Attorney or no?

[CSO286]

Gracias to all, you have very valid points, I do appreciate it.

So what if the mother had agreed to supervise us? The judge would have ordered that. After reading CSO286 example, I. Am worried on the judges abilities at this point.

CJane, I take full responsiblity on trying the drug for the first time. After that it was over for me, it drastically changed me, made me not care about anything else. So yes I was gone, but it was out of my control. A year ago I decided to start a relationship with my God, and have been clean ever since. Little by little I started to regain my feelings and thougths that truly made me before using the drug. I got help, and now I am on a mission to do everything right without a struggle.

I need to address this. By stating you are working on yoiur realtionship with your God, I am "ass"uming a Judeo-Christian God. Based on this assumption I am going to hit you with some scripture. Galatian 6:7 gives us a principle that applies to all of life:

Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.

The seeds we sow in our past, bear fruit we reap in our present. This applies to both the negative and postive seeds.

I am not attemptingto condemn you here, I am merely laying out the even though you have been working to get you life back in order, you will still spend a good deal of time dealing with the fallout of your past choices.

 

[dolfan82]

Well in your example, it proves why supervised visitations at a qualified site it's the safest bet. Which I agree.

In the hearing the judge asked me if I had someone that could handle these supervised visits, I told him I did, my sister. Mother disagreed because she didn't feel comfortable with my sister or any of my family members doing it. She said that she didn't agree with how Mexicans raised kids.

Judge asked her what would be her plan, she told him that she would be ok, if we had visitations at this site twice a month. That's when I asked her if she was willing to do them her self, she said she didn't want to.

At the end the judge ordered what she requested, not what was suppose to be in the best interest of the child.

So my point is if she would have said yes when I asked her, the judge would have ordered that and after reading your example, that would NOT be in the best interest of the child.

 

[mistoffolees]

Well in your example, it proves why supervised visitations at a qualified site it's the safest bet. Which I agree.

In the hearing the judge asked me if I had someone that could handle these supervised visits, I told him I did, my sister. Mother disagreed because she didn't feel comfortable with my sister or any of my family members doing it. She said that she didn't agree with how Mexicans raised kids.

Judge asked her what would be her plan, she told him that she would be ok, if we had visitations at this site twice a month. That's when I asked her if she was willing to do them her self, she said she didn't want to.

At the end the judge ordered what she requested, not what was suppose to be in the best interest of the child.

So my point is if she would have said yes when I asked her, the judge would have ordered that and after reading your example, that would NOT be in the best interest of the child.

Bottom line is that the order is based on the judge's PERCEPTION of what's best for the child. No one is perfect, but based on the evidence submitted to the court, the judge decided what he did. You're not likely to get that changed now, at least not without your ex agreeing to it.

 

[Proserpina]

Well in your example, it proves why supervised visitations at a qualified site it's the safest bet. Which I agree.

In the hearing the judge asked me if I had someone that could handle these supervised visits, I told him I did, my sister. Mother disagreed because she didn't feel comfortable with my sister or any of my family members doing it. She said that she didn't agree with how Mexicans raised kids.

Judge asked her what would be her plan, she told him that she would be ok, if we had visitations at this site twice a month. That's when I asked her if she was willing to do them her self, she said she didn't want to.

At the end the judge ordered what she requested, not what was suppose to be in the best interest of the child.

So my point is if she would have said yes when I asked her, the judge would have ordered that and after reading your example, that would NOT be in the best interest of the child.

Believe it or not, Mom's comfort IS an issue here. This is one case where her comfort level is going to be considered.

So if she was comfortable supervising, the Judge would likely have ordered it since it would facilitate the child being comfortable = child's best interests.

Mom wasn't comfortable, which in turn would had made the child uncomfortable, so the Judge ordered something different = child's best interests.

 

[CSO286]

Well in your example, it proves why supervised visitations at a qualified site it's the safest bet. Which I agree.

In the hearing the judge asked me if I had someone that could handle these supervised visits, I told him I did, my sister. Mother disagreed because she didn't feel comfortable with my sister or any of my family members doing it. She said that she didn't agree with how Mexicans raised kids.

Judge asked her what would be her plan, she told him that she would be ok, if we had visitations at this site twice a month. That's when I asked her if she was willing to do them her self, she said she didn't want to.

At the end the judge ordered what she requested, not what was suppose to be in the best interest of the child.

So my point is if she would have said yes when I asked her, the judge would have ordered that and after reading your example, that would NOT be in the best interest of the child.

If you substitute the words "supervisor" with "Dad's sister," you are going to find yourself back at the same square as if mom were supervising the visitation herself. Mom iwill be uncomfortable with you and your family, passing her anxiety to the child, creating an enviroment counterproductive to developing a relationship. No one can completely control their emotions.

Mom may not be comfortable at this point with your family member providing said supervision. Mom's anxiety is justified. Therapuetic supervisors are schooled in child development and can pick up on their emotional cues.

My ex has been absent all our our child's life. If my ex came back into the pciture now, requesting time, I would insist that time be superivsed, by either myself, my family (if an objective relative can be found), or a qualified, disinterested third party; i.e. a Therepuetic supervisor or counselor.

 

[CJane]

My ex has been absent all our our child's life. If my ex came back into the pciture now, requesting time, I would insist that time be superivsed, by either myself, my family (if an objective relative can be found), or a qualified, disinterested third party; i.e. a Therepuetic supervisor or counselor.

Me too. Actually, *I would not volunteer to supervise, and there is no one in my family who would either. And certainly no one in HIS family would be allowed to supervise, since I doubt that they even know my son exists.

Which leaves a therapeutic visitation center. And yeah, I'd expect it to be at his expense as well.

 

[CSO286]

Me too. Actually, *I would not volunteer to supervise, and there is no one in my family who would either. And certainly no one in HIS family would be allowed to supervise, since I doubt that they even know my son exists.

Which leaves a therapeutic visitation center. And yeah, I'd expect it to be at his expense as well.

I have gotten to the point where I would be fine supervising the time myself, should it be asked for, but I'd pick a public location and invite a bunch of friends for a cookout.

Of course, it's take ten and half years to get here.

 

[CJane]

I have gotten to the point where I would be fine supervising the time myself, should it be asked for, but I'd pick a public location and invite a bunch of friends for a cookout.

Of course, it's take ten and half years to get here.

My boy is only 5. And while he's amazing and brilliant and very well-adjusted and outgoing and, well, awesome... therapeutic introduction would be a must. And I'm not capable of providing THAT.

 

[dolfan82]

Thanks people for all the great advice, I feel like I got a lot of knowledge out of this.

Question . . . Do you all think that $550 a month for day care is a little too high? Especially when he is attending Pre-School already.

 

[Proserpina]

Thanks people for all the great advice, I feel like I got a lot of knowledge out of this.

Question . . . Do you all think that $550 a month for day care is a little too high? Especially when he is attending Pre-School already.

....there are some parents on this board who pay double that number for day-care....in addition to child support...

 

[dolfan82]

For 1 child? I think that's a bit higher than usual.

 

[CJane]

For 1 child? I think that's a bit higher than usual.

In my area, for a child of that age, daycare would run about $150/week.

Now, that's not what *I pay, but I'm verra lucky.

Before/after care once kiddo starts school would be (here) $90/week. Yeah, for an hour in the AM and 2 hours after school.

 

[mistoffolees]

Question . . . Do you all think that $550 a month for day care is a little too high? Especially when he is attending Pre-School already.

There are too many variables for a straight answer. It depends on your location, the type of day care, whether the employees have certifications, whether they do outside activities, what hours they're watching the kids, and a zillion other factors.

Call around and get an idea of what comparable places charge.

 

[CSO286]

Thanks people for all the great advice, I feel like I got a lot of knowledge out of this.

Question . . . Do you all think that $550 a month for day care is a little too high? Especially when he is attending Pre-School already.

When my child was in preschool, I paid 200/week at the local licensed childcare Center--this was a center, not a in-home setting.....

 

[mistoffolees]

When my child was in preschool, I paid 200/week at the local licensed childcare Center--this was a center, not a in-home setting.....

IIRC (it's been quite a while), we paid $7 or 8 per hour, but that was part time. I believe the full time kids were at about $175-200 per week.