Would like to reverse the adoption of my Step father's name

[dutch724]

hmmm, now you have me thinking. Here is what I'm thinking, while my Dad is still alive have him adopt me back. That will in turn give me back my Bio last name, then I will have to go thru the changing the name process with my wife. Now for my kids I could just adopt them, right or would I have to do the name change process with them as well?

I'm trying to get the family tree back the way it should be and preserve my family name seeing, I'm my bio Dad's only son and My son is the last in line to carry his last name. But I don't have much money to go through a lawyer to get this all taken care of.

 

[Isis1]

hmmm, now you have me thinking. Here is what I'm thinking, while my Dad is still alive have him adopt me back. That will in turn give me back my Bio last name, then I will have to go thru the changing the name process with my wife. Now for my kids I could just adopt them, right or would I have to do the name change process with them as well?

I'm trying to get the family tree back the way it should be and preserve my family name seeing, I'm my bio Dad's only son and My son is the last in line to carry his last name. But I don't have much money to go through a lawyer to get this all taken care of.

Honestly, doing an adult adoption is something you might want to look at a paralegal service for. Not quite the do it yourself, but not as expensive. A court appearence might not even be necessary.

 

[xylene]

I'm trying to get the family tree back the way it should be and preserve my family name seeing, I'm my bio Dad's only son and My son is the last in line to carry his last name.

You don't adopt your own children.

Your family lineage is not just a name.

You probably can't do this without a lawyer - but here is what you most straightforwardly seem to want from the law

Legal name changes for you and your children (patrilineage)

One way is to petition the court to change your name, your wife to petition the court to change your her name, and you and wife to jointly petition to change y'alls childrens' names.

I would suggest that the trauma you are coping with is not about a name, and you could consider talking to someone familiar with adoption trauma.

 

[dutch724]

I have never heard of "Adoption Trauma" before. Is that a real thing?
Who would you talk to about that? Would it help with petitioning the courts to change our last name.

 

[Zigner]

Let's clear something up...

Are they YOUR kids? Or, are they your STEP-kids?

 

[stealth2]

If you're traumatized by your adoption, you would go to a therapist. For your name change, you would look to the courts.

If your children are yours biologically, you would all just do a name change through the court. If they are your wife's children, then their father will have to consent to either an adoption or a name change.

 

[xylene]

There is no our name

I have never heard of "Adoption Trauma" before. Is that a real thing?
Who would you talk to about that? Would it help with petitioning the courts to change our last name.

You change your name

Your wife changes her name

You and your wife together change the name of any children you have.

If you wife has her own children (your step children) then she and the parent of that child would change it

If you have any children with someone other than your wife, you and that person change the name

Your request is coherent and sensible. You won't need to justify it.

Simply "I want to have my paternal family name"

Adoption trauma is very real. Especially in case like yours when you felt duped, forced and never integrated with your adoptive parent.

Someone to talk to would be someone like a family therapist, a psychiatrist, a pastoral counselor or a priest / officiant your faith.

 

[TheGeekess]

And I posted the links to the self-help site for the OP's state on the FIRST PAGE. Guess I'm not readable....

 

[dutch724]

TheGeekess,
Yes, I saw those links and I have them in my favorites. Thank you, for all your help. I will be using those links.

Yes, the kids are my wife's and I.
I think it is pretty clear on what path I have to take to straighten out my name delemma. I was just looking for a loop hole that might take less effort to get the same results.
As far as the tramma part. I think once I get the name changed back to my paternal name everything will be right in my life.
My kids are the ones that have asked why I haven't done this a long time ago.

Everyone thanks so much for your help.

 

[stealth2]

TheGeekess,
As far as the tramma part. I think once I get the name changed back to my paternal name everything will be right in my life.

Then you haven't been traumatized. Seriously.

 

[nextwife]

hmmm, now you have me thinking. Here is what I'm thinking, while my Dad is still alive have him adopt me back. That will in turn give me back my Bio last name, then I will have to go thru the changing the name process with my wife. Now for my kids I could just adopt them, right or would I have to do the name change process with them as well?

I'm trying to get the family tree back the way it should be and preserve my family name seeing, I'm my bio Dad's only son and My son is the last in line to carry his last name. But I don't have much money to go through a lawyer to get this all taken care of.

You DO realize that your mom won't be your legal mom anymore, right? And, if living, your maternal grandparents won't be your grandparent's anymore? You will no longer be legally related to your maternal relatives if Dad adopts you.

And you can't just adopt your wife's kids unless their father agrees, if still alive.

 

[nextwife]

Just curious. How many years did your dad (legal dad) share support responsibilities for you with mom? How many years did he bear the legal responsibility for you after your biodad relinquished all of his legal duties?

 

[justalayman]

TheGeekess,
Yes, I saw those links and I have them in my favorites. Thank you, for all your help. I will be using those links.

Yes, the kids are my wife's and I.
I think it is pretty clear on what path I have to take to straighten out my name delemma. I was just looking for a loop hole that might take less effort to get the same results.
As far as the tramma part. I think once I get the name changed back to my paternal name everything will be right in my life.
My kids are the ones that have asked why I haven't done this a long time ago.

Everyone thanks so much for your help.

If all you care about is the name, the simplest method is to file for a change of name for you, your wife, and each of your children. You do not need a lawyer (at least you shouldn't)

your adopted father will still be your legal father and the children's legal grandfather.

 

[dutch724]

It is a very complicated situation my Mom put us kids into. The divorce was a violent devoice and my Mom wouldn’t let my Dad have visitation rights with his kids and then started moving us from state to state every year for 10 yrs. My Dad grew tired of the fight every time he tried to see us. He felt like the fight was going to far and he needed to be the better person and stop and hope later in life we will see what really happened between them. My Mom did her part in lying and telling us what a horrible Dad he was and so forth. When I got out on my own is when I decided to seek out my Dad and got to know him. He is nothing like she made him out to be. She was the one that ended the marriage because he found out she was cheating on him. He has recordings of her on the phone and all.
I’m not too concerned about how my Mom or step Dad is going to take it. They lied to us kids all these years and made us victims of their divorce. My Mom has done way too many things to me and my sisters all these years that I couldn’t possibly go into it on a forum. Besides I’m 37 years old and I have spent plenty of time thinking about this. The spite of changing my name to my step Dad’s name needs to come to an end.
My Dad never relinquished the rights to be our father. Mom my forged his name on documents and forged his name on a document and stole his land that his name was on. But wasn't going to fight any more he just wanted to keep his distance from her. He figure it would be easier on us kids. Seeing my step Dad was involved in all of this I don't see a good reason to carry on his name. My step Dad's parents never really got to know us either, so no great loss there.

 

[xylene]

It is a very complicated situation my Mom put us kids into. The divorce was a violent devoice and my Mom wouldn’t let my Dad have visitation rights with his kids and then started moving us from state to state every year for 10 yrs. My Dad grew tired of the fight every time he tried to see us. He felt like the fight was going to far and he needed to be the better person and stop and hope later in life we will see what really happened between them. My Mom did her part in lying and telling us what a horrible Dad he was and so forth. When I got out on my own is when I decided to seek out my Dad and got to know him. He is nothing like she made him out to be. She was the one that ended the marriage because he found out she was cheating on him. He has recordings of her on the phone and all.
I’m not too concerned about how my Mom or step Dad is going to take it. They lied to us kids all these years and made us victims of their divorce. My Mom has done way too many things to me and my sisters all these years that I couldn’t possibly go into it on a forum. Besides I’m 37 years old and I have spent plenty of time thinking about this. The spite of changing my name to my step Dad’s name needs to come to an end.
My Dad never relinquished the rights to be our father. Mom my forged his name on documents and forged his name on a document and stole his land that his name was on. But wasn't going to fight any more he just wanted to keep his distance from her. He figure it would be easier on us kids. Seeing my step Dad was involved in all of this I don't see a good reason to carry on his name. My step Dad's parents never really got to know us either, so no great loss there.

Wow. This makes me want to cry.

I'm so sorry.

Please try to believe me, in a positive way, that these kind of hurts wont go away by court action.

It is good that you have a plan, indeed what you want (name change) sounds healing and sensible.

As someone who knows emotional pain myself, I will say that when you say that your statement that 'you are confident that your life will be fine after this name change...' is a recipe for a new heartbreak.

Be aware of the limits of what you are asking to mend your heart.