Can separation be reversed?

[sudofdisk]

When you talk about child support and child custody/visitation, are you talking about additional children that you and mom have had together, or mom's six children from her prior marriage?

If its the six children from the prior marriage, then you have no legal rights there. You will get only what mom voluntarily gives you. At the same time however, you are not obligated to support them either.

I am talking about our 2 children together, I realize I am not obligated to support her children or visitation of them but her and I have always seen eye-to-eye on parenting issues. I believe she will do what is best for her kids too and let them come over occasionally. Her two youngest know me as "Dad" and I have been a part of their daily life as long as they can remember.

I realize that things can change, but I highly doubt it.

I thought I remember reading that I can actually take her to court for visitation of the two youngest step-children in Colorado but that is too messy and I really don't think it will come to that. She hasn't been the best wife, but she has always put the children first and she wont deny that I am a good father.

 

[Silverplum]

Wow, you're good. OK, I am not a lawyer but I did stay at a Holiday in Express last night and I read what you quoted to boil down to "It isn't likely that the temporary order will be used as justification for a permanent order", right?

I think you're correct! I hope you are.

Thanks for all your help, if you are ever in Colorado I will buy you a beer!

You're welcome.
And, by the way, I live in the Fabulous Metropolis, Denver! But you're lucky: I don't drink beer.

 

[Ohiogal]

According to what I read here:
http://www.coloradodivorcemediation.com/news/news.asp?display=article&ArtID=68
If she requests alimony and we can't agree on a figure she is entitled to the formula given until the judge makes a ruling. If I am incorrect please let me know as I really dont think it is fair.

Their dad pays support but it is an eight year old order that has never been revisited. I still get stuck with the majority of the bill, which is fine, thats what I signed up for. But if she isn't going to uphold her end of the deal (being honest and faithful) I feel like a chump for continuing to support her and the 6 kids.

There are so many things wrong with you rpost that I don't know where to begin.
Given that. YOU DO NOT PAY CHILD SUPPORT ON THESE CHILDREN. YOu are a LEGAL stranger. Grow a backbone and quite frankly some testicles.

 

[Ohiogal]

I am talking about our 2 children together, I realize I am not obligated to support her children or visitation of them but her and I have always seen eye-to-eye on parenting issues. I believe she will do what is best for her kids too and let them come over occasionally. Her two youngest know me as "Dad" and I have been a part of their daily life as long as they can remember.

I realize that things can change, but I highly doubt it.

I thought I remember reading that I can actually take her to court for visitation of the two youngest step-children in Colorado but that is too messy and I really don't think it will come to that. She hasn't been the best wife, but she has always put the children first and she wont deny that I am a good father.

Damn. I should read a thread the entire way through before responding. yes you are responsible for supporting YOUR children with her. I thought all six were STEPCHILDREN!

 

[Silverplum]

Damn. I should read a thread the entire way through before responding. yes you are responsible for supporting YOUR children with her. I thought all six were STEPCHILDREN!

You're still the Quintilla, or whatever. Goddess-like and stuff!

 

[sudofdisk]

Damn. I should read a thread the entire way through before responding. yes you are responsible for supporting YOUR children with her. I thought all six were STEPCHILDREN!

Your reading comprehension is still lacking, but I will let you figure it out. Thanks to those with helpful advice though!

And since Silverplum, who has been extraordinarily helpful vouches for you I wont respond in kind to the nasty personal attacks in your first post.

You can have the beer he turned down as a peace offering!

 

[IrishLady47]

I realize that things can change, but I highly doubt it. /QUOTE]

I certainly hope so for the children's sake. But, don't be surprised if not getting the alimony and CS she thinks she needs changes it.

Be very specific in your visitation schedule--it will save you trouble down the road. Just read some of the posts in Child Custody and Visitation.

Paying a little extra for a few months can be worth it to keep peace. Paying more than you can afford on a more extended basis to "keep the peace" is giving into emotional blackmail. And that won't help you or the children in the long run.

There are CS calculators for your state so that you know what to expect.

Good luck!!

 

[sudofdisk]

I realize that things can change, but I highly doubt it. /QUOTE]

I certainly hope so for the children's sake. But, don't be surprised if not getting the alimony and CS she thinks she needs changes it.

Be very specific in your visitation schedule--it will save you trouble down the road. Just read some of the posts in Child Custody and Visitation.

Paying a little extra for a few months can be worth it to keep peace. Paying more than you can afford on a more extended basis to "keep the peace" is giving into emotional blackmail. And that won't help you or the children in the long run.

There are CS calculators for your state so that you know what to expect.

Good luck!!

Yeah, we already figured out CS, and are both in agreement of the number. Alimony is the sticking point. When I got home this morning we talked and she is not happy at the prospect of getting nothing. Is it possible for us to agree on specific terms? I am ok with say x amount for a year or her marriage. Will a judge allow that considering if it were left to the court she would likely get nothing? Right now I just want to keep her happy and not feeling like she is backed into a corner. I can afford say $400 a month for a year, if it makes the process smooth it is well worth the money.

As I said before the most important thing to me is sticking to the parenting plan that we have already laid out. It gives me overnights with the kids every other day and every other weekend (the kids are 5 and 2). When they are older we plan on going to a one week with mom next week with dad. I found a place that is only 4 blocks away to make this easier.

Spending as much time as I can with my kids is worth way more than $400 a month to me, so if it makes her more comfortable I am willing.

 

[IrishLady47]

I guess I didn't make my point very well. Alimony, child support, and visitation schedules are separate issues--keep them that way. Regardless of your wife's initial reaction. It's a fact she needs to face also.

Not that there is anything wrong w/helping out until she finds a job as long as you can afford it. That is both considerate and practical (it would help no one for her to go into debt before finding a job). I was concerned that you are paying because, as you state in your posts, to "keep the peace" and/or "keep her happy".

Even if this is a trial separation, part of the trial should be her finding a job--because that will be necessary if you subsequently divorce. She can always quit if you get back together.

Of course, spending time with your kids is priceless. And nothing to do with what alimony you do or don't pay. Don't even go there. That's all I'm saying.

 

[LdiJ]

There are so many things wrong with you rpost that I don't know where to begin.
Given that. YOU DO NOT PAY CHILD SUPPORT ON THESE CHILDREN. YOu are a LEGAL stranger. Grow a backbone and quite frankly some testicles.

OG, go back and look at the post you quoted in this response.

How did my screen name get in there? I didn't post that?

 

[Ohiogal]

Your reading comprehension is still lacking, but I will let you figure it out. Thanks to those with helpful advice though!

And since Silverplum, who has been extraordinarily helpful vouches for you I wont respond in kind to the nasty personal attacks in your first post.

You can have the beer he turned down as a peace offering!

Oh okay. BITE ME. And do not expect any help from me in the future. I was attempting to help based on the information you provided. Which you weren't exactly up front about everything. If you give FULL information then you can get accurate advice. As a matter of fact I am pretty damn good at giving accurate advice considering my background.

 

[Ohiogal]

OG, go back and look at the post you quoted in this response.

How did my screen name get in there? I didn't post that?

I don't know. The forum screwing up. As for OP he needs to realize what I was trying to tell him but since he expects me to read minds with the posts and know before he explains that only two of these children are his and not all of them yada yada yada I refuse to give any more help. The point was quite simple, as a legal stranger to the stepchildren he should not be paying any support for them. If he wants to cave and offer then he is not being very smart and he should not let wifey talk him into being nice because that is what "he signed up for". But I am done.

 

[LdiJ]

I guess I didn't make my point very well. Alimony, child support, and visitation schedules are separate issues--keep them that way. Regardless of your wife's initial reaction. It's a fact she needs to face also.

Not that there is anything wrong w/helping out until she finds a job as long as you can afford it. That is both considerate and practical (it would help no one for her to go into debt before finding a job). I was concerned that you are paying because, as you state in your posts, to "keep the peace" and/or "keep her happy".

Even if this is a trial separation, part of the trial should be her finding a job--because that will be necessary if you subsequently divorce. She can always quit if you get back together.

Of course, spending time with your kids is priceless. And nothing to do with what alimony you do or don't pay. Don't even go there. That's all I'm saying.

Once she gets a job, he may be paying at least 400.00 a month anyway. Daycare for two kids is easily 200.00 a week in even conservative areas, and he will have to pay half of that. Of course, it won't last forever either, except in the summers and during other school breaks.

It also appears that there are a total of 8 kids, I certainly hope that some of them are old enough to provide after school care for the rest...because if not, its going to be tough as nails for her to get a job that pays enough to be worth it.

 

[tuffbrk]

In my head I can't see a judge awarding her alimony after 2.9 years, but I am not very experienced in this area.

Just want to point out to you - you are STILL married. Until such time as you are divorced, you are MARRIED. Debts accumulated in the next few months are marital debts, just as any add'l funds deposited to a 401K are marital assets.

By the time you get to court and actually get divorced, it will be 3 years, plus.

Just a reminder so that you don't drag your feet trying to be nice. It will harm you in the long run.

 

[IrishLady47]

Once she gets a job, he may be paying at least 400.00 a month anyway. Daycare for two kids is easily 200.00 a week in even conservative areas, and he will have to pay half of that. Of course, it won't last forever either, except in the summers and during other school breaks.

It also appears that there are a total of 8 kids, I certainly hope that some of them are old enough to provide after school care for the rest...because if not, its going to be tough as nails for her to get a job that pays enough to be worth it.

What has that to do with whether or not he pays alimony? Of course, he is going to pay CS for his children and the father of the stepchildren should also be paying CS.

Even if daycare was as much or more than alimony--day care ENDS, you can get stuck with alimony permanently depending on how the court order is worded.