custody

[momb47]

What is the name of your state? NY My son has been divorced since April 06, after 4yrs of marriage, 1 child, have joint custody. This was a non-contested divorce, she initiated, Judge granted divorce, my son is required to pay support for child only, which is not a problem. During the marriage she never worked, clean, cooked, did laundry and at times forgot to feed child, they purchased house 2 yrs ago, which is to be sold. They presently live in same house which was a verbal agreement between them at time of divorce, she is to leave when house is sold. My son pays all bills, mortgage, taxes, food, utilities etc, even her car payment and insurance. Car is paid off 10/06, at the same time she announced to my son the she is pregnant 6 plus months (not his) she has had several men since the divorce. She is unable to support herself, nor my grnadchild, as she has proven since the divorce, she continues not to work or look for other housing, now another child and who knows who is going to support this one. Can she be an unfit mother in the eyes of the court, so my son can gain full custody of his child. My son believes that she got pregnant before the divorce and baby is due shortly.

 

[fairisfair]

nothing that you posted here qualifies her as an unfit mother.

You state that she never worked cooked cleaned etc etc etc during the marriage. She is doing the same thing now. If she was a fit mother during the marriage with those same habits, what makes her unfit now??

It is none of your business who supports the new baby, if it is not your son's.

 

[Ohiogal]

Your son needs to find out when she is due. Fairisfair you may be wrong. In most states, if she gives birth within 300 days after the end of the marriage he very well may be the legal father of this child and required to support him/her. While her habits are not going to be enough to make her unfit, if she swore at the final hearing that she was not pregnant and yet she was, that could count as fraud upon the court and be used to overturn the custody agreement and relitigate custody. However he still may not get sole custody as that is not a normal thing that is awarded. Mom will always have rights until she is proven legally unfit.

 

[CJane]

if she swore at the final hearing that she was not pregnant and yet she was, that could count as fraud upon the court and be used to overturn the custody agreement and relitigate custody.

Only if they can prove that she knew she was pregnant.

But yeah, he needs to find out if he'll be on the hook, and if so, demand a paternity test when the child is born. Because ya know... I don't believe for a minute that she's been living there since their divorce was final in April and they haven't had a lil somethin somethin.

 

[LdiJ]

Only if they can prove that she knew she was pregnant.

But yeah, he needs to find out if he'll be on the hook, and if so, demand a paternity test when the child is born. Because ya know... I don't believe for a minute that she's been living there since their divorce was final in April and they haven't had a lil somethin somethin.

And...if they are in a state that automatically makes the ex the legal father. I tend to agree that its unlikely that nothing has happened between them since April.

 

[momb47]

absolutely he is not the father, there was no something going on at all since april 05 a year before the divorce. my son believes that she conceived with another man before the marriage ended, she met this person on the web and she invited him to NY which he came in Mar 06 then left end of May 06, she then met another man on web and traveled to NC june 06 stayed there for 4weeks, all this was done with my grandkid present. My grandkid has called these men her new daddy, and the mother has now told the kid that she is having a new baby brother but it has no father, your daddy is not the father. What is wrong with that women telling a 4yr old this stuff. As I have said she doesn't work and chooses not to work, I realize the support of the new one is not our problem but if she can't take care of herself and 1 child how in the world with 2. Can this entire situation be used as not being fit to raise my grandkid so my son can gain full custody as he is financially stable as well as emotionally.

 

[CJane]

absolutely he is not the father, there was no something going on at all since april 05 a year before the divorce.

Yeah. Ok.

my son believes that she conceived with another man before the marriage ended, she met this person on the web and she invited him to NY which he came in Mar 06 then left end of May 06, she then met another man on web and traveled to NC june 06 stayed there for 4weeks, all this was done with my grandkid present. My grandkid has called these men her new daddy, and the mother has now told the kid that she is having a new baby brother but it has no father, your daddy is not the father. What is wrong with that women telling a 4yr old this stuff.

Completely irrelevant.

As I have said she doesn't work and chooses not to work, I realize the support of the new one is not our problem but if she can't take care of herself and 1 child how in the world with 2. Can this entire situation be used as not being fit to raise my grandkid so my son can gain full custody as he is financially stable as well as emotionally.

The support of the new child might be your son's problem if NY is a state that will consider him the legal father if the child is born w/in 300 days of the divorce being finalized. He needs to find out if it is.

And it sounds like your former daughter in law is doing a pretty good job of taking care of herself and making sure her daughter is taken care of. She's living with her daughter's father, after all. So they're fed and clothed and warm and dry and dad has plenty of access to his child, right? AND she can afford to travel, which is more than I can do.

No. She's not unfit.

 

[fairisfair]

Your son needs to find out when she is due. Fairisfair you may be wrong. In most states, if she gives birth within 300 days after the end of the marriage he very well may be the legal father of this child and required to support him/her. While her habits are not going to be enough to make her unfit, if she swore at the final hearing that she was not pregnant and yet she was, that could count as fraud upon the court and be used to overturn the custody agreement and relitigate custody. However he still may not get sole custody as that is not a normal thing that is awarded. Mom will always have rights until she is proven legally unfit.

Michael H., and Victoria D., Appellants v. Gerald D
was a supreme court ruling that allowed that a state's laws regarding presumptive paternity on the part of the father, could be challenged by the husband, or the wife, but not by the biological father. Could that case law be applied in this case?? Most states that have a presumptive marital father law still allow the husband/father to protest the presumption, or call for proof via DNA.

 

[Ohiogal]

Only if they can prove that she knew she was pregnant.

But yeah, he needs to find out if he'll be on the hook, and if so, demand a paternity test when the child is born. Because ya know... I don't believe for a minute that she's been living there since their divorce was final in April and they haven't had a lil somethin somethin.

Actually depending on how far along she was the court may find she knew she was pregnant -- if she was three months along it is highly likely she knew versus six weeks. If she is due soon, then she had to have been at least two months or three months.

 

[Ohiogal]

Michael H., and Victoria D., Appellants v. Gerald D
was a supreme court ruling that allowed that a state's laws regarding presumptive paternity on the part of the father, could be challenged by the husband, or the wife, but not by the biological father. Could that case law be applied in this case?? Most states that have a presumptive marital father law still allow the husband/father to protest the presumption, or call for proof via DNA.

Could be however he would still have to be proactive and not sit back and do nothing with the idea that he is NOT the father because they are divorced. That is my point. Just because they are divorced does not mean he will not be considered the legal father -- he could challenge it but it requires him to challenge it.

 

[CJane]

Actually depending on how far along she was the court may find she knew she was pregnant -- if she was three months along it is highly likely she knew versus six weeks. If she is due soon, then she had to have been at least two months or three months.

Yes, though I'd love to know when she's really due, and what that date is based on. (LMP/Ultrasound/a hunch)

The reason I always caution about using due dates to determine conception dates is because all 3 of my kids have been born 2-3 weeks early if one goes by the LMP due date, but all of them were considered right on time going by the ultrasound date - and all of them tested on the apgar to be early and therefore 'really' due on the LMP date.

And, using the ultra sound date, there's no way my son could belong to his father - yet DNA test proves otherwise.

So... until the baby's born and the apgar test is done... I wouldn't assume a due date is accurate.

 

[momb47]

oct 06 she states she is 6 plus months, she told my granddaughter that her new brother was going to be her for xmas, so she is probably due anytime from Dec 10-jan 10 2 weeks early or 2 weeks late. Yes she is living good on my son, she wants the child support that he is to pay, but his lawyer said not to give the full 17% of gross salry, you are paying for everything anyway, just give her a credit card with limit of $500 this way you can keep track of her spending the support money, she used the credit card to buy the boyfriend a plane ticket in Aug 06 to come to NY, paid for THEIR HOTEL while he was here, went out for dinner etc. You see she doesn't spend the money on the child but her own needs. I assume this will help his case for custody.

 

[ecw]

butt out of son's problems with ex

What is the name of your state? NY My son has been divorced since April 06, after 4yrs of marriage, 1 child, have joint custody. This was a non-contested divorce, she initiated, Judge granted divorce, my son is required to pay support for child only, which is not a problem. During the marriage she never worked, clean, cooked, did laundry and at times forgot to feed child, they purchased house 2 yrs ago, which is to be sold. They presently live in same house which was a verbal agreement between them at time of divorce, she is to leave when house is sold. My son pays all bills, mortgage, taxes, food, utilities etc, even her car payment and insurance. Car is paid off 10/06, at the same time she announced to my son the she is pregnant 6 plus months (not his) she has had several men since the divorce. She is unable to support herself, nor my grnadchild, as she has proven since the divorce, she continues not to work or look for other housing, now another child and who knows who is going to support this one. Can she be an unfit mother in the eyes of the court, so my son can gain full custody of his child. My son believes that she got pregnant before the divorce and baby is due shortly.

frankly, i think YOU should let your son deal with this, and keep your nose out of it. you dont know what happened, and its really not your business. this COULD be your grandchild, and if i was the child's mother, you would not see the child.

 

[LdiJ]

oct 06 she states she is 6 plus months, she told my granddaughter that her new brother was going to be her for xmas, so she is probably due anytime from Dec 10-jan 10 2 weeks early or 2 weeks late. Yes she is living good on my son, she wants the child support that he is to pay, but his lawyer said not to give the full 17% of gross salry, you are paying for everything anyway, just give her a credit card with limit of $500 this way you can keep track of her spending the support money, she used the credit card to buy the boyfriend a plane ticket in Aug 06 to come to NY, paid for THEIR HOTEL while he was here, went out for dinner etc. You see she doesn't spend the money on the child but her own needs. I assume this will help his case for custody.

Sorry, but no it probably won't. She is still the primary caregiver to the child. She is still the one staying home all day with the child while your son works. You have described nothing that indicates an unfit parent. She is certainly taking advantage of your son right now, but that is going to stop once the house is sold.

 

[stealth2]

OP - you seem to be missing the point that your son has little to no likelihood of taking custody away from Mom.