curious about child custody

[saminalham]

What is the name of your state? Tennessee

My 20 year old friend has a 4 year old boy. The boy's father is constantly saying he will pick up the boy, but never shows up. He called her last Thursday and wanted to see the boy on Father's day. They were leaving Saturday for a family vacation to Fla. He pitched a fit and said he was going to fight her for custody. She is stable and responsible and lives at home with parents while she goes to school full time. When she graduates she will make over 70k a year.(fall of 2007)
Dear old daddy is a convicted drug user who just got out of prison two months ago. (this is why she didn't marry him 4 years ago-she doesn't do drugs)
I think any judge would give full custody to her, especially after she graduates. Well, most judges.

She is very concerned about the drug use around her child. I would like to be able to tell her how to go about requiring a drug test for visitation. Can she also require it on his girlfriend? Can she ask for hair follicle testing. Apparently the drug of choice is cocaine and crack, both of which I think are out of your system pretty quickly.

I repeat, she is clean and VERY responsible. Granted, she wasn't when she got pregnant, but has done the right things ever since.

Thanks for any advice.

 

[AHA]

Dear old daddy is a convicted drug user who just got out of prison two months ago. (this is why she didn't marry him 4 years ago-she doesn't do drugs)

Sorry, but I don't get it. He wasn't good enough to marry because he was a junkie, but he was good enough to decide to have/keep a child with?

He is just as much a parent of this kid and has every right in filing for his parental rights. Unless mommy can prove that he is unfit to parent his own child, most judges like to see that every child has two parents in their life.

 

[stealth2]

Sorry, but I don't get it. He wasn't good enough to marry because he was a junkie, but he was good enough to decide to have/keep a child with?

Had me scratching my head, too. Not to mention that 16yo's really have no business getting married. Or having kids.

 

[saminalham]

clarification

As I said in my initial post, it was not smart to get pregnant at that age, however, when she found out he was doing drugs-obviously after she slept with him-she dumped him. Then she found out she was pregnant.
She dropped out of high school to have the baby, got her GED, has obtained an Associate's degree, and is now in a program in the medical field and will graduate from that next fall. She is only 20 and I think she has accomplished a lot considering she decided to have the baby and deal with the consequences of her younger decisions. Many girls who get pregnant at 16 decide to abort. I respect her decision not to do that.
She does not (a repeat of my first post) do drugs. Yes, she dated and slept with him.
Her concern is the child's well being while in his care. For one, the boy has had many disappointments as far as daddy telling him that they are going to go do something, and then not showing up. Second, he is obviously doing drugs because he was convicted of it and sent to prison for two months. Third, he does not pay child support per court order.

So, in my opinion, he is not capable of properly caring for a child without supervision unless he is not doing drugs. My friend wants to know if she can just state that in family court, and what would happen in regards to drug testing.
I just wanted to know how drug use by a deadbeat dad is handled in family court.

 

[ceara19]

As I said in my initial post, it was not smart to get pregnant at that age, however, when she found out he was doing drugs-obviously after she slept with him-she dumped him. Then she found out she was pregnant.

That's why people should actually GET TO KNOW one another before having unprotected sex!

She dropped out of high school to have the baby, got her GED, has obtained an Associate's degree, and is now in a program in the medical field and will graduate from that next fall. She is only 20 and I think she has accomplished a lot considering she decided to have the baby and deal with the consequences of her younger decisions.

I agree that she seems to have made many good accomplishments over the last few years, but that has nothing to do with the matter at hand.

Many girls who get pregnant at 16 decide to abort. I respect her decision not to do that. She does not (a repeat of my first post) do drugs.

Also has NOTHING to do with the matter at hand.

Yes, she dated and slept with him.

I think everyone had this figured out when you mentioned that they have a CHILD together, but thanks for clearing it up for those that may have been confused.

Her concern is the child's well being while in his care.

The time to consider the man's fitness as a parent would have been BEFORE having sex with a person that she obviously didn't know well enough to figure out that he was a drug addict.

For one, the boy has had many disappointments as far as daddy telling him that they are going to go do something, and then not showing up.

Then she needs to ask "daddy" not to make promises directly to the child and ask him to let HER know when he wants to do things with the child so that she can have him ready without telling him "daddy's coming to get you" and setting him up for disappointment. If that doesn't work, she needs to come up with a way to explain to the child that sometimes daddy isn't ABLE to keep his promises but that doesn't mean that he loves the child any less. It doesn't matter if she BELIEVES it or not.

Second, he is obviously doing drugs because he was convicted of it and sent to prison for two months.

No, he is NOT "obviously doing drugs because he was convicted of it and sent to prison for 2 months". All that proves is that he HAS done drugs at some point in the PAST and that he has paid for his crimes. Unless he was doing the drugs with the child, it is irrelevant.

Third, he does not pay child support per court order.

Has she addressed this in COURT?

So, in my opinion, he is not capable of properly caring for a child without supervision unless he is not doing drugs.

And when were YOU put in charge of deciding all that is good and just in the world? Point is, what YOU think means nothing. What MOM THINKS also means nothing. What it comes down to is what can be PROVEN.

My friend wants to know if she can just state that in family court, and what would happen in regards to drug testing.

A person can pretty much SAY whatever they want. If the judge agrees that there is reason to be concerned, then they can order drug testing. Your friend needs to be aware that many times SHE will have to follow the same regulations as dad so that everything is fair. If she's not doing drugs, no problem. But she will most likely still have to pay for the tests. Also, it is unlikely that drug screening would be done indefinitely. If he passes the first test, that may very well be the end of it. If not, he will still get at least one (more likely several) more chance before drastic measures are taken.

I just wanted to know how drug use by a deadbeat dad is handled in family court.

The only one that knows the answer to that question is the judge presiding over the case.

 

[Ohiogal]

Op Answer These!

Has paternity been established?
Is daddy paying child support?
Is there a custody/visitation order -- you know, one that went through the courts and was signed by a judge/magistrate?
If there is, was daddy supposed to have Father's Day visitation? (Hint: Usually the answer to that is YES!)

 

[AHA]

As I said in my initial post, it was not smart to get pregnant at that age, however, when she found out he was doing drugs-obviously after she slept with him-she dumped him. Then she found out she was pregnant.
She dropped out of high school to have the baby, got her GED, has obtained an Associate's degree, and is now in a program in the medical field and will graduate from that next fall. She is only 20 and I think she has accomplished a lot considering she decided to have the baby and deal with the consequences of her younger decisions. Many girls who get pregnant at 16 decide to abort. I respect her decision not to do that.
She does not (a repeat of my first post) do drugs. Yes, she dated and slept with him.
Her concern is the child's well being while in his care. For one, the boy has had many disappointments as far as daddy telling him that they are going to go do something, and then not showing up. Second, he is obviously doing drugs because he was convicted of it and sent to prison for two months. Third, he does not pay child support per court order.

So, in my opinion, he is not capable of properly caring for a child without supervision unless he is not doing drugs. My friend wants to know if she can just state that in family court, and what would happen in regards to drug testing.
I just wanted to know how drug use by a deadbeat dad is handled in family court.

She might have accomplished a lot for HERSELF, but the fact remains that she has accomplished nothing when it comes to the child because deciding to keep the baby resulted in deciding to keep a junkie in her child's life. That's all on HER concience for the rest of the child's life.

 

[LdiJ]

Give the woman a break please. She was 16!

 

[Ohiogal]

OP I NEED MY QUESTIONS ANSWERED IN ORDER TO GIVE YOU ANY INFO:
was there a paternity test?
Does he pay child support?
Are there any court orders for visitatioN?

 

[Silverplum]

OP I NEED MY QUESTIONS ANSWERED IN ORDER TO GIVE YOU ANY INFO:
was there a paternity test?
Does he pay child support?
Are there any court orders for visitatioN?

This is why "friends" should not be posting on behalf of folks with legal problems. The "friend" never knows the details.

IF the parent cared, THE PARENT would be online (or at an attorney's office) getting THEIR OWN damn answers.

 

[stealth2]

IF the parent cared, THE PARENT would be online (or at an attorney's office) getting THEIR OWN damn answers.

I've been told that that is totally wrong thinking.

 

[Silverplum]

I've been told that that is totally wrong thinking.

By some intellectual giant, huh?

 

[stealth2]

Too small clothes thread.

 

[saminalham]

Answers

No, there has not been a paternity test.

No, there has not been a visitation hearing/custody hearing, nor has anything of that nature been established by the courts.

Yes, he is supposed to pay child support-but does so intermittently.

He is now threatening to gain full custody, and she just wants to keep that from happening, and be absolutely certain that he is drug free, and has been for a while before allowing visitation.

Next time she is over, I will have her post her own answers just to make you all happy.

I was just trying to do her a favor.

 

[acmb05]

No, there has not been a paternity test.

If he did not sign an AOP Then the father has no legal rights to the child at this point. They were never married so until daddy takes her to court for paternity she does not have to let him see the child.
No, there has not been a visitation hearing/custody hearing, nor has anything of that nature been established by the courts.

See above answer

Yes, he is supposed to pay child support-but does so intermittently.

How exactly did she get a child support order without paternity being established? Unless that is done he is not obligated to pay anything.

He is now threatening to gain full custody, and she just wants to keep that from happening, and be absolutely certain that he is drug free, and has been for a while before allowing visitation.

Again he has to prove paternity first before he can file for visitation or custody

Next time she is over, I will have her post her own answers just to make you all happy.

I'm always HAPPY
I was just trying to do her a favor.

Good she will need all the help and support she can get