Husbands Rights or Lack There of!

[majomom1]

First let me respond to majormom. She told the court that although I never struck my children, she was in fear that I would. To be honest, what I actually said to her was that I will do everything in my power (legally) to make sure that my children will not interact with her children. She has two from a previous marriage. Her oldest daughter is 14 and has hit my daughter leaving marks on her legs. Her son has also hit my daughter twice, although not leaving marks. Her son has also inquired as to which hole was bigger, the one in front or the one in back, on my daughter. This is why I am so worried about what the hell is going on, and why I told her that I would fight for custody. She of course took that as that I would kidnap my children. I have another daughter from a previous marriage that is 11, who is my angel. I of course had to tell her that she won't be able to see her brother and sister for a little while, and after crying for an half hour, promised me that she would see me every weekend and call me every night to make sure I was okay.

Right on the bottom of the RO, it states that it cannot be dismissed for the reason of custody, and that custody would have to be determined by the probate court. I can honestly say that the Judge was not too happy that she would not let me see my children on Christmas day...supervised OR unsupervised! The expression in his face said it all.

Thank you everyone for the support and advice. Get the hell out of Dodge was my favorite. Thing is, I secured an apt in the same small town across the street from the playground that I took my kids too all summer. SHE has never taken them there.

In taking this apartment, I have become a prisoner in my own home. I have to shop in a different town, work out in a different town, and definitely do not eat in this little town.

Personally I do not care about ever speaking to her again. Anyone that is cantankerous enough to spread lies to gain custody is not worth my time and effort. Her actions, lying to the court, if you think about it, pretty much tells you how bad of a mother/wife she really was. If she told the truth, she probably would never have gotten the order in the first place, and the Judge would have taken the kids away.

What I do care about are my four year old and my two year old. She has moved in with her parents, and talking about the apple not falling far from the tree, her mother occsassional indulges in too much wine also. My worry is what my kids are being told. It has now been a full month since I was able to kiss them good morning...make them pancakes...tuck them in...play with their piggy toes...play monkey pile...or even watch High School Musical with them. (My daughter just loves that movie!) And this tears me apart.

I will take your advice and let my lawyer handle everything from here, but what will happen in probate, and how does that affect what will happen three days later when the order is heard again?

Should I get myself prepared for probate or for the order?

Thanks again everyone.

You have to be very careful in what you say now. You have to keep your cool and stay away from anything that can be construed as a threat. I would also suggest that you tell your 11 year old that you are, and will be, fine. Don’t lay all this on her. It is your job to assure HER and she doesn’t need to worry about anything.

As others have said, you won’t be able to keep the children away for their siblings. You would have to have concrete proof that they are a danger to your kids. You had two children with this woman, so you obviously found her ‘acceptable’ at some point and time.

I personally do not like women that use this course of action, but I do not know the whole story. You have a lot of anger. If we can see that here, you can bet the judge will too. The judge will not like that she is keeping you from the kids. She also will have to have solid proof that you are a danger to the kids. She will be in very hot water for making any false allegations.

Follow your attorney’s advice, and don't give her anything to use against her. You can also request 'make up' time with the kids... Has he requested a GAL for the kids?

 

[yerbudi]

My anger is at the lying, and nothing more. Oh what a tangle web we weave when at first we practice to deceive.

What is a GAL? Nevermind, I looked it up.

But you are right, I should go for making time up! That would only be fair. Let's see how she likes not seeing her children for a week!!! Nevermind three months!

My problem with a GAL is court costs. Any contested custody will double if not triple an divorce bill.

 

[VeronicaLodge]

Yes you're right. I should have qualified that statement with "most women I know"

bali, you need to surround yourself with new friends.

 

[LdiJ]

Her ex has her children on Mon and Wed, I plan on asking for Tues and Thurs, plus every other Saturday that she has her children, which would lead to limited interaction. Maybe I am living in a dream world where I think that this will work.

Not only are you living in a total dream world, but if your ex asks the judge to order a schedule so that her children can be together (ie your kids being on the same schedule as her other kids) a judge is very likely to grant that to her.

Seriously, you are coming across as if your children's relationship with their sister on your side is critically important, and that their relationship with their siblings on mom's side is totally unimportant. That is NOT going to fly well with a judge. That's could very well hurt you in court.

 

[yerbudi]

I understand what you are saying, but these are two older children 14, and 11, that have hit my children, the boy exposing his private area, questioning my four year olds private area...they lift my children up on their feet, while lying on their back and physically throw them and try to catch them again, which they would never do while I was around because I hated it so much. All I needed was one of them to miss and have my baby crash head first onto the floor.

LdiJ, this is not a lie, this is a fact. I have documented everytime this has happened, and although it is only my word against hers, why would this not count the same as when she originally obtained the RO, and it was her word against mine.

There is nothing that I have wrote on here that is a lie. I have been totally honest, because how else am I suppose to find out what to do, and what comes next.

 

[LdiJ]

I understand what you are saying, but these are two older children 14, and 11, that have hit my children, the boy exposing his private area, questioning my four year olds private area...they lift my children up on their feet, while lying on their back and physically throw them and try to catch them again, which they would never do while I was around because I hated it so much. All I needed was one of them to miss and have my baby crash head first onto the floor.

LdiJ, this is not a lie, this is a fact. I have documented everytime this has happened, and although it is only my word against hers, why would this not count the same as when she originally obtained the RO, and it was her word against mine.

There is nothing that I have wrote on here that is a lie. I have been totally honest, because how else am I suppose to find out what to do, and what comes next.

I really do understand how you feel. However, you are dealing with a situation where mom has lied, and has cost you a temporary absence from your children's lives.

You cannot afford to be doing anything that makes you look like you are not willing to co-parent and are trying to minimize your children's contact with their siblings. If you do that, and the judge perceives you as not credible, then the judge may tend to lean towards believing mom.....or in the alternative, will decide that BOTH of you are not credible.

Right now the best strategy for you is to display no anger of any kind, and display no hint of trying to minimize the contact between your children and their siblings, and just display a desire to be part of your children's lives.

 

[majomom1]

I really do understand how you feel. However, you are dealing with a situation where mom has lied, and has cost you a temporary absence from your children's lives.

You cannot afford to be doing anything that makes you look like you are not willing to co-parent and are trying to minimize your children's contact with their siblings. If you do that, and the judge perceives you as not credible, then the judge may tend to lean towards believing mom.....or in the alternative, will decide that BOTH of you are not credible.

Right now the best strategy for you is to display no anger of any kind, and display no hint of trying to minimize the contact between your children and their siblings, and just display a desire to be part of your children's lives.

Yerbudi, I agree with Ld...

Without evidence, your facts will not hold up. The GAL (or whatever it is called there) is who you need to be giving this information to. If there is any doubt or concern for the childrens well being... they will find it and address it accordingly.

 

[Bali Hai]

bali, you need to surround yourself with new friends.

I already have. They live half way around the world and that's still too close!!

 

[Bali Hai]

My anger is at the lying, and nothing more. Oh what a tangle web we weave when at first we practice to deceive.

What is a GAL? Nevermind, I looked it up.

But you are right, I should go for making time up! That would only be fair. Let's see how she likes not seeing her children for a week!!! Nevermind three months!

My problem with a GAL is court costs. Any contested custody will double if not triple an divorce bill.

Get real, people lie everyday. The judge in your case and most every other case doesn't care if your wife lied in court. Have you been reading what I've been writing!! Even if you can PROVE your wife lied to the court, the judge will come down on YOU that much harder because the woman is RIGHT in court!!

 

[majomom1]

Get real, people lie everyday. The judge in your case and most every other case doesn't care if your wife lied in court. Have you been reading what I've been writing!! Even if you can PROVE your wife lied to the court, the judge will come down on YOU that much harder because the woman is RIGHT in court!!

Now Bali... this is not true.

I have personally seen a woman whomped in court, by a judge, for lying and trying to keep the kids away from Dad!

 

[VeronicaLodge]

Get real, people lie everyday. The judge in your case and most every other case doesn't care if your wife lied in court. Have you been reading what I've been writing!! Even if you can PROVE your wife lied to the court, the judge will come down on YOU that much harder because the woman is RIGHT in court!!

try telling that to tffbrk

 

[Bali Hai]

try telling that to tffbrk

She should have taken her case to a real judge in NJ and not a panel of idiot volunteer lawyers. I think she would have done much better. Judges are elected, lawyers are not.

 

[Bali Hai]

Now Bali... this is not true.

I have personally seen a woman whomped in court, by a judge, for lying and trying to keep the kids away from Dad!

Would you say this is the exception, or the rule??

 

[fairisfair]

Would you say this is the exception, or the rule??

of course it is the exception.

Now would you say that a loving nurturing NCP,who is always current on his/her child support, exercises his/her visitation, attends his/her children's events. blah blah blah and has something like this happen to him/her would be the exception or the rule???

Again, of course the exception.

That is the problem with family court. there really is no "rule".

 

[mommyof4]

She should have taken her case to a real judge in NJ and not a panel of idiot volunteer lawyers. I think she would have done much better. Judges are elected, lawyers are not.

Really? Hmmm...


Bali, some light reading for you.

http://www.ajs.org/js/MA_methods.htm

Oh, and since tuffbrk is NJ, I thought I would just post that relevant info (even though it has nothing to do with this thread, but please note that I did post the link for MA, too) for you to read, as well.

http://www.ajs.org/js/NJ_methods.htm

Judges are NOT elected in either MA or NJ.