What is the name of your state? Colorado
I understand that if we file for legal separation we can change our mind at any time before the judge issues the decree, but once we have legally separated and we are still technically married can we undo the separation?
Yes, you can, but think long and hard about doing that if there is any doubt in either of you minds. Things can get really convoluted, financially, if you undo a separation and then end up divorcing anyway.
There are some issues that I don't know if we will be able to resolve, I want to keep the option open. I for 7 years (3 of marriage) I have supported her and her six children from a previous marriage. There has been a lot of dishonesty on her part and I don't think she has physically cheated on me but I now know there were several internet relationships that she was not being honest with me about or she just plain hid from me. With the latest one she told me that she had feelings for this person and the other party is full blown in love with her. She told me she was not having any contact with this person but I found out that there have been regular lengthy phone conversations over a long period of time.
I hope there is some way we can work things out, but I don't feel it is fair to me to support her and her children while she decides what she wants out of life.
So I see separation as the best option. I still pay her child support and temporary alimony (for a 3 year marriage, that part kind of burns me) but it leaves the door open for reconciliation.
Honestly I see the chances of reconciliation to be very slim, but I am deeply in love with this woman and she says she loves me so I have to have hope.
Then again maybe this is just my way of easing myself into divorce.
So if we do go through the separation process, what paperwork do we need to do to get it reversed? Regarding financial complications I am not too worried. We own two cars and thats about it so the distribution of property is about as simple as it gets.
Dude! I'll tell you what paying "temporary alimony" for a 3-year marriage leaves the door open for -- ONGOING alimony!! You have NO requirement to pay it, without your agreement. Don't get roped into that.
And WHY aren't the fathers of the 6 kids paying child support??
According to what I read here:
http://www.coloradodivorcemediation.com/news/news.asp?display=article&ArtID=68
If she requests alimony and we can't agree on a figure she is entitled to the formula given until the judge makes a ruling. If I am incorrect please let me know as I really dont think it is fair.
Their dad pays support but it is an eight year old order that has never been revisited. I still get stuck with the majority of the bill, which is fine, thats what I signed up for. But if she isn't going to uphold her end of the deal (being honest and faithful) I feel like a chump for continuing to support her and the 6 kids.
1. YAY that you did some research!!! I love you now!According to what I read here:
http://www.coloradodivorcemediation.com/news/news.asp?display=article&ArtID=68
If she requests alimony and we can't agree on a figure she is entitled to the formula given until the judge makes a ruling. If I am incorrect please let me know as I really dont think it is fair.
1. YAY that you did some research!!! I love you now!
2. That is one bitch of a ruling.I didn't know about that. But I'd have to research to find out if she's even halfway entitled to jack squat after only 3 years of marriage. I don't think she is. And if I were you, I'd fight it like a pack of poisonous wolves.
I can see and applaud your point of view.Well, as I am sure is often the case it is complicated. Right now things are friendly as we are treating this as a "separation with hopes of reconciliation". I can afford the $700 dollars for a few months and while I don't think it is "fair" it is worth it to me to keep the peace. We are in agreement about child custody and visitation and I am getting to take them with me every other night and every other weekend, which I am pretty sure is more than I would get if she fought me. If the cost of getting her to agree to the custody terms is temporary alimony, I am OK with that.
Conventional wisdom says yes. But the site you showed me makes me wonder if you can even avoid it. DO you have an attorney??sudofdisk said:Does giving her the temporary alimony voluntarily make it more likely for a permanent order?
I can't see it, either! Usually, a marriage has to be "long-term," meaning over 10 years, to be considered for alimony. But judges are weird.sudofdisk said:In my head I can't see a judge awarding her alimony after 2.9 years, but I am not very experienced in this area.
1. YAY that you did some research!!! I love you now!
2. That is one bitch of a ruling.I didn't know about that. But I'd have to research to find out if she's even halfway entitled to jack squat after only 3 years of marriage. I don't think she is. And if I were you, I'd fight it like a pack of poisonous wolves.
I can see and applaud your point of view.Yes, keeping the peace is often a spendy proposition, but worth it.
Conventional wisdom says yes. But the site you showed me makes me wonder if you can even avoid it. DO you have an attorney??
I can't see it, either! Usually, a marriage has to be "long-term," meaning over 10 years, to be considered for alimony. But judges are weird.
We (as in you and me) NEED to research this issue. Try googling Colorado Alimony or Colorado Spousal Support and see what comes up. I'll get back with you soon, ok?
We (as in you and me) NEED to research this issue. Try googling Colorado Alimony or Colorado Spousal Support and see what comes up. I'll get back with you soon, ok?
Okay...I don't have an absolute answer for you, but I do have many paths of interest for you to follow.
Here's a bunch of stuff I copied off Lexis-Nexis; Temporary maintenance is in Colorado statutes §14-10-114. Here's the link to L-N:
http://198.187.128.12/colorado/lpext.dll?f=templates&fn=fs-main.htm&2.0
The purpose of temporary alimony is to allow a wife to live in her accustomed manner during pendency of the action and to provide her with means to properly litigate the controversy, and is not definitive of her entitlement to support under permanent orders. Bieler v. Bieler, 130 Colo. 17, 272 P.2d 636 (1954); MacReynolds v. MacReynolds, 29 Colo. App. 267, 482 P.2d 407 (1971).
If she possesses independent means sufficient for these purposes the allowances should not be granted; however, she is not required first to impair the capital of her separate estate. Bieler v. Bieler, 130 Colo. 17, 272 P.2d 636 (1954).
In determining the amount of temporary alimony to be allowed, the ability of the husband is an element to be considered, and the same element must necessarily be taken into consideration in fixing the amount of permanent alimony. Fahey v. Fahey, 43 Colo. 354, 96 P. 251 (1908).
Since temporary orders are not in any way res judicata as to matters properly the subject of permanent order, a showing of change of circumstances is not an essential element for the trial court's consideration in its establishment of permanent alimony. MacReynolds v. MacReynolds, 29 Colo. App. 267, 482 P.2d 407 (1971).
There is no enforceable temporary order where the claim for spousal maintenance is based on a referee's recommendation and where the transcript is not signed and no separate order of the court is entered. In re Burke, 680 P.2d 1338 (Colo. App. 1984).