Daddy Is FINALLY filing 4 CUSTODY!!!

[bhhunter13]

amarie your comments brought a chill down my body for some reason i am not anymore.

i know what i am doing is right. and even though no one seems to believe me i am looking out for the best interest of both our daughter and her mother and myself.

i just can't believe that my original post was

---Though there are no major issues right now I would
like information or resources on my rights as a father
in regards to custody of our child and what I can
start doing now to make a strong case for custody if ever
(god forbid) I would have to go to court and represent myself.---

i can't believe that day is but a week away. but like most of you are saying "i brought it upon myself" and i guess i will have to live with the out come. period!!

but this just is not RIGHT!!!

 

[bhhunter13]

To TNBSMommy
---And in filing for sole custody, as opposed to joint, you did just that, you backed her into a corner, and personally, I couldn't blame her one bit for reacting the way she did.---

I can’t remember who said that first but after I realize that is what she might be thinking I wanted to call her up so badly and tell her that I was not going to try and run off with our daughter.
That goes back to my comment about “knowing who you are sleep with”. And I can’t believe after all we talked about after I have put up with so much of her and her family’s bs. After I have been as supportive as I could possible be she would take a defensive stance like this.

Once again me filing for SOLE custody is my right I think everyone is hung up on the fact that I am filing for SOLE custody as oppose to understanding that I am trying to “step up to the plate” as it is often refer to and say “I will also take responsibility in the nurturing and the financial burden having a child brings.”

But like the saying goes what does not kill you makes you stronger. And hopefully one day I will have a son (who I will adopt ) or mentor someone who is going through a similar situation and tell them the best course of action. Again this is all a learning experience for me. One that man not need to occur but who knows maybe I am going through this for someone else and not myself…. WHO KNOWS!!

--- I'm just going to say, work with her not against her, if you make her feel like you are attacking her, yes, it will turn into a battlefield.---
girl I have tried that. From day one I have tried to prevent the drama that comes along with having a child out of wedlock. But I think there is no avoiding it. even if I decide to say “ok when ever u want me to see our daughter that is fine by me.” The next thing I know I am getting a letter in the mail for child support payments.

Look all I can say is that I will keep you all posted and I wish more men were on here but as always it seems like ONLY the women show interest in their children.

And many of you ladies in the back of your minds are saying “who the he!l does he think he is” all I am saying to that is that putting the SOLE custody thing aside would welcome the father of your child doing right by you and your child despite the fact that you are no longer in a relationship!

And even the person who said that the father had over nights when the child was young admitted that she “worried” if her child would be coming back home. Now how crazy is that. But let me just say that for that women to do that I respect because at the end of the day you are looking out for that child and not yourself and your “unfounded fears”

OH then there are women who say that the fathers have custody and they leave the kids with relatives!! I tell you men on a whole are not making it any easier for me AND the negative stance most women take about their children is not making it easier for my X.

but I made a promise to myself and our baby girl that I wold not get her in the middle of this let’s see if I can keep that promise!!

 

[WyattJ]

Just don't get your hopes up. Always prepare a backup plan in case your plan doesn't work. Also, if needed settle for less is better than nothing.

 

[bhhunter13]

ok

 

[skyy]

This thread gave me a headache. I've spent all day trying to read it, and my reply got lost when I hit refresh.

I don't see what the problem is in filing for custody - sole or otherwise. It's clear that the current arrangement is not working even though you've tried to keep things between yourselves and not involve the courts.

- If your rights are denied, you need to enforce them legally through the courts. On top of that, your daughter can't speak up to fight for her rights to spend time with her parents, so it falls on the parents to handle things for her.
- I don't believe any fit parent should have to wait until a child gets older to spend nights or increase parenting time - even if one parent has been the primary caregiver. No one is promised tomorrow.

To keep this brief:
- You need to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally as well as having your documentation in order.
- I would focus on your strengths and what you've done thus far for your daughter. Try to avoid focusing on negative things. Chances are mom will have enough negativity for the both of you given what's been stated.
- Remember to stay calm and collected. Women being emotional tends to be expected around topics involving their children. (A doctor actually became upset that I wasn't very emotional/crying when my daughter was hospitalized because he believed I didn't care.) Men tend to be expected be non-emotional, so any showing of anger could be seen as some form of hostility which won't help you.

Have you asked the courthouse if they have an example video of what to expect in family court? Some courts have educational videos that may help you.

 

[bhhunter13]

Thanks for the advice Skyy. Though it is a custody hearing I will bring my “journal” just in case, and I will bring my receipts just in case.

Mom’s negativity
I think that is so true. but I must say I am 95% at peace with my decision to do this. I always thought that the younger it is done the better for everyone including the child because she does not have to get use to an “environment” persay but rather knowing that where ever she is that either her mother or her father will be there for her when she needs them. Which I always thought was the important thing.
As far as the 5% that would be the journal, organizing my receipts, and organizing my thoughts.

“your daughter can't speak up to fight for her rights to spend time with her (father) parents,”
that is where the statement “Dad you did not try hard enough” came from. Because she has no say so on who she spends time with.

“Remember to stay calm and collected.”
One of the first pieces of advice I got so many months ago along with “keep receipts of EVERYTHING you buy” so sad!!

Men tend to be expected be non-emotional.
Ohhh that is sooooo NOT ME. She went to get her last or second to last shot before she turns a year about 3 weeks ago. And I am sitting there watching this doctor stick a needle in our daughter’s leg as her mom holds her down while she is watching me crying her as-s off. All I could do was bow my head and hold back tears. All the while telling myself “don’t get up and beat this doctor up for inflecting “pain” on your baby girl she is just doing her job.” Then I just composed myself and raised my head.

I might be a little OVERLY sensitive but WHEN SHE CRIES I CRY!!!! PERIOD!!

Many of you women probably won’t believe me but… I AM GLAD!! Hahaha

“Have you asked the courthouse if they have an example video of what to expect in family court?”
I will be asking tomorrow morning before I go to work THANKS AND if they say no I will go to the public library after work. Thanks again that was great advice. I never thought of that.

Well once again thanks again EVERONE for your input and advice.

I am about to say something a little “controversial” but I hope you women get what I am try to truly say.

Anytime the father of your children wants their kids by all means GIVE THEM THE KID(S) the reason I say this is because raising kids is a 24/7 J-O-B!! if your man left you and is not supporting you HE SIMPLY COULD NOT HANDLE THE JOB!!! PERIOD!!! So basically give him a “taste” of what it is to have to multitask several different things. I can almost “guarantee” you your kid(s) will be home before dinner!!!! Hahahhaha now mind you this WILL NOT WORK if the father gives the kids to the sister, mother, girlfriend etc and goes off. Just to the ones who you know will spend time with the kid(s).

I am a little embarrassed to say this. but I was too scared to even go and take a piss, wash dishes, talk on the phone god forbid if I had to do number 2!!! But now I am a lot better. But damn was I nervous in the beginning!!! hahahha

 

[bhhunter13]

Hi Guys & Ladies,

Can anyone give me any threads they have come accross where in which the fathers are filing for custody of their child(ren).
Thanks in advance.

Hunter
Have a Happy Holiday...all.

 

[bhhunter13]

The DRAMA Begins...

96/1587

Well here is the update.

Nothing much went down. Other than the fact that I also got served some papers myself by her lawyer! One stating that she is also filing for custody (did not check to see if it was sole or joint I have yet to sit down and read it) the other was an order of protection which states I can’t come near her, nore the house, threaten her etc. etc. etc.

The first one was ok cause that is her right the second one on the other hand took me for a little surprise because she had once threaten to do it after arguing with me and threatening me.

I guess one does not need to have a real reason to file an order of protection against another person but once filed it must be enforced and obeyed by law. Damn!! Hahhah :-(

The court officer said we would have to work something out between now and the next time we go to court as far as me seeing our daughter. I will simply call her Friday saying I will have my sister come and pick our daughter up. Chances are she will say no and that will be that.

But I don’t want to jump to conclusions let’s just wait and see.

Well I will finally commit to start writing a journal. Now I don’t mind because dates and times will be called into question that might not help me if I cannot remember what happened.

I will continue to send her the $200 every 2 weeks but instead of hand delivering it I will now have to send it certified mail.

Next date is January 22. Oh and since she filed for custody and has the order of protection we now have 3 things to settle in court.

Well needless to say I am not in the best of moods and have not decided to get a lawyer as of yet. Though I am seeking legal advice in this matter I don’t feel I need it as of yet. so if any of you know of some good legal forums or sites on advice for this matter please share.

That is all. And as always I await your comments and ADVICE on what to do next…


---------------------
Always do RIGHT not because you fear the consequences of your WRONG doing but because it is RIGHT to do RIGHT.— My Dad

 

[bhhunter13]

Well here is the latest in my little “baby-mamma-drama” tail

Just a little recap. I filed for custody she then about a week later filed a counter petition for custody and an order of protection against me. I then filed a petition for visitation because after reading the petitions I realize that seeing our daughter was not going to be a topic hence my filing for visitation. Mind u since that filing I tried to pick up our daughter and she said because I filed she was not giving her to me. So basically the last time I saw her was dec 1s t when she was sick.

Speed up to yesterday… we came to court and…

The judge would have sent us straight to a mediator so we can work out our differences. But because she filed the order of protection before custody can be decided the order of protection needs to be dealt with first. Which basically leaves 2 options 1) me saying that I concede to the order of protection and agree never to do it again and which also kinda says that I did not do it in the first place OR 2) object to conceding to the OOP and take it to trial.

Well needless to say I am going to take it to trial. But not to be spiteful some of u may think but 1) because it does not seem that she cares about our daughter as much as her “controlling” my access to her. 2) women put men through EXTREAME drama with the different **** they come up with just to have the father sitting there defending himself instead of talking about how they are going to work things out in the best interest of their child. And 3) I want to set an EXTREAME tone that none of this false allegations stuff is going to be tolerated by me and that what ever the courts decide whether it be in my favor or not MUST be followed and NOT left to “our discretion” .

But what her and her lawyer does not know is that when I got home I took pictures of the side of my face where it was scratched and my lip was cut the second time she started hitting me. And will show those pictures as proof that she is the physical one in this relationship.

I am still giving her money to help her out but instead of $200 every 2 weeks I am now going to give $100 every 2 weeks. And besides I sent 2 separate certified mails to her containing $200 each and she did not claim them. I am going to wait till they come back and hold on to them unopened just incase she was to say “he is not sending me any money for the past 4 months”

I found the judge to be fair and reasonable. Unfortunately because I did not have a crib and car seat I could not get overnight visits. But she was willing to grant me it which I found some comfort in. My x basically knows that I could have gotten the crib and car seat the same day so she mentioned that my sister is staying with me and has a pit bull!!!

Well that was ALL the judge needed to hear.!!!! She ordered the court to appoint a legal guardian for our daughter AND supervised visits!!! Which will cost me $60 an hour to spend time with our child. Hence dropping the support down to $100.

So now I have to wait for child services to come to my place to find a crib and a car seat and figure out what is going to happen to the dog.

The next date is march 5th . which will be another month. During which she will turn a year and if I am lucky I will only get to spend an hour with her!!! :-(.

I am not upset at having to spend the $60 an hour it is just that I am VERY VERY emotional when it comes to her and not having seen her in almost 2 months I might start crying only to finally get over it in about 50minutes which would leave 10mins to actually spend time with her.

I now have to go and get a lawyer. The judge kept “advising” me of that.

Well let me go cause as most of u know I am pretty long winded. Hahah so let me know what u think and what other things I should make sure I prepare for.

Hunter

 

[skyy]

I'm sorry things are not going so well right now.

In the meantime, you'll want to get your home as ready for your daughter as if she would be living with you permanently so that your ex, CPS or the guardian cannot use your lack of having anything against you.

Some of those things include socket plugs, cabinet locks, move your poisonous containers/cleaners out of reach, gate, stove lock, check for wires that are easily accessible. Go to a local daycare and ask the workers what they use, where you could get simple equipment and such. Some local thrift stores actually sell great cribs and car seats. I know you mentioned you could get a crib, but you might want a fold-away crib or crib that converts to a toddler bed along with a high chair. You want to make sure you have everything in place. Check the internet for more parenting/safety tips.

Things have to improve because you try so hard!

 

[bhhunter13]

Thanks for the advice and tips.

ALL of what u said I was planning to do. And the funny thing was when she was about 4 months old I passed up on the crib u described from the place u described because I had already spent over $500 just so I can have “everything” for her to spend our first weekend (not over night) together.

Well thanks once again. I sincerely appreciate it.

I have to keep saying to myself “even the longest day has an end” .

 

[CMSC]

One more suggestion on car seats...ask your local police department to check it if you buy a used one and ask them to help you properly install it. Not saying this because you are a dad, even us mom's get the carseats in wrong! The police department here actually loans car seats out.

Good luck and get that crib!

 

[monnickasmommy]

so she mentioned that my sister is staying with me and has a pit bull

Go buy a extra large dog cage with a padlock on it and coup him up for the time-

 

[miaguy]

Good Luck

I wish you good luck man, I hope everything works out.

My daughter is 15 1/2, I've been having problems with visitations since my ex re-married (7 years ago). Right now, I can't even talk to her on the phone and my ex stone walls me. I don't go to court because I am a full time student and hold a full time job. When I want to see my daughter, she cannot leave her house with me. I pay child support but I just don't want to get emotionaly involved in the turmoil of courts, so I just have patience. Besides, she will be 18 in 2 1/2 years.

A friend of mine got custody of his daughter because his ex was a junky. After she re-habilitated YEARS later, she got visitations. You guessed right, one day, she did not come back. Next thing, he was served with papers for child abuse!!!!! Lost custody and the mom ruined the childs life. When she was with dad she was doing fine, good grades etc...Now, she is a single mom with no future!!

 

[CaliCat]

Without reading all of this, I'm going to tell you to go to the bookstore and get a copy of the book Fathers' Rights. I'm not at home right now, so I can't get the author's name. It's written by a judge, and is very fair. Fathers have an uphill battle in the system, and this judge fairly addresses such issues without slamming mothers. As a female member of a large fathers' rights org., I see fathers fight every day, and mothers being slammed, and it getting ugly, kids suffering, etc.. Go get that book now. It will tell you everything from how to dress to what not to say to how to act and even how to write up a aprenting agreement, which most courts will make the father do. I guarantee that it will be worth the $13 or so bucks.

You already know something very important, and that's to refer to the child as "our child" and not "my child," as much as that may suck.