Step parent Adoption... can a Myspace message change anything??

[army_wife_253]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Alaska

So my daughters Bio father hasn't wanted anything to do with her for 4 years. I left him after he started hitting me & doing drugs. (I have a police report for the abuse) he owes $29,900.00 in child support. he hasn't paid a dime. My husband has been in her life since she was 6 months. (she'll be 5 in June) She knows nothing of her Bio Father. He wrote me on Myspace 2 X (yesterday & a few weeks ago). He says hes grown up ect...

I asked him 4 years ago if he would give up his rights for my husband to adopt her he told me no. I still don't think he would agree. So will a Myspace message change everything? Can i still terminate his parental rights for abandonment or unfit parent?

I know i need to get an attorney. I just need to know if him writing me changes anything?

Any and all advice is helpful!!!

 

[ecmst12]

It will not look good that you waited until AFTER he contacted you wanting to meet his child to start abandonment proceedings.

You need to be honest with your child about her father, whether you are granted the adoption or not.

 

[army_wife_253]

It will not look good that you waited until AFTER he contacted you wanting to meet his child to start abandonment proceedings.

You need to be honest with your child about her father, whether you are granted the adoption or not.

My husbands in the military. We've been married for a little less than 3 years. We had to wait a year before filing anything. After us being married a little less than a year he got deployed to Iraq. We had to wait for him to get back. When he got back we got orders to Alaska. We had 6 months left before going to Alaska we were told that without the bio fathers permission it could easily take longer than that. So we should wait until we got here because he wasn't going to get redeployed until 2011. But we have to live here for 6 months before we can do anything. we've only lived here for about 4 months.

The bio fathers mother passed away. My daughter was named after her. He feels guilty.... He doesn't want to meet his daughter. He only asked for a picture....

My daughter will know about her bio father, when she gets a little older.

 

[CourtClerk]

He wrote me on Myspace 2 X (yesterday & a few weeks ago). He says hes grown up ect...

Contact.....

Abandonment is no longer at issue.

 

[Ohiogal]

My husbands in the military. We've been married for a little less than 3 years. We had to wait a year before filing anything. After us being married a little less than a year he got deployed to Iraq. We had to wait for him to get back. When he got back we got orders to Alaska. We had 6 months left before going to Alaska we were told that without the bio fathers permission it could easily take longer than that. So we should wait until we got here because he wasn't going to get redeployed until 2011. But we have to live here for 6 months before we can do anything. we've only lived here for about 4 months.

The bio fathers mother passed away. My daughter was named after her. He feels guilty.... He doesn't want to meet his daughter. He only asked for a picture....

My daughter will know about her bio father, when she gets a little older.

So until then you will lie to her? Yes the myspace can change quite a bit. So can the fact that you have been LYING to your child all this time. Your daughter should have ALWAYS known about her father. You may think he is not parent of the year but guess what -- neither are you. That is a pretty big lie you have been living. Make sure you have a good therapist lined up when you decide to tell the truth.

 

[dannyt]

he is only dad

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Alaska

So my daughters Bio father hasn't wanted anything to do with her for 4 years. I left him after he started hitting me & doing drugs. (I have a police report for the abuse) he owes $29,900.00 in child support. he hasn't paid a dime. My husband has been in her life since she was 6 months. (she'll be 5 in June) She knows nothing of her Bio Father. He wrote me on Myspace 2 X (yesterday & a few weeks ago). He says hes grown up ect...

I asked him 4 years ago if he would give up his rights for my husband to adopt her he told me no. I still don't think he would agree. So will a Myspace message change everything? Can i still terminate his parental rights for abandonment or unfit parent?

I know i need to get an attorney. I just need to know if him writing me changes anything?

Any and all advice is helpful!!!

he is dad, not bio dad, the real father, the birth father or anything else. the only father your daughter has. not your hubby

 

[army_wife_253]

So until then you will lie to her? Yes the myspace can change quite a bit. So can the fact that you have been LYING to your child all this time. Your daughter should have ALWAYS known about her father. You may think he is not parent of the year but guess what -- neither are you. That is a pretty big lie you have been living. Make sure you have a good therapist lined up when you decide to tell the truth.

I come on here for advice... and this is what i get? She is 4 years old. I should tell a 4 y.o that the man that raised her isn't her REAL DAD? You think that i should let a man that BEAT me with my 10 day old daughter in the room? 7 days after having an emergency c-section? A man that drugged me and let his friend RAPE me while he watched. But i'm the one who is the bad mother for taking my daughter away from that life? And thats no problem.... If she needs a therapist than thats fine. But i would rather have my daughter getting therapy for my PROTECTING her from the truth. then for her to have therapy for me & her getting beat.....

And let me not forget about him having sex with 14 year old girls when he was 19... I'm the bad mother right....

 

[Just Blue]

I come on here for advice... and this is what i get? She is 4 years old. I should tell a 4 y.o that the man that raised her isn't her REAL DAD? You think that i should let a man that BEAT me with my 10 day old daughter in the room? 7 days after having an emergency c-section? A man that drugged me and let his friend RAPE me while he watched. But i'm the one who is the bad mother for taking my daughter away from that life? And thats no problem.... If she needs a therapist than thats fine. But i would rather have my daughter getting therapy for my PROTECTING her from the truth. then for her to have therapy for me & her getting beat.....

And let me not forget about him having sex with 14 year old girls when he was 19... I'm the bad mother right....

And where in your previous postings did you relate this pertinent information??

Are we expected to read your flipping mind?????????????????

Grow the Hell up and act like an adult!

 

[army_wife_253]

And where in your previous postings did you relate this pertinent information??

Are we expected to read your flipping mind?????????????????

Grow the Hell up and act like an adult!

No i put that he abused me & that he was doing drugs. I didn't think that i needed to go into details on everything that he had done to me. I guess none of it matters anyway.... thanks everyone.....

 

[Just Blue]

No i put that he abused me & that he was doing drugs. I didn't think that i needed to go into details on everything that he had done to me. I guess none of it matters anyway.... thanks everyone.....

Go hire an attorney to pull teeth and be verbally abused for not mind reading...The VOLUNTEERS here don't get "paid" enough to suffer your ranting abuse.

 

[Proserpina]

I come on here for advice... and this is what i get? She is 4 years old. I should tell a 4 y.o that the man that raised her isn't her REAL DAD? You think that i should let a man that BEAT me with my 10 day old daughter in the room? 7 days after having an emergency c-section? A man that drugged me and let his friend RAPE me while he watched. But i'm the one who is the bad mother for taking my daughter away from that life? And thats no problem.... If she needs a therapist than thats fine. But i would rather have my daughter getting therapy for my PROTECTING her from the truth. then for her to have therapy for me & her getting beat.....

And let me not forget about him having sex with 14 year old girls when he was 19... I'm the bad mother right....

Was the rape reported?

Was your ex ever charged and/or convicted of these alleged crimes?

 

[Ohiogal]

I come on here for advice... and this is what i get? She is 4 years old. I should tell a 4 y.o that the man that raised her isn't her REAL DAD? You think that i should let a man that BEAT me with my 10 day old daughter in the room? 7 days after having an emergency c-section? A man that drugged me and let his friend RAPE me while he watched. But i'm the one who is the bad mother for taking my daughter away from that life? And thats no problem.... If she needs a therapist than thats fine. But i would rather have my daughter getting therapy for my PROTECTING her from the truth. then for her to have therapy for me & her getting beat.....

And let me not forget about him having sex with 14 year old girls when he was 19... I'm the bad mother right....

So did you press charges? did you prosecute? You are LYING to your daughter about WHO she is. YOU are a LIAR. Why should we believe a word of what you say? What PROOF do you have? What EVIDENCE do you have? Did you do anything about it? And yes quite frankly, lying about paternity makes you a bad parent. Does that make you happy?

 

[ecmst12]

YES, you should tell your child that the man you live with is not her father. YES, you should tell her some things about her father, but at this point, as little negative information as possible, because she is half him, and if you tell her that her father is a bad person, what will that mean about her? But allowing her to believe that your husband is her father when he is NOT is only going to cause a boatload of heartbreak and confusion later.

 

[AHA]

No i put that he abused me & that he was doing drugs. I didn't think that i needed to go into details on everything that he had done to me. I guess none of it matters anyway.... thanks everyone.....

Unfortunately those words are used very frivolously here by people who want to be told only what they want to hear (i.e that they are right and the ex is awful and has no rights to the kids), so it is not surprising that details are needed in order to get the best possible advice for every individual situation.

 

[momofrose]

I come on here for advice... and this is what i get? She is 4 years old. I should tell a 4 y.o that the man that raised her isn't her REAL DAD?

YES YES and YES - our son is 4 1/2 and is adopted and has known the word "adoption" since he was a baby - if you wait much longer to tell this little girl the truth - you will have a very angry rebellious child..YOU are lying to her - do not make excuses for that fact.
You think that i should let a man that BEAT me with my 10 day old daughter in the room? 7 days after having an emergency c-section? A man that drugged me and let his friend RAPE me while he watched. But i'm the one who is the bad mother for taking my daughter away from that life? And thats no problem.... If she needs a therapist than thats fine. But i would rather have my daughter getting therapy for my PROTECTING her from the truth. then for her to have therapy for me & her getting beat.....


it is amazing to me how these "facts" surface after you are questioned about your decision - NONE of these things I assume, can be proven right? When you DO tell her the truth - DO NOT let her know any of this - his genes and DNA are part of her and her self esteem will be in the toilet.

And let me not forget about him having sex with 14 year old girls when he was 19... I'm the bad mother right....

Again - I assume NONE of this can be proven.

whatever happened (if it did) happened. petition the court for an involuntary termination of parental rights based on abadonment - but I have to ask - why haven't you contacted an attorney before he contacted you on my space??

And lastly - TELL THAT GIRL THE TRUTH!!!!