Child support increases

[rmet4nzkx]

Man kcs; sounds like your husband got fried, which unfortunately happens a lot. It really frustrates a NCP when they KNOW the money isn't being spent on what it should be but the courts don't want to hear it or don't want to look into it. My husband has an ex JUST like that. Trailer trash and everything. If she doesn't get her money right when she thinks she should, she asks him did he send it, when will it get there (although it's court ordered and comes out of his check every week; it's out of his hands after that). I know how it feels. But think, there IS an end to it, even though it seems like forever.

Mindy,
I don't think you read the other message to you. In a very short time you are going to be very concerned about the C/S you are getting, good thing you can get it automatically from his pay check once you have a court order. You and your husband and your 4 children lived on $1600 combined after his C/S obligation was taken, of course you are angry that his ex got money for their children leaving you and your 4 children to live below the poverty line, but you 2 had 4 children knowing he had that obligation, what is his next partner going to call you when they don't have enough to live on either. What will his excuse be, when she has to support him? That he can't work more or at a better paying job because it will get eaten up by C/S obligations.

Now the very same laws that you resent because your husband didn't make enough money to support you and your 4 children, are going to be there to protect you and your 4 children now that you have filed against him for abuse. One minute you write us like you are scared that he will come and beat you, you felt forced to file against him because he BEAT your children leaving welts and no excuse but to file, then make excuse after excuse for him and talk here like you 2 are living together and putting up a united front. How come there are no updates in the last few days, you did let us know you got through the weekend safely, what now? When are your court dates? Is he still supporting you until you get the C/S order? Here is a link to the Florida child support page I suggest you start working the numbers and see what you will be dealing with
http://www.myflorida.com/dor/childsupport/

It is difficult for any parent involved with C/S no matter which parent has custody to approach this subject objectivly, because you have your own situation to consider. Usually it is the CP who isn't receiving the C/S because the NCP is playing games or the spouse or current partner of the NCP because they don't think it is fair that there is less left for them after C/S is paid and are hoping there is some way to get it adjusted down or change custody. Interesting it is seldom the actual NCP posting their complaint for themselves, they know they have the responsibility and the whole story.

Mindy, I think we don't have the whole story or it has changed, so what's up?

 

[MindyT]

Well, as far as an update......we had a hearing about the injunction on the 29th. I told the judge that I would like for it to stay in effect, and that DCF also felt the same way, at least until he begins the classes that DCF will mandate him to take. The judge we had.....I'm not sure what to think about him. His interpretation of the situation was that our main problem was the way the kids were disciplined and that was my reason for the injunction; that I was afraid for THEM, so I had to tell him that there has also been violence to me as well; that I was afraid of his temper, and the judge told us that he feels we can work it out, that kids deserve both parents under one roof (yes, he said this) and that he believes in spanking as well, but the way my husband did the child in the tub WAS too much; AT any rate, he has stopped coming by the house and stuff like that. The next court date is 8/12, which the judge set to give him time for his classes to get going and see what happens. I think my husband is thinking that we will reconcile but that's not in MY plans. He feels that since the judge said what he said and hubby will be taking classes that it may work. It's POSSIBLE for things like that to happen but it's not what I want. As for child support, I guess I'm just confused there. The courts cannot make him pay what he just doesn't have, and I would feel like a jerk if he only takes home like $150 a week. He has to live as well. My head just isn't clear right now; and I AM scared of him. He has a bad temper and if I don't say things just right he goes off. He has been giving me money since this happened; he knows it's his obligation and he knows how much sh** he'd be in if we went to court and I told them he hasn't helped me. But I understand what you meant, rmet. I guess I'm too soft in that I'm thinking of his situation as well.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Mindy,
This has been going on for years since at least July 2002, you need to paste this update on your thread so it makes some sense, at least you are finally starting to make some contact with reality. Please go to the C/S site and crunch the numbers. Once you do that I'll respond on the other thread so it will make more sense. I'm goig back to read all your other threads so I can make some sense out of all of this and may have a suggestion for you, but you have to step back and realize this is still dysfunctional and it is oging to take work by more than just your husband. If you need referrals in your area call ntl DV hotline 800-799-7233.

 

[blackberry1411]

SUPPORT AFTER 18 Georgia

Georgia- I hate to seem mean but I think any support after 18 is uncalled for unless you have a disabled child. In that case of course it should continue as both parents knew that child would require long term care. However, my husband has been taken back to court by his ex too many times to count on charges for money he did not even owe! She finally had him put in jail for unexplained medical bills she did not have to show proof of and he could only get out six months later by agreeing to pay her 200.00 a week. Keep in mind she withheld visitation for all but 25 visits over ten years. I just find it hard to agree with supporting a child through college. My sister worked her way through and my daughter is mentally disabled but she still holds her own and my ex never did his part even when the court told him to. So being an ex and current wife I can see both sides.

 

[confused2004]

I am one of the children that the poster was talking about....so here is my opinion.

My parents divorced when I was seven. My mom received $400/mo for me and my sister. Things were very tight.

When it came time for me to go to college my mother helped me with applying for scholarships, pell grants, and everything else we could get our hands on. My mom made me work through high school to pay my car insurance and 10% of every check I worked for got put into an account for college...she made me do this.

However, I didn't know it but my mom also put away 25% of the child support away for me and my sister for college. Sometimes more but never less than that.

My mom made $8 an hour. She had no college education but did what she had to to make a good life for me and my sister.

She never did take my dad back to court for college costs. Her reasoning was he was contributing every month and it was her job to put that money away for me and my sister.

What the scholarships, pell grants, and me and my mother's savings didn't take care of I was responsible for and I paid for it with STUDENT LOANS!

Am I resentful, hell no. My mom did the best she could with what little money we had and I don't resent my dad for not helping either. However, my dad was never asked. He may have helped but like my mom I didn't believe and still don't that he was required to help me with college just because I chose to go!

I have a ton of student loan payments to make when I finally graduate. But you know what....I value my education even more because I know that I have/will pay for most of my college costs myself.

My 20 year old opinion is this: It's fine if you want to help your child with college costs but I don't believe it should ever be required of a parent, divorced or not. It is the responsibility of the student to get there if that is what they truly want. If you get help along the way, Great! If not, well be prepared to work your butt off to get the education you want.

And, I am also disabled. I don't see where my life has been any worse because of it and noone should make their child feel that there life is worse off because of the disability either. I want my education so I am prepared to work my butt off to pay for those student loans, disability or not.

Just my humble opinion.

 

[snodderly]

confused, I commend you for being able to get yourself an education without benefit of financial help from your father. If that is what you wanted then more power to you.

Here is the problem though. I have read your other posts. You are 20 years old and already have ceditors after you. You are already contemplating bankruptcy and one of the things you are considering in the bankruptcy is a school loan.

It would seem, based on your financial problems that putting your own self through college has not been all that beneficial to you financially. Maybe if you had asked your father for assistance and given him the opportunity to make his own decisions regarding the issue you would not be in the financial mess you are in at this time.

You see confused, as a mother I don't want my son facing the same issues that you are facing just so he can get a college education. He already owes over $6000 in student loans.

I paid my way through college also. I remember having to pay those loans back and I didn't take the easy way out and file for bankruptcy...I actually paid back what I borrowed. I also did not resent my parents for not being able to help me. If they had had the resourses they would have been happy to help.

I'm not sure why you feel being left in the financial mess you are in is a good argument for not asking a parent to help with college expenses. I wish that you had given your father the opportunity to make that decision for himself. Maybe you could go to him now and explain your situation and finally give him the chance to help you out. He might be willing to help keep you out of bankruptcy court.
snodderly

 

[confused2004]

Snodderly, while I welcome any comments to my post, perhaps you should ask me questions of my bankruptcy before wrongfully assuming that I am declaring bankruptcy on my students loans.

I was involved in a skiing accident that left me parapalegic. My bankruptcy is due to the medical bills I have incurred as a result of my injury. I did not have insurance at the time and my mistake was declining the insurance the university offered. Thus, I am stuck with over $200,000 in medical bills. Although I would rather pay them off rather than do a bankruptcy I do not think the creditors will wait until I get my degree to begin paying them off.

As you should know, I have to list all debts I have in the bankruptcy. My student loan is one of them. However, I cannot have the student loan discharged in bankruptcy nor would I. First of all it is a FEDERAL loan and secondly I will not jeopardize my loan in case I need more loan money for my education.

As far as my father, he knew of my plans to go to college and did not offer to help nor did I ask him too. After my injury he did not offer either. Simply put, yes, I would have welcomed any help from him but it is not his obligation to do so.

I think it is great that you want to put your child through college. However, there are many parents who would like to but cannot afford to.

College is a priveledge, not a right! No parent should be legally obligated to put their child through post-secondary education.

If I am in a position to put any children I may have through college, I would love to think I would do so. However, I will do this of my own free will and not because some court ordered me to do it. This should apply to all people.

There are many intact married persons who cannot pay for college either. Do you want a judge to tell them they have to pay for their childs college education?? Of course not, so why is it different for divorced couples out there?

As I said, it is just my opinion. It can be done without help of either parent. Thankfully, I have had the help of my mother who had the good sense to put some of that child support money away for my education and my sister's. However, even if she hadn't, I would have found the means to get myself through college. It is not my mom's or my dad's responsibility to do that for me. That obligation ended when I turned 18 and made the decision to go to college.

So I hope you feel better knowing I am not defaulting on my student loan. And Snodderly, if I had the means to pay my medical bills right now, I definately would be doing it instead of the bankruptcy route.

 

[LdiJ]

Georgia- I hate to seem mean but I think any support after 18 is uncalled for unless you have a disabled child. In that case of course it should continue as both parents knew that child would require long term care. However, my husband has been taken back to court by his ex too many times to count on charges for money he did not even owe! She finally had him put in jail for unexplained medical bills she did not have to show proof of and he could only get out six months later by agreeing to pay her 200.00 a week. Keep in mind she withheld visitation for all but 25 visits over ten years. I just find it hard to agree with supporting a child through college. My sister worked her way through and my daughter is mentally disabled but she still holds her own and my ex never did his part even when the court told him to. So being an ex and current wife I can see both sides.

One thing though that you need to remember is that there are a large number of kids now who don't graduate from high school until after they turn 19 or almost 19. It isn't because they were held back, its because the laws have changed and many kids are actually 6 when they start kindergarten.
The Georgia laws don't specify child support through college...Its age 20 or graduation from high school, enlistment in the military, marriage etc. The law clearly wasn't intended for college support, but to make sure than a child who got held back a year was at least supported through high school. I think that's valid.