Would this be fair?

[mommyanme]

Hows this?

 

[InfantCustody]

How old is the baby now?

How long has Dad been seeing the baby?

Is there a temp order right now, and if so what does it say?

 

[mommyanme]

How old is the baby now?

How long has Dad been seeing the baby?

Is there a temp order right now, and if so what does it say?

Baby is 6 months

Dad has never seen baby(his choice)

No order except for CS, Dad filed for custody so I am defendant.

We were never married, DNA was 99.99

 

[gr8rn]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

5. Once baby starts school then we have to change it and I thought every weekend would be fair and suggest Dad go eat lunch with him a couple times a week at school.

So how does this seem from neutral sides as a rough draft?

I wouldn't be giving him every weekend when the child is in school. Unless you work all weekend. For most people the weekend is the only chance to spend quality time with the child(ren) so giving up every weekend would be giving up most of your free time to spend with your child.

 

[Just Blue]

How old is the baby now?

How long has Dad been seeing the baby?

Is there a temp order right now, and if so what does it say?

Read the OP's attitude-ridden Posting HX.

 

[InfantCustody]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

Considering the circumstances I took the advice I was given. Since Dad did chose not to take my offer and remained out of baby's life till now I felt baby needed time to bond and get to know dad so here's what I intend to offer now instead of what I offered long before baby was born.

1. Mon, Wed and Fri for 2 hours each day, at first here at my home so baby feels safe with a stranger, then working up to Dad having baby each time to take to park, McDonalds whatever he wants. While at my home I will not interfere unless Dad asks, otherwise I will clean or whatever.

2 After several months, Adding 4-6 hours on a Saturday or Sunday.

3. Around 16-18 months extending the Saturday or Sunday to either all day or 1 overnight(? Depends on baby's adjustment?)

4. After awhile not sure how long though, Dad spends the same Mon Wed and Fri but now 3 hours and 1 weekend per month starting on Saturday because of dad's work schedule.

5. Once baby starts school then we have to change it and I thought every weekend would be fair and suggest Dad go eat lunch with him a couple times a week at school.

So how does this seem from neutral sides as a rough draft?

Dad is addiment about Joint Legal so I will agree, but I will remain primary, since baby's doctors, early intervention therapy and such are here. But I know that it will be a hassle because he has to say opposite of what I do, but I know I can bite my tongue and show our son one of us can keep from fighting or starting a fight.

BTW I apologize for my defensive mode last post, but I have been in that mode over this since last spring and I had to realize when to just stop.

Oh yes Dad and his lawyer want to "negotiate(sp) CS and arrears, so they got the order entered as temporary since a custody action was filed by dad.

The schedule you have "offered" will not cut it in the long run regardless of how old the baby is now. Dad WILL get a minimum of every other week-end, plus one evening period or overnight during the week. That is the "standard" minimum order. Visitation schedules progress faster than you are talking...such as Dad having every other week-end by 18 months of age.

As the Mother of a 4 month old, with an uncooperative Father, I can relate to your desired schedule but it simply isn't realistic and it is unfair to Dads time with the baby. The fact that he wasn't involved in the past isn't going to matter. He is now...the child is young enough to be called a baby therefor he/she is young enough to adjust to and bond to Dad in a hurry.

Have you talked to an attorney? I learned a lot very quickly by consulting with an attorney familiar with NC law.

ETA: The baby is 6 months old. At that age, and according to my attorney in NC, a lot of judges just order standard visitation (every other week-end, one evening or overnight per week) and that is that. The baby is young enough he will adjust QUICKLY. He really doens't care who is taking care of him at that age...as long as his needs are met he will be happy.

 

[InfantCustody]

Read the OP's attitude-ridden Posting HX.

I tried...when I looked up posting HX there was nothing there? Did I look in the wrong place?

 

[mommyanme]

Read the OP's attitude-ridden Posting HX.

I apologized can we stick to my curent post please?

 

[Just Blue]

I tried...when I looked up posting HX there was nothing there? Did I look in the wrong place?

Just look up the posts, not threads. Someone else started a thread for her and she popped in later.

Here you go...

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/please-help-one-540763.html

 

[mommyanme]

I wouldn't be giving him every weekend when the child is in school. Unless you work all weekend. For most people the weekend is the only chance to spend quality time with the child(ren) so giving up every weekend would be giving up most of your free time to spend with your child.

I know, he won't agree otherwise. I'm stressed and tired of fighting with this man and just want the kids and I to be able to move forward.
He works nights so during the week won't work for nights.

 

[InfantCustody]

Just look up the posts, not threads. Someone else started a thread for her and she popped in later.

Will look it up...

 

[InfantCustody]

I apologized can we stick to my curent post please?

I am sticking with your current post. I gave current advice specific to your state.

 

[LdiJ]

I know, he won't agree otherwise. I'm stressed and tired of fighting with this man and just want the kids and I to be able to move forward.
He works nights so during the week won't work for nights.

A judge still won't give him every weekend, even if he does work nights. He could spend some time with the baby during the day.

 

[Ohiogal]

A judge still won't give him every weekend, even if he does work nights. He could spend some time with the baby during the day.

In some places that COULD happen. I don't know what the local visitation plan is for where the OP is. But in Ohio it is possible for a parent to get EVERY weekend (or an overnight every weekend). Look at Wayne County's standard visitation plan for toddlers for instance.

 

[Silverplum]

Previous posts displeased me and others, but THESE posts PLEASE me!

Go forth, mommyanme, and coparent like I know you can and are. I, for one, am very proud of you and your growth and your focus.

I'm stressed and tired of fighting with this man and just want the kids and I to be able to move forward.

and

Considering the circumstances I took the advice I was given. Since Dad did chose not to take my offer and remained out of baby's life till now I felt baby needed time to bond and get to know dad so here's what I intend to offer now instead of what I offered long before baby was born.

1. Mon, Wed and Fri for 2 hours each day, at first here at my home so baby feels safe with a stranger, then working up to Dad having baby each time to take to park, McDonalds whatever he wants. While at my home I will not interfere unless Dad asks, otherwise I will clean or whatever.

2 After several months, Adding 4-6 hours on a Saturday or Sunday.

3. Around 16-18 months extending the Saturday or Sunday to either all day or 1 overnight(? Depends on baby's adjustment?)

4. After awhile not sure how long though, Dad spends the same Mon Wed and Fri but now 3 hours and 1 weekend per month starting on Saturday because of dad's work schedule.

5. Once baby starts school then we have to change it and I thought every weekend would be fair and suggest Dad go eat lunch with him a couple times a week at school.

So how does this seem from neutral sides as a rough draft?
{snip}

...but I know I can bite my tongue and show our son one of us can keep from fighting or starting a fight.
{snip}

BTW I apologize for my defensive mode last post, but I have been in that mode over this since last spring and I had to realize when to just stop.

I note a distinct tendency toward fairness and consideration of what's best for baby. Also, a willingness on Mom's part to learn how to coparent: most excellent!