Can't Paying for a child that's not mine legally

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Being in love (or lust) blinds us to the faults of others. Many of us here are here for those very reasons. We've all been there. Therefore, we try to help others.

 

[stepmom4ever]

Being in love (or lust) blinds us to the faults of others. Many of us here are here for those very reasons. We've all been there. Therefore, we try to help others.

Thank you, I will just do the best I can at this point in the situation. I can only try

Question: how much would it cost for divorce? Just curious should it turn that way

 

[payingdues]

Thank you, I will just do the best I can at this point in the situation. I can only try

Question: how much would it cost for divorce? Just curious should it turn that way

Less than it will cost you to support him AND HIS CHILD for the next couple of decades.

 

[SMinNJ]

Thank you, I will just do the best I can at this point in the situation. I can only try

Question: how much would it cost for divorce? Just curious should it turn that way

Note to self - for future reference, don't write emails when you're ticked off.

Not legal advice by any stretch - but man, don't you have more respect for yourself, your husband, and the institution of marriage than this??? You consider a divorce because your husband might have a debt that you might have to help him with???

You married this man, for better or for worse. You married him because you loved him and wanted to build a life with him. Better or worse does not include jumping ship because you don't want to help him pay a hundred dollars a week to take care of his responsibilities.

And to keep yourself from being totally selfish, try to remember that this money is not going to line the pockets of his child's mother. This money is going to feed the child, to clothe the child, to diaper the child, to put a roof over the child's head. This money is not going to them because mom is a vindictive so-and-so. It is going to support the child.

So, if you want to be the selfish one who isn't going to care about this child, or your husband's well-being, then go right ahead - refuse to pay, refuse to help, or divorce him. I'm sure that will leave a lovely taste in his mouth of the sort of woman that he promised to love and cherish till death do him part.

Divorces just cost the filing fee at your county courthouse - if you guys don't own anything and don't have children together, then its just a simple dissolusion that you guys can handle on your own. But know that if this is your choice, you are royally screwing over the man you promised to stick by. And his little baby too.

 

[stepmom4ever]

Note to self - for future reference, don't write emails when you're ticked off.

Not legal advice by any stretch - but man, don't you have more respect for yourself, your husband, and the institution of marriage than this??? You consider a divorce because your husband might have a debt that you might have to help him with???

You married this man, for better or for worse. You married him because you loved him and wanted to build a life with him. Better or worse does not include jumping ship because you don't want to help him pay a hundred dollars a week to take care of his responsibilities.

And to keep yourself from being totally selfish, try to remember that this money is not going to line the pockets of his child's mother. This money is going to feed the child, to clothe the child, to diaper the child, to put a roof over the child's head. This money is not going to them because mom is a vindictive so-and-so. It is going to support the child.

So, if you want to be the selfish one who isn't going to care about this child, or your husband's well-being, then go right ahead - refuse to pay, refuse to help, or divorce him. I'm sure that will leave a lovely taste in his mouth of the sort of woman that he promised to love and cherish till death do him part.

Divorces just cost the filing fee at your county courthouse - if you guys don't own anything and don't have children together, then its just a simple dissolusion that you guys can handle on your own. But know that if this is your choice, you are royally screwing over the man you promised to stick by. And his little baby too.

I completely understand what you are saying and I do love my husband but remember the last post I posted. The mother came into the picture when we were only a couple months married saying the child was his, so either he knocked her up before we got married or he cheated. I feel cheated the most here. I know my feelinf are in overdrive right now but I'm just upset right now, that's all

 

[payingdues]

Divorces just cost the filing fee at your county courthouse - if you guys don't own anything and don't have children together, then its just a simple dissolusion that you guys can handle on your own. But know that if this is your choice, you are royally screwing over the man you promised to stick by. And his little baby too.

This baby is younger than their marriage, isn't it?

I'm not thinking the vows mattered that much to HIM.

 

[SMinNJ]

This baby is younger than their marriage, isn't it?

I'm not thinking the vows mattered that much to HIM.

\

My words to live by are... "You don't have to lower your standards just because someone else lowers theirs."

The child is younger than their marriage, and she knows about the affair, and she seemingly has forgiven him - I don't think you unforgive someone, but I could be nuts.

 

[txrose1998]

Stepmom-

This is not legal advice...

I can appreciate how confused and upset you are at this juncture. Most of us have been there. This debt is not your legally...and you do not have to do anything. Personally, I think your husband should get up off his butt and work. There are places that hire people with criminal backgrounds. He won't make a fortune, but at least he would be supporting his child.

Also, I think that you are in your rights to consider divorce. Except, that you knew this man was of questionable integrity when you married him. I assume you knew about his criminal history anyways.

Bottom line....don't take all of his responsibilities on your shoulders. They belong to him.

 

[stepmom4ever]

Stepmom-

This is not legal advice...

I can appreciate how confused and upset you are at this juncture. Most of us have been there. This debt is not your legally...and you do not have to do anything. Personally, I think your husband should get up off his butt and work. There are places that hire people with criminal backgrounds. He won't make a fortune, but at least he would be supporting his child.

Also, I think that you are in your rights to consider divorce. Except, that you knew this man was of questionable integrity when you married him. I assume you knew about his criminal history anyways.

Bottom line....don't take all of his responsibilities on your shoulders. They belong to him.

I blame myself some because I knew he had a criminal backrond prior to marriage but I didn't know about the child until she actually delivered. That was stupid of me

 

[texastepmom]

man, this poor woman didn't even know she was a SM until after she got married. everyone tells step parents they have no legal rights, but then they beat her up because she doesn't want to pay for a child she didn't even know existed until after she said "i do"!? isn't it nice it works out that way... just sit back and hand over all your money, now you are the perfect step parent.

when she married her husband, she knew he had a criminal background and that he didn't have a job, and she accepted that she would have to be the primary breadwinner, but she didn't know about the baby, who is only 2 months old now.

i think finding out about a kid after you get married is a pretty good reason to get divorced, then add in that you will have to be the one to support it?

honey, my advice is to cut your losses and run. this child is not your responsibility, legal or otherwise... let your husband figure this one out on his own.

 

[VeronicaLodge]

i have to agree, and i hate to advocate divorce, but just based on what i know of this situation, if you "forgive" him and stick it out, you are going to end up supporting him and his child and i fear it will end up in divorce anyway, either him cheating again and/or leaving you or you will get tired and fed up and realize you deserve to be treated better and what then? you've given up how much of your life and money? cut and run!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Not legal advice, per se:

A marriage counselor at this juncture might be in order. You need to look back at WHY you got married - and the qualities that attracted you. If the good outweighs, the bad - then stay married. If not, the decision is up to you. Only you know what is in your heart.

The child is the innocent one in this whole mess. He doesn't deserve any of this.

 

[Silverplum]

The child is the innocent one in this whole mess. He doesn't deserve any of this.

That's why I made the comment I did -- but someone took it as sarcastic.

Golly, gee, I wouldn't want to be *accused* of considering the child in all of this mess.

 

[SMinNJ]

man, this poor woman didn't even know she was a SM until after she got married. everyone tells step parents they have no legal rights, but then they beat her up because she doesn't want to pay for a child she didn't even know existed until after she said "i do"!? isn't it nice it works out that way... just sit back and hand over all your money, now you are the perfect step parent.

when she married her husband, she knew he had a criminal background and that he didn't have a job, and she accepted that she would have to be the primary breadwinner, but she didn't know about the baby, who is only 2 months old now.

i think finding out about a kid after you get married is a pretty good reason to get divorced, then add in that you will have to be the one to support it?

honey, my advice is to cut your losses and run. this child is not your responsibility, legal or otherwise... let your husband figure this one out on his own.

I'm never going to beat her up for trying to be a mother-figure to the child - I agree that we are legal strangers, but I strongly disagree in the idea that we need to leave all the parenting and raising of that child to our spouses. But she had already decided to stick with him and be a stepparent - it is only when the family's pocketbook was going to be hit that she started having a problem. And everyone has told her that she personally is not responsible for his debt, but if the family's decision is that he not work, then it probably will fall on her, as the family's breadwinner, to muscle up. It seems to me that if she already decided to stick it out after the adultery, and the criminal history, and the not working spouse, she's showing a heck of a lot of nerve to cry about helping her husband pay for the child support. I know that we frown on personal stories, but when my husband lost his job and decided to go to school full-time, it never occurred to me to complain that I was going to have to pay the child support since I was the breadwinner. It's just something you do for family. Maybe family doesn't mean everything to other people that it means to me, but marriage is supposed to stick, and realistically, if the only excuse for breaking up your marriage is that the spouse has made mistakes that have consequences, then the for better or for worse part of the vows better go the way of a woman obeying her husband.

That's what I've got to say.

 

[Silverplum]

I'm never going to beat her up for trying to be a mother-figure to the child - I agree that we are legal strangers, but I strongly disagree in the idea that we need to leave all the parenting and raising of that child to our spouses.

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