Child support and private schooling

[dawnzz]

TN is the state the child parenting was established. I now reside in FL and my ex in Utah. We secured a divorce within three days from start to finish along with the parenting plan. My ex knew my wishes for our child (age 5) to remain in the Montessori school program that she had been a part of for the past two years he agreed verbally that he would help with her tuition for this upcoming school year over and beyond the child support he was furnishing, promised to pay during the school year an extra $500.00 to cover her school expenses (the monthly rate is $560.00). Private schooling was not addressed on the parenting plan and I thought nothing of it since I had his verbal agreement to continue her education. Since Feb 2004 I've been operating under the belief our child would attend the Montessori program and applied for her acceptance to the local school paid the application fee and other charges for a new registrant ($275.00) all of which I kept my ex informed about. At the beginning of this month (July) I asked him if it would not be better to pay the tuition in full at the beginning of the year versus paying monthly. During that conversation, he began making excuses stating he wouldn't commit to paying her tuition because he didn't know if he would have a job by fall, onto a variety of excuses to the final one stating I received more than enough child support to pay for such things. School starts August 9th and if I continue with the application forms the school has asked of me I'm committed to paying the entire year's tuition fee's which I am unable to do with child support and my present income status unto scrambling around and try to get my child into a public school here due to lack of funds. Can I not ask for child modification on the private school tuition? Do I have to wait for some life changing event before I can take him back to court on this? And what type of life changing events must I wait on? Is there no law to make him accountable for verbal agreements?

 

[stealth2]

Unfortunately, verbal agreements are as good as the paper they're written on.

 

[dawnzz]

TN. Stating verbal agreements are only worth the paper they are written on doesn't answer my question of how to proceed to receive help with the private tuition.

 

[nextwife]

All you can do is file a modification to request it. Then a judge will decide.

Keep in mind that even intact families must revisit their child's schooling plans IF their financial circumstances change. The same is true of divorced and never married parents. What we believe we will provide at one point, may end up being different than what we actually end up doing. If circumstances change, sometimes we must change to work with those circumstances. I have a 6 year old daughter, and even in a married family, we had to modify plans when unanticipated changes at my company forced me to change jobs and reduced available discretionary funds. If it's NOT in a CO, he is not OBLIGATED to provide it.

 

[haiku]

well your question was "Is there no law to make him accountable for verbal agreements?"

the answer was "no"

it may be possible to have a defense as the child has attended 2 years already, but there MAY be questions as to why you did not address this in your original decree.

Be aware that depending on the judges opinion, your and your ex-husbands new financial situation may come into play as to whether the judge deems it appropriate your ex continue to pay for private schooling.

 

[dawnzz]

TN. To rephrase my question, as was pointed out as not being a clear question, is how to proceed forward in order to force the father to pay for the private school tuition. When I contacted my attorney about the question of modification of support to include the private school tuition, he literally blew me off stating if wasn't addressed in the parenting plan tough. He also stated the only way I could readdress the parenting plan was due to "life changing circumstances." What exactly falls under that category I am still trying to discover. That was an unacceptable answer, I don't want to hear "can't" I'm looking for the "how to" answers.

The father has the income and job security to afford the private school tuition. If anything his financial status has improved since the divorce, while mine on the otherhand has descreased.

The copy of the Parenting Plan I have states "Disagreements about joint decisions or modifications of plan. Should a disagreement arise under this Parenting Plan, or should the parties wish to modifiy the plan, the parties shall make a good faith effort to resolve the issue first through an alternative dispute resolution process, before returning to court." My "wish to modify the plan" would be about the Private School Tuition. What I read on the Parenting Plan document and what my attorney stated differ in my mind. As I stated earlier, I'm in search of the "how to," the steps, the arguments, the preparation to succeed in acquiring from the father the private school tuition for our daughter.

 

[stealth2]

There would need to be a substantial change of circumstances. i.e. You were to become unemployed. A judge may or may not consider pre-K to be "schooling" since it is not a requirement and many children move from some type of daycare to a regular school at 5.

While you may want to know how to make this happen, the likelihood is that without an agreement in writing - there is going to be little you can do. Hence my previous response.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

As I stated earlier, I'm in search of the "how to," the steps, the arguments, the preparation to succeed in acquiring from the father the private school tuition for our daughter.

If that's all you want then here's what you do. Close your eyes, click your heels together three times and repeat "There's no place like Battle Ground Acadamy...There's no place like Battle Ground Acadamy...There's no place like Battle Ground Acadamy..."over and over again.

Because here in Tennessee, private school tuition, if not addressed in the parenting plan, is a gift, not an obligation and the court would throw you out for even suggesting a child that young attend on your ex's dime.

If you want it, get a job.

 

[nextwife]

Some districts even start offering school at 4. Mine attended K4 and K5 at the public school and now has wonderful reading and math skills at age 6.

 

[dawnzz]

TN. The TN laws for children undergoing divorce state they should not experience a change of the lifestyle they are accustomed to. Changes for the ex-spouses - sure, but the child of that union should continue to experience the lifestyle they would have had the marriage remained intact. The child in question had attended the private facility for two years prior to the end of the marriage and plans were in place the child would continue with that program indefinitely due to both parents.

Being that my child and I have relocated to FL, school systems are much different than in TN. When my ex first informed me at the beginning of this month that he would not NOW commit to her private tuition after retaining the knowledge of intent for her to attend as well as the registration fee paid back in May, I did contact the local school adminstration to find out about the public school systems. Each area you live in here is zoned by three categories, your allowed to contact the schools that appear in your "zone", the schools within those zones vary as to rating of education along with ratio of teacher to students. The most sought schools have waiting lists that extend into "years" leaving one with being this late in registering a child left with the "undesirable" schools. Meaning as well the child is "bussed" possibly to another county.

I do care about my daughter's education, even at the kindegarten level. They are all steps as far as I'm concerned to her future. So far in my search I have been unable to find her any openings in the "desirable" schools and as each are crossed off the list as contacts and possiblitities I move closer to what are deemed the more "undesireable" schools within our zone of choices. All in all, does that not change her lifestyle that she was once accustomed to?

As to the posting of me "getting a job" and not expecting my ex to spend "his dime" A. I am employed and B. why shouldn't he spend "his dime" on HIS child's education?

 

[stealth2]

Question - is the Montessori school you want her to attend the SAME one she's been attending for 2 years? Or did you recently move to FL, and she'd be changing schools regardless?

 

[stealth2]

I'll tell you where I'm going with this, as I don't want to hang around waiting for a reply. IF this is the same physical school she's been attending, you may have a shot to get him ordered to assist with tuition payments. However, if it is NOT, then your lawyer is likely completely correct and it's not going anywhere.

 

[stealth2]

All in all, does that not change her lifestyle that she was once accustomed to?

(sorry to serial post) This could be attacked by your ex - you changed your daughter's lifestyle (that she was accustomed to) when you moved, as well. That really took all bets off the table.

B. why shouldn't he spend "his dime" on HIS child's education?

Because in rushing through your agreement, this wasn't an issue the two of you addressed, legally. He is not bound by the law to do anything that the order doesn't tell him to do. I'm sure, in retrospect, you realize that coming to terms in three days wasn't the best thing in the world - wrt your daughter and her future. But that's water under the bridge. You DID come to an agreement that was signed, sealed and delivered - and which did not address educational expenses. You don't get to go back and say "oops! I forgot!"

 

[nextwife]

I also bet she was used to being able to see her father on a daily basis when you were married. Moving to FL also removed your daughter's ability to maintain that part of her lifestyle.

Does he or you pay to maintain the cost of visitation back to him in TN? If he, there now iss an additional expense he may not have planned for when the agreement was made.

 

[dawnzz]

Stealth, I understand you playing devils advocate raising all the potential questions that would need to be addressed. I appreciate that, these are questions that I myself have been asking how to deal with and still find a way to secure for my daughter equal educational value. My ex and I had an agreement, be it verbal, I was to seek, after relocating, a school of equal value to her previous school, I was to pay the cost of the application fees and registration, he was to provide $500.00 of the $560.00 monthly tuition for nine months out of the year, I would pay for whatever school costs that do arise over the school year. I kept my end of the agreement, he in turn decided last minute not to honor his part of the agreement. It is a dead end road in attempts of resolving this matter with him, hence my searching for other alternative approaches to resolve this issue. Since I do not have the funds to handle the monthly tuition by myself, of course my daughter will be forced into the public school system. Without any notification of his change of mind, I'm finding myself at the bottom of the school lists as to acceptance. Meaning she will be attending an "undesirable" school due to the lack of notice in registering her in a timely manner with the public school system here. That is why, I continue to look for the "how to" answers to get her back into a better program.

As to the question from another posting about the father's visitations I find that to be an irrevelent question under this particular category. Secondly, my ex and I have not lived together in TN or any other state for the last 5+ years. By his own choice he maintained a separate address in another state aside from TN. His visitations over the years are described as sporadic at best. The relocation to FL did not impact his daily interaction with her because there never was any, again his choice and his loss.