Odd of custody

[130munch]

Before I get snippy??

I'm here to ask a simple question - does he have enough to go for full custody or not? I'm not here for a support group. I'm asking for a legal opinion. Does he sink his money into sole custody or not? He comes to me for advice & I try to get it for him. What on earth is wrong with that?

I've explained the situation as best I can & I'm ripped a new one for being a 3rd party, for not providing enough information, for not knowing the law, for being a nothing more than a concerned "grandma".

Is it really that hard to tactfully say "I need more details" & then give a tactful answer instead of calling posters ignorant and making snide comments left and right about their situation?

As for OhioGAL - they asked some questions and then critized me for not answering them, saying I must not like them or not want to answer them. Well, I answered them - it's as simple as that.

 

[mistoffolees]

Before I get snippy??

I'm here to ask a simple question - does he have enough to go for full custody or not? I'm not here for a support group. I'm asking for a legal opinion. Does he sink his money into sole custody or not? He comes to me for advice & I try to get it for him. What on earth is wrong with that?

I've explained the situation as best I can & I'm ripped a new one for being a 3rd party, for not providing enough information, for not knowing the law, for being a nothing more than a concerned "grandma".

Is it really that hard to tactfully say "I need more details" & then give a tactful answer instead of calling posters ignorant and making snide comments left and right about their situation?

As for OhioGAL - they asked some questions and then critized me for not answering them, saying I must not like them or not want to answer them. Well, I answered them - it's as simple as that.

And you got answers - it's as simple as that.

If you don't like the answers you got here, go spend your money on an attorney. But don't be surprised when an attorney tells you that YOU have no standing to be involved at all.

 

[stealth2]

Again - your son will get better answers if he is here himself to answer questions. Please have him create an account of his own. Thank you.

 

[InfantCustody]

Before I get snippy??

I'm here to ask a simple question - does he have enough to go for full custody or not? I'm not here for a support group. I'm asking for a legal opinion. Does he sink his money into sole custody or not? He comes to me for advice & I try to get it for him. What on earth is wrong with that?

I've explained the situation as best I can & I'm ripped a new one for being a 3rd party, for not providing enough information, for not knowing the law, for being a nothing more than a concerned "grandma".

Is it really that hard to tactfully say "I need more details" & then give a tactful answer instead of calling posters ignorant and making snide comments left and right about their situation?

As for OhioGAL - they asked some questions and then critized me for not answering them, saying I must not like them or not want to answer them. Well, I answered them - it's as simple as that.

No one (not even an attorney you pay) can tell you whether he will get full custody or not. It is "in the best interest of the child" and what the judge decides is in the child's best interest is up to the individual judge, how much weight the judge gives any one factor, the judges mood, how much the judge does or doesn't like your son, Mom, so on and so forth. The fact that your son did NOTHING for months...or years...basically will not look great for him. If she is such a piece of cr@p Mother, why did he leave the child with her for so long? That makes him just as guilty as Mom, if Mom was doing something wrong. Mom has the status quo...and that is not easily undone.

Your son would likely get joint legal custody and would get some form of visitation.

Other than that...the crystal ball is down for the Easter holiday. Try back later...

 

[130munch]

OK, ok.....I'll tell my son about the site and have him post his own questions.

I still don't see what is so wrong with me trying to get advice for him - he's young (26) and has never had to deal with the court system before so he's at a loss. I'm divorced & know how costly a custody fight can be. He comes to me for help & guidance. As a parent, I'm trying to guide him. He wants sole custody - I don't want to see him getting into a costly battle when he will likely only wind up with joint. If joint custody will be the likely outcome I think it would be less costly and make more sense to just go for that - I'd like to be able to tell him that.

With all due respect I'm not trying to start a heated argument here, but in all fairness to all posters here - if you are going to condescend, belittle, or call a poster "ignorant" you should expect a defensive response. When you challenge someone for not answering questions you should expect a response.

As for getting answers here - LDij was the only one who gave me a tactful answer and I thanked him/her for that. The rest seemed more intent on lashing out with over-kill criticism & snide comments. Certainly you can see how that might put a poster on the defense?

 

[130munch]

Thanks InfantCustody - this is exactly the kind of information I am looking for here. Just want to know if it's worth the fight & money. You're tactful answer is appreciated.

 

[InfantCustody]

OK, ok.....I'll tell my son about the site and have him post his own questions.

I still don't see what is so wrong with me trying to get advice for him - he's young (26) and has never had to deal with the court system before so he's at a loss. I'm divorced & know how costly a custody fight can be. He comes to me for help & guidance. As a parent, I'm trying to guide him. He wants sole custody - I don't want to see him getting into a costly battle when he will likely only wind up with joint. If joint custody will be the likely outcome I think it would be less costly and make more sense to just go for that - I'd like to be able to tell him that.

With all due respect I'm not trying to start a heated argument here, but in all fairness to all posters here - if you are going to condescend, belittle, or call a poster "ignorant" you should expect a defensive response. When you challenge someone for not answering questions you should expect a response.

As for getting answers here - LDij was the only one who gave me a tactful answer and I thanked him/her for that. The rest seemed more intent on lashing out with over-kill criticism & snide comments. Certainly you can see how that might put a poster on the defense?

He is young at 26? Mom, you need to step out and let your son grow up. I am 27 years old, run my own company, ask my own questions, and am in the middle of my very own custody mess and am raising 2 children. And my Mommy doesn't help me... Your son is NOT young at 26. As it sounds perhaps immature if he is unable to do this on his own, but not that young. Plenty of parents (much younger than him) come here for their own help. While you may have good intentions, let him grow up and be a man.

 

[InfantCustody]

Thanks InfantCustody - this is exactly the kind of information I am looking for here. Just want to know if it's worth the fight & money. You're tactful answer is appreciated.

You are most welcome...

 

[majomom1]

He is young at 26? Mom, you need to step out and let your son grow up. I am 27 years old, run my own company, ask my own questions, and am in the middle of my very own custody mess and am raising 2 children. And my Mommy doesn't help me... Your son is NOT young at 26. As it sounds perhaps immature if he is unable to do this on his own, but not that young. Plenty of parents (much younger than him) come here for their own help. While you may have good intentions, let him grow up and be a man.

Ditto this! OP, there is nothing wrong with your son asking for your advice, to help, but he needs to take the initiative to resolve his own problems. As you have been told, sole custody is very hard to get. Courts want "both" parents involved, for the best interest of the kids.

If the Court feels that YOU are the one pushing this issue, not your son, then that could hurt your son's case. Your son needs establish himself as the legal father, ask for "joint" custody and then co-parent with the mother.

 

[stealth2]

He is young at 26? Mom, you need to step out and let your son grow up.

I had the same thought. My son's 19, so quite a bit younger than OP's. And while he may come and ask me for help, it would be along the lines of "do you know where I can find this information?" as opposed to "can you find this information for me?" And yes, he is away at school, moving into his own place in 2 weeks, has a job while he goes to school, etc. At 26? OP's son should be doing at least that.

 

[130munch]

Trust me, I'm trying to get him to be more responsible and I'm extremely disappointed at the mistakes he's made - we've had many, many discusstions about the poor choices he's made and what he should do to move forward. Hopefully we are at a point where he is going to do just that.

I'm not trying very hard to not hold his hand throughout all this. I'm not going with him to his attorney's appointment - I said I'd help w/attorney retainer because he's low income, but would not pay it all. I don't intentionally meddle in the situation, I just give my advice when he asks what he should do. I won't be at his court dates - I do understand it's his child, not mine. I just want him to be realistic about sole custody because I am not sure he will get it & I foresee a hugt attorney bill if he keeps insisting upon it - that is the scenario I'm trying to get him to avoid.

I admire people like you who are successful at a young age. To me 26-27 is young, but you are right, maybe not so young.

Again - thank you for the tactful input. Bottom line is that is all I was looking for.

 

[Ohiogal]

OK, ok.....I'll tell my son about the site and have him post his own questions.

I still don't see what is so wrong with me trying to get advice for him - he's young (26)

YOUNG? There are lawyers that are 26. He is not young. He apparently is not mature but he is NOT young. He was old enough to make a baby, he is old enough to deal with the situation.

and has never had to deal with the court system before so he's at a loss. I'm divorced & know how costly a custody fight can be. He comes to me for help & guidance. As a parent, I'm trying to guide him. He wants sole custody - I don't want to see him getting into a costly battle when he will likely only wind up with joint. If joint custody will be the likely outcome I think it would be less costly and make more sense to just go for that - I'd like to be able to tell him that.

Really? Does he want custody or do YOU? Are you pushing him to do this? Because you could have given him the address to this site so he could ask his own questions. he is old enough to ask questions, isn't he? He can type, can't he? He knows how to use a computer, doesn't he?

With all due respect I'm not trying to start a heated argument here, but in all fairness to all posters here - if you are going to condescend, belittle, or call a poster "ignorant" you should expect a defensive response. When you challenge someone for not answering questions you should expect a response.

Ignorant is what you are. Especially since you do not even know the definition of ignorant. Ignorant means without knowledge of. You are without knowledge of the legalities -- hence you ARE ignorant. Try educating yourself about basic words and their definitions. If being ignorant makes you defensive, then you are overly sensitive and need a thicker skin.

As for getting answers here - LDij was the only one who gave me a tactful answer and I thanked him/her for that. The rest seemed more intent on lashing out with over-kill criticism & snide comments. Certainly you can see how that might put a poster on the defense?

Well at least you won't be in the court room with your son. Snide comments? Lady, you should have raised your son so that at 26 he could be self sufficient enough to ask his own questions and could handle his own issues -- after all, if he can make a child, then he should be prepared to deal with the parenting of that child without mommy running interference for him.

 

[Ohiogal]

Trust me, I'm trying to get him to be more responsible and I'm extremely disappointed at the mistakes he's made - we've had many, many discusstions about the poor choices he's made and what he should do to move forward. Hopefully we are at a point where he is going to do just that.

I'm not trying very hard to not hold his hand throughout all this. I'm not going with him to his attorney's appointment - I said I'd help w/attorney retainer because he's low income, but would not pay it all. I don't intentionally meddle in the situation, I just give my advice when he asks what he should do. I won't be at his court dates - I do understand it's his child, not mine. I just want him to be realistic about sole custody because I am not sure he will get it & I foresee a hugt attorney bill if he keeps insisting upon it - that is the scenario I'm trying to get him to avoid.

I admire people like you who are successful at a young age. To me 26-27 is young, but you are right, maybe not so young.

Again - thank you for the tactful input. Bottom line is that is all I was looking for.

You have had 26 years to raise him to be more responsible. If you have not succeeded by now, he is a lost cause.

 

[mistoffolees]

I still don't see what is so wrong with me trying to get advice for him

Then you need to go back and read the sticky. There are lots of reasons why many volunteers choose not to help third parties:

- The third party may not have all the relevant details
- Things are lost in translation (remember the old 'telephone' game you played as a kid)
- If the person who is involved doesn't care enough to ask his/her own questions, they're unlikely to care enough to actually follow through, so the time spent providing advice is wasted
- Third party involvement can actually RUIN a parent's case. Spend some time reading threads here. You'll see examples where a parent LOSES custodial rights because of third party interference
- And simply because we're volunteers and can choose to help whoever we want to help. Emotionally, a lot of people are more willing to help someone who has a problem than a meddling third party.

And, as others have said, your son is more than old enough to handle his own issues. After I was about 20, the only thing I ever asked my parents was "what would you like for Christmas?" When do you think he'll be old enough to handle his own affairs? When he's 30? 50? More likely never if you keep running his life for him.

 

[Ohiogal]

Reading this thread I keep hearing the following song go through my head:

Mother's right here
Mother will protect you
Darling, here's what I suggest
Skip the drama
Stay with mama
Mother knows best
Go ahead, get trampled by a rhino
Go ahead, get mugged and left for dead
Me, I'm just your mother, what do I know?
I only bathed and changed and nursed you
Go ahead and leave me, I deserve it
Let me die alone here, be my guest
When it's too late
You'll see, just wait
Mother knows best
Mother knows best
Take it from your mumsy
On your own, you won't survive
Sloppy, underdressed
Immature, clumsy
Please, they'll eat you up alive
Gullible, naïve
Positively grubby
Ditzy and a bit, well, hmm vague
Plus, I believe
Gettin' kinda chubby
I'm just saying 'cause I wuv you
Mother understands
Mother's here to help you
All I have is one request
Rapunzel?

Rapunzel:
Yes?

Mother Gothel:
Don't ever ask to leave this tower again.

Rapunzel:
Yes, Mother.

Mother Gothel:
I love you very much, dear.

Rapunzel:
I love you more.

Mother Gothel:
I love you most.
Don't forget it
You'll regret it
Mother knows best