Best Interest of the Child Standard

[bethlynn]

I only get pissy when I come to a forum to ask questions (the purpose for which the forum was created), and rather than getting a straightforward answer, I get snide remarks and sarcasm. Furthermore, I wonder why some of you who choose to spend so much time "volunteering" here criticize and insult other forum members. It runs afoul of the volunteer spirit, don't you think?

And, no Stealth, they don't. Google is not research and does not always produce accurate answers. Otherwise, legal scholars and other professionals would cite to internet sources that come up via a Google search.

 

[milspecgirl]

from personal experience. although my case was in AL, best interest of the child still applied.

bio parent had not seen child in almost 2 years and had limited supervised only visitation prior to that due to neglect. 3 founded cases with CPS before custody was changed. child support in arrears 33k+

took almost 2 years and thousands of dollars and I still dont know what the outcome would have been if bio parent hadnt just given up and signed the papers voluntarily terminating her rights.

it is presumed that it is in the child's best interest to have both biological parents. If the absent parent fights the TPR, chances are they will be given a chance to make it right (ours was given almost 2 years of chances by the court) before TPR. The judge will most likely order supervised visitation, counseling, etc to try to reunite the child and absent parent. As long as the parent does their part and makes an effort, the judge will probably not terminate. In our case, biomom did not show for any of the supervised visits, counseling, etc. She would come to court with some excuse or another and the judge would give her another chance.

So, be prepared. It is heartbreaking. I watched that child get her hopes up over and over only to have her biomom crush her time and again. And this was after she had finally begun to come to terms with the abandonment. It all gets opened up again in a TPR.

I would do it again in a heartbeat, but please know that it is not easy and may not be successful. However, it may bring the absent parent back into the child's life and allow for a great bond between them - which is great. It may just be the wake up call the absent parent needs.

 

[stealth2]

I only get pissy when I come to a forum to ask questions (the purpose for which the forum was created), and rather than getting a straightforward answer, I get snide remarks and sarcasm. Furthermore, I wonder why some of you who choose to spend so much time "volunteering" here criticize and insult other forum members. It runs afoul of the volunteer spirit, don't you think?

Don't know about anyone else, but I'm off until later today - this is much more entertaining than cleaning house.

And Geekess provided you with several worthwhile links. You could have at least said THANK YOU.

And, no Stealth, they don't. Google is not research and does not always produce accurate answers. Otherwise, legal scholars and other professionals would cite to internet sources that come up via a Google search.

Huh. My google search took seconds and brought up a link to GA statutes regarding adoption - which included a description of the best interests of the child standards, for Georgia. You don't get much more accurate that the actual state law.

Still, since you don't like the input you've received - go pay for it. We won't be insulted.

 

[bethlynn]

Thanks Milspec. That's what I wanted to avoid - getting her hopes up of being adopted by my husband only to have the judge refuse.

 

[bethlynn]

Congratulations on your quick googling! and, thanks for the information!

I did say thank you to Geekess.

I did NOT say googling NEVER provides accurate answers. I said it doesn't ALWAYS produce accurate results.

 

[milspecgirl]

honestly- an 8yo child should not even know adoption like this is an option. I hope you have not mentioned it to her. This is an adult matter. At 8, I doubt a judge would even speak with her although a GAL would be appointed. The child should only know that she has 1 mommy and 1 daddy. For whatever reason, daddy cant be around as much but he still loves her very much. Please tell me you are not letting her call this man daddy. You will get slapped in court. A judge will want proof that you did everything in your power to foster the relationship with the father and you allowing her to call someone else dad or refer to him as her dad shows that you did not do that.

In our case, child was 13 at the time. She requested that I become her "real mommy". Even then, we didnt tell her we were pursuing it. We waited until all our ducks were in a row and the GAL had been appointed and wanted to talk to her before we sat her down and explained. The judge spoke with her one on one with her GAL present (but only because at that point she was closer to 14- a child has to agree to the adoption at 14).

 

[momofrose]

Thanks Milspec. That's what I wanted to avoid - getting her hopes up of being adopted by my husband only to have the judge refuse.

You know - this sounds like yet another "musical daddy' scenerio. Your daughter has a father - if he pays support it is considered contact. It has been a year right? What have you done to facilitate that relationship? What have you done to make sure your child does not feel abandoned? DO NOT tell your child of any adoption plans. Bad bad idea.

Why not keep things as is? Why the adoption plan?

 

[bethlynn]

I understand your point. To be honest though, my daughter knows the adoption is a possibility. She is informed of her situation (as it relates to her bio dad not being around and my husband being her father figure) mostly because has figured it out on her own. Her bio dad saw her every weekend for about a year when she was 3, and since then, calls or attempts to see her no more than once or twice a year.

She brought up changing her last name (on her own) after we got married. My H and I discussed it and only wanted to attempt an adoption if my daughter wanted it. We've also decided to wait for 2 or 3 months to give her time to think about it. Like I said, I can totally understand your point, but in our situation and my daughter, we felt it was better to let her make the choice.

She calls my H by his first name but refers to him to other people as her dad, and refers to her bio dad as her "real dad." I wouldn't object if she wanted to call him daddy. I can certainly understand why she views my H as her daddy in light of the situation.

I understand the policy the court would try to further by keeping both bio parents in the child's life, but I think in some situations, especially ours, there are third parties that are much more benefit and have much more commitment to a child than a bio parent.

 

[bethlynn]

You know - this sounds like yet another "musical daddy' scenerio. Your daughter has a father - if he pays support it is considered contact. It has been a year right? What have you done to facilitate that relationship? What have you done to make sure your child does not feel abandoned? DO NOT tell your child of any adoption plans. Bad bad idea.

Why not keep things as is? Why the adoption plan?

Why do you say it sounds like a musical daddy scenario?

I tried encouraging the relationship between her bio dad and her from the time she was an infant until she was about 4. It's become clear to me that he's not interested in her and so I gave up on it and now my H and I are the best parents we can be to her. That's my plan for making sure she doesn't feel abandoned. What is your suggestion for getting an unwilling parent involved with his or her child?

 

[momofrose]

Why do you say it sounds like a musical daddy scenario?


I say that because her father didn't "work out" you are redy to throw the legal title of daddy onto your husband...erasing the father.

I tried encouraging the relationship between her bio dad and her from the time she was an infant until she was about 4. It's become clear to me that he's not interested in her and so I gave up on it and now my H and I are the best parents we can be to her. That's my plan for making sure she doesn't feel abandoned. What is your suggestion for getting an unwilling parent involved with his or her child?

Glad you tried to encourage a relationship - but dad is dad (NOT bio dad) - it seems to me, that you got remarried and see that you can start all over again, and that's just not how it works. The fact the dad pays support is contact..no matter how much in arrears he is.

You say dad shows no interest - so have you asked him if your hubby can adopt this child? Seems to be me that it he truly is not interested, then it shouldn't be a problem right?

 

[bethlynn]

Glad you tried to encourage a relationship - but dad is dad (NOT bio dad) - it seems to me, that you got remarried and see that you can start all over again, and that's just not how it works. The fact the dad pays support is contact..no matter how much in arrears he is.

You say dad shows no interest - so have you asked him if your hubby can adopt this child? Seems to be me that it he truly is not interested, then it shouldn't be a problem right?

Momofrose...I'm not sure why you have so much anger built up over my post. You don't know the first thing about our situation. I did not get "remarried" as I have never been married before and you don't know how or why my relationship with bio dad did not "work out." Again, I would like to know your suggestions for getting an uninterested parent to be more of a parent to my daughter.
And no, I have not asked bio dad if the adoption is ok with him. This forum is my first stop, not my last stop. There is a lot of work left to do!

Once again, take a step back and think about whether attacking a poster is really the way to help others on this forum. You should truly be ashamed of yourself for the anger with which you post.

 

[Antigone*]

It is Biomoms like this one that cause me to remember a friend who got really chided and blasted for deleting her post.

Our friend has not been back since then and I truly miss her. Geekess, if you had deleted your posts, I'd have given you a high five.

I miss SP

 

[bethlynn]

Someone please enlighten me as to what I did to stir up the drama. If you don't want someone to be defensive in posts, then don't attack them. I can certainly understand why your friend didn't come back after this experience.

 

[Antigone*]

Someone please enlighten me as to what I did to stir up the drama. If you don't want someone to be defensive in posts, then don't attack them. I can certainly understand why your friend didn't come back after this experience.

No you can't, Biomom. She was chided for deleting her informational post when the op got snippy as you did. We should never have chided her for that.

 

[bethlynn]

Yeah, I can. Starting with Geekess' sarcastic remark about calling the center and how easy it was for her to find the information I sought, most of the posters have been rude and unhelpful. It's amazing to me that you "senior members" spend so much of your life posting on this forum only to be so rude and belittling to others. It would seem that if you wanted to invest your time in something, you would make it a positive experience for yourselves and others.

Maybe I should have turned the other cheek when I read her (and other) sarcastic remarks, but after reading through other threads on this forum and taking note of the way it works (e.g. criticism, sarcasm and rudeness are all too common), I was already fed up with rude responses.

Is "biomom" and "biodad" offensive? I am my child's biological parent, after all.