Husbands Rights or Lack There of!

[IndyDad1on1]

Way more then the majority do not harm their kids

Correct, but bad things do happen, judges know this. If you were a judge where you were uncertain as to a parties wellbeing and safety, would you want to wake up one morning and read a headline that you might have been able to prevent? Not saying OP is guilty just stating the judge is probably erring on the side of caution.

Remember OP did not mention what allegations she made against him. Based on what was said in court the Judge probably made a safety call. Is it right? Is it fair? Probably not but fact remains it happened.

Point is we do not know the whole case here. Best thing for OP to do is obied by the order fully, thats all that can be done at this point.

 

[majomom1]

Correct, but bad things do happen, judges know this. If you were a judge where you were uncertain as to a parties wellbeing and safety, would you want to wake up one morning and read a headline that you might have been able to prevent? Not saying OP is guilty just stating the judge is probably erring on the side of caution.

Remember OP did not mention what allegations she made against him. Based on what was said in court the Judge probably made a safety call. Is it right? Is it fair? Probably not but fact remains it happened.

Point is we do not know the whole case here. Best thing for OP to do is obied by the order fully, thats all that can be done at this point.

Exactly. OP doesn't state anything that actually happened and should have stuck around until the police got there, and gave his side of the story. Leaving makes it look like he had something to hide. The police possibly suggested the RO, based on her story. If he had stuck around and gave his story, they may not have suggested it.

I am not even clear that the restraining order includes the kids, or if OP just thinks it does because they are with her.

 

[Bloopy]

I am not even clear that the restraining order includes the kids, or if OP just thinks it does because they are with her.

Ditto

File for visitation and Child Support. Sometime this can be heard faster then the RO will be heard.

Play by the rules during the RO. I agree with DumbHubby. I bet she’ll violate the RO herself and make calls, voicemails and emails inviting you to perhaps see the children. Don’t fall for it and use her officers as evidence during your hearing for the RO.

Absolutely go with a lawyer. IMO, it is impossible for a man to defend himself properly in court when facing domestic charges. In court you must be assertive. For the Big Bad Wolf to be assertive it would appear combative and intimidating to poor Red Riding Hood.

For what its worth, these things take time. But if your ex is a full of it as you say, her lies will come crashing down on her. Taking children away from the other parent for no good reason is an excellent way to jeopardize custody.

 

[IndyDad1on1]

OP stated he has an attorney which did make me think the RO / TRO involved the kids as well. I would have hoped the attorney filed a petitioned for parenting time and an appointed GAL.

 

[majomom1]

OP stated he has an attorney which did make me think the RO / TRO involved the kids as well. I would have hoped the attorney filed a petitioned for parenting time and an appointed GAL.

I read it again. Something is missing in this story. Getting the RO for her would have been fairly simple. Getting it for the kids too, that would have taken something more substantial than just her word, IMO.

His attorney would have been able to address a temporary arrangement for his visitation with the kids, right there at the RO hearing.

 

[yerbudi]

First let me respond to majormom. She told the court that although I never struck my children, she was in fear that I would. To be honest, what I actually said to her was that I will do everything in my power (legally) to make sure that my children will not interact with her children. She has two from a previous marriage. Her oldest daughter is 14 and has hit my daughter leaving marks on her legs. Her son has also hit my daughter twice, although not leaving marks. Her son has also inquired as to which hole was bigger, the one in front or the one in back, on my daughter. This is why I am so worried about what the hell is going on, and why I told her that I would fight for custody. She of course took that as that I would kidnap my children. I have another daughter from a previous marriage that is 11, who is my angel. I of course had to tell her that she won't be able to see her brother and sister for a little while, and after crying for an half hour, promised me that she would see me every weekend and call me every night to make sure I was okay.

Right on the bottom of the RO, it states that it cannot be dismissed for the reason of custody, and that custody would have to be determined by the probate court. I can honestly say that the Judge was not too happy that she would not let me see my children on Christmas day...supervised OR unsupervised! The expression in his face said it all.

Thank you everyone for the support and advice. Get the hell out of Dodge was my favorite. Thing is, I secured an apt in the same small town across the street from the playground that I took my kids too all summer. SHE has never taken them there.

In taking this apartment, I have become a prisoner in my own home. I have to shop in a different town, work out in a different town, and definitely do not eat in this little town.

Personally I do not care about ever speaking to her again. Anyone that is cantankerous enough to spread lies to gain custody is not worth my time and effort. Her actions, lying to the court, if you think about it, pretty much tells you how bad of a mother/wife she really was. If she told the truth, she probably would never have gotten the order in the first place, and the Judge would have taken the kids away.

What I do care about are my four year old and my two year old. She has moved in with her parents, and talking about the apple not falling far from the tree, her mother occsassional indulges in too much wine also. My worry is what my kids are being told. It has now been a full month since I was able to kiss them good morning...make them pancakes...tuck them in...play with their piggy toes...play monkey pile...or even watch High School Musical with them. (My daughter just loves that movie!) And this tears me apart.

I will take your advice and let my lawyer handle everything from here, but what will happen in probate, and how does that affect what will happen three days later when the order is heard again?

Should I get myself prepared for probate or for the order?

Thanks again everyone.

 

[Dumbhubby]

Correct, but bad things do happen, judges know this. If you were a judge where you were uncertain as to a parties wellbeing and safety, would you want to wake up one morning and read a headline that you might have been able to prevent? Not saying OP is guilty just stating the judge is probably erring on the side of caution.

Remember OP did not mention what allegations she made against him. Based on what was said in court the Judge probably made a safety call. Is it right? Is it fair? Probably not but fact remains it happened.

Point is we do not know the whole case here. Best thing for OP to do is obied by the order fully, thats all that can be done at this point.

Since you asked me if i were a judge, I would certainly not deny the father visitation rights simply from what was said, while there are no bruises or marks of any kind.
I would certainly allow for supervised visitation.

 

[Bali Hai]

First let me respond to majormom. She told the court that although I never struck my children, she was in fear that I would. To be honest, what I actually said to her was that I will do everything in my power (legally) to make sure that my children will not interact with her children. She has two from a previous marriage. Her oldest daughter is 14 and has hit my daughter leaving marks on her legs. Her son has also hit my daughter twice, although not leaving marks. Her son has also inquired as to which hole was bigger, the one in front or the one in back, on my daughter. This is why I am so worried about what the hell is going on, and why I told her that I would fight for custody. She of course took that as that I would kidnap my children. I have another daughter from a previous marriage that is 11, who is my angel. I of course had to tell her that she won't be able to see her brother and sister for a little while, and after crying for an half hour, promised me that she would see me every weekend and call me every night to make sure I was okay.

Thank you everyone for the support and advice. Get the hell out of Dodge was my favorite. Thing is, I secured an apt in the same small town across the street from the playground that I took my kids too all summer. SHE has never taken them there.

In taking this apartment, I have become a prisoner in my own home. I have to shop in a different town, work out in a different town, and definitely do not eat in this little town.

Personally I do not care about ever speaking to her again. Anyone that is cantankerous enough to spread lies to gain custody is not worth my time and effort. Her actions, lying to the court, if you think about it, pretty much tells you how bad of a mother/wife she really was. If she told the truth, she probably would never have gotten the order in the first place, and the Judge would have taken the kids away.

What I do care about are my four year old and my two year old. She has moved in with her parents, and talking about the apple not falling far from the tree, her mother occsassional indulges in too much wine also. My worry is what my kids are being told. It has now been a full month since I was able to kiss them good morning...make them pancakes...tuck them in...play with their piggy toes...play monkey pile...or even watch High School Musical with them. (My daughter just loves that movie!) And this tears me apart.

I will take your advice and let my lawyer handle everything from here, but what will happen in probate, and how does that affect what will happen three days later when the order is heard again?

Should I get myself prepared for probate or for the order?

Thanks again everyone.

Most women do not even KNOW what the truth is! They grow up on gossip and spreading rumors and get away with it. Why would they act any different in court.

I was told by one of my attorneys before I fired him "Oh well it's a woman's world"!!

These drama queens vote and that's what gets attention! The women's movement has a very powerful lobby in state legislatures and local elections.

 

[IndyDad1on1]

Since you asked me if i were a judge, I would certainly not deny the father visitation rights simply from what was said, while there are no bruises or marks of any kind.
I would certainly allow for supervised visitation.

Dumbhubby, 1st off where do you even find the subject of bruises or marks in this thread?

2nd just because there is no physical evidence of abuse there may be other factors that a judge has to take in to consideration as to the possibility of abuse. This also applies in other matters of safety.

And finally as I stated in a prior post we do not know the whole story. Point in case, turns out the judge involved in the RO is not the judge involved in the custody and / or visitation suit .

 

[LdiJ]

First let me respond to majormom. She told the court that although I never struck my children, she was in fear that I would. To be honest, what I actually said to her was that I will do everything in my power (legally) to make sure that my children will not interact with her children. She has two from a previous marriage. Her oldest daughter is 14 and has hit my daughter leaving marks on her legs. Her son has also hit my daughter twice, although not leaving marks. Her son has also inquired as to which hole was bigger, the one in front or the one in back, on my daughter. This is why I am so worried about what the hell is going on, and why I told her that I would fight for custody. She of course took that as that I would kidnap my children. I have another daughter from a previous marriage that is 11, who is my angel. I of course had to tell her that she won't be able to see her brother and sister for a little while, and after crying for an half hour, promised me that she would see me every weekend and call me every night to make sure I was okay.

Right on the bottom of the RO, it states that it cannot be dismissed for the reason of custody, and that custody would have to be determined by the probate court. I can honestly say that the Judge was not too happy that she would not let me see my children on Christmas day...supervised OR unsupervised! The expression in his face said it all.

Thank you everyone for the support and advice. Get the hell out of Dodge was my favorite. Thing is, I secured an apt in the same small town across the street from the playground that I took my kids too all summer. SHE has never taken them there.

In taking this apartment, I have become a prisoner in my own home. I have to shop in a different town, work out in a different town, and definitely do not eat in this little town.

Personally I do not care about ever speaking to her again. Anyone that is cantankerous enough to spread lies to gain custody is not worth my time and effort. Her actions, lying to the court, if you think about it, pretty much tells you how bad of a mother/wife she really was. If she told the truth, she probably would never have gotten the order in the first place, and the Judge would have taken the kids away.

What I do care about are my four year old and my two year old. She has moved in with her parents, and talking about the apple not falling far from the tree, her mother occsassional indulges in too much wine also. My worry is what my kids are being told. It has now been a full month since I was able to kiss them good morning...make them pancakes...tuck them in...play with their piggy toes...play monkey pile...or even watch High School Musical with them. (My daughter just loves that movie!) And this tears me apart.

I will take your advice and let my lawyer handle everything from here, but what will happen in probate, and how does that affect what will happen three days later when the order is heard again?

Should I get myself prepared for probate or for the order?

Thanks again everyone.

Please take this as a gentle reminder that her other children are also your children's brother and sister. Their relationship is just as close as their relationship with your daughter, in all legal aspects. It would be completely impossible for you to ever prevent your children from interacting with their siblings, without hard, cold evidence that they were a true danger to your children. This is something that you simple have to accept.

 

[mommyof4]

Most women do not even KNOW what the truth is! They grow up on gossip and spreading rumors and get away with it. Why would they act any different in court.

...and you didn't just do that very thing with your gross over generalization of 51% of the world?

Yeah...so very sorry that women decided that they had the right to do more than wait hand and foot on a man, have sex when HE decided and HOW he decided, and be a baby factory. That must have been a huge blow to your perception of world order. Maybe you could go to Afghanistan to find your Utopia. Whoops...better hurry....it seems that women are starting to gain a bit of freedom there, too. Damn Women's Lib....

 

[Bali Hai]

...and you didn't just do that very thing with your gross over generalization of 51% of the world?

Yeah...so very sorry that women decided that they had the right to do more than wait hand and foot on a man,

If you did that, it's YOUR fault. That's no reason to lie in court.

have sex when HE decided and HOW he decided,

What's wrong with that??

and be a baby factory. That must have been a huge blow to your perception of world order. Maybe you could go to Afghanistan to find your Utopia. Whoops...better hurry....it seems that women are starting to gain a bit of freedom there, too. Damn Women's Lib....

Yes you're right. I should have qualified that statement with "most women I know"

 

[mommyof4]

Oh, I can assure you that I never waited on any man. That's the beauty of being raised in an environment that promoted self reliance. I'm only 34. I missed being part of the big movement by a few years. Luckily, I just benefited from other's struggles and accomplishments.


I just find it very interesting that you continually spout off sexist generalizations and yet continue to express amazement and hatred (toward women) that you got slapped around in court. I'm just going to have to think the best of you and presume that you are being sarcastic. I don't how successful that endeavor will be, but as a NY resolution, it seems to be daunting enough to qualify and keep me busy for the next couple of weeks....

Perhaps you should try to meet different women, but only if you change your attitude. Please don't subject an innocent, perfectly nice woman to your musings. If I based my opinion of the male race on one certain 'man', the words and phraseology wouldn't make it past the censors on the board.

 

[yerbudi]

Please take this as a gentle reminder that her other children are also your children's brother and sister. Their relationship is just as close as their relationship with your daughter, in all legal aspects. It would be completely impossible for you to ever prevent your children from interacting with their siblings, without hard, cold evidence that they were a true danger to your children. This is something that you simple have to accept.

Her ex has her children on Mon and Wed, I plan on asking for Tues and Thurs, plus every other Saturday that she has her children, which would lead to limited interaction. Maybe I am living in a dream world where I think that this will work.

 

[Bali Hai]

Oh, I can assure you that I never waited on any man. That's the beauty of being raised in an environment that promoted self reliance. I'm only 34. I missed being part of the big movement by a few years. Luckily, I just benefited from other's struggles and accomplishments.

You consider bra-burning and irresponsibility an accomplishment??


I just find it very interesting that you continually spout off sexist generalizations and yet continue to express amazement and hatred (toward women) that you got slapped around in court. I'm just going to have to think the best of you and presume that you are being sarcastic. I don't how successful that endeavor will be, but as a NY resolution, it seems to be daunting enough to qualify and keep me busy for the next couple of weeks....

Don't spend too much time on that.

Perhaps you should try to meet different women,

No chance of that, once you get stung by a bee you stay away from the nest.

but only if you change your attitude. Please don't subject an innocent, perfectly nice woman to your musings. If I based my opinion of the male race on one certain 'man', the words and phraseology wouldn't make it past the censors on the board.

Well I think you did a good job of generalizing yourself based on historical perceptions of the women libbers.