would like to relocate

[lquid_user]

In Minnesota,

Four months ago my ex kicked me out and then dropped the kids off to me. I had no place to live and had to stay for a week in a motel room. I got an apartment and my ex saw the took the kids (1 and 2 yrs old) for two overnight visits in a months time. During this time she was drinking heavily and has always used alot of pot. At the one month point I yelled at her for abandoning the kids and she decided she needed to make a schedule for visitation. she is pretty consistent now and since I filed for custody she claims to have quit drinking and smoking pot. I have always been the stable force for our kids and have always been in the supervisory role even if not the primary caregiver. the children were each breastfed from birth to one year. Their mother used pot for the duratiion of pregnancy and breastfeeding. This was always a problem for me as I do not use drugs. their mother also insists on living without electricity or running water on a boathouse on the mississippi river. she also values her"social scene" to the point of taking toddlers to "punk rock shows". she is NOT an ideal mother. Since taking on the role of primary caregiver I have not been able to fulfill my job obligations as a Project Manager, and have recently lost my job. As I am now unemployed and have few ties to this town I would like to move to my home in missouri, where I have friends and an extended family. I have only lived in this town for ten months at this point and had visited for winters before. and to clarify the kids have lived with me all their lives excepting a three month period when I was away working in New York and their mother had intended to join me but backed out. since I filed for custody their mother has accused me of everything from abuse to abandonment to being an "absentee father" I am sure her attorney has put these words in her mouth. The employment opoportunities here are bleak at best, I can get a lettter of iintent to hire from several High paying employers in my home state I am willing and want to take care of and support my kids, I just want to do it where I can get ahead in life and help them succeed and I don't think that opportunity resides here. I am afraid that I will be court ordered to remain in minnesota. waht can I do to obtain the right to live where I can get a leg up? and why is it so offensive to take children from an irresponsible addict who cannot conceive of an appropriate bedtime for a two year old? also when together our plans were to leave this small town soon, I've only ever come to minnesota to be with my kids. this sucks.

 

[stealth2]

Well, the question is - can you PROVE any of your allegations? You're also on a bit of a slippery slope. All of these behaviors were present when you had the first child - yet you went ahead and had a second with her. So it must not have been something you were that concerned about at the time.

The move.... well, IF you are awarded primary physical custody, you will likely have to convince the court that moving the children away from their other parent is in their best interests above having a regular relationship with her. That's not always easy to do.

In addition, if you ARE allowed to move, you can expect that you will be responsible for 100% of the expenses associated with visitation. So you need to factor that in to the equation - flying you'd need to pay for the kids (for the second once s/he's 2) and for a parent to accompany them there and back (until they're old enough to fly as unaccompanied minors), or driving you'd need to work out if you can get time off work to make the R/T drive(s).

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

I just LOVE a good trailer trash story!

IAAL

 

[lquid_user]

some

I've documented all the contact she has had with the kids since the seperation in a journal. She had agreed to take a drug test and I have requested that it be a hair follicle test. not many people are willing to go to court to say that she flaked out for a month. but alot of prople were willing to defend me against the "absentee father" bs. it is also well understood by the people we know that her drug use played a major role in the dissolution of our relationship.
I would happily foot the bill for transit costs, and I was considering a one weekend per month, every-other Major holiday and part of the summer. alot of that can be flexible.


thanks
lquid

 

[Zephyr]

it is also well understood by the people we know that her drug use played a major role in the dissolution of our relationship.


why the relationship disolved has nothing to do with anything

and the judge won't let you drag in everyone one you know to talk about what a "bad person" she is.

ask for a GAL and for home evaluations to be done.

 

[lquid_user]

wannacry,

we are having a custody study performed by Catholic Charities. My attorney thinks that it will be crucial. I don't know what a GAL is though,could someone explain?

 

[Zephyr]

Guardian Ad LItem- is an attorney that represents the child(ren) and their interests, not either parent.

 

[lquid_user]

interstate custody

are interstate custody agreements really that rare? why wouldn't we be able to arrange for visitation on a less frequent time schedule. I feel like my other option is to leave without the kids in order to find a way to support them. but I'm not willing to leave them with her for any extended period of time. I really think she exhibits a lackk of sound judgement regarding the care of our kids. I don't think she could handle them both by herself. Am I really doing all I can? is there something I should be looking for? I just hate waiting and letting my life rest in someone elses hands.

thanks

 

[lquid_user]

thanks

thanks Wannacry.

 

[stealth2]

we are having a custody study performed by Catholic Charities. My attorney thinks that it will be crucial. I don't know what a GAL is though,could someone explain?

Is this something y'all came up with on your own, or is it court ordered?

p.s. Do NOT leave the state and leave the kids behind - that will guarantee that you will not get custody.

 

[bononos]

My response:

I just LOVE a good trailer trash story!

IAAL

We all love a good trailer trash adventure, but this one is BOAT trash.
That's a new one maybe to hit the best seller list.
Are there half sunken, rusted row boats surrounding the boat? (in place of broken down cars)
Is there indoor furniture on the deck? Or maybe inner tubes to sit on?

 

[lquid_user]

court order

Myattorney recommended the custody study, but it is my understanding that they are standard operating procedure in minnesota. since I can only prove my support and can't prove her lack of support for the kids it seems reasonable to let our interactions and living styles speak for themselves. the hitch being that I lost a great job over the whole mess.

I won't leave the state, even thinking about leaving the kids makes me miserable. I just don't think I can exist on the prevailing wage around here. I'm thinkiing that I could move to a larger city in minnesota. if the court wil allow. I guess that's what I can hope for.

thanks

 

[stealth2]

Here's the thing - a "private" custody evaluation (which is what this would be) may not count for much in court. A judge is going to want a presumably unbiased party (a GAL) to do this. The presumtion being that of course you're going to get someone who's going to support your side of things. If you're not paying for it, fine. But if you are...........

 

[lquid_user]

actually

in response to :
We all love a good trailer trash adventure, but this one is BOAT trash.
That's a new one maybe to hit the best seller list.
Are there half sunken, rusted row boats surrounding the boat? (in place of broken down cars)
Is there indoor furniture on the deck? Or maybe inner tubes to sit on?


there are rusted out 55 gallon barrels in the water surrounding the house, and also at least one caulk gun, two box knives, a hammer, and a shovel. you can't see anything though because the Mississippi is indeed muddy. and yes the dock has furniture and usually also dirty dishes etc.

 

[lquid_user]

I'm paying for it all

does anyone want to buy a dually diesel crew cab trruck??