X not seeing his boys

[mshelly]

What is the name of your state? Michigan

My ex has not seen his boys in 75 days because I took him back to court to increase his child support. The friend of the court says they will not enforce parenting time orders if the ncp does not see the kids. This is not fair!!! My ex has had a relationship with his kids since the day they were born. Now they are 8 and 9 years old. What am I sapose to do when in a couple of monthes he feels guilty and decised he wants to see the boys? My boys are seeing theapists because they do not understand why their dad doesnt want to see them. What law protects them from the emotional damage that they are suffering now and that he could inflect later? Keep in mind I only asked for $200 more per month making his total $500 per month.

 

[howamidoing]

What is the name of your state? Michigan

My ex has not seen his boys in 75 days because I took him back to court to increase his child support. The friend of the court says they will not enforce parenting time orders if the ncp does not see the kids. This is not fair!!! My ex has had a relationship with his kids since the day they were born. Now they are 8 and 9 years old. What am I sapose to do when in a couple of monthes he feels guilty and decised he wants to see the boys? My boys are seeing theapists because they do not understand why their dad doesnt want to see them. What law protects them from the emotional damage that they are suffering now and that he could inflect later? Keep in mind I only asked for $200 more per month making his total $500 per month.

Maybe because you keep asking for more money he has to work and cant see his kids.....just a thought... Like I said in last post...you cant force him to be a parent. If he has court ordered visitation and he doesnt exercise it, document it and then use it against him when he finally wants to see them...it may not do you any good but you could try it anyway.If he has court ordered visitation you have to let him see them...thats why it is court ordered. (please check your spelling before posting...it gets very confusing)

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? Michigan

My ex has not seen his boys in 75 days because I took him back to court to increase his child support. The friend of the court says they will not enforce parenting time orders if the ncp does not see the kids. This is not fair!!! My ex has had a relationship with his kids since the day they were born. Now they are 8 and 9 years old. What am I sapose to do when in a couple of monthes he feels guilty and decised he wants to see the boys? My boys are seeing theapists because they do not understand why their dad doesnt want to see them. What law protects them from the emotional damage that they are suffering now and that he could inflect later? Keep in mind I only asked for $200 more per month making his total $500 per month.

Maybe not fair, but it's legal. Visitation is a Right not an obligation. He can choose to exercise that right or not. Sounds like he is miffed at the child support increase. He'll have to get over it, or miss time with his kids by his own choice. Either way, you have no choice in the matter.

The kids are in therapy and that's always helpful. Work with their therapist on ways to reassure them that they are important and loved. And do your children a favor, don't feed into any kind of "your father doesn't want to see you" situation. My child's father is military and because of that frequently misses visitation- a simple "Dad's busy working (or x,y,z) but I'm sure he'll see you again just as soon as he can", followed up with some quality time keeping busy doing other things - Is all a child needs to survive it. It's not ideal, but it's better than reinforcing a child's broken heart.

Do what you can, and stop worrying about the rest. No one can change the Dad but the Dad. All you can do is support your children, be active in their therapy and continue on without a lot of drama injected into the situation.

 

[BethM]

There are no laws to protect your children. Emotions can't be regulated so family court won't become involved. Sad, because emotions is the reason we all end up in family court. I wish there was some legal advice to give you. I've been living the same situation except it has been going on for 22 months. My children are older than yours, one is 20 and in college and the other is 13. After 20 moths of telling them how deeply they had hurt him for moving away....it was me that moved and after to meet him half way and extra time in the summer and other holidays...he is now sending certified letters telling them to come see him. He still refuses their offer to come see them and spend time with them. I know all about watching your children be abused and feeling frustrated over a lack of control over the situation.

I don't know the laws in your state so I don't know how much influence their testimony would have with a judge as far as visitation. More than likely they will be angry and fight seeing him to begin with when he does get through licking his wounds and decide to be a parent again. If they are adamant about not seeing him and their therapist tells you that forcing the situation would be harmful to them then let him take you back to court for contempt.

Let him explain to a judge why he got mad at you and made his children pay for it. Hopefully he will get it figured out before too much harm is done. All you can do is sit back and wait to see what the future brings.

Have you talked to your ex and asked him to please use his visitation? If I were you I would start making a call 24 hours before every period he is supposed to have the children. Tell him you want to know what time he will pick them up or where you should drop them off. Keep a log of every time he refuses your offer of visitation in case it does end up back in court.

I can't abide people who let their own feelings get in the way of their children's feelings. It does seem that there should be a way or some law that says if a parent does not use visitation that they are not allowed to just walk back into a child's life. My ex has been doing it on and off for 6 years though. I'd rather my children have his love and attention than his financial support. Too bad the courts aren't as interest in enforcing that as they are CS. Sorry to hear your boys are being hurt. All you can do is live every day showing them that they are worthy of better treatment.

 

[mshelly]

He is self employeed he works when he wants. I have let him off the hook for 5 years. Now that Im standing up for myself and my children its my fault hes not a responsible parent. I will not take the blame for a man who expects everyone to work around him. His kids deserve better. Every parent who loves and cares about their kids sacrafices for them. I did for a long time. Its easy to be judgemental when you dont have to answer a childs questions. As time goes on and kids grow up your circumstances change. Their needs change. Thats why you can file motions to chage things. The only thing that does not change is the fact that your a parent and that your kids should come first no matter what. No matter how much money the ex is asking for or how much you have to work. The ncp never understands how much the cp has to do for the kids.

 

[mshelly]

My boys have sent letters and tried to call him. His family is very upset that he has not seen his boys, even his wife. The kicker is he has an older son from his first wife and his current wife has two daughters that live with them. This was the first chriatmas that the kids have not seen his side of the family. His first wife and I are friends so they got to see their brother. I tried to talk to him back in October, his response was, I can force him to pay but not to see them. If he would have takin care of the little I aked for we wouldnt be here now. I tried not to make this about money, but now I feel like I have no other choice. If he can see the other three and pay for them, then he can do the same for the other two.

 

[howamidoing]

He is self employeed he works when he wants. I have let him off the hook for 5 years. Now that Im standing up for myself and my children its my fault hes not a responsible parent. I will not take the blame for a man who expects everyone to work around him. His kids deserve better. Every parent who loves and cares about their kids sacrafices for them. I did for a long time. Its easy to be judgemental when you dont have to answer a childs questions. As time goes on and kids grow up your circumstances change. Their needs change. Thats why you can file motions to chage things. The only thing that does not change is the fact that your a parent and that your kids should come first no matter what. No matter how much money the ex is asking for or how much you have to work. The ncp never understands how much the cp has to do for the kids.

Just in case you think I am being judgemental, I have a son who will be 6 next week,his father hasnt seen him since he was 3 months old. My son knows that his father works right around the corner and still doesnt see him. My son has seen his father in the grocery store and his father wont even say hello, but the law is the law. No matter how we feel as mothers we have to follow the law. I know that my son knows it is not my fault and his father will have to answer to him for it some day. Whining about it doesnt make it go away. Use that energy to make your children know that they are most important to YOU.