Sole legal custody?

[usound76]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Kentucky

My ex and I have been divorced for several years, & our divorce lists us as having "joint custody". He and his wife have other children and she doesn't want him to have anything to do with my daughter. He sees her about 5 hours a month and his wife sees this as interfering with their "family time". He's current on his child support, but won't give me any input about education or medical issues (my daughter is mentally and physically handicapped). Every time I ask him his opinion on our daughter's therapy, doctor's, school, etc. he always tells me he "doesn't have time to deal with it" and "whatever I decide is fine with him". I recently asked him about a minor outpatient surgery that one of her doctors decommended and he told me to "just deal with it myself, he didn't have time to discuss it". When I decided to get her the surgery, he threw a fit and told me that wasn't just my decision to make.
My question is do I have a case to go for sole legal custody? I make all these decisions because he doesn't have time to talk about them with me. Would this enable me to make these decisions legally without having to deal with him? I can't afford to hire an attorney, so is this something I can do myself?

 

[stealth2]

In all honesty? I wouldn't rock the boat. Carry on as you have been - inform him of issues and what response time you need (do this in writing) and carry on.

 

[mistoffolees]

In all honesty? I wouldn't rock the boat. Carry on as you have been - inform him of issues and what response time you need (do this in writing) and carry on.

Agreed. "Dad is a PIA to deal with" is not grounds for sole legal custody. Even if OP wanted to try, getting it without an attorney would be VERY difficult if it were even possible at all. And doing so with an attorney would be very expensive, especially if Dad challenges it.

I would do as you suggested. Send him an email or letter saying "xxxx needs yyy. Unless I hear otherwise from you within 48 hours, I will do zzzz".

And then don't lose sleep over it.

 

[majomom1]

In all honesty? I wouldn't rock the boat. Carry on as you have been - inform him of issues and what response time you need (do this in writing) and carry on.

Ditto this.

Do all of your informing, notifying in writing and you will have proof that you attempted to consult/inform him.

 

[usound76]

Thank you for your responses. I'm just not sure how to inform him other than the telephone since I don't see him very often (only a couple days a month). His wife won't allow him to give me his new home address and he won't give me his e-mail address either. Is a phone call sufficient enough, or do I need to cover my butt better?

 

[stealth2]

KY is a one-party state, so you could always tape the calls. But written notification is always better.

 

[mistoffolees]

Thank you for your responses. I'm just not sure how to inform him other than the telephone since I don't see him very often (only a couple days a month). His wife won't allow him to give me his new home address and he won't give me his e-mail address either. Is a phone call sufficient enough, or do I need to cover my butt better?

Call him and tell him that you need his email address to communicate about the child when one of you is not available by phone.

Even if he won't do it, there are ways to find email or addresses. Do a search online. Or look at the return address on your CS checks. Or mail notification by registered mail to the last known address with a request to provide forwarding address to you. Or any number of other ways.

 

[majomom1]

Thank you for your responses. I'm just not sure how to inform him other than the telephone since I don't see him very often (only a couple days a month). His wife won't allow him to give me his new home address and he won't give me his e-mail address either. Is a phone call sufficient enough, or do I need to cover my butt better?

Man I hate these new partners that have to make everything a big secret!

I would tell Dad that you want to communicate in writing - that way he has time to consider it etc, and can respond in is own time. Maybe the times you are calling are "a bad time"... but if they are then he should give you another option.

Email accounts are free... he can set one up specifically for communicating with you. Easy Peasy.

 

[WittyUserName]

Man I hate these new partners that have to make everything a big secret!

I would tell Dad that you want to communicate in writing - that way he has time to consider it etc, and can respond in is own time. Maybe the times you are calling are "a bad time"... but if they are then he should give you another option.

Email accounts are free... he can set one up specifically for communicating with you. Easy Peasy.

My ex didn't want to set up an email, and actually had to be told by a judge to create one and check it. (His honor also gave him a little mini-lesson in how to do that, too. Very kind.) If Dad is seriously not willing to cooperate, OP, you might get further in court with "I need a way to communicate" instead of "I need sole legal".

Dad in my case still doesn't check much, but he knows it's incumbent upon him to do that. I send info to him anyway (our daughter has some ongoing medical issues) with the wording similar to what Misto used in post #3, and there have been no problems since.

 

[InfantCustody]

Thank you for your responses. I'm just not sure how to inform him other than the telephone since I don't see him very often (only a couple days a month). His wife won't allow him to give me his new home address and he won't give me his e-mail address either. Is a phone call sufficient enough, or do I need to cover my butt better?

You said he sees your daughter about 5 hours a month...you don't have his address? Is he seeing your daughter in his home? Short of domectic violence issues, I believe both parents are entitled to the address of where the other parent is located and thus where the child is located during parenting time.

Just a thought, but that is an issue in my book!

 

[LdiJ]

You said he sees your daughter about 5 hours a month...you don't have his address? Is he seeing your daughter in his home? Short of domectic violence issues, I believe both parents are entitled to the address of where the other parent is located and thus where the child is located during parenting time.

Just a thought, but that is an issue in my book!

I suspect that those 5 hours don't take place in his home.

 

[usound76]

No, they don't take place in his home (his wife won't allow my daughter in the front door). He picks her up, takes her to the mall so he can buy some stuff for himself, feeds her fast food, and brings her home. I have asked him to set up an e-mail account to specifically communicate with me but he refuses. He told me that he can't "hide things from his wife". I've just been leaving messages on his voicemail or telling him in person when I see him. I make all the decisions anyway, I just wondered if I could take him out of the decision making process to speed up her treatments since I can't communicate with him.

 

[majomom1]

No, they don't take place in his home (his wife won't allow my daughter in the front door). He picks her up, takes her to the mall so he can buy some stuff for himself, feeds her fast food, and brings her home. I have asked him to set up an e-mail account to specifically communicate with me but he refuses. He told me that he can't "hide things from his wife". I've just been leaving messages on his voicemail or telling him in person when I see him. I make all the decisions anyway, I just wondered if I could take him out of the decision making process to speed up her treatments since I can't communicate with him.

How very sad for your daughter. By any chance did he cheat on you, with the new wife? That is the only thing that makes any sense for her to be that controlling of him and hateful of your daughter. She clearly feels threatened by his contact with either of you.

Seriously, why spend the money to get what you basically already have? I know it seems unlikely, but he could try to claim that you don't inform him now, or demand more time or change CS just to be a jerk and make things difficult. You could end up spending a ton of money and not getting any change in the custody or decision making.

Continue to inform him the best you can and just make the decisions.

 

[frylover]

My first thought on reading the initial post is that new wifey is embarrassed at being connected in anyway to a child with disabilities. She may not want a child "like that" around her "perfect children" and may not want to be seen with the child.

Disgusting? Absolutely. But it was my first thought.

 

[novemberbride]

No, they don't take place in his home (his wife won't allow my daughter in the front door). He picks her up, takes her to the mall so he can buy some stuff for himself, feeds her fast food, and brings her home. I have asked him to set up an e-mail account to specifically communicate with me but he refuses. He told me that he can't "hide things from his wife". I've just been leaving messages on his voicemail or telling him in person when I see him. I make all the decisions anyway, I just wondered if I could take him out of the decision making process to speed up her treatments since I can't communicate with him.

I think dad has taken himself out of the decision making process by making it difficult to have contact with him. I'm sorry for that...that has to be frustrating.

My ex frequently denies having phone conversations with me when I contact him about school/doctor's appointments, etc with our daughter. So, when I have to tell him something, I follow up with a letter and send it to him certified. He now refuses mail that I send to him. I just recently went to court, and dad played the "she won't tell my anything" card, but I had a stack of mail proving not only I talked to him about it, but also sent it in writing.