Child safety concerns and room sharing

[dogmom228]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

First, my ex was forced to move (without being evicted) on July 31st. He was supposed to have a place to live, and I requested the address from him. According to my son, my ex's stuff is all in a storage unit. I requested an address for him and he refused to provide one. To my knowledge, he is essentially in a transient situation, staying with friends, but he still refuses to let me know where he is, or where the children will be staying, telling me I have no right to know. As a result I filed a motion to suspend parenting time out of safety concerns for my children (11 and 7) and will be withholding them from him (which puts me at risk for contempt of court) until he provides either me or the court with the information. Doesn't exactly make me happy to do this because I know I'm starting another war, but I'm trying to make sure the kids are safe. Had he done this during the summer instead of the school year I might have been more lenient and understanding.

Second, ex told my son (the 11-year-old) that he should be in the new place at the beginning of September (still no address). Son told ex that he no longer wants to share a bedroom with his sister (the 7-year-old) as he feels it's not appropriate. Ex told him that, as he's only spending the weekends there, there was no other option and he was going to have to deal with it. Son didn't like this answer so he came to me after their conversation. I'm aware that there is no statute in the State of Colorado regarding siblings of opposite sex sharing a bedroom. Therefore, it is up to me (or my son) to voice these concerns with their father or the Court. Since my ex won't listen to me (was psychologically abusive and I have a restraining order on him), I have to do this through the Court.

I guess, my question is, can I get the judge to listen to my son's opinions and concerns? There is no statute in Colorado which states a specific age for a child choosing which home he or she wants to live in - the judge usually looks at the maturity of the child, but the courts rarely allow children to testify in family law matters. What I'm looking for is, how can I get an "in camera interview" between her and my son? Or is it a waste of time right now until he tells me he's sick of staying overnight at his father's?

I'm pretty confused and I'm not quite sure how to deal with this, so I apologize ahead of time for any scattered wording. Happy to clarify if needed.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

So you are refusing visitation and taking him to court for no reason other than a desire to try and make things complicated for him. He was good enough to be their father, until you wanted to control his life. Your sons wishes are not relevant.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

First, my ex was forced to move (without being evicted) on July 31st. He was supposed to have a place to live, and I requested the address from him. According to my son, my ex's stuff is all in a storage unit. I requested an address for him and he refused to provide one. To my knowledge, he is essentially in a transient situation, staying with friends, but he still refuses to let me know where he is, or where the children will be staying, telling me I have no right to know. As a result I filed a motion to suspend parenting time out of safety concerns for my children (11 and 7) and will be withholding them from him (which puts me at risk for contempt of court) until he provides either me or the court with the information. Doesn't exactly make me happy to do this because I know I'm starting another war, but I'm trying to make sure the kids are safe. Had he done this during the summer instead of the school year I might have been more lenient and understanding.

Second, ex told my son (the 11-year-old) that he should be in the new place at the beginning of September (still no address). Son told ex that he no longer wants to share a bedroom with his sister (the 7-year-old) as he feels it's not appropriate. Ex told him that, as he's only spending the weekends there, there was no other option and he was going to have to deal with it. Son didn't like this answer so he came to me after their conversation. I'm aware that there is no statute in the State of Colorado regarding siblings of opposite sex sharing a bedroom. Therefore, it is up to me (or my son) to voice these concerns with their father or the Court. Since my ex won't listen to me (was psychologically abusive and I have a restraining order on him), I have to do this through the Court.

I guess, my question is, can I get the judge to listen to my son's opinions and concerns? There is no statute in Colorado which states a specific age for a child choosing which home he or she wants to live in - the judge usually looks at the maturity of the child, but the courts rarely allow children to testify in family law matters. What I'm looking for is, how can I get an "in camera interview" between her and my son? Or is it a waste of time right now until he tells me he's sick of staying overnight at his father's?

I'm pretty confused and I'm not quite sure how to deal with this, so I apologize ahead of time for any scattered wording. Happy to clarify if needed.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

There is virtually no chance that a judge will EVER make an order that your son does not have to visit with his father. Its simply not going to happen unless dad can be proven to be legally unfit, and even then, your son might have to spend the night at his father's home with another adult supervising.

Its also not very likely that a judge would require dad to have separate bedrooms for the children. Many judges are ok with children sleeping on the floor or the couch during visitation.

I do understand how your son feels, and he likely will feel even more strongly about it once he hits puberty (if he hasn't yet) but unfortunately that is reality.

 

[dogmom228]

So you are refusing visitation and taking him to court for no reason other than a desire to try and make things complicated for him. He was good enough to be their father, until you wanted to control his life. Your sons wishes are not relevant.

I'm sorry you see things this way. Unfortunately there is not enough time to give you all of the history. I have no desire to make things complicated for the father, he is trying to control me by refusing to allow me the consideration of knowing my children are safe. He has always been difficult, he was (and is) psychologically abusive.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

The law does not require he give you an itinerary. It requires he take care of them in a legal manner. You don't get to decide the specifics. Absent an order he is unfit, he is deemed to be taking care of the kids safely.

 

[dogmom228]

There is virtually no chance that a judge will EVER make an order that your son does not have to visit with his father. Its simply not going to happen unless dad can be proven to be legally unfit, and even then, your son might have to spend the night at his father's home with another adult supervising.

Its also not very likely that a judge would require dad to have separate bedrooms for the children. Many judges are ok with children sleeping on the floor or the couch during visitation.

I do understand how your son feels, and he likely will feel even more strongly about it once he hits puberty (if he hasn't yet) but unfortunately that is reality.

Thank you for your response. This has been my concern, that my son will not have a say-so. I'm trying very hard not to make this issue about me - I am just hoping to find a way for his voice to be heard. I'm guessing I'm going to have to let the issue over the sleeping arrangements take it's natural course.

 

[Just Blue]

I'm sorry you see things this way. Unfortunately there is not enough time to give you all of the history. I have no desire to make things complicated for the father, he is trying to control me by refusing to allow me the consideration of knowing my children are safe. He has always been difficult, he was (and is) psychologically abusive.

Siblings sharing a room is

psychologically abusive

? Is the seven year old a sexual offender?

If you would like the history to be considered in our advice, you should not start a new post with every new ..."issue"...

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

First, my ex was forced to move (without being evicted) on July 31st. He was supposed to have a place to live, and I requested the address from him. According to my son, my ex's stuff is all in a storage unit. I requested an address for him and he refused to provide one. To my knowledge, he is essentially in a transient situation, staying with friends, but he still refuses to let me know where he is, or where the children will be staying, telling me I have no right to know. As a result I filed a motion to suspend parenting time out of safety concerns for my children (11 and 7) and will be withholding them from him

Not your best or smartest option.

(which puts me at risk for contempt of court)

Yup.

until he provides either me or the court with the information.

So you make The Rules?

Doesn't exactly make me happy to do this because I know I'm starting another war, but I'm trying to make sure the kids are safe. Had he done this during the summer instead of the school year I might have been more lenient and understanding.

Second, ex told my son (the 11-year-old) that he should be in the new place at the beginning of September (still no address). Son told ex that he no longer wants to share a bedroom with his sister (the 7-year-old) as he feels it's not appropriate. Ex told him that, as he's only spending the weekends there, there was no other option and he was going to have to deal with it.

Yup.

Son didn't like this answer so he came to me after their conversation.

Nice thing to teach the child. It'll come back on you, too, someday. Enjoy!

I'm aware that there is no statute in the State of Colorado regarding siblings of opposite sex sharing a bedroom.

But...

Therefore, it is up to me (or my son) to voice these concerns with their father or the Court. Since my ex won't listen to me (was psychologically abusive and I have a restraining order on him), I have to do this through the Court.

Because, again, you make The Rules.

I guess, my question is, can I get the judge to listen to my son's opinions and concerns? There is no statute in Colorado which states a specific age for a child choosing which home he or she wants to live in - the judge usually looks at the maturity of the child, but the courts rarely allow children to testify in family law matters. What I'm looking for is, how can I get an "in camera interview" between her and my son? Or is it a waste of time right now until he tells me he's sick of staying overnight at his father's?

UNTIL?

I'm pretty confused

Yes.

and I'm not quite sure how to deal with this,

You already "dealt" with it.
Very badly, IMHO.
(And WHICH Sr. Mbr. is in Colorado? )

so I apologize ahead of time for any scattered wording. Happy to clarify if needed.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Just Blue]

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-support-98/colorado-filed-contempt-court-today-544595.html

 

[dogmom228]

Siblings sharing a room is ? If the seven year old a sexual offender?

If you would like the history to be considered in our advice, you should not start a new post with every new ..."issue"...

No, the psychological abuse occurred between me and my ex, I have a restraining order on him as a result of domestic violence and criminal mischief against me.

Sorry, I knew my post was scatterbrained.

11-yr-old Son no longer wants to share a room with a 7-yr-old girl. However, in Colorado, there's no statute that says they can't, and I've explained this to him. He is asking me what I can do, and I'm asking if the court will ever hear his concerns.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Tell him you will talk to dad and ask if he can sleep on the living room floor or couch instead.

 

[dogmom228]

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-support-98/colorado-filed-contempt-court-today-544595.html

Yes, this was me, I realized my error and withdrew that motion. Knee-jerk reaction to the things my ex does to me. Yes, we still have control issues between us, but this motion to suspend was out of genuine concern for the children's safety - how do I know he's not living with a child molester?

 

[dogmom228]

Tell him you will talk to dad and ask if he can sleep on the living room floor or couch instead.

Thanks, OH. As this is the only remedy, I will do so.

 

[Zigner]

11-yr-old Son no longer wants to share a room with a 7-yr-old girl. However, in Colorado, there's no statute that says they can't, and I've explained this to him. He is asking me what I can do, and I'm asking if the court will ever hear his concerns.

Colorado is not unique in this

And, I have to ask. How will knowing his exact address make the kids any more safe?

 

[CSO286]

Thank you for your response. This has been my concern, that my son will not have a say-so. I'm trying very hard not to make this issue about me - I am just hoping to find a way for his voice to be heard. I'm guessing I'm going to have to let the issue over the sleeping arrangements take it's natural course.

Children should NEVER have a "say-so". Does he get a "say-so" about whether or not to go to school? A "say-so" about homework? A "say-so" about personal hygeine?

If they do, it creates one of two problems:

1. They know they have the power to play one parent off the other;

2. They feel nothing but guilt for picking one parent over the other.

Neither of which benefits the child. That is why custody matters are "In Re the custody of" CHILD, and the child is not a party to the action. Children do not possess the emotional maturity to make these kinds of choices.

Cusotdy determinations should never involve the children and responsible parents choose not to allow the child to think they have any control over it. Good phrase to learn: "Sweetie, I love you. This is something for the grownups to work out and I will not discuss it with you."

And to address the sleeping arrangements at Dad's (or wherever Dad has crash-landed). Two siblings sharing a room for a weekend is not the end of the world. Heck when I was a kids, there were 6-8 of us cousins (ages 4-16) sleeping in the same room, boys in one bed, girls in the other for 2-3 weeks at Grandma's house.

You have nothing to bring to court. As soon as Dad has a permanent address, I'm sure you'll get it.