Confusing situation...

[realman2beadad]

What is the name of your state? Georgia

This is a bit of a brain teaser and my fiancee and I aren't sure how to proceed with it...
My fiancee is pregnant and we plan to be legally married before the birth of the child. The child is not mine and the biological father wants visitation and the child to have his surname. However, my fiancee and the biological father were never married and we would like the child to have my last name instead of her maiden name or his name. Is this possible without causing a problem for us legally? Also, the father lives in another state. Can we set up visitation so that he is not allowed to take the child out of Georgia?

Any help would be greatly appreciated...

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

What is the name of your state? Georgia

This is a bit of a brain teaser and my fiancee and I aren't sure how to proceed with it...
My fiancee is pregnant and we plan to be legally married before the birth of the child. The child is not mine and the biological father wants visitation and the child to have his surname. However, my fiancee and the biological father were never married and we would like the child to have my last name instead of her maiden name or his name. Is this possible without causing a problem for us legally? Also, the father lives in another state. Can we set up visitation so that he is not allowed to take the child out of Georgia?

Any help would be greatly appreciated...

Heck No! Set aside your relationship with this woman for one second, this man is the father, not only the father but wants to be involved in his child's life.

YOU have absolutely nothing to say about this. I actually feel sorry for him having to deal with you.

 

[nextwife]

" The child is not mine and the biological father wants visitation and the child to have his surname. However, my fiancee and the biological father were never married and we would like the child to have my last name instead of her maiden name or his name. Is this possible without causing a problem for us legally? Also, the father lives in another state. Can we set up visitation so that he is not allowed to take the child out of Georgia?"

The child IS NOT yours. The child was created by your fiancee and the child's father. Her relationship with you has nothing to do with the child's right to have a relationship with their father. If he establishes paternity and visitation, he WILL eventually have the right to have his child visit with him regularly and in his home, unless it can be PROVEN his home environment is a danger to the child. The court will decide where the child goes, not she, and not you.

 

[ktarra617]

And in addition to the previous posts, although mom can give the baby whatever name she wants at the birth, the biofather has the RIGHT to petition the court and have the baby's last name changed against the wishes of the mother. Your wishes are not considered here at all. You are a legal stranger to the child. There is no consideration in the law for you as a stepparent. I am a stepmom and believe me I have lots of opinions but the court doesn't and shouldn't considered the stepparents. Its hard enough dealing with warring biological parents, no need to throw in the stepparents as well.

You need to step back and look at this situation from a different angle, that of the child. The child has the right to a relationship with his/her father. The father has a right to a relationship with the HIS child. The mother also has rights.

Put yourself in his shoes, if you were him would you want your child carrying another man's name? Would you want another man telling you where and when you could see your child?

Just my two cents.

 

[realman2beadad]

My issue is that the father lives in Iowa. He has already stated he has absolutely NO intention of moving to Georgia. The only interest he's shown in the child is a DNA test to see that the child is actually his and he doesn't want my fiancee to "screw him over" (his words) for child support. He hasn't talked about coming down here to see the baby other than for the birth. He doesn't ask about the doctor's visits. He didn't even tell his own mother about the baby. My fiancee left him when he started being abusive. Yes, there is medical documentation of her injuries. Even to this day he persists in calling my fiancee a "whore" for leaving him.

So you see, I'm not trying to push him out of our lives. I was just wondering if he just wanted to make our lives difficult, if we would have a legal standpoint to fall back on. If he's actually sincere about seeing the child and being a responsible parental figure, I'd have no problem here. However, if he's doing this just to spite her, that's where my problem lies.

 

[stealth2]

What your problem may or may not be is completely moot. The kid's not yours. You have no say in the matter. It's that simple.

 

[caligirl73]

My issue is that the father lives in Iowa. He has already stated he has absolutely NO intention of moving to Georgia. The only interest he's shown in the child is a DNA test to see that the child is actually his and he doesn't want my fiancee to "screw him over" (his words) for child support. He hasn't talked about coming down here to see the baby other than for the birth. He doesn't ask about the doctor's visits. He didn't even tell his own mother about the baby. My fiancee left him when he started being abusive. Yes, there is medical documentation of her injuries. Even to this day he persists in calling my fiancee a "whore" for leaving him.

So you see, I'm not trying to push him out of our lives. I was just wondering if he just wanted to make our lives difficult, if we would have a legal standpoint to fall back on. If he's actually sincere about seeing the child and being a responsible parental figure, I'd have no problem here. However, if he's doing this just to spite her, that's where my problem lies.

More than likely, you wont be able to give that child your last name, no matter how much you and your fiance want to do it. It is a shame that she was involved with this guy and he still wants to be in her life. I will be nicer than the other posters and commend you on being a "real" person and accepting this child into your life.
As far as the medical documentation of her abuse, hopefully that can be used in court as evidence of potential harm towards her or the child.
There arent to many men out there who genuinely want to be a honest part of their childs lives. They either want to spite the childs mother, or they dont want any part of the childs life whatsoever. Then again, their are men that want to be a active father to the child and the childs mother is a b*tch and wont let the father play his part. Its a lose/lose situation all over.

 

[nextwife]

"My issue is that the father lives in Iowa. He has already stated he has absolutely NO intention of moving to Georgia."

Hey, I wouldn't move to Georgia either!

Well, you have no legal standing to have an "issue". Also, parents who live in other states actually STILL have a constitutional right to be parents. It doesn't stop at the state line. And they are not REQUIRED by law to move around in order to maintain that right.

 

[stealth2]

Well, you do have to wonder about her values a bit, cali. The child's not born, so she's been split from the biodad for less than 9 months. But she's already engaged to another guy. I mean.... that's not exactly a stable situation. IMO.

 

[caligirl73]

Well, you do have to wonder about her values a bit, cali. The child's not born, so she's been split from the biodad for less than 9 months. But she's already engaged to another guy. I mean.... that's not exactly a stable situation. IMO.

Well, still no reason to imply that she is a "whore". If the biodad is abusive, then I dont blame her for not wanting to be with him. Unfortunately, he is going to be in her life for a long time, given she is pregnant with his child.

 

[caligirl73]

I mean.... that's not exactly a stable situation. IMO.

And being in an abusive relationship is stable??? Just a thought...

 

[BelizeBreeze]

What is the name of your state? Georgia

This is a bit of a brain teaser and my fiancee and I aren't sure how to proceed with it...
My fiancee is pregnant and we plan to be legally married before the birth of the child. The child is not mine and the biological father wants visitation and the child to have his surname. However, my fiancee and the biological father were never married and we would like the child to have my last name instead of her maiden name or his name. Is this possible without causing a problem for us legally? Also, the father lives in another state. Can we set up visitation so that he is not allowed to take the child out of Georgia?

Any help would be greatly appreciated...

Are you on drugs cali? Where, in the original post, was there any mention of abuse?

 

[caligirl73]

And who, in this forum young lady, IMPLIED any such thing? I asked a question. Plain and simple.

Leave your judgements at the other side of the keyboard.

Oh, but its ok for you to be judgemental though.....
Asking questions like you do...

 

[caligirl73]

Belize read this

My issue is that the father lives in Iowa. He has already stated he has absolutely NO intention of moving to Georgia. The only interest he's shown in the child is a DNA test to see that the child is actually his and he doesn't want my fiancee to "screw him over" (his words) for child support. He hasn't talked about coming down here to see the baby other than for the birth. He doesn't ask about the doctor's visits. He didn't even tell his own mother about the baby. My fiancee left him when he started being abusive. Yes, there is medical documentation of her injuries. Even to this day he persists in calling my fiancee a "whore" for leaving him.
So you see, I'm not trying to push him out of our lives. I was just wondering if he just wanted to make our lives difficult, if we would have a legal standpoint to fall back on. If he's actually sincere about seeing the child and being a responsible parental figure, I'd have no problem here. However, if he's doing this just to spite her, that's where my problem lies.

'

Um, I do believe I read the part about abuse in this post????

 

[tcpmp]

I want to bring another side to this post.
Are you really thinking this thing through? Why would you want to take responsibility for a child you didn't create? Divorce rates are high, if you took responsibility for the child and then got a divorce years later you would have to deal with child support, the mother and a child that was not yours for the rest of your life. I know your probably thinking that you love her and will always be with her but chances are you WILL get a divorce and where will that leave you? Let the man that should have the responsibility take it.