Contact after Termination of Rights

[mommyof4]

According to the attorney I talked to yesterday, nothing changes the fact that I am his father. I am still his father. I just don't have parental rights.

Other than that, the only things I'm chatting with him about are basic "get to know you" stuff. I'm intentionally NOT talking about his mother or any of our past. He just wants to know who I am, what I'm like, etc.

Besides, it's really annoying to me because, despite the fact that I've WANTED to be in his life, I have respected her wishes and NOT contacted either of them. What was she thinking showing her 15 year old son her father's MySpace page. Did she think he WOULDN'T contact me eventually? I mean, gimme a break. That's like showing a hungry child where the cookies are and then telling him he can't have any.

You need to understand the difference between biologial parent and LEGAL parent. As far as the court is concerned, if you did in fact terminate all parental rights (which yes, is possible in TX without the necessity of adoption) then you are not the LEGAL father of the child, which is what the court is going to be focusing on.

Essentially, the only way for you to be recognized as the legal father of the child will be to adopt the child. I know that sounds weird, but there you have it.

At this point, you're not facing anything because Mom is as yet unaware that there has been any contact. However, if she tells you to have NO contact with her son and/or tells her son to have no contact with you, YOU could be facing a restraining order if that contact continues against her wishes.

 

[Ohiogal]

Mom hasn't yet prohibited the contact because mom doesn't know about it. If its true that he knows that mom doesn't want him to have contact with the child, then I agree. If he is unsure as to whether or not mom would allow contact, then I think that very careful contact, while still attempting to get the child to give up mom's info, may not be dangerous.

I just hate to see the child completely cut off if there is a chance that mom would be ok with it.

Hence why I stated to OP that he should tell boy that he will NOT talk to boy until he can talk to mom. Because OP has stated that mom has ALWAYS been opposed to him getting in touch. ALWAYS? Then he has knowledge that mom is opposed to his contact. Which is a major issue. If that has changed he NEEDS NOTIFICATION of said change. Of the opposition stands.

 

[LdiJ]

Hence why I stated to OP that he should tell boy that he will NOT talk to boy until he can talk to mom. Because OP has stated that mom has ALWAYS been opposed to him getting in touch. ALWAYS? Then he has knowledge that mom is opposed to his contact. Which is a major issue. If that has changed he NEEDS NOTIFICATION of said change. Of the opposition stands.

I cannot disagree with you...he needs to track mom down somehow if the child won't cooperate.

 

[ProSeDadinMD]

Besides, it's really annoying to me because, despite the fact that I've WANTED to be in his life, ....

Shouldn't you have thought about that point 15 years ago?

Just askin'...

 

[mommyof4]

Shouldn't you have thought about that point 15 years ago?

Just askin'...

Depending on his age at the time and the maturity level, I can tell you that, as it IS possible to TPR in TX without the requirements of most other states, it is not very hard for a boy/man who is uneducated to his rights and not ready to fully consider the ramifications of TPR to be pressured into TPR. I actually had a friend (who is no longer a friend) who had a baby and the father 'voluntarily' gave up his parental rights. After listening to the atty (who was also a family friend) 'boast' about how easy it was to get Dad to 'volunteer' for the good of the child, I was absolutely horrified and disgusted.

 

[tijerin]

The bottom line is that a can of long buried worms has been opened and the poster needs to contact a family law attorney to give him guidance.

He has a family of his own to think about.

He may also want to contact a therapist / counselor to find an age apropriate way to discuss this with the 3 year old, should the boy be re-entering his life.

Also same is true for current wife - esp if this has been a secret.

My current wife has known about this boy since before we were married. She knows about the recent contact and is involved in all the decisions. I have contacted a family law attorney and have posted some of his remarks within my posts. My 3 year old daughter would only be about 5 when the boy turns 18 so she'd be still young enough, IMO, to have him integrated into our lives, should that be what occurs.

 

[tijerin]

Did you talk to a lawyer, or did you hire one to represent your interest?

Big difference.

What do you want to do?

Do you want to have and expand contact with your son?

If yes, then get your lawyer and if needed a Private Investigator to track down mom and explain the situation.

Move from there.

And you need to be cognizant of what this will do to your family.

Bluntly - does your wife know? If yes, how does she feel? If no, you need to realize that is is a big issue.

1. I have a family friend in Texas that I've known for 20 years who is a family law attorney that I spoke with and he gave me advice.

2. I certainly would like him to be in my life to the extent that I can. I haven't had any contact with him EVER, so any contact (even if only via email) is welcomed by me. I don't want to intrude in HER life though so I'm not pushing anything. I'm just going to see how this plays out without trying to encourage contact via any other means (ie. phone, in person, etc)

3. My wife is supportive of my decisions and is fully aware of what's going on.

4. Contacting her isn't going to solve anything. According to the boy, she does NOT want me in her life at all and, apparently, is still bitter from 15 years ago. I've decided not to do this at this time.

 

[tijerin]

Depending on his age at the time and the maturity level, I can tell you that, as it IS possible to TPR in TX without the requirements of most other states, it is not very hard for a boy/man who is uneducated to his rights and not ready to fully consider the ramifications of TPR to be pressured into TPR. I actually had a friend (who is no longer a friend) who had a baby and the father 'voluntarily' gave up his parental rights. After listening to the atty (who was also a family friend) 'boast' about how easy it was to get Dad to 'volunteer' for the good of the child, I was absolutely horrified and disgusted.

I feel like this is what happened to me. The mother was 32 and I was 22 at the time. I didn't have any stability in my life. I regret signing away my rights but I can't do anything about it now. I've simply been patient with the hope that someday, he would seek me out.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

You are talking maybe two more years. I would let the child know that when HE is an adult, the door is open.

 

[mommyof4]

You are talking maybe two more years. I would let the child know that when HE is an adult, the door is open.

Exactly.

 

[penelope10]

Exactly.

I agree completely with this advice. Unless Mom approves to this contact it needs to end until the child is of the age of majority.

 

[tijerin]

I agree completely with this advice. Unless Mom approves to this contact it needs to end until the child is of the age of majority.

So, y'all really believe it's in the boy's best interest to have his father ignore him since his mother won't consent to contact?

While I understand what everyone's staying - (ie. that I "should" contact the mother and let her know) - I certainly disagree that severing contact NOW, after he reached out, would only serve to mess him up.

Besides, I didn't seek him out nor contact him. He's contacting me. I dont know where he is or where his mother is and certainly dont feel an obligation to incur expense in locating her. If she contacts me and asks me to stop, then we'll proceed from there.

There is no law prohibiting contact in Texas so, without a restraining order prohibiting that contact, I'm not doing anything illegal.

From what I was explained, it would be similar to you saying to your child - "Don't hang out with Joe. He a bad influence.", then your child hangs out with Joe again. So you punish him but he persists. Joe hasn't done anything wrong. I cannot control what the child does. Even if I tell him to stop, he says he will continue to email me. Ive asked for his mothers address and/or phone number to contact her and he won't give it to me (I'm sure for fear that she will, at that point, seek to prevent communication) I can't tell you what she "would" do if she found out. I can only ask for her contact information. If he won't give it to me, then the only two choices I have are to either maintain contact or sever contact. I don't think I can live with myself if I ignore him.

 

[mommyof4]

So, y'all really believe it's in the boy's best interest to have his father ignore him since his mother won't consent to contact?

While I understand what everyone's staying - (ie. that I "should" contact the mother and let her know) - I certainly disagree that severing contact NOW, after he reached out, would only serve to mess him up.

Besides, I didn't seek him out nor contact him. He's contacting me. I dont know where he is or where his mother is and certainly dont feel an obligation to incur expense in locating her. If she contacts me and asks me to stop, then we'll proceed from there.

There is no law prohibiting contact in Texas so, without a restraining order prohibiting that contact, I'm not doing anything illegal.

From what I was explained, it would be similar to you saying to your child - "Don't hang out with Joe. He a bad influence.", then your child hangs out with Joe again. So you punish him but he persists. Joe hasn't done anything wrong. I cannot control what the child does. Even if I tell him to stop, he says he will continue to email me. Ive asked for his mothers address and/or phone number to contact her and he won't give it to me (I'm sure for fear that she will, at that point, seek to prevent communication) I can't tell you what she "would" do if she found out. I can only ask for her contact information. If he won't give it to me, then the only two choices I have are to either maintain contact or sever contact. I don't think I can live with myself if I ignore him.

You are not grasping the fact that, legally, you are not his father. The boy is old enough to understand that his mother is his only parent and that she is the one that makes the decisions. You don't have to just stop responding right now without telling him that as soon as you talk to his mother, AND HIS MOTHER AGREES, you will be thrilled to keep in contact (to whatever extent his mother will allow). If Mom does not agree, tell the boy that the minute he turns 18, get in touch (or vice versa).

Seriously, emotions aside, you have asked about the LEGAL realities. We have told you the legal realities. It is now up to you to make that decision. However, know that if you go against Mom (and you do know that she has never wanted you to have contact with her child) you can be facing legal consequences.

 

[xylene]

4. Contacting her isn't going to solve anything. According to the boy, she does NOT want me in her life at all and, apparently, is still bitter from 15 years ago. I've decided not to do this at this time.

You are taking 15 year old at his literal word. And indirectly forcing him to keep a HUGE secret from mom.

Perhaps mom is lying to protect him.

Anything is really just speculation.

And this disocurse is over email - so none of this is really good solid data...

The only legally valid, and ethical way for you to stay in touch is to talk to mom.

 

[tijerin]

. However, know that if you go against Mom (and you do know that she has never wanted you to have contact with her child) you can be facing legal consequences.

What legal consequences would that be?

I've only heard that she could get a restraining order.. am I missing something?