50/50

[jimmyd916]

What is the name of your state? CA
I live in california and i have been seperated from my ex wife for two years. During these two years we have had 50% joint physical custody. We alternate every week and i have often watched the kids on the mothers week while she goes out and parties. We recently had an argument and my ex put a false reestraining order on me. I beat the charge and we now have a mediation date coming up. Im really nervous she will get full custody shoukd i be nervous or will i get my fifty fifty physical custody back. I also havent seen my kids in over a month.

 

[mistoffolees]

If the restraining order was unfounded, it shouldn't affect anything.

You should have a good chance of returning to 50:50 if you press for it. HOWEVER, 50:50 works best when the two parties are cooperative and that might not be the case here. Therefore, you might want to ask for full custody on the basis of her interfering with your relationship with the child - she filed a false restraining order and has kept you from seeing the child for a month.

 

[CJane]

The restraining order being denied, or "beating the charge" doesn't necessarily mean it was "false". It only means there wasn't enough evidence presented for the filing party to prove imminent danger.

I'm assuming the mediation is unrelated to the restraining order, and instead related to the pending divorce. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

Has the 50/50 that you've been practicing been via a court order?

How near to each other do you live?

How old are the children?

In general, how well do you and mom communicate?

***The fact that Mom occasionally asks you to keep the kids so that she can go out is NOT something to be used against her. She's allowed a social life, she's allowed to go out and "party" if she chooses. And I'm sure you'd prefer the children were with YOU rather than a sitter.

 

[mistoffolees]

The restraining order being denied, or "beating the charge" doesn't necessarily mean it was "false". It only means there wasn't enough evidence presented for the filing party to prove imminent danger.

Which means that it's meaningless for purposes of the mediation. If there wasn't enough evidence to get a restraining order, then she can't bring it up years later and expect it to have any weight.

 

[LdiJ]

Which means that it's meaningless for purposes of the mediation. If there wasn't enough evidence to get a restraining order, then she can't bring it up years later and expect it to have any weight.

Are you thinking that it was years ago that this happened? His original post appears to make it seem recent.

 

[mistoffolees]

Are you thinking that it was years ago that this happened? His original post appears to make it seem recent.

It really doesn't matter. OP says it was false and the court apparently agreed.

 

[CJane]

Which means that it's meaningless for purposes of the mediation. If there wasn't enough evidence to get a restraining order, then she can't bring it up years later and expect it to have any weight.

It doesn't sound like this was "years ago". And no, it will not necessarily be meaningless.

Would it be the deciding factor in a case? No. But it is certainly part of the "totality of the circumstances", and if nothing else goes towards the stability of the relationship between the parties.

 

[jimmyd916]

The restraining order and everything has just happened about a month and a half ago. we have shared joint physical custody for two years prior, but this was just an agreement between us. All of this was sparked from an argument we had that had nothing to do with the children. I know my ex is entitled to go out and party but she has a whole week without the kids why would she choose to go out on her weeks of custody. Im saying this because this is a complaint shes making about me, she says i dont watch the kids when i have them (shes assuming my sister does everything) yet she asks me all the time to watch them on her week.

 

[jimmyd916]

I just want 50/50 physical is that too much to ask. we live less than ten minutes from each other and my daughter goes to school closer to my house. I know i shouldnt bash her in mediation but should i bring up her being in a gay relationship, would that help my cause?

 

[CJane]

I just want 50/50 physical is that too much to ask. we live less than ten minutes from each other and my daughter goes to school closer to my house. I know i shouldnt bash her in mediation but should i bring up her being in a gay relationship, would that help my cause?

Heh. No, it will not help your cause.

 

[jimmyd916]

ok, just wondering, so i just need to stick with whats best with the kids for my argument. I was also wondering if the mediation thinks its best for us to have joint physical custody and the mother still chooses to fight for full custody what would happen next. I know we would go to court but what would happen with custody for the remainder of the time. and if mediation thinks that 50/50 is best for the children would that hinder her from getting full custody.

 

[LdiJ]

The restraining order and everything has just happened about a month and a half ago. we have shared joint physical custody for two years prior, but this was just an agreement between us. All of this was sparked from an argument we had that had nothing to do with the children. I know my ex is entitled to go out and party but she has a whole week without the kids why would she choose to go out on her weeks of custody. Im saying this because this is a complaint shes making about me, she says i dont watch the kids when i have them (shes assuming my sister does everything) yet she asks me all the time to watch them on her week.

Why does she have that assumption?

 

[jimmyd916]

Im at school most of the day and my sister watches my kids. So i guess my ex is saying that i never watch the kids, i dont know why she thinks this, she just does. I cant explain the ridiculous comments and actions of my ex wife, im not an angel either, but sanity seems to be something she has been lacking as of late.

 

[CJane]

Im at school most of the day and my sister watches my kids. So i guess my ex is saying that i never watch the kids, i dont know why she thinks this, she just does. I cant explain the ridiculous comments and actions of my ex wife, im not an angel either, but sanity seems to be something she has been lacking as of late.

Well, to be completely honest, it's not "watching" your kids when you're their parent. It's "parenting" your kids. (Pet peeve)

However, what is your ex's work schedule.

What is your work schedule?

What is your school schedule?

Are the kids all school aged?

 

[LdiJ]

Im at school most of the day and my sister watches my kids. So i guess my ex is saying that i never watch the kids, i dont know why she thinks this, she just does. I cant explain the ridiculous comments and actions of my ex wife, im not an angel either, but sanity seems to be something she has been lacking as of late.

Dad, you are going to have to do a better job of explaining that in court if mom makes her allegation.

Answer CJane's questions...and one more. Where do your children sleep at night during your time?