Mom Sending Legal Fees Check w/Kids

[wileybunch]

My only question would be if there was ANYTHING in the court order about not using the children as couriers? If there was, he might remind the X about what happened the prior time with contempt and say, "I don't want to go there again."

Otherwise, just ignore it.

I think there may be, but DH has already responded and is going to leave it at that. There's lots of things he wish was different, wishes his kids could have been left innocent, but then he shouldn't have chosen her as their mother if that's what he really wanted, her family for generations before is known for a certain type of alpha mentality. :::ducking:::

He's also learning that she's impulsive a LOT and if he appeals to her in a certain way, sometimes she comes around. She's so knee jerk that she escalates things very quickly and then backs herself into a corner. While she may be doing this deliberately to go along with her whole martyrdom about the contempt hearing, it's possible she really was just being totally without thought on it. She blurs the line between adult and child a lot and may not have given it thought and maybe she'll surprise DH and be more discrete. Either way, all DH can do is communicate respectfully.

You cant make me. really wiley, is it that big of a deal for you? does kiddo ask questions or get upset about it when she takes the check to dad? Unfortunately dad cant control what mom says to the kid even if she wasnt using her as a courier

I already told you what Dad thinks and why and I feel the same.but I asked and it was answered. I don't know how else I could have asked the question without you jumping to conclusions except not to ask the question, but I'm not going to NOT use the site for fear of people's reactions. I already posted above how DH ended up responding.

 

[wileybunch]

Sorry but you seem quite defensive. You have been here long enough to know the reaction to stepparents with these sorts of questions. You have also been here long enough to know the responses given to "dont make a mountain out of a molehill" questions. Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

Well, you left the tongue out of the first one. That's what we say when someone posts something life or death here instead of taking action in real life. As I said above, I should be able to ask a question "WWYD" and get advice and sift through what's useful, but these sorts of personal accusations are not really my problem if that's how people choose to respond. The fact I HAVE been on here you'd think people wouldn't make assumptions or accusations, but I was apparently wrong about some that responded.

 

[JacobJoel]

obviously,

Your husband obviously was secretly married to my husband's ex.

same MO, and same psychological description.

My condolances. or would that be condolences or condolanses or kondolenses or kondolances...either way, it could be worse.

we could be stuck in this mess with no sense of humor!

like a lot of bitter ex-wives!

My husband actually sends checks home with his kids. because it's a lot less hassel then having to interact w/their mother. at first i hate, now, while i don't appreciate it, the option is to have ME deliver it.

i found the child courier concept to be the way to go.

she declined the direct deposit from his paycheck routine. she doesn't want him to have her a) bank routing number or b) checking account number.

in a town of less then 20 thousand and they use the same bank.

you just gotta laugh.

 

[notoversteppin]

Your husband obviously was secretly married to my husband's ex.

same MO, and same psychological description.

My condolances. or would that be condolences or condolanses or kondolenses or kondolances...either way, it could be worse.

we could be stuck in this mess with no sense of humor!

like a lot of bitter ex-wives!

My husband actually sends checks home with his kids. because it's a lot less hassel then having to interact w/their mother. at first i hate, now, while i don't appreciate it, the option is to have ME deliver it.

i found the child courier concept to be the way to go.

she declined the direct deposit from his paycheck routine. she doesn't want him to have her a) bank routing number or b) checking account number.

in a town of less then 20 thousand and they use the same bank.

you just gotta laugh.

I would NEVER use my child or my step children as a courier. Your husband doesn't have to interact with her and either do you. Send it in the mail or do what I do and pay everything through online banking. The handy thing about that is you even have a record of it.

 

[JacobJoel]

it's not my call and not YOUR business, ms. notOVERTSTEPIN!

i didn't even hint at needing someone's opinion, so you just disproved your self righteous little name, now huh!

My husband's manner of dealing with his ex is strictly between them and if THEY don't have a problem with how it is being handled, i'm not going to make it mine.

and YOU shouldn't judge, in any case.

 

[notoversteppin]

If you put it in a public forum expect it to be judged. Perhaps your anger is because you know it's not the right thing to do. Why not just MAIL the check?? Because that would reduce conflict so not as much fun?

Grow up!

 

[wileybunch]

JJ, thanks for posting ... and at the risk of seeming like I'm ganging up on you -- which I'm not! -- does your DH at least put the check in an envelope?

The monthly legal fee check used to come in an envelope when it was passed and then she started to send it out in the open or if she mailed it, she used her office's postage meter. She must really not want to part with stamps. Can't say as I blame her, what are they, like $1 now? But, at least use an envelope. Oh well, we'll see if she'll reconsider after DH's respectful response.

 

[CourtClerk]

If you put it in a public forum expect it to be judged. Perhaps your anger is because you know it's not the right thing to do. Why not just MAIL the check?? Because that would reduce conflict so not as much fun?

Grow up!

Is this ALL you registered on this site to do? Or are you someone that got banned and resurrected themselves only to be banned once again...

 

[notoversteppin]

That's not it at all. I just am trying to understand why anyone would want to do this: "i found the child courier concept to be the way to go." When it would be much easier to just mail it and not put the kids in the middle and then reduce the potential conflict.

 

[CourtClerk]

That's not it at all. I just am trying to understand why anyone would want to do this: "i found the child courier concept to be the way to go." When it would be much easier to just mail it and not put the kids in the middle and then reduce the potential conflict.

Then ask the question just like that. Leave the rest of the crap for some other website.

 

[notoversteppin]

Then ask the question just like that. Leave the rest of the crap for some other website.

Agreed. I'll do better next time.

 

[JacobJoel]

<sigh>

no, he doesn't even put it in an envelope.

But i spent two very long years trying to facilitate a tolerable co-parenting exchange between these two and in the end?

I was a complete and total failure at it. The ex is toxic and he is programmed to over react when his stress level gets to a certain point.

i detest some of what i see happening but it's really not my business.

aside from that, you were getting pretty fried and i decided to draw some side fire.

it's a Marine thing, yanno? no one likes to see to seniors tiffing it out. it's like watching mom and dad fight.

scary stuff!

i could care less what jb or overstepping think of me, even tho either of them might, at any given post, have some decent input/feedback.

good night!

 

[JacobJoel]

Interesting

my post was edited just that quick.

pretty certain i have my own personal critic/censor queen stalking my posts.

sad, isn't it?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Now, I have used my child as a courier - but, the package was sealed. She would watch my sealed envelope go in the package. But same package would include pictures of her, etc. Dad would know package was going up with her, and it was expected to be sealed on the other end.

Why did I do it? He sure would have a hard time denying he received her pictures (she's so proud) and then claim he didn't get what **I** was sending.

Ditto for any snail mail I send. I've learned to work it cuz he is a piece of work.

Now, in the OP's case, she needs to step out of it. I agree that sending an UNSEALED check is tacky. But, she is sending them.

 

[wileybunch]

no, he doesn't even put it in an envelope.

But i spent two very long years trying to facilitate a tolerable co-parenting exchange between these two and in the end?

I was a complete and total failure at it. The ex is toxic and he is programmed to over react when his stress level gets to a certain point.

i detest some of what i see happening but it's really not my business.

aside from that, you were getting pretty fried and i decided to draw some side fire.

it's a Marine thing, yanno? no one likes to see to seniors tiffing it out. it's like watching mom and dad fight.

scary stuff!

i could care less what jb or overstepping think of me, even tho either of them might, at any given post, have some decent input/feedback.

good night!

I know you did. I know you had everyone's best interests at heart. Your DH's situation in some respects was a version of my DH's and I know you've kicked your DH's rear when you disagree with him. I've done the same. Sometimes when DH thinks since she's wrong he must be right, I let him know that's actually not the case, either, they're both wrong.

my post was edited just that quick.

pretty certain i have my own personal critic/censor queen stalking my posts.

sad, isn't it?

Huh? What happened?