou9]

I still disagree that they are scare tactics

And I absolutely agree that an attorney needs to be involved in this. And "dad" needs to deny paternity in order to get the DNA test.

I know in cases where dad refuses to get one done, paternity is automatically assigned. What is the possible outcome if mom refuses. It's not unheard of in situations like this that the mom is simply choosing the man that has the greatest source of income, thereby, checkbook shopping.

And after all my years in dealing with the family courts system, as a CP and the wife to an NCP, in three different states, I don't see that there is much difference. Kids become possessions, or commodities if you will, in the family court system. A dollar amount is set in order to spend time with them. Whomever spends the most time with them gets the most money.

It's a sad state of affairs and IMHO, the only way to slow down the freight train is to make joint custody automatic, except in cases of fmaily abuse, drugs, etc. However, I also feel that a leopard CAN change their spots. Have them attend mandatory counseling to take care of whatever it is that is causing them to lose joint custody (except child molesters. They need to be locked up forever) with the reward being they are given more time with their kids, in the hopes of joint custody.

Also, make enforcement of parenting time as important as not paying CS. Federal law states that states that begin a program like this, having it done thru the DA's office, like CSE is, will be given grants every year to keep the program going. All they have to do is apply.

Studies have shown that when parenting time is interfered with, the NCP is more likely to stop paying CS and the kids suffer emotionally and educationally (if that's a word).

Also, I think it should be mandatory that the parents attend minimum of 6 months counseling to learn how to be separate parents.

There are some states that require parents to attend 6 months to a year of marriage counseling before they can even THINK about a divorce.

I know the state of Louisiana requires, I think, 6 months of counseling and their divorce rate has gone way down. This is only done in cases that involve children. Also, it was discovered that with the divorces that involved children, with the correlation being the counseling, that the litigation in their courts has gone down too, with the parents choosing mediation and personal agreements to resolve their differences.

The only ones who suffer are the kids. The only ones who get rich are the lawyers.

 

[stealth2]

Unless it's a new requirement, that's not mandated in LA. The court can, at it's discretion, order parental counseling - but there is no overall requirement for it prior to divorce.

Otherwise, I agree with your points.

 

[NancyLou9]

Louisiana

Perhaps it was a pilot program.

I remember when we lived in Biloxi I read a newspaper article about it somewhere. I also remember being impressed with the concept and thought that nothing but good could come out of it.

It might not have stopped the divorce, but it could sure make better parents outta the two. In my opinion, it was a win-win for the adults in the form of less stress and angst and for the kids that they didn't have to be tossed back and forth as the "reason" for the animosity.

Oh, and another point I neglected to make...

Do away with no-fault divorce. People shouldn't be able to walk away from a marriage with kids just because it feels good. Something as serious as a family should not be shed like a coat.

 

[stealth2]

Well, I have a friend in LA and they never went through any sort of mandated counseling before the divorce. His daughter is still not on speaking terms with her mother.

As for fault vs no-fault.... I can tell you that fault divorce is no picnic. But some things are simply necessary.

 

[FJ1200guy]

Sorry, but no-fault is a must. How do you determine who caused what or who's fault it is? You don't... even if a woman cheated, you have to ask "Why"? Maybe abuse (and mental abuse can be very tough to prove), and if so, is she to suffer for that? No, too many manipulative husbands or wives that could (and do NOW) use the system for their benifit. What a can of worms to open....

 

[NancyLou9]

Before no fault

Divorce was much harder to get...

With the technology of today, with the empowerment of both men and women, creating a more level playing field, no fault is simply a way to remove yourself from a situation you helped to creat, when you no longer want to be a part of a marriage, whether it's good or bad.

My husband's wife divorced him because she met another man and moved him in while he was off fighting in the first Gulf War. He sent home $2000 a month to take care of the household. She was going to Vegas on that money and leaving the kids with God knows who. And it's the kdis that tell me this. Also, in the divorce, he got every single bill. Including the credit card in her name, that had the bills for her attorney on them. The two she got, she never paid, so we paid them to protect his credit. He was supposed to give her $500 to make a down payment on another car, since he got the one with the loan on it She got the $500 and kept the car. He had to get the police to get it back for him. She refused to turn in her military ID card. The Military Police had to go to her employment to get it back... But not until she had several thousand dollars of elective medical care, which we had to pay for too.

The judge refused to make her responsible for any of it.

He was good as gold to her and he lost everything, including his kids. She even got his winter weather gear that was issued to him by the miltiary. She got to keep a garage full of tools that he had. Some, most of them, were tools he had bought especially to perform his job working on airplanes and choppers for the military. She gave the argument that she needed these things to take care of the kids. The judge gave them to her.

Had she had to show fault, she wouldn't have been able to get a divorce. My husband could have, but she didn't have to so he lost everything he had worked his whole adult life to get.

No fault divorce needs to be abolished.

 

[FJ1200guy]

I'd prefer they get rid of no-fault marriages, and no-fault banging (which produces no-fault babies).

The problem a judge would have with your Husbands ex, is what was she saying about all this? WHY did she bail like that? I SERIOUSLY doubt he was a saint and she was pure evil. Even if that is the case, it's usually not as simple as what he's told you, ect. Not defending here, just trying to get you see the complexity of the whole thing.

 

[stealth2]

Damn, this is our thread for togetherness, FJ. The fact is, as nasty/wrong as Nancy believes her hubby's ex to be - she only has his side of the story regarding their marriage and divorce. There are always at least two sides to it, and neither is ever the "truth" - that lies somewhere in between.

While I'm certainly no fan of how easy divorce can be to get, no fault isn't the sole root cause of divorce and other problems we face today. Sometimes, divorce is the only option.

 

[NancyLou9]

It's not just me that thinks she's nasty

My stepkids are 19 and nearly 22 now. My stepdaughter, the 19 year old, still lives with her and she is not permitted to get a job or a driver's license. Mom has told her that if my SD gets a job, she's out immediately. At one point, Mom was paying her to NOT get a job. My stepson, who is currently in Baghdad, since March, has gotten one postcard from her in that entire time. That postcard was to tell him that he is not permitted to call or contact us, or he is no longer her son.

My stepson has actually made the comment to me that he really thinks that some people just shouldn't be be parents, in reference to his mother.

While the kids were still minors, two years in a row, when we bought the kids plane tickets to come spend the summer with us, mom cashed in the tickets to send the kids to her parents house, after she made the arrangements with my husband to send them to him.

After my stepson joined the Army, he finally told us how he got beaten by her for calling me or his dad.

When we still lived near them, my stepson, at the age of 10, called me for help because he had started a fire in the kitchen and he didn't know what to do. It was about 11 o'clock at night and his mom hadn't come home from work. I was the one to call the fire department and I rushed over there to get the kids. I took them to the PD so I couldn't be charged with anything and mom came home while the fire department was there. They are the ones that told her where the kids were. She got her first DUI that night, as she had been sitting in a bar and she was driving drunk. She wanted me charged with kidnapping and the police refused to do it. Four years later, she tried to use that as an excuse to take my husband's parenting time away thru the courts and the judge refused to do it. After that, we weren't permitted any contact whatsoever with the kids.

My stepson's first Christmas in the Army, he got three weeks Christmas leave and wanted to spend it with us, for the first time in 8 years. When he told his mom what he wanted to do, she told him he was forbidden to do it, or he was no longer her son. So he went to his parents home town to visit his grandparents. He was staying with my FIL. On the second day of his leave, he went to visit his maternal grandmother. They "took him to dinner" at his uncle's house in the next state and refused to bring him back until the day he was flying back to Georgia. He didn't even have a toothbrush.

I have 12 years of stories like this. And if you think that we all did something to deserve this, you're absolutely wrong. Oh, and why did she file for divorce? Because she met someone else and moved him into the family home while my husband was off in the first Gulf War. He sent home $2000 a month to take care of the household and she used the money to take her boyfriend to Vegas. When my husband finally got the car that he was awarded in the divorce, it had several hotel bills and key cards from hotels in Vegas.

Still think there's a good side to this story? The only good side to it was that we moved away after she attacked me in a grocery store causing me to go into labor 2 months early with my now 9 year old son.