Daddy Is FINALLY filing 4 CUSTODY!!!

[bhhunter13]

itsallgood

hahaha ms itsallgood my opinion of u keeps going back and forth back and forth!!! But one thing I know is that u feel the way u do and like most people who post u only get ONE SIDE!!!!! As well as u do not know the things she has done which I specifically have not mentioned because it is just DRAMA!!! And EVERY SINGLE person I have mentioned it too said “she must be CRAZY”

you don’t know how hard it has been for me and u don’t know how hard it is for me to do what I am getting ready to do. But u must believe that I am only doing what I feel is RIGHT!! And if I end up being wrong then I am willing to bare that burden alone!!

 

[WyattJ]

What is wrong with fathers trying for custody? In my case though I wouldn't let it happen because my son is 9 now and is comforable where he is..even though the father has threaten me with it but Im not unfit, and I dont know what else besides talking to the child that would get a judge to take my child. I give visits besides what is on our papers, because there are time when something comes up for a day or a few hours he would like to take him,.....I'm sorry I should erase that....there are times when grandmas wants to take him places.

But to my point some fathers can do it, some cant just like mothers.

Just thought I would put some 2cents in this...lol

 

[bhhunter13]

Hahah hah ms itsallgood
For the record I am beginning to like u!!!  but I must say u totally miss understand me when I said I will hire someone. I am a single man living by myself. It is obvious that I cannot take care of her during the day AND pay the rent. So what else is there left for me to do BUT to hire some one to take care of her when I am at work.
U may not know this but in nyc mothers are not at home baking cookies, changing diapers, house cleaning and making hot dinners for their men to come how to.

BOTH PARENTS ARE WORKING!!!! EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!! When I go to lunch I see kids being walked around and strollered around by people who get PAID to take care of the children while the parents are at work.

So I am sorry if you think what I am saying is wrong but it is just what I will have to do untill I can do better.

Now ANOTHER comment that u keep saying is … Babies need their PARENTS: people they know; familarity…

If that is true then isn’t the act of “familiarity ” accomplished by simply DOING!!!! Meaning!!!!!! If she spends more time with me at my apartment, if she spends the over night with me, if she knows that when she is crying that I will tend to her don’t u think that she will then become FAMILIAR with being with me!!!!!

How is that familiarity then accomplished with me if I have to WAIT still she gets OLDER before she can spend time with me?

U know something to be honest with u I think u have better sence than u are expressing and to some degree u know that what I am saying is right but because u are a mother u cannot get past the fact that a father can be just as good if not better at nurturing a child as that mother.

And that is something I CANNOT ARGUE or fight against!!! Because it is not based on FACT but just a “false belief” that you have, many women and some court systems that fathers should get visitations and be happy we got that!!!! But NEVER FORGET to send in that check by the end of the month!!!!!!!! But if u don’t get to see your child that is no problem there is always NEXT MONTH!!!

 

[itsallgood]

Well; your opinon of me might very well switch back and forth quite a few more times before all is said and done! As mine of you might very well do also

Nothing you said personally bothered me except your very offcolored comment on the conception of my child.

Like fighting 'below the belt' do ya?

Well; it's late here in ole virginny; so I am heading to bed.

Can't respond more in depth; but that I still do not feel you are doing this for the right reasons.

And to answer the one question presented to me: If for some reason my child's father had custody; would I not be fighting tooth and nail for my infant son...

Well; 1st off; If dad had sole custody; I must have been proven unfit. So I wouldn't waste time and money trying to WIN back custody.

If for some other reason infant child was living with dad and not me; and the child was 9 months old; I would hopefully be able to negotioate increased visitation to where i had 50/50 placement by the time my child was a year or two old.

I do not believe in uprooting children after residency has been established; on whims.

 

[bhhunter13]

--------
My son has been going to his dad's house for visits since he was 2 months old and I'm talking weekend visits. Of course, at that time when we were able to communicate better I was able to go over and help with anything. Now my son is 9 and he just thinks its normal for the visits.

I believe the younger the child is the better to start visits so they get used to it. The older they are they usually don't want to leave the parent that they are used to being with all the time.
-------


thanks jamie I though it could work. I will remember that!! THANKS AGAIN!!

 

[itsallgood]

Ok; one more and going to bed.......

I have never not once even remotly siad your child should not spend time with you.

Your child SHOULD be spending time with you; and in my opinon LONGER than 2 hours LATE at night.

My son was spending whole DAYS with dad before we adjusted to overnight visitation.

And again; the overnight visitation was delayed due to dad "HAVING" to be at work and not being able to get up at all hours of the night to tend to a crying baby.

Your child can develop familarity with you in your apartemnt yes; but do you need to go and try to take away the baby from the mother to accomplish that??? NO you don't.

As far as working; I agree many many parents work all day. But you mentioned that the mother had a support system; and had family care for the child. That is VERY important in a custody case. And 9 months is a 'tender' age to be uprooted and cared for strangers after becoming familar with her primary caregivers.

I still think a joint custody placement is the answer here. Not sole custody. Again; I think SOLE custody implies that ONE parent is NOT fit. That is not the case here.

 

[bhhunter13]

""And, personally I would not let him take the babe either out of fear that he won't bring her back. That is life in this custody hell you got to watch your back.."


To amarie
I personally was not going to reply to your post not because I did not like what u wrote but because I have already commented on most of what u stated by other people.

But NO ONE has stated the line ABOVE!!  I know u don’t know me!!! But I would NEVER DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and not untill u said that did I realize that is probably what she was thinking as to the reason why she did not let me have her!!!!

AND THAT IS EXTREAMY EXTREAMLY SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but your last comment balances it all out “That is life in this custody hell you got to watch your back..”

Girl I am holding back tears at the thought of all being a father will be for the next 21+ years is WATCHING MY BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[itsallgood]

but your brought it on yourself. You sued her for sole custody out of the blue.

Things were fine with visitation/'parenting time" until YOU went "COURT" on her; bypassed trying to work together; and just told her you were going to try to take her baby from her.

(yes I KNOW it is your baby too............ )

It is extremely sad. A lot of this 'watching your back' can be avoided.

However; in the event that NOBODY has 'custody'; and YOU pick up baby and do not return baby; there is nothing legally she can do except at that time sue YOU for custody.

 

[itsallgood]

Ok; done for the night now. I promise.

 

[bhhunter13]

I never did understand why he is going for full custody? Why not settle for visits?

The guy that I met on line when I went to file for custody suggested that I do. Like ms itsallgood posted all I will probably get is joint custody because our daughter is so “young” but if that is the case so be it.

I can prove that I gave our daughter’s mother’s mother $150 a week for staying home and taking care of our daughter while my x “recovered” we had agreed to pay her mother $150 each to stay home and take care of our daughter when my x started going back to work. To this day I don’t think she ever paid her mom!!! AND I give her $200 every 2 weeks to buy what ever it is that she needs for the day to day care of our daughter.

Even when she told me today that I could not spend the day with her I asked her if she wanted the money she told me “we will take care of that when we go to court”!!!!

Sometimes I think u women feel u have BALLS!!!

“As fare as settling for visitation”

hahhahaha NO COMMENT!!!! hahahhah

 

[bhhunter13]

itsallgood
to ms itsallgood all I will say is I AM NOT LOOKING FOR ATTENTION BUT SOME UNBIAS ADVICE!!! On the road ahead from people who have gone down this road and have learned from it and is willing to share there experiences with me.

U say it is ALL ABOUT ME!! That is the EXACT SAME THING SHE SAYS!!! From day one I have ALWAYS looked out for our daughter. U do not know how much it HURTS to be in my situations having to go to the courts system to give me what is my god given rights and responsibilities as a parent… u simply do not KNOW!!!!!!!

I know and understand the downtrodden father perception; and think he is playing it well.
Hahahh no comment

“The way he is handling this is he is going to RUIN whatever amicable relationship possible with the mom and her family; and even when he LOSES;

itsallgood the ONLY reason things have not gotten out of hand is because I have ALWAYS WALKED AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

u don’t know this but on 2 occasions she tucked our daughter under her arm like a purse and proceeded to hit me in the face repeatedly. Mind u our daughter was between 3 to 5 months old at the time. Mind u less that 1 month after giving birth the first time she started hitting on me. After her parents came in her room and asked her what is the matter she broke down crying. They asked should we tell him to leave she said no. I later asked her why did she suggested that we should go to the courts. She said because she was “tired of seeing my face” and that she wanted to have someone tell me when I should come to see our daughter. During that time I use to travel 45mins after work to visit or daughter mon, wed, frid, and sun, from 9-11 only to be going through stuff like that!!!!

There is a few more things I could mention itsallgood but most of those things would put her in a bad light and that is not my intention.

Just know like I said before U HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH GOING THROUGH THIS PROCESS HURTS AND WILL HURT!!!

But I am not here to gain favor with ANY ONE!!! How many times must I say it all I WANT IS ADVICE ON HOW TO HANDLE MYSELF AND WHAT ARE THE THINGS I NEED TO LOOK OUT FOR WHEN I GO TO COURT why can’t we just STAY ON THAT TOPIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[bhhunter13]

FJ1200guy, u made me THANKS!!!

 

[Melanie_Jenkins]

*slips bhhunter13 some prozac*

Honestly though, all your exclamation points and caps locked words, argh. My stomach is seriously churning right now from it. *grins* I picture this man in my mind screaming and flailing his arms about just to be heard while reading what you type. You can be just as expressive without all of those " !!! " tossed around.

That being said, I hope you and your ex can come to some kind of an agreement that gives you the feeling of being just as important in your daughters life as she is. I personally don't agree with the whole "A child shouldn't be uprooted until X amount of age, or it will leave the child harmed emotionally" thing. It's been said here a million times, children are resilient, they adapt to any surrounding. And until the father has just as much chance to be with said child, the child will never be able to adapt properly. The NCP should be viewed by the child as a primary caregiver just as the CP is to that child. A child isn't going to mind where they rest their head, as long as they feel safe and loved.

If a child at a young age can fair well for an overnight at grandma's house, they can certainly do just as well at daddy's house. I won't say -all- parent's leave their kids at their grandparent's house for a night or weekend from 1 month old on, but I can assure you a heck of a lot of people have. Overnights with dads should start a -lot- earlier than courts or the CP's say they should.

 

[tigger22472]

Wow, leave for a evening and this thread takes off.
First off, I'm agreeing that dad will probably not get sole custody but in ANY "deal" do we not go for more then we'll accept and work our way down? One of the main reasons he won't get sole custody is like it was said, judges are getting out of that because of the bashings they are getting for simply granting it(mostly to mom). I mean I have to admit that before I came here I assumed I had joint legal and physical custody. One day while on here I pulled out the decree to look at it and realized I had sole custody of my children. In my case, that is a good thing though.

Secondly the issue of bonding came up. Dad HAS been bonding with this child. No, it's not a daily basis but in the real world with unmarried people that is impossible. The issue was brought up that this was done very fast. If the OP's story was being watched as said you would see that it wasn't a very fast decision to make and he's taken time to make this decision.

TNBS.. I have to say that although I see where you are coming from and what not I had to comment on YOUR situation and what the judge said if I understood correctly. You and your ex had already divorced and custody was set, am I correct and then he went back? If that's the case then YES one parent has to be proven to be unfit. In this case there is NOT a custody order so custody is up for grabs at the moment. Dad has a leg up for petitioning first.

bhunter... don't give up... it's a shame dad's have to fight so hard to get their rights but they need to and hopefully more will do so.

My dh has 50/50 as stated earlier, however we know if mom went to court for full custody that we'd have to find 10X's the amount wrong with her then she'd have to find against him to get it. That's just wrong.

 

[TNBSMommy]

Tigger, I didn't even think of that, and you are right. Custody had already been set when he decided to try and take them from me. Thank you for pointing that out with out bashing me....

OP,I can't remember ever seeing anything in your posts about the mom hitting you or doing anything to endanger the baby, if I do remember correctly, you said she was, in fact, a good mom. I am just curious why you wouldn't mention these things that could possibly help your case until it looks like a bunch of people aren't agreeing with your filing for sole custody. I would think, if those were true, and part of the reason, it would be mentioned from the getgo...

Tigger, while I also agree with you about starting out asking for more, it seems like the damage has been done. The mother is already terrified that he will take their child from her. I realize my situation is different, but to this day, ever since that time, I don't fully trust my ex.. no, I do not interfere with visitation, when he calls the children go to his house. But while they are there, I inevitably start wondering if he is going to bring them back. I do think that is a natural feeling, any parent would have, not just a mother, but any parent would have when faced with the possibility of the NCP(or other parent, if there is no custody order) not bringing the child back. I could definitely see where the mother would be scared to let the OP take the baby, scared he wouldn't bring her back, just like I feel if the situation was reversed he would feel the same way, my husband calls it "mama bear" well, there is a "papa bear" who would feel the same way, and first instinct is to protect the baby, fear they won't come back, not saying they would be hurt.

This is a baby, not a car you should walk in haggling over. She deserves both parents for an equal amount of time. Not the one with the best haggling skills...

Sorry if I am rambling, it is too early in the morning... Have a good day, all...