Child safety concerns and room sharing

[Silverplum]

Yes, this was me, I realized my error and withdrew that motion. Knee-jerk reaction to the things my ex does to me.

How about THIS motion?

What's the difference?

Are you aware that the Colorado Courts are NOT for your tantrum-like expressions?

Yes, we still have control issues between us,

Yup.

but this motion to suspend was out of genuine concern for the children's safety - how do I know he's not living with a child molester?

You're going to alienate your judge with your drama.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

In Mexico, it is not uncommon for several generations of family to live in a house. Each family unit, M,D n kids, sharing a room.

 

[Silverplum]

In Mexico...

US Law Only.

 

[CSO286]

Yes, this was me, I realized my error and withdrew that motion. Knee-jerk reaction to the things my ex does to me. Yes, we still have control issues between us, but this motion to suspend was out of genuine concern for the children's safety - how do I know he's not living with a child molester?

How do you know he is???

Seriously, lady, you are reaching here.

 

[RRevak]

OP I am yet again astounded at your extremely infantile behavior towards your ex and his handling of BOTH of your children. You need to once again take a step back and remember that YOU MADE this man your childrens' father so therefor you cant treat him as if he were some scum you scraped off your shoe. You not once but TWICE decided he was awesome father material when you had not one but TWO children with him so now its time to step up to that decision.

Now...your son is old enough that he can put on his big boy pants and get the fact that he only spends short amounts of time with his father and rather than spend that time grumbling about having to share a room with his sister (oh the horror!) he instead should be working towards a better arrangement and enjoying his time with his father. Curtains can be put up between beds for more privacy, bathrooms can be used for changing etc, heck air mattress are darn cheap at wal-mart and can be inflated in two seconds to be used on a living room floor then put away discreetly just as quickly. If you teach your son that an issue such as this is a hill to die on then you are doing him a grave disservice. Life isnt always convenient and it isn't always "comfortable". The sooner you teach him how to work with these kinds of situations in a reasonable manner, the better off he will be as an adult.

And YOU need to do some growing up yourself. STOP trying to control every move your ex makes because that inevitably trickles down to how your children will treat him. GROW UP OP

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

us law only.

lol..... :d

 

[dogmom228]

Colorado is not unique in this

And, I have to ask. How will knowing his exact address make the kids any more safe?

It allows me to know they are not in a transient situation without proper care. When we divorced he was a flight risk and a safety risk to himself and the children. It was only after psych eval that he was allowed to begin visitation and shared custody of the children again. This occurred over 5 years ago, ordered by the Court. It took time for the Court to allow more visitation time.

The kids have recently voiced their concerns to me about safety and health with their dad (dirty living situation - dirty dishes in sink for weeks, going 4x4'ing on difficult trails without brakes in the vehicle, no showers, daughter coming home in literally poopy panties). I can't turn a blind eye, but DHS won't do anything. I've called them a few times asking questions about what constitutes neglect.

 

[Silverplum]

It allows me to know they are not in a transient situation without proper care. When we divorced he was a flight risk and a safety risk to himself and the children. It was only after psych eval that he was allowed to begin visitation and shared custody of the children again. This occurred over 5 years ago, ordered by the Court. It took time for the Court to allow more visitation time.

The kids have recently voiced their concerns to me about safety and health with their dad (dirty living situation - dirty dishes in sink for weeks, going 4x4'ing on difficult trails without brakes in the vehicle, no showers, daughter coming home in literally poopy panties). I can't turn a blind eye, but DHS won't do anything. I've called them a few times asking questions about what constitutes neglect.

1. You really oughta read your own posts.

2. Your SEVEN year old should not be so helpless.

3. I remain unimpressed.

 

[RRevak]

It allows me to know they are not in a transient situation without proper care. When we divorced he was a flight risk and a safety risk to himself and the children. It was only after psych eval that he was allowed to begin visitation and shared custody of the children again. This occurred over 5 years ago, ordered by the Court. It took time for the Court to allow more visitation time.

The kids have recently voiced their concerns to me about safety and health with their dad (dirty living situation - dirty dishes in sink for weeks, going 4x4'ing on difficult trails without brakes in the vehicle, no showers, daughter coming home in literally poopy panties). I can't turn a blind eye, but DHS won't do anything. I've called them a few times asking questions about what constitutes neglect.

If after a psyche eval he was given more time then obviously he was found adequate to be a parent. If the place is dirty what are your VERY MUCH old enough to help out children doing about it? At 7 my daughter makes her own bed every morning, does dishes after dinner AND helps do the floors in our home. No showers? Does he turn off the water? Does he ground them if they attempt to shower? These arent infants we're talking about, they're more than able to handle getting shower without assistance. And WHY ON EARTH is your 7yr old coming home in poopy panties!? Unless she isnt potty trained (which is a whole other issue) there is NO reason she should be coming home in poopy clothing. Either your children are so juvenile that they are purposely relying on dad to do anything while in his care or you're coming up with some real whoppers....

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

OP, I can recognize and acknowledge your reasons for concern, however, you can only do what the law allows. If, down the road, one of the kids is injured, it is not out of your neglect, but his. At that time, you can jump up and go to court. It can be very tough to see the kids you love, going off to dads, while you worry about the bad things that could happen. That said, all kinds of bad things can happen, while they are with you, in spite of all the attention to detail you try and show. Your best course of action is counsel the kids, reminding them to exercise good judgement, even if dad doesn't always. Children really do grow up in spite of their parents.

 

[Ohiogal]

It allows me to know they are not in a transient situation without proper care. When we divorced he was a flight risk and a safety risk to himself and the children. It was only after psych eval that he was allowed to begin visitation and shared custody of the children again. This occurred over 5 years ago, ordered by the Court. It took time for the Court to allow more visitation time.

The kids have recently voiced their concerns to me about safety and health with their dad (dirty living situation - dirty dishes in sink for weeks, going 4x4'ing on difficult trails without brakes in the vehicle, no showers, daughter coming home in literally poopy panties). I can't turn a blind eye, but DHS won't do anything. I've called them a few times asking questions about what constitutes neglect.

Why can't your daughter change her own underwear? Why is she pooping in her pants? Does she need diapers at the age of 7? Does she not know how to wipe? Do you expect her FATHER to wipe her butt? As for dirty living situation -- you dont' know where is he living and you think he is couch surfing but he has dishes in the sink for weeks -- why can't your children do chores at dad's house? Why can't your children TAKE SHOWERS? Does dad padlock the bathroom and refuse to allow it?

 

[dogmom228]

OP I am yet again astounded at your extremely infantile behavior towards your ex and his handling of BOTH of your children. You need to once again take a step back and remember that YOU MADE this man your childrens' father so therefor you cant treat him as if he were some scum you scraped off your shoe. You not once but TWICE decided he was awesome father material when you had not one but TWO children with him so now its time to step up to that decision.

Now...your son is old enough that he can put on his big boy pants and get the fact that he only spends short amounts of time with his father and rather than spend that time grumbling about having to share a room with his sister (oh the horror!) he instead should be working towards a better arrangement and enjoying his time with his father. Curtains can be put up between beds for more privacy, bathrooms can be used for changing etc, heck air mattress are darn cheap at wal-mart and can be inflated in two seconds to be used on a living room floor then put away discreetly just as quickly. If you teach your son that an issue such as this is a hill to die on then you are doing him a grave disservice. Life isnt always convenient and it isn't always "comfortable". The sooner you teach him how to work with these kinds of situations in a reasonable manner, the better off he will be as an adult.

And YOU need to do some growing up yourself. STOP trying to control every move your ex makes because that inevitably trickles down to how your children will treat him. GROW UP OP

I understand, RRevak, and thank you. I know, when coming here, I am opening myself up to a considerable amount of criticism. I have always tried to take the high road where my kids are concerned and I realize I tend to react to my ex with a knee-jerk. It comes with the territory. I will discuss the rooming issue with my son and give him the solutions you have suggested. I am sure that will help the situation he finds himself in.

 

[Silverplum]

I understand, RRevak, and thank you. I know, when coming here, I am opening myself up to a considerable amount of criticism. I have always tried to take the high road where my kids are concerned and I realize I tend to react to my ex with a knee-jerk. It comes with the territory. I will discuss the rooming issue with my son and give him the solutions you have suggested. I am sure that will help the situation he finds himself in.

No learning, no growing?

 

[LdiJ]

I re-read your previous thread, and I really think that you have a fundamental lack of understanding of how the law works...and I am concerned that its going to get you into trouble.

I don't think that you are controlling, however I think that you operate from too high a level of anxiety regarding your children and your finances, and that makes you panic and do knee jerk things that are not necessarily the best things for you to be doing. I am sure that your anxiety regarding finances is valid, and possibly regarding your children too, but its not helping your situation.

This is how I see things...dad does or says things to push your buttons and make you anxious/panic. You then react and when you are panicked enough, file for something in court (often the wrong thing) and dad backs down. So this cycle of anxiety/panic has worked for you. However it will NOT work for you forever.

I my opinion you went overboard in filing for a suspension of visitation until he tells you where he is living and gives you the address, and overboard in denying him visitation pending the outcome. That could come back to bite you in the butt, or...it could work for you again and dad could back down and give you the information.

However, what you really should have done is trusted dad to protect the children on his time, and simply filed for contempt for him not providing you his address.

I have a suggestion. Next time you go into anxious/panic mode, maybe you should come here and ask some advice BEFORE you act/react.

 

[CSO286]

It allows me to know they are not in a transient situation without proper care. When we divorced he was a flight risk and a safety risk to himself and the children. It was only after psych eval that he was allowed to begin visitation and shared custody of the children again. This occurred over 5 years ago, ordered by the Court. It took time for the Court to allow more visitation time.

The kids have recently voiced their concerns to me about safety and health with their dad (dirty living situation - dirty dishes in sink for weeks, going 4x4'ing on difficult trails without brakes in the vehicle, no showers, daughter coming home in literally poopy panties). I can't turn a blind eye, but DHS won't do anything. I've called them a few times asking questions about what constitutes neglect.

And if they don't meet the statutory requirements of neglect, then you are out of luck. It's not a matter of won't with DHS, it's a matter of CAN'T. If a situation doesn't meet the statutory definition of neglect and/or abuse, they can't take action.

He was a flight risk over five years ago. it was only after a psych eval over five years ago that he was permitted more visitation. The court granted him more visitaiton. I bet you've done nothing but dog this man for the last half of your marriage and now will continue to do so until these poor children reach the age of majority.

Lady, things change. And even if Dad is crashing on peoples' couches, he still has a place for them to stay.