Dad refuses to give up rights

[moocowheff]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Living in Illinois


I originally had my daughter in Iowa. Her dad lives in Iowa, but we're now living with my fiance in Illinois. Her dad has seen her only a handful of times. I've begged and pleaded with him to either step up and be a dad or give up his rights. For about a year and a half now it's been a total battle getting him to see her, all because I don't allow her to go to his house (I have total custody of her, we've never been to court or anything). I don't know if I should give out all the reasons as to why I don't allow her to go there anymore, but in short, it's no place for a toddler to be running around. I've begged and pleaded for so long, and even tried bribing him. I went to his house about a month ago to talk to him in person, since all the phone numbers I had for him had been disconnected. He said he would call me in the next two weeks to schedule a time to come see his daughter, and I haven't heard from him since. He claims he wants to be a dad and refuses to give his rights up, but still has made NO effort, at all, to see her in the last 10 months. I've been calling the only number I have for him, now, to let him know that we moved to Illinois, but he won't return my phone calls.

I moved out to Illinois to live with my fiance because of the massive flooding in my area, and everything is going very smooth. She thinks of my fiance as her dad, and I couldn't ask for a better father figure for her. When we get married in March, we would love for nothing more than my fiance to adopt her as his own.

I guess my main question is what judicial system do I need to go through for all of this to go down the most smooth? His actions speak louder than words, he definitely doesn't want to be a dad. I honestly think the only reason he does this is to spite me, I can't see any other reason he would hurt his child like this.

I suppose I should also mention that we're moving to Tennessee by the end of September.


Sorry it's such a long post

 

[Humusluvr]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Living in Illinois


I originally had my daughter in Iowa. Her dad lives in Iowa, but we're now living with my fiance in Illinois. Her dad has seen her only a handful of times. I've begged and pleaded with him to either step up and be a dad or give up his rights. For about a year and a half now it's been a total battle getting him to see her, all because I don't allow her to go to his house (I have total custody of her, we've never been to court or anything). I don't know if I should give out all the reasons as to why I don't allow her to go there anymore, but in short, it's no place for a toddler to be running around. I've begged and pleaded for so long, and even tried bribing him. I went to his house about a month ago to talk to him in person, since all the phone numbers I had for him had been disconnected. He said he would call me in the next two weeks to schedule a time to come see his daughter, and I haven't heard from him since. He claims he wants to be a dad and refuses to give his rights up, but still has made NO effort, at all, to see her in the last 10 months. I've been calling the only number I have for him, now, to let him know that we moved to Illinois, but he won't return my phone calls.

I moved out to Illinois to live with my fiance because of the massive flooding in my area, and everything is going very smooth. She thinks of my fiance as her dad, and I couldn't ask for a better father figure for her. When we get married in March, we would love for nothing more than my fiance to adopt her as his own.

I guess my main question is what judicial system do I need to go through for all of this to go down the most smooth? His actions speak louder than words, he definitely doesn't want to be a dad. I honestly think the only reason he does this is to spite me, I can't see any other reason he would hurt his child like this.

I suppose I should also mention that we're moving to Tennessee by the end of September.


Sorry it's such a long post

How old is child?

At this point it doesn't sound like abandonment. Over a year without hearing from him or support would be a more appropriate time frame, from what I know.

And you would have to be married at least a year for hubby to adopt.

Why doesn't dad want to give up rights? If he does want to be dad, he needs to step up.

 

[Luckiecatt]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Living in Illinois


I originally had my daughter in Iowa. Her dad lives in Iowa, but we're now living with my fiance in Illinois. Her dad has seen her only a handful of times. I've begged and pleaded with him to either step up and be a dad or give up his rights. For about a year and a half now it's been a total battle getting him to see her, all because I don't allow her to go to his house (I have total custody of her, we've never been to court or anything). I don't know if I should give out all the reasons as to why I don't allow her to go there anymore, but in short, it's no place for a toddler to be running around. I've begged and pleaded for so long, and even tried bribing him. I went to his house about a month ago to talk to him in person, since all the phone numbers I had for him had been disconnected. He said he would call me in the next two weeks to schedule a time to come see his daughter, and I haven't heard from him since. He claims he wants to be a dad and refuses to give his rights up, but still has made NO effort, at all, to see her in the last 10 months. I've been calling the only number I have for him, now, to let him know that we moved to Illinois, but he won't return my phone calls.

I moved out to Illinois to live with my fiance because of the massive flooding in my area, and everything is going very smooth. She thinks of my fiance as her dad, and I couldn't ask for a better father figure for her. When we get married in March, we would love for nothing more than my fiance to adopt her as his own.

I guess my main question is what judicial system do I need to go through for all of this to go down the most smooth? His actions speak louder than words, he definitely doesn't want to be a dad. I honestly think the only reason he does this is to spite me, I can't see any other reason he would hurt his child like this.

I suppose I should also mention that we're moving to Tennessee by the end of September.


Sorry it's such a long post

NOone has LEGAL custody if you have never been to court....

 

[moocowheff]

How old is child?

At this point it doesn't sound like abandonment. Over a year without hearing from him or support would be a more appropriate time frame, from what I know.

And you would have to be married at least a year for hubby to adopt.

Why doesn't dad want to give up rights? If he does want to be dad, he needs to step up.

My daughter will be 2 next week.

I don't know why he won't give up his rights. Every time I talk to him he claims he's going to step up and be a parent and then the next time I hear from him is when I call him, as opposed to him calling me, like he said he would.

I'm not over exaggerating when I say I've literally begged, pleaded and bribed. I offered to give his child support back to him in return for him being a consistent part of her life.

He says he won't see her because it has to be at my house. I won't let her go to his house because of the condition they keep it in and the things they do there. I used to let her go over there and when I found marijuana in her diaper bag last summer, I put an end to it. It's been a horrible uphill battle ever since.

He's also said, in the past, that I'm doing something illegal by saying she's not allowed over there. Is this true?

 

[Humusluvr]

NOone has LEGAL custody if you have never been to court....

Not true.

If they were never married, and there is no court order stating differently, then she has sole legal and physical custody.

At least, that's how it is in Ohio.

 

[moocowheff]

NOone has LEGAL custody if you have never been to court....

At this point, which state court would I go through to get full custody of her? We've only been living in Illinois for about a month now.

 

[moocowheff]

Not true.

If they were never married, and there is no court order stating differently, then she has sole legal and physical custody.

At least, that's how it is in Ohio.

We were never married.

 

[Humusluvr]

He says he won't see her because it has to be at my house. I won't let her go to his house because of the condition they keep it in and the things they do there. I used to let her go over there and when I found marijuana in her diaper bag last summer, I put an end to it. It's been a horrible uphill battle ever since.

So, could you agree on another place for visitation, just to be amicable? A trusted friend or relative? You can't blame him for not wanting to come to your house. May not be the most comfy place in the whole world for him.

He's also said, in the past, that I'm doing something illegal by saying she's not allowed over there. Is this true?

Until there's a court order stating otherwise, which it doesn't sound like he's looking to get off his duff and file, you are not doing anything illegal. You have sole legal and physical custody, until he files.

 

[Humusluvr]

At this point, which state court would I go through to get full custody of her? We've only been living in Illinois for about a month now.

Luckie was wrong here. YOU don't have to file anything. You already have custody. HE would have to file.

Do you receive child support?

 

[moocowheff]

So, could you agree on another place for visitation, just to be amicable? A trusted friend or relative? You can't blame him for not wanting to come to your house. May not be the most comfy place in the whole world for him.

I understand that, and I've tried to come to some sort of compromise, but he doesn't want to see her unless he can be alone with her at HIS house.

 

[moocowheff]

Luckie was wrong here. YOU don't have to file anything. You already have custody. HE would have to file.

Do you receive child support?

On rare occasions. He's rarely employed. Sometimes he gets unemployment. I was getting regular payments until downtown of our city got put totally under water for a week. Now nothing in downtown is operating, including the unemployment office.

 

[Luckiecatt]

Not true.

If they were never married, and there is no court order stating differently, then she has sole legal and physical custody.

At least, that's how it is in Ohio.

Question.... Even if father is on birth certificate??? From what I have read as long as the father is established in some form legally, there is no preference given between the parents until court.... Is this different per state?

 

[Zigner]

So, you think you did everything to make this man be a father to his child? You never went to court.

 

[moocowheff]

Question.... Even if father is on birth certificate??? From what I have read as long as the father is established in some form legally, there is no preference given between the parents until court.... Is this different per state?

I thought some states favor the mother over the father? I've been told in Iowa that's how it is, but I've also only heard that from bitter single dads.

 

[Zigner]

I thought some states favor the mother over the father? I've been told in Iowa that's how it is, but I've also only heard that from bitter single dads.

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