Step parent Adoption... can a Myspace message change anything??

[nextwife]

I come on here for advice... and this is what i get? She is 4 years old. I should tell a 4 y.o that the man that raised her isn't her REAL DAD? You think that i should let a man that BEAT me with my 10 day old daughter in the room? 7 days after having an emergency c-section? A man that drugged me and let his friend RAPE me while he watched. But i'm the one who is the bad mother for taking my daughter away from that life? And thats no problem.... If she needs a therapist than thats fine. But i would rather have my daughter getting therapy for my PROTECTING her from the truth. then for her to have therapy for me & her getting beat.....

And let me not forget about him having sex with 14 year old girls when he was 19... I'm the bad mother right....

A child YOUNGER than 4 can be told in age appropriate terms that the mommy and or daddy or person who is raising them is not the mommy/daddy who "made them". If you desire becoming part of the adoption world, at least learn the basics.

The term "real parent" is obsolete and not used in the adoption community. Adoptive parents are ALSO very "real". The term is considered insulting. Biological Parent is the correct term.

Additionally, it is considered very wrong to lie or mislead a child aboput bioparentage. A child doesn't need all the DETAILS, just the basic knowledge of who is or is not their bioparent. The rest is not needed for discussion with a child. They DESERVE to always know the truth about parentage - no matter what or who the bioparent may be, be it druggie. prostitute, or simply someone who made bad choices. It is unfair to one's child to ever lead them to believe a lie. My child never, ever was lead to believe we were her bioparents.

If they always know the truth, there is no "secret" they need to be told later.

 

[army_wife_253]

Again - I assume NONE of this can be proven.

whatever happened (if it did) happened. petition the court for an involuntary termination of parental rights based on abadonment - but I have to ask - why haven't you contacted an attorney before he contacted you on my space??

And lastly - TELL THAT GIRL THE TRUTH!!!!

I don't really know where to go to get a backround check on him & i don't know what happened after he disappeared. I know he got arrested at least once on something not regarding me. I heard it was something about vandalism or destroying public property & resisting arrest but i got this from someone else so i don't know the details. I never pressed charges on him for anything he did to me but i do have a police report. A few different people would be willing to give a sworn statement(i think thats what its called) regarding the drugs, abuse, and the underage girls. A few of them are his family members.

I talked to a JAG lawyer a while ago. but i was told that it would be better if i knew that my husband was going to be there through the whole process or it would get put on hold. His deployment moved everything back. We were going to start the process next month, which is the soonest we were told we could do it. we had to live in Alaska for 6 months Prior. I'm going to JAG this week, to see what their opinion is & hopefully to get a good lawyer.

Thanks everyone for you advice and help. I Apologize to anyone i offended or made angry. What her father did to me is a hard subject and i don't really like talking about the details. but i guess i'll need to suck it up to get this done!!!

And i will be telling my daughter. I never planned on lying to her. I was just afraid that she would feel less special or not as much apart of this family as her sisters.

 

[ecmst12]

Telling her the truth at some point in the future still means you are lying to her now. The sooner you tell her, the easier it will be on her. The fact that you EVER allowed her to believe your husband is her father makes it harder on her.