Can't Paying for a child that's not mine legally

[texastepmom]

That's why I made the comment I did -- but someone took it as sarcastic.

Golly, gee, I wouldn't want to be *accused* of considering the child in all of this mess.

so, in this case, you think SM has a moral obligation to the child because she is the breadwinner in the father's family, even though she didn't know about the child, has no legal rights to the child etc. this child has two parents to take care of it, why is it SM's problem? how did she somehow become the bad guy? it's a double standard.

does it totally stink that this poor baby is caught up in this situation? absolutely. is it in any way SM's fault that the baby is in this situation? not at all. the PARENTS need to be the PARENTS and work this crap out SM is no one, she needs to step back and let the PARENTS do their job... isn't that what is espoused on this site every day? how does that get twisted to somehow make this SM's problem this time?

 

[stepmom4ever]

That's why I made the comment I did -- but someone took it as sarcastic.

Golly, gee, I wouldn't want to be *accused* of considering the child in all of this mess.

Apologies silverplum, i took it the wrong way.

 

[SMinNJ]

Then perhaps you'd like to find a site that suits you better.

I respect the ideas that most of you have. I don't give advice contrary to the crowd's viewpoint. I have every right to be here learning and growing and offering advice with everyone. This site offers good legal advice, and occasionally comical reading. It suits me just fine. I'd hate to think this site is so cliquish (sp?) that we don't welcome people who have different moral values regarding parenting.

That being said, I'd hate to hijack from the topic of this thread, which is what this stepmom's rights are regarding the payment of her husband's child support, and the associated issues related to that topic. If you'd like to continue this conversation, you can PM me or start a public thread for it - I don't mind either. What I do mind is your extreme hatred of my opinions, and your public slights in other people's topics. I think that your comments here are best communicated in a different thread.

I do appreciate the legal advice you give Silverplum, and I thought in large part, we've been on the same side of this and many other issues.

 

[Silverplum]

so, in this case, you think SM has a moral obligation to the child because she is the breadwinner in the father's family, even though she didn't know about the child, has no legal rights to the child etc. this child has two parents to take care of it, why is it SM's problem? how did she somehow become the bad guy? it's a double standard.

does it totally stink that this poor baby is caught up in this situation? absolutely. is it in any way SM's fault that the baby is in this situation? not at all. the PARENTS need to be the PARENTS and work this crap out SM is no one, she needs to step back and let the PARENTS do their job... isn't that what is espoused on this site every day? how does that get twisted to somehow make this SM's problem this time?

If you wanted to know what I thought about this, you could read the thread. I've made several comments.

 

[texastepmom]

I'm never going to beat her up for trying to be a mother-figure to the child - I agree that we are legal strangers, but I strongly disagree in the idea that we need to leave all the parenting and raising of that child to our spouses. But she had already decided to stick with him and be a stepparent - it is only when the family's pocketbook was going to be hit that she started having a problem. And everyone has told her that she personally is not responsible for his debt, but if the family's decision is that he not work, then it probably will fall on her, as the family's breadwinner, to muscle up. It seems to me that if she already decided to stick it out after the adultery, and the criminal history, and the not working spouse, she's showing a heck of a lot of nerve to cry about helping her husband pay for the child support. I know that we frown on personal stories, but when my husband lost his job and decided to go to school full-time, it never occurred to me to complain that I was going to have to pay the child support since I was the breadwinner. It's just something you do for family. Maybe family doesn't mean everything to other people that it means to me, but marriage is supposed to stick, and realistically, if the only excuse for breaking up your marriage is that the spouse has made mistakes that have consequences, then the for better or for worse part of the vows better go the way of a woman obeying her husband.

That's what I've got to say.

i am a big advocate of marriage and doing everything you can to save your marriage, absolutely... but it has been my impression that they haven't been married more than a year, and then all this breaks loose... she didn't find out about the child until after it was born, the child is 2 months old, so while she may have "forgiven" her husband at the time, it's still very fresh... she is just now reallizing the full ramifications of his actions, she is realizing she made some mistakes... etc. certainly there are good reasons to get divorced, personally for me, this would be one of them.

now, what is this whole "obeying" her husband thing mean? personally, that was NOT in my vows.

 

[Silverplum]

I respect the ideas that most of you have. I don't give advice contrary to the crowd's viewpoint. I have every right to be here learning and growing and offering advice with everyone. This site offers good legal advice, and occasionally comical reading. It suits me just fine. I'd hate to think this site is so cliquish (sp?) that we don't welcome people who have different moral values regarding parenting.

That being said, I'd hate to hijack from the topic of this thread, which is what this stepmom's rights are regarding the payment of her husband's child support, and the associated issues related to that topic. If you'd like to continue this conversation, you can PM me or start a public thread for it - I don't mind either. What I do mind is your extreme hatred of my opinions, and your public slights in other people's topics. I think that your comments here are best communicated in a different thread.

I do appreciate the legal advice you give Silverplum, and I thought in large part, we've been on the same side of this and many other issues.

I don't have the slightest idea of what you are talking about. So far as I remember, I've taken no notice of you.

When I'm interested in your corrections to my thoughts and actions, I'll let you know.

 

[SMinNJ]

so, in this case, you think SM has a moral obligation to the child because she is the breadwinner in the father's family, even though she didn't know about the child, has no legal rights to the child etc. this child has two parents to take care of it, why is it SM's problem? how did she somehow become the bad guy? it's a double standard.

does it totally stink that this poor baby is caught up in this situation? absolutely. is it in any way SM's fault that the baby is in this situation? not at all. the PARENTS need to be the PARENTS and work this crap out SM is no one, she needs to step back and let the PARENTS do their job... isn't that what is espoused on this site every day? how does that get twisted to somehow make this SM's problem this time?

I think the reason it is her problem is because she married a man who would impregnate another woman while he was married to someone else. She picked up, as we're fond of saying, and now she has to live with the consequences. As has been pointed out, she either needs to pay, in order to protect her marriage and their credit, etc., or she needs to refuse to pay so that he gets a job and takes care of his own responsiblities.

My personal problem, which is not legal at all, is that people in general enter marriages and then think its ok to walk away when the going gets tough, or when it isn't everything we think it should be. I personally find that idea repugnant, and understand that this is why we have 35 year olds who still live with their parents, doing drugs, having no jobs, and have an obscene divorce rate.