Ex-wife wants her husband to adopt our kids, how do I protect my rights?

[LeemonGator]

None of which is relevant to THIS thread.

Hi Prosperina,

I agree. Deleted.

 

[stealth2]

The children are 13 and 11. I live in Florida while they reside in NY. I never hear from them unless it is father's day or my birthday other than that if I want to talk to them I always have to call them. They love me they just don't really have any interest in maintaining a relationship in those ways because that's the way they were raised.

No - it's because they're KIDS! YOU are the adult. As such, it's your responsibility more than theirs. Pick up the flippin' phone and call them - even if it means you have to do the work.

Ya know... my kids used to call their Dad weekly. At a pre-arranged day/time. Inevitably got the machine at the house and voicemail on the cell. Said "Hey, how's things, just wanted to say hi... call when you can. Love you." Silence. The following week, same prearranged day/time... Inevitably got the machine at the house and voicemail on the cell. Said "Hey, how's things, just wanted to say hi... call when you can. Love you." Silence. Lather, rinse, repeat. Now they call him on Christmas, Father's Day & his birthday. Because I make them do it. And still... they get the machine or voicemail. Add that to no reciprocal calls on THEIR birthdays? Why should they bother? Maybe your kids feel the same way. Of course, my kids' Dad complains that he never hears from them, too.

 

[EnglishMaster]

enigma_38,

.....I'm in the same boat as you are, man (Which, obviously, is how I found this forum.). My ex actually married the tool that she cheated on me with while we were married, but didn't have the guts to tell me about until after we were divorced! Now I'm unemployed, no car, they all live states away and the only time I hear from my kids is when I call or write them (which no doubt has to do with how she's raising them now). And every time I call, I end up having to correct at least one of my kids that now calls that tool "Daddy". I know what you're going through, bro, unlike some of these misandrist pigs here (*ahem* Antigone *ahem*).

.....And you know what? I'm considering the exact same thing. I can't afford the child support (Which, incidentally, they don't need, as "tool" is in the Air Force and "ex" has a degree in Accounting!), and I never get to see my kids anyway! You know what? You'll always be their Daddy, no matter what the courts, or your ex, or DSS has to say about it! And if you can't personally survive until they get to be old enough (adults) to have a real relationship with you because child support is making it impossible, then you have to make what looks to be a tough decision. Trust me, you can always pick up the phone or write that letter - your kids will find you when it's time. Love has a way of bridging the gaps that some of these money-grubbers will tell you are irrevocable.

Sincerely,
Another DAD in a bind!

 

[stealth2]

enigma_38,

.....I'm in the same boat as you are, man (Which, obviously, is how I found this forum.). My ex actually married the tool that she cheated on me with while we were married, but didn't have the guts to tell me about until after we were divorced! Now I'm unemployed, no car, they all live states away and the only time I hear from my kids is when I call or write them (which no doubt has to do with how she's raising them now). And every time I call, I end up having to correct at least one of my kids that now calls that tool "Daddy". I know what you're going through, bro, unlike some of these misandrist pigs here (*ahem* Antigone *ahem*).

.....And you know what? I'm considering the exact same thing. I can't afford the child support (Which, incidentally, they don't need, as "tool" is in the Air Force and "ex" has a degree in Accounting!), and I never get to see my kids anyway! You know what? You'll always be their Daddy, no matter what the courts, or your ex, or DSS has to say about it! And if you can't personally survive until they get to be old enough (adults) to have a real relationship with you because child support is making it impossible, then you have to make what looks to be a tough decision. Trust me, you can always pick up the phone or write that letter - your kids will find you when it's time. Love has a way of bridging the gaps that some of these money-grubbers will tell you are irrevocable.

Sincerely,
Another DAD in a bind!

It's silly to dredge up an old thread, but be that as it may. Sadly, I think you may be in for a rude awakening one day. Unless you are making a real effort, you may find that your kids come to the realization that they weren't important enough to you for you to make an effort.

 

[EnglishMaster]

Like I said, enigma_38... money-grubbing misandrists! (And I posted on this forum solely to give you the comfort and support that only a brother could provide to another like-minded brother. That, unfortunately, was sadly missing.)

They think that if you sign over your rights, you're signing over your heart. Only you know how much you love your kids and have been trying to stay a part of their lives (typically in the face of a lot of adversity)... that's what matters!

Naysayers like "stealth2" here will try to warn you about things they know won't happen while implying that you are less of a man if you don't follow their advice to the "T". Who does that sound like? Probably your ex! And more than likely, that's why you left her. Trust me, don't bother taking advice from a woman on a man's issue!

 

[stealth2]

Like I said, enigma_38, money-grubbing misandrists!

They think that if you sign over your rights, you're signing over your heart. Only you know how much you love your kids and have been trying to stay a part of their lives (typically in the face of a lot of adversity)... that's what matters!

Naysayers like "stealth2" here will try to warn you about things they know won't happen while implying that you are less of a man if you don't follow their advice to the "T". Who does that sound like? Probably your ex! And more than likely, that's why you left her. Trust me, don't bother taking advice from a woman on a man's issue!

You don't know me. Or my ex. Or my kids. They have good reason to be bitter towards him. His lack of contact/involvement is on him - not me. Not at all.

 

[EnglishMaster]

You don't know me. Or my ex. Or my kids. They have good reason to be bitter towards him. His lack of contact/involvement is on him - not me. Not at all.

All I know of your situation is what you posted - that much is correct. And your ex? Yes... he seems a bad guy (even though I'm only hearing your side of the story).

But you know what? To advise enigma_38 as if he is your ex (a delinquent absentee) and not who he is (a father struggling with debt and longing to see his children in a society set up against his doing just that, while snobbishly proclaiming its superiority for putting him in that situation), is completely unfair and derogatory!

If you listened to what he wrote (instead of projecting onto him and providing snap decisions based thereon), you'd see that he's just like me - a father that's been done wrongly by the system that he put his faith in, desperately seeking a way to maintain communication with his children while at the same time battling this vicious economy that brings him daily nearer the brink of financial ruin!

If he doesn't survive long enough to see his kids advance into adulthood, then he'll never have a proper relationship with them - it'll always be tainted by his hateful ex! You're assuming that once he signs over his rights, that he'll automatically stop trying to call/write/visit his kids... nothing could be further from the truth!

Like me, he already wants to (and does) those things. All he's really signing over (which you lot seem to not be telling him) is his "right" to pay child support! So for that, he must be vilified and branded an indolent Dad? For shame!

Allow him the opportunity to set his own rules, and a real Dad will never do anything that would harm his children. And this loving father is not. Shame on you.

 

[stealth2]

Oh, never mind. You're not worth the time or space.

 

[EnglishMaster]

Oh, never mind. You're not worth the time or space.

If you can't win with logic or reason, dismiss them as unworthy. You see who your opponents are, enigma_38? Charlatans posing as sages.

 

[mistoffolees]

All he's really signing over (which you lot seem to not be telling him) is his "right" to pay child support!

It would be a lot better if you'd make an effort to learn from this forum rather than just coming here and posting incorrect information.

The above is incorrect. He is also signing over any right to have any contact with the child. If he lets stepdad adopt the child, then he no longer has any right to contact the child in any way without the parent's permission - which is not likely to be granted.

He's signing away his right to attend birthday parties. Graduations. To be involved in medical decisions. Father's Day. Essentially, by allowing the adoption, he is going from being a father to being a non-entity as far as the child is concerned.

 

[stealth2]

If you can't win with logic or reason, dismiss them as unworthy. You see who your opponents are, enigma_38? Charlatans posing as sages.

Nope. But I'm not going to get sucked into a months-old thread, debating the issue with a bitter little man who has an axe to grind.

OP - if you are still here, at LEAST go speak with an attorney. You will find out who is more correct.

 

[EnglishMaster]

I read the forum, mistoffolees, and by so doing (yes) he is legally signing away his right to what you said. And under completely adversarial conditions, it would be an unwanted state of affairs... provided his ex was a complete and utterly hateful shrew.

However, (if you'd read the thread) you'll find that his ex is fully willing to allow him visitation even without legal parental "rights". The law can dictate coersion under the most stringent of conditions, just as it can be lenient enough to allow for things under more lax ones. As long as his ex remains true to her word, nothing (other than the monetary situation) will change!

And (worst case scenario) if she reneges on her word, then he'll still be able to see them in a few years when they are adults. You all seem to want to emphasize everything that is negative about the situation while hiding the very prominent positives of it... all because what I say is true: you are money-grubbers!

 

[stealth2]

OP - please speak with an attorney.

 

[EnglishMaster]

OP - please speak with an attorney.

This is the only thing with which I concur.

And once you've found out that I am literally correct on all points, please do repost.

 

[PQN]

EnglishMaster,

You may be sadly surprised when your kids turn 18. I was one of those kids whose dad rarely visited, never called, and paid very minimal child support (I know how much he paid cause step-mom #2 made sure I knew how much the check was for- she thought it was "alot" but at 7% of his income, it was laughable).

He had deluded himself that when I turned 18, I would come visit him every other weekend when he couldn't be bothered to show up to see me more than 3-4 times a year for the 13 years before that despite living an hour away.

I haven't seen him in over 20 years. My step-dad walked my sisters and I down the aisle and my step-dad is the one our kids call grandpa (in fact I'm not sure the younger grandkids realize that he isn't our bio-dad.)

Kids know when they matter -- and they know when they don't. Stop deluding yourself.