gotpinkspirit
Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Missouri
My son's father and I split up in May of 2009 (never married). My son was 3. In Feb of 2010, I met my now fiance. Our wedding is 30AUG14.
My son's father and I had a rough patch the first year. After that first year, we finally had a "duke it out" conversation. He finally admitted that he was just mad because I was always right. (We disagreed on several things; I was always trying to look out for my son's best interests ... and that was all.) So for the last year and a half/two years, my son's father have gotten along great. My fiance and him have always gotten along well too. My son's father is the king of bad decisions. He did have a rough childhood to boot. In Fall of 2009 he got a girl pregnant. He "escaped" because she decided to get back together with her ex-husband whom she already had a kid with. The next year, he got another girl pregnant whose divorce wasn't even finalized yet. It is now Apr of 2013 and they are finally separating. He's been miserable with her ever since the first month they were together but never wanted to leave because he knew he couldn't afford child support on two kids. Now he's finally had it.
So here's the scoop - my son's father is less than reliable. My fiance and I take care of literally everything for my son. Dr appts, sick days at school, sports practice, homework, etc. His father used to get him every other week. Then in Feb of 2011 I told him he needed to not take my son for a bit. His gf and him were fighting badly and physically in front of our son. I told him until he had left her or figured something out, my son didn't need to be in that environment. After six weeks, he called asking to see his son. After discussion, I agreed to every other weekends only for a bit until I was comfortable that the shananigans had really stopped then we could do every other week. To this day, he still only gets him every other weekend. I've offered for him to take him more, just out to dinner during the week, a week through the summer, anything. He won't and some times actually foregoes his weekends due to bow tournaments he chooses to be in and hunting trips with his dad. I will say, he's tight on money and though only lives 15 minutes from us, our son goes to a school that is about 30 minutes away. So my son can't ride a bus home to dad's or nothing. However, when summer hits, his visitations do not increase at all. I think he had him for one week in summer of 2011. Don't get me wrong, I do understand his financial situation and his work schedule - however, I do feel he could be more involved regardless. He never calls asking how he's doing while he's here. Never checks in on anything, nothing. And if I need him to sign something for our son (because he's the legal guardian) it's like pulling teeth to get him to do anything. Not because he's defiant but because hes just not responsible. I have to take care of absolutely everything.
Now that he is splitting up with his gf, he has no where to live. He can't afford a place and is planning to stay with this friend and that. He told me a couple weeks ago that he prob won't get our son much because he thinks it would be awkward to have his kids at someones house where he's just kind of staying. Said he'd probably just get him on weekends he was able to go up to his dads and would let me know. So last week I called him to talk about long term plans for our son. Told him I was really concerned about the future of his presence and what that would due to our son ... more broken promises. (My son also used to call my fiance "dad" of his OWN accord. He did it once in front of his real dad when he picked him up. He told our son to never do that again because it was disrespectful to him. Since, it has noticably hurt my son's feelings and has created some what of a wedge between my son and fiance. We're working on it but it's been tough. Sad too - because before that, my son and fiance had an AWESOME relationship. They still do but it's not the same right now.) So I told him I thought we should really think about what was best for our son. I suggested adoption by my fiance. He said though it would be hard, he felt it was the right choice too. So we decided to do a "test run" where our son stays with my fiance and I for 60 days and then talk about adoption again. (Then he asked me to pause cs for those 60 days because he didn't think it fair to have to pay when he wasn't seeing him ...) For the past two years, he's paid me about $800 out of his taxes due to arrears in cs.
So my questions are; Do I HAVE to have an attorney to accomplish all this? If I dont, where do I start? DFS? I DO feel this is in the best interest of my child. He is so much apart of us and my fiance's family. He has been warm welcomed from the get go with his family. Though the father hasn't done anything extremely detrimental, he's just not able to keep up with the general responsibilities of being a father and he knows it. Nor does he keep up with his son's updates, life, etc. If he knows anything about our son, it's because I voluntarily text him the info. He never asks and if I stopped giving him info (which I've done before) he still wouldn't ask. Thus why he is in total agreeance for the TPR. I know it is uncommon for a Judge to award adoption to someone that isn't wed to the bio mom for a minimum amount of time, but do you think there is a chance it would be overlooked considering the length of time we've been together, we have a child together, a house, a life and my son is already with us 90% of the time anyway? Not to mention all the "father" things my fiance is already taking care of for him? I'm really concerned that if something were to happen to me, how that would affect my son. His father is not in a position to handle him and to boot - all of my life insurance is going to my fiance. For one, to take care of the home for my children but two, I don't trust the father to get any money and spend it responsibly for my son's needs. It is in clear understanding that if I did die, my fiance is to pay for things for my son directly and NOT just give his father money for that reason. What are the costs I'm looking at to get this done? How long does it take?
My son's father and I split up in May of 2009 (never married). My son was 3. In Feb of 2010, I met my now fiance. Our wedding is 30AUG14.
My son's father and I had a rough patch the first year. After that first year, we finally had a "duke it out" conversation. He finally admitted that he was just mad because I was always right. (We disagreed on several things; I was always trying to look out for my son's best interests ... and that was all.) So for the last year and a half/two years, my son's father have gotten along great. My fiance and him have always gotten along well too. My son's father is the king of bad decisions. He did have a rough childhood to boot. In Fall of 2009 he got a girl pregnant. He "escaped" because she decided to get back together with her ex-husband whom she already had a kid with. The next year, he got another girl pregnant whose divorce wasn't even finalized yet. It is now Apr of 2013 and they are finally separating. He's been miserable with her ever since the first month they were together but never wanted to leave because he knew he couldn't afford child support on two kids. Now he's finally had it.
So here's the scoop - my son's father is less than reliable. My fiance and I take care of literally everything for my son. Dr appts, sick days at school, sports practice, homework, etc. His father used to get him every other week. Then in Feb of 2011 I told him he needed to not take my son for a bit. His gf and him were fighting badly and physically in front of our son. I told him until he had left her or figured something out, my son didn't need to be in that environment. After six weeks, he called asking to see his son. After discussion, I agreed to every other weekends only for a bit until I was comfortable that the shananigans had really stopped then we could do every other week. To this day, he still only gets him every other weekend. I've offered for him to take him more, just out to dinner during the week, a week through the summer, anything. He won't and some times actually foregoes his weekends due to bow tournaments he chooses to be in and hunting trips with his dad. I will say, he's tight on money and though only lives 15 minutes from us, our son goes to a school that is about 30 minutes away. So my son can't ride a bus home to dad's or nothing. However, when summer hits, his visitations do not increase at all. I think he had him for one week in summer of 2011. Don't get me wrong, I do understand his financial situation and his work schedule - however, I do feel he could be more involved regardless. He never calls asking how he's doing while he's here. Never checks in on anything, nothing. And if I need him to sign something for our son (because he's the legal guardian) it's like pulling teeth to get him to do anything. Not because he's defiant but because hes just not responsible. I have to take care of absolutely everything.
Now that he is splitting up with his gf, he has no where to live. He can't afford a place and is planning to stay with this friend and that. He told me a couple weeks ago that he prob won't get our son much because he thinks it would be awkward to have his kids at someones house where he's just kind of staying. Said he'd probably just get him on weekends he was able to go up to his dads and would let me know. So last week I called him to talk about long term plans for our son. Told him I was really concerned about the future of his presence and what that would due to our son ... more broken promises. (My son also used to call my fiance "dad" of his OWN accord. He did it once in front of his real dad when he picked him up. He told our son to never do that again because it was disrespectful to him. Since, it has noticably hurt my son's feelings and has created some what of a wedge between my son and fiance. We're working on it but it's been tough. Sad too - because before that, my son and fiance had an AWESOME relationship. They still do but it's not the same right now.) So I told him I thought we should really think about what was best for our son. I suggested adoption by my fiance. He said though it would be hard, he felt it was the right choice too. So we decided to do a "test run" where our son stays with my fiance and I for 60 days and then talk about adoption again. (Then he asked me to pause cs for those 60 days because he didn't think it fair to have to pay when he wasn't seeing him ...) For the past two years, he's paid me about $800 out of his taxes due to arrears in cs.
So my questions are; Do I HAVE to have an attorney to accomplish all this? If I dont, where do I start? DFS? I DO feel this is in the best interest of my child. He is so much apart of us and my fiance's family. He has been warm welcomed from the get go with his family. Though the father hasn't done anything extremely detrimental, he's just not able to keep up with the general responsibilities of being a father and he knows it. Nor does he keep up with his son's updates, life, etc. If he knows anything about our son, it's because I voluntarily text him the info. He never asks and if I stopped giving him info (which I've done before) he still wouldn't ask. Thus why he is in total agreeance for the TPR. I know it is uncommon for a Judge to award adoption to someone that isn't wed to the bio mom for a minimum amount of time, but do you think there is a chance it would be overlooked considering the length of time we've been together, we have a child together, a house, a life and my son is already with us 90% of the time anyway? Not to mention all the "father" things my fiance is already taking care of for him? I'm really concerned that if something were to happen to me, how that would affect my son. His father is not in a position to handle him and to boot - all of my life insurance is going to my fiance. For one, to take care of the home for my children but two, I don't trust the father to get any money and spend it responsibly for my son's needs. It is in clear understanding that if I did die, my fiance is to pay for things for my son directly and NOT just give his father money for that reason. What are the costs I'm looking at to get this done? How long does it take?
