Am I the only one......

[jennie239]

What is the name of your state? Florida

I need some opinions on something. I need to know if I'm the only one that feels there's a problem with the fact that my son tells me that when he use to go to his daddy's house and it was time for bed.....the girl (my ex's girlfriend) sleeps in bed with him (my son) and daddy sleeps on the floor. Maybe I'm overreacting b/c I'm his mother but I don't think that is right, but I'd like some other opinions. If I'm not the only one that feels this is a problem, what do you think I should do about it and how should I go about doing it? Thank you in advance for your advice.

 

[mom6399]

No you're not

But it may not make any difference...

If your order does not state no overnight guests of the opposite sex the girlfriend can be there. What the other parent does and how he conducts his time, feels is right and appropriate is his business. Right or not in your or my eyes.

When visiting with the father, my child as taken to rated R movies, witnessed dad and girlfriend having sex in a closet (described in painful detail), was locked in a car on a camping trip with the windows down (so dad and girlfriend could sleep in a tent) and came home covered in bug bites. Fortunately, I did, as I state in a previous post, have discretion over visitation. If you don't you have to document everything and have a calm and collected talk with dad about your concerns. Who knows...it might just work.

I always wonder why girlfriends/boyfriends can't just go away or not come over for a day or two so NCPs can have some quality time with their kids? Makes no sense to me.

 

[jennie239]

But it may not make any difference...

If your order does not state no overnight guests of the opposite sex the girlfriend can be there. What the other parent does and how he conducts his time, feels is right and appropriate is his business. Right or not in your or my eyes.

When visiting with the father, my child as taken to rated R movies, witnessed dad and girlfriend having sex in a closet (described in painful detail), was locked in a car on a camping trip with the windows down (so dad and girlfriend could sleep in a tent) and came home covered in bug bites. Fortunately, I did, as I state in a previous post, have discretion over visitation. If you don't you have to document everything and have a calm and collected talk with dad about your concerns. Who knows...it might just work.

I always wonder why girlfriends/boyfriends can't just go away or not come over for a day or two so NCPs can have some quality time with their kids? Makes no sense to me.

I agree with you on the not coming over but in this case she lives there, they just started to date and then she just moved right in (ex's words to me). So that is partially why I have a problem with this.

 

[mom6399]

Confused?

Does your order or decree say anything about unmarried overnight guests or live ins?

If someone he just me has just moved in, well? I dunno.

At the very least, you can talk to your attorney about modifying visitation, but if I read your other post correctly, there's been nothing for six months?

 

[jennie239]

Does your order or decree say anything about unmarried overnight guests or live ins?

If someone he just me has just moved in, well? I dunno.

At the very least, you can talk to your attorney about modifying visitation, but if I read your other post correctly, there's been nothing for six months?

Thankfully there's been nothing for almost six months now b/c my ex hasn't bothered to call or show up, I have no idea where he is or anything. I don't have a phone number for him anymore I don't even know where he's living at anymore.

 

[maryjo]

This isnt about a girlfriend sleeping over at Dad's house. this is about the girlfriend sleeping in the bed with the child. Thats just sick! Why would she be doing that?!

You might want to contact a child or family counselor and talk to them about it. Maybe if you put your child into therapy and they can document this you can do something legally about it. Especially if it is shown to have upset your child's mental health.

I dont have a clue about anything legal but that just isnt right. You have ever reason to be concerned about it.

 

[jennie239]

This isnt about a girlfriend sleeping over at Dad's house. this is about the girlfriend sleeping in the bed with the child. Thats just sick! Why would she be doing that?!

You might want to contact a child or family counselor and talk to them about it. Maybe if you put your child into therapy and they can document this you can do something legally about it. Especially if it is shown to have upset your child's mental health.

I dont have a clue about anything legal but that just isnt right. You have ever reason to be concerned about it.

I was wondering the same thing, I understand she's his girlfriend but why can't she sleep on the couch. She shouldn't be sleeping in my son's bed, first of all she's a female and he's male and second of all she's a stranger to my son. These are things that I'm concerned about, but why on earth doesn't my ex think about them.

 

[maryjo]

I was wondering the same thing, I understand she's his girlfriend but why can't she sleep on the couch. She shouldn't be sleeping in my son's bed, first of all she's a female and he's male and second of all she's a stranger to my son. These are things that I'm concerned about, but why on earth doesn't my ex think about them.

"but why on earth doesn't my ex think about them"

LOL! I have that thought so many times!! Something I think is just plain old commen sense and it just doesnt even occur to him! Then again, like my sister keeps telling me..Commen sense isnt commen. LOL!

So far, when my son goes for his dad's weekends and they stay at his girlfriend's house my son sleeps in a spare bed. Last time my ex slept on the couch and his girlfriend slept in her own bed. This time my ex slept in her room and my son was left alone. This is what happens when we leave children in the care of people who have no maternial or even paternal bones in their body.

 

[ceara19]

This isnt about a girlfriend sleeping over at Dad's house. this is about the girlfriend sleeping in the bed with the child. Thats just sick! Why would she be doing that?!

You might want to contact a child or family counselor and talk to them about it. Maybe if you put your child into therapy and they can document this you can do something legally about it. Especially if it is shown to have upset your child's mental health.

I dont have a clue about anything legal but that just isnt right. You have ever reason to be concerned about it.

When my former stepdaughter was that age it was not unusual for her to climb in bed with me on occasion. There was nothing "sick" about it.

 

[maryjo]

When my former stepdaughter was that age it was not unusual for her to climb in bed with me on occasion. There was nothing "sick" about it.

Thats your opinion.

 

[ceara19]

Thats your opinion.

No, that is a FACT. I was there. There was nothing "sick" about a young child wanting to be comforted be a parental figure. I have no idea what the motivations are in the OP's case since I am not a party to the situation. That also means that YOU have no way of knowing if it there is anything inappropriate going on. Matter of fact, the OP doesn't even know.

 

[ChiliPalmer]

Thats your opinion.

It's my opinion as well.

Just to play devil's advocate here, I can think of several reasons and scenarios as to why this is nothing to get your hackles raised over. Your son is only four, you say he doesn't see his dad often. So he's among people he doesn't know well, in an unfamiliar house and an unfamilar bed. He's accustomed to Mom so he latched onto the only female in the house. Or he was scared and they were being protective (Dad chivalrously sleeping on the floor - the better to scare away the bogeymen, naturally - when he could have been more comfortable on that couch you mentioned).

Have you asked Dad what was behind those sleeping arrangements? Or did you just get mad?

What I think you should do about it is relax. If I can think of many reasons why this would be perfectly fine, even nice of them, a judge could come to the same reasons I did. Which means unless you have a lot more you're holding back, you have nothing of which to make an issue.

 

[stuckinlamad]

Don't jump to conclusions. Let me tell you what happened after I first took custody of my niece at age 2. She had night terrors which are not night mares they are far worse. Body is awake but mind isn't. In order for her to relax and fall asleep we had to put her in bed and hold her hand for a few minutes then I would lay down on the floor beside her bed. She wouldn't fall asleep till she was sure that I was asleep next to her. She needed to know someone was there. These lasted for months but we left the room once she was asleep and woke her up in the morning so she didn't know we hadn't slept beside her all night. As she was in a toddler bed I didn't climb in. Even now 4 years later she still is afraid of the dark and will sleep in my room if my husband is out to sea or has duty.

Children find comfort in knowing someone is there to protect them. That doesn't mean they were there all night. Talk to his father once you get a hold of him again and see what he has to say.

 

[me-myself&I]

No, that is a FACT. I was there. There was nothing "sick" about a young child wanting to be comforted be a parental figure. I have no idea what the motivations are in the OP's case since I am not a party to the situation. That also means that YOU have no way of knowing if it there is anything inappropriate going on. Matter of fact, the OP doesn't even know.

Ceara you kind of reminded of Michael Jackson! Haha!! Just teasing! But I do agree with you. Often times kids feel it's neat to sleep next to someone thats they don't get too often. When I went to go visit my Uncle one time I wanted to sleep with their dog. Granted it's just a pet but for some reason I wasnted to snuggle with that dog so bad that I cried when they told me bart had to sleep on the floor. ( I was 5 at the time) But kids like sleep overs. They like a change and trying something different. And who knows, maybe the girlfriend is just trying to start off a good relationship with the child. As long as it's harmless there shouldn't be any problems. If it still bothers you, maybe talk with dad. Maybe if you tell dad that it's time for the lil' guy to try a big boy bed on his own for a change.

 

[maryjo]

And opinion means crap. LAW does.
Attention newbies...just because you post a question on here doesn't mean you should be answering. It's about LAW, not opinions. Ask your question and observe, will ya??

Hmm..pretty interesting. Since all I have seen from you is anything BUT "law" responses. The only thing I have seen under your immature screen name is judgemental rudeness.

If you have a problem with what "newbies" post you always have the option of not reading them.

I am of the mindset that it is disgusting for a NON parent to be in bed with a child. This many anyone who is not related to the child. Its dangerous, creepy and a horrible parental decision to allow it to happen. It means, yet again, that no one is looking out for or thinking about that child. If the child needs to be comforted by a parent then it needs to be a PARENT. Not that parent's latest fling. And if they really cared about that child they would allow that child to be with whoever the child WANTS to be with.

Just because something is a law doesnt mean it is right. Thousands of kids have been abused, molested, and killed and it was all done legally when they were left in the care of a legal but dangerous person.