custody question

[kidsback]

What is the name of your state? ohio
my ex husband has custody of our 3 children, ages: 8,11,13. when he got custody he lived with his mother. he has since then moved out leaving the children with his mother. i want my kids back. the oldest understands her grandma tries to turn them against me. she wants to come live with me. the middle child is in between and unsure and i know my youngest would not want to come live with me. i currently have visitation 3 weekends a month. the 2 oldest always come but i haven't seen the youngest in months. the grandma tells him he doesn't have to and spoils him rotten. this is a heartbreaking situation. any advise? do i have the right to pursue custody? any good way to prove he is no longer living at the house with the kids..besides just the kids telling me?

 

[GrowUp!]

What is the name of your state? ohio
my ex husband has custody of our 3 children, ages: 8,11,13. when he got custody he lived with his mother. he has since then moved out leaving the children with his mother.

How do you know this?

i want my kids back.

And you don't have them because....?

the oldest understands her grandma tries to turn them against me. she wants to come live with me. the middle child is in between and unsure and i know my youngest would not want to come live with me. i currently have visitation 3 weekends a month. the 2 oldest always come but i haven't seen the youngest in months. the grandma tells him he doesn't have to and spoils him rotten. this is a heartbreaking situation. any advise? do i have the right to pursue custody? any good way to prove he is no longer living at the house with the kids..besides just the kids telling me?

Well kids don't get to dictate where they want to live or whether they want to visit.

You certainly can file a Motion to change custody, but you need grounds to do so (i.e. change in circumstance). Why haven't you seen the youngest in months? WHat have you done? Depending on your answer, you might have legal action against the other parent.

 

[kidsback]

How do you know this?


And you don't have them because....?


Well kids don't get to dictate where they want to live or whether they want to visit.

You certainly can file a Motion to change custody, but you need grounds to do so (i.e. change in circumstance). Why haven't you seen the youngest in months? WHat have you done? Depending on your answer, you might have legal action against the other parent.

the kids have told me he lives with his girlfriend and per a phone conversation last night w/ my ex husband..he admitted it. he said he's trying to get on his feet and get a big enough place for the kids and he's off work with a back injury. when we went to court for custody originally my attorney told me that our agreement was like shared parenting.. i would have them whenever the kids were not in school. i agreed because the divorce was 2 years long and i felt the kids had been thru enough. over the years his mom has done everything in her power to make me look like a monster in their eyes. my 13 yr old has told me a lot that she's heard her say and argued with her about. the 2 youngest want to stay with their grandma until they can live with their dad. i'm worried they will hate me if i try to take the away. as far as why the youngest doesn't visit ..he gets gameboy games, toys ..etc when he stays w/ his grandma and not me.

 

[Zephyr]

How do you know this?


And you don't have them because....?


Well kids don't get to dictate where they want to live or whether they want to visit.

You certainly can file a Motion to change custody, but you need grounds to do so (i.e. change in circumstance). Why haven't you seen the youngest in months? WHat have you done? Depending on your answer, you might have legal action against the other parent.

we don't ask men that question.....

 

[CJane]

we don't ask men that question.....

Yeah, I was just thinking that too. I'm 99% sure, if this was dad posting about mom abandoning the kids at Gma's house while she moved in with her flavor of the month, GU! would have actually given 'advice'.

OP~ If you can prove dad no longer lives in the house with the kids, that's probably enough to prove change in circumstances.

 

[Ohiogal]

the kids have told me he lives with his girlfriend and per a phone conversation last night w/ my ex husband..he admitted it. he said he's trying to get on his feet and get a big enough place for the kids and he's off work with a back injury. when we went to court for custody originally my attorney told me that our agreement was like shared parenting.. i would have them whenever the kids were not in school. i agreed because the divorce was 2 years long and i felt the kids had been thru enough. over the years his mom has done everything in her power to make me look like a monster in their eyes. my 13 yr old has told me a lot that she's heard her say and argued with her about. the 2 youngest want to stay with their grandma until they can live with their dad. i'm worried they will hate me if i try to take the away. as far as why the youngest doesn't visit ..he gets gameboy games, toys ..etc when he stays w/ his grandma and not me.

And you haven't walked into court to get emergency custody of them since they no longer live with dad? You haven't tried to exercise your visitation with your youngest? you have let the child dictate the situation? You have let grandma and dad dictate to the kids. HOw often have you exercised the court granted visitation? How often have you phoned the children?

 

[ceara19]

we don't ask men that question.....

I think he means "why haven't you done anything to get custody since the kids are with granny and not dad", as opposed to "why did you lose custody to begin with", which is a very relevant question. Honestly, I don't think it matters either way. Read the OP's posts again. Look familiar?

 

[GrowUp!]

Yeah, I was just thinking that too. I'm 99% sure, if this was dad posting about mom abandoning the kids at Gma's house while she moved in with her flavor of the month, GU! would have actually given 'advice'.

Swing and a miss. Ceara was correct as to what I was asking. OG asked more detailed questions because DEPENDING ON THE OP's ANSWERS, there MIGHT be contempt issues. Good Lord...

 

[Ohiogal]

Swing and a miss. Ceara was correct as to what I was asking. OG asked more detailed questions because DEPENDING ON THE OP's ANSWERS, there MIGHT be contempt issues. Good Lord...

or there might be little chance of OP getting custody depending on the answers.

 

[kidsback]

And you haven't walked into court to get emergency custody of them since they no longer live with dad? You haven't tried to exercise your visitation with your youngest? you have let the child dictate the situation? You have let grandma and dad dictate to the kids. HOw often have you exercised the court granted visitation? How often have you phoned the children?

i did not know i could just walk into court to get emergency custody ..i talk to my kids over the phone regularly even the youngest. i have gone round and round with my ex and his mother. they know i can't afford an attorney to fight them, but they can. i went almost 6 mths with out seeing them while we were waiting on a court date for the divorce/ custody hearing. i'm afraid to start another war and miss anymore time. i am clueless to my rights and if i'd have known i could walk into court and pursue this i would have a long time ago. i get the 2 oldest every weekend and now that they are out of school they've been at my house all summer. Good news: the youngest has been at my house since sunday .. my ex husband is recieving welfare and still using his mother's address as his own ..i'm afraid if i try to stir up .. it'll backfire and i will miss out even more of my kids. the oldest wants to come live with me ..the 2 youngest would probably hate me because their dad makes big promises of how it'll be when he gets on his feet .. we've been divorced 5 yrs and he's been with his girlfriend for 2 yrs. i don't want to be selfish..i want my kids to be happy and i can't afford a long drawn out court battle..i'll lose again.

what do u mean ..walk into court ..get emergency custody.. how is this done? please help!

 

[Ohiogal]

i did not know i could just walk into court to get emergency custody ..i talk to my kids over the phone regularly even the youngest.

Talking is not the same as exercising your court ordered visitation.


i have gone round and round with my ex and his mother.

His mother is NOT a party to this.

they know i can't afford an attorney to fight them, but they can.

Well you are going to need to find a way to get an attorney.


i went almost 6 mths with out seeing them while we were waiting on a court date for the divorce/ custody hearing.

Why did you do that? Were there temporary orders forbidding you from seeing them or did you not go get them or what happened? saying this doesnt' mean squat without the details of why you didn't see them.You and your ex are on equal footing when it comes to custody of the kids sinceyou were married and before any orders are set.

i'm afraid to start another war and miss anymore time.
Then you are afraid to do anything and will not get your kids. It is nto abuot starting a war. It is about enforcing your rights. When does your court order say you get the kids?
i am clueless to my rights and if i'd have known i could walk into court and pursue this i would have a long time ago. i get the 2 oldest every weekend and now that they are out of school they've been at my house all summer.

When are you supposed to get them. Including the youngest.

Good news: the youngest has been at my house since sunday .. my ex husband is recieving welfare and still using his mother's address as his own

Where does he get his mail? Where are his belongings? Where does he live?

..i'm afraid if i try to stir up .. it'll backfire and i will miss out even more of my kids. the oldest wants to come live with me

Oldest cannot make that decision.

..the 2 youngest would probably hate me because their dad makes big promises of how it'll be when he gets on his feet ..

Good grief. You are letting this go on and the kids dictate. GROW A BACKBONE!

we've been divorced 5 yrs and he's been with his girlfriend for 2 yrs. i don't want to be selfish..i want my kids to be happy and i can't afford a long drawn out court battle..i'll lose again.

what do u mean ..walk into court ..get emergency custody.. how is this done? please help!

You need to file a motion asking for custody of the children since dad is no longer living with them and they have been left with mom. You need an attorney. I am NOT going to walk you through step by step.

 

[kidsback]

you know what, you are right. i do need to grow a backbone. i appreciate you're advice. legal aid is sending me a packet on representing myself. i plan to use it. i want to enforce visitaion to be followed to the T for the 2 youngest (because they are settled in their home and happy in their schools and i do not want to rip their world apart )..i just want to see them on a firm consistent basis. I want to request custody of the oldest because her father is no longer in the home and she is adamant about living with me. she came to me on her own.. (i've made it clear to all the kids ..their happiness and well being is my priorty.)
does this sound realistic or am i looking at this with rose colored glasses? i'd like your opinion

 

[Ohiogal]

you know what, you are right. i do need to grow a backbone.

Yes you do. In custody after divorce, NEITHER parent dictates. What dictates is the court order and that must be followed. You need to follow it. If he doesn't follow it then it is contempt. And grandma cannot interfere with your visitation.

i appreciate you're advice. legal aid is sending me a packet on representing myself. i plan to use it. i want to enforce visitaion to be followed to the T for the 2 youngest (because they are settled in their home and happy in their schools and i do not want to rip their world apart )..

You should enforce visitation for ALL the children in regards to the court order. Children do not get to choose. The oldest does not get to choose in Ohio. Now if you and dad want to go agree to a change then you can. Change of custody is done in the best interest of the children and a change in circumstances. The change would be the chlidren are not living with dad. You need to prove that they are not living with dad. You need to prove that it is in their (or if you are only going for the oldest her) best interest to live with you. Courts may not separate the kids though. And they will not change custody to a parent that has NOT been exercising visitation or is behind on child support.

i just want to see them on a firm consistent basis.

Then show up to pick them up at the proper location at the time the court order states you get them. State you are taking all of them for your court ordered time. If you are not given the children, that is a denial and dad is in contempt. Do this every time you have parenting time.
I want to request custody of the oldest because her father is no longer in the home and she is adamant about living with me. she came to me on her own.. (i've made it clear to all the kids ..their happiness and well being is my priorty.)
does this sound realistic or am i looking at this with rose colored glasses? i'd like your opinion

You still have to meet the best interest of the child standard and the court may not want to separate the kids. The court would also want to know why you ONLY want the oldest child and not all the children who are in the same situation (dad being outside the home). Again in Ohio children do not get to choose. The 13 year old may be able to do an in camera interview with the judge with NO one else there -- the parents will not be allowed to be in the room with the child and the judge. But a 13 year old's word is not enough to change custody.

 

[kidsback]

when you say exercising visitation.. will they look bad on me because i didn't force the youngest to come live w/ me?

will they take the children's word for it that he doesn't live w/ them? he lives at his girlfriend's ..his belongings are there but he gets his mail at his mother's and he uses his mother's address to recieve assistance/ child support.

 

[Zephyr]

when you say exercising visitation.. will they look bad on me because i didn't force the youngest to come live w/ me?

will they take the children's word for it that he doesn't live w/ them? he lives at his girlfriend's ..his belongings are there but he gets his mail at his mother's and he uses his mother's address to recieve assistance/ child support.

then you may be well served to hire a PI to record his actions as far as where he is spending the night and leaving from in the morning, where he is in the evening etc.....