Daddy Is FINALLY filing 4 CUSTODY!!!

[bhhunter13]

104/1906

To CMSC, monnickasmommy, miaguy, and calicat,

First off thanks for the well wishes.

On the car seat thing I plan on getting a new one. I did not know I had the option from the police department but knowing now I can use them as a backup.

Dog cage…
I will ask the social worker if that is possible. If she says yeah then I will go and get one. my outlook on spending money has changed since me spending the $500 for a weekend. Before it was get EVERYTHING so I don’t get caught without having something. Now it is buy it only when you NEED it!!! But that thinking kinda back fired because had I had it I probably would have gotten the overnight visits a lot sooner than later.

But I am in no rush!!!! I have basically conceded to the fact this will be a long and drawn out process. The only 2 options she has left is saying that I “sexually abuse” our daughter. But that she can’t use cause she has not even let me SEE HER!! and 2) is brining our daughter to the court house giving her to me then coming back and taking her out my arms only to get me upset and draw attention to the fact that I am an “angry man” and need to go to counceling. And that one I am waiting for !!! I personally seen 2 women do it and I was there sitting right behind them and YES it does look like the guy was wrong when you are looking from 5 rows away. But when you are sitting right behind the guy u can see as CLEAR AS DAY the father has not seen their kid and just wants a little “pease” and he is denied that and get’s pissed!!! Hahahah I did not laugh there I just felt how pathetic and sad some women are that they use there kids to push there x’s buttons!


Visitation issues and MORE DRAMA…
That and among other things I am going to see if I can make inforceable either with a fine or jail time. As well as her filing the order of protection agains me. I could “conceede” to it but it then would leave an open wound that in the future can be blown way out of perportion by a slick attorney. So now we might have to go to trial over that and it will probably be exposed as a false claim. But I am worried about what the penalities might be. I am hoping it is just a fine. And from what her lawyer was saying a good attorney can pick apart in my favor!

Child support…
Well I am still sending her money to help out via certified mail but she does not want to pick it up. OH yet ANOTHER “game”… her coming to court saying “he has not supported his child in the past 4 months”. Well hopefully I will get the mails back in time and open them infront of the judge only to find out that I have but she just wants to play games.

“I pay child support but I just don't want to get emotionally involved in the turmoil of courts,” by maiguy
let me tell you something there is NO SUCH THING!!!! as “emotional turmoil of the courts”. A woman would go without a though whether justified or not. And to be honest with you most women I know that have kids ALL said a few years ago they will NEVER take their child’s father to court. “they can do all right by themselves”.. 2 years ahead THEY ARE ALL IN COURT NOW!!!!!! No bs

The “trick” that I am using to “cope” with this is believe it or not.. “NOT THINKING ABOUT OUR DAUGHTER!!” I go in there knowing that I have done my very very best and that this is my ONLY option. Her lawyer HATES that attitude in me. She wants me to get a lawyer so badly so they can sit down and haggle and bargain over my future with our daughter.

It also helps that our daughter can’t talk yet AND that I have not seen her in over 2 months so I basically am not missing out on anything if I have to wait 2 MORE months!! But between now and then she turns 1 year old AND there is a doctor’s appointment coming up. I will have to wait and see how that turns out!! :-(

Books books and more books… That is all I have been doing is reading …

The author of Fathers’ Rights is Jeffery M. Leving…
I also have…
--A guide to Family Law by The American Bar Association
--Child Custody made simple by Webster Watnik
and I am currently reading
--Custody for Fathers by Carleen Brennan & Michael Brennan
but I should have been reading the next book FIRST..
--Make peace with anyone by David J. Lieberman

“my child”
it does not suck believe it or not. Because it is OUR child. I had a “debate” with a close female friend of mine about that. And if you think about it it can be the root of the drama because each side wants to take position of something that they BOTH help create. I think if we use “our” more instead of “my” subconsciously we will realize that no matter how much we may hate the other parent it is “our” responsibility to make sure that that child is raised under the best circumstances possible despite the current situation.

At the end of the day as much as I may try I know that there is over 100 years of court room drama, stereotypes, male biases that I am going up against if only we could find that love we once shared when we conceived this child and use that to make the situation better for all of us…

I sent her an email saying…
----------------
Subject: Against my better judgment…

Do U Want 2 Talk?...

YES = u reply with a time and place (preferable a PUBLIC place hahahahah)

NO = u DO NOT reply and the only time we c and hear from each other is via in front of a judge.

Hunter
------------------

 

[bhhunter13]

well I am finally contacting attorneys. If anyone can recommend an attorney in NYC that they know of that would be great. For those of you who might suggest the attorneys from SPARC I have already sent them an email and am awaiting a response.

My first supervised visitation is this Saturday. And I just found out that I have to now pay and additional $180 to her for a report she must right up to give to the court on top of the $60 an hour.

Thank god for TAX RETURNS!! Hahaahah
Hunter.

 

[bhhunter13]

106/2423

Though it has been very rough at times I have “survived” being a daddy for 1 WHOLE YEAR as of tomorrow!!! February 21st

Due to the supervised visitation I will only get to see her for an hour which will set me back $150. I did my first hour 2 weeks ago in a hotel room on the floor!!! Which also cost me $150 :-(

I am very very excited but at the same time EXTREAMLY sad!!! I still have to get me a lawyer though I have 2 I am interviewing. One from the SPARC web site and another from my union.

Well that is the latest to date. I can’t believe when I started this whole thing it was to get advice on how to “prevent” this from happening!!! I guess it is just how relationships go these day. Sad but true.

Hunter

 

[ginger71]

One thing to keep in mind about this "hearing" or whatever it is.... I would find out if the mother is going to have a legal representative with her. My husband went before a court appointed mediator to discuss a visitation schedule....we had everything prepared and the mediator wouldn't even let him talk. The mediator treated him as if he were stupid. His exwife had an attorney present, and the attorney got to say whatever he wanted. Also, we had our schedule of visitation prepared, but because we hadn't submitted it prior to the mediation, the mediator wouldn't even look at it. I don't know your exact circumstances, but I would make sure that any "evidence" or "exhibits" that you want to be seen at the hearing, doesn't need to be submitted prior to the 23rd. Good Luck.

 

[carmonal03]

hey good luck buddy! I know it hard, I have been through it and am STILL going through the same thing.
21 year old father of 2 here. E-mail me sometime to chat if you want to.

carmonal03@yahoo.com

best of luck and happy "happy b-day to your little one"

 

[bhhunter13]

109 /2706


Well that is the latest on what has gone on since the last time I posted. I am currently still in search of a lawyer. I had one come to the march 5th court date but was not to pleased with how he “handled” the situation. He wanted me to concede to the order of protection and to “hear them out” (the law guardian & my x’s attorney)
They want me to agree to the “standard” father gets visitation, mother gets custody and decision making ability with little or no input from me.

Further more because she does not want to drop the FALSE order of protection we have to stay in court longer AND we can’t get or go to any “positive” services like me mediation, counseling. the forensic worker even ask me if I was interested I said YES!!!!!!!!! But as soon as I mentioned that there was an order of protection she said “you are not eligible!!!”

After our court case I ask her why is it that she would not drop the order of protection she said it basically “keeps me in control” translation… WHAT EVER SHE SAY GOES!!! She claims that I argue over EVERYTHING concerning our child!!!

There is some truth to that but what she sees as an argument is just my EXTREME concern about the well being of our child!!! So YES if I feel that she should not be eating a certain food or doing a certain thing I AM GOING TO MENTION MY DISAPPROVAL OF IT !!!!!!!

But because she is the MOTHER and I am JUST the father SHE KNOWS BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But I must say I have not had much input if any in what goes on with our child only because what she does behind close door and how she raises her when she is with her I CAN DO NOTHING ABOUT so I have come to the conclusion that I cannot change that for now!!!

Well let me go now… I do hope that things get better with this whole “baby momma drama” cycle that seems to be such a “natural” process when you and the person you have a child with are not married.

OH!!!!!!!! Her attorney recently sent a letter to the attorney that represented me stating that I come 2 hours EARLY and wait in front of the house and demand that I have her pick up our child AND that I have STOP giving her money and that if it continues that she will have to take me to court for child support.


I am planning to go to the family court in her county and start the whole child support process ANY WAY!!!!!!. Tell me what you think.. should I go ahead or should I wait for her to do it?

Hunter

OH ANOTHER QUESTION!!!!
When I mentioned at the last court date we should go and start the child support thing she said we could not do it hear we have to do it in her county AND that when she does she is going to get “arrears” is that true?
Please ONLY answer that question if u know for a fact!!! Hahahha then again I can always ask a lawyer right!!! hahaha


BELOW IS A LISTING OF PETITIONS THE COURT DATES to date...

Court Petitions Detailed

1st
File#: *****
Docket #: V-*****-03
Petition About:
I filled a Petition For Custody
Date Filled: December 3rd 2003


2nd
Docket #: O-*****-03
Petition About:
Mother Filled a Family Offence Petition Claiming on Sunday, December 14th, 2003 I argued with her in the home, cursing at her, yelling and screaming and verbally abusing her in the home, all creating a disturbance in the home. She alleges prior
pushes and shoves by me and I threw her on the table in the past. She alleges continual arguments, cursing and verbal abuse by me and she wants me to be kept away from her home, premises, person, property and child and to stop harassing phone calls to her home.

My Side: COMPLETELY FALSE! These events never occurred ON December 14th 2003, PRIOR to December 14th 2003, and any time AFTER December 14th 2003.

&

3rd
Docket #: V-*****-03
Petition About:
Mother Filled a Petition For Custody Date Filed: December 3rd 2003 (along with the Family Offence)
Resulting Court Appearance: January 22, 2004


4th
Docket #: V-*****-03
Petition About:
I filled a Petition for Visitation because the Mother was not going to allow me to pick up or child between the court dates.
Resulting Court Appearance: January 22, 2004
===========================================

Court Appearances Detailed


1st -- Tuesday, December 23rd, 2003
We were given a date to come back to court.


2nd -- Thursday, January 22nd, 2004
*Temporary custody was given to Mother
*Mother mentioned that my sister owned a Pit Bull and was concerned about the dog being around our child. As a result the dog was given to my sister’s boyfriend to stay at his residence.
* I was also ordered to get a car seat and crib.
*Law guardian was appointed for our child
*ACS was also required to come to my home to do a site evaluation Supervised visitation was also ordered. I had 2 visits. The first on 2-7-04 lasting 1 hour, and the second 2-21-03 for another hour totaling 2 hours and was to be inforced until March 5th 2004 total cost $300!!


3rd -- Friday, March 5th 2004
*CSW’s Reports were submitted to the court
*CSW stated that the child clearly recognizes me and that we have a good relationship
*CSW stated that supervised visitation are not necessary
*Does not recommend overnight visits and that visits should only be during the day
*Dog is with sister’s boyfriend
*A crib, and car seat was bought
*ACS staff’s home visit was given
*Unsupervised visitation was granted to me every Sunday between 10am- 6pm (8 hours) effective till June 3rd 2004
*A forensics evaluation was ordered for both of us. The 1st visit was on April 8th, 2004. The second April 18th, 2004.
*Next Court date June 3rd 2004

4th – Thursday, June 3rd, 2004
*Upcomming…

 

[bhhunter13]

First off i have not been here in a while!!! things has really gotten better. MAJOR PROPS to the webmaster(s)!!!!

ok getting back to the DRAMA.
well since my last post she has filed for child support. i went to the hearing yesterday. it will cost me $700 a month.

i am not "bothered" by that cause i was giving $500 a month so it works out to be $100 more each check which is something i was "prepared" for. but i guess it is the whole disbelieve of the fact that i am actually trying my best to do the right thing by both her and our daughter and am going through the EXACT same thing that the guy goes through that does not give a damn about his kids.

i will get over it. i just know that it is not a bad thing. the "positive" thing is that at the very least that i am doing "my part" even if it is financial instead of TIME!! but it is what it is and i am not knocking it nor am i mad at her it is just i could have ran the streets and not give two sh*ts and do me and deal with this when ever it comes up. ahahha

LIFE at the end of the day it is what you make it and i am NOT going to make this "DESTROY" or get me down more than it already has!!!!

Our next court date is July 15th (next Thursday). What should happen then is hopefully I will get the forensic report in (they had a case working come over to my apartment to check and see where our daughter lives, if I have food for her etc etc. she also talked to my sister and my dad.).

Oh our daughter’s attorney suggesting I take parenting classes!!! I tell you they have come up with sooooooo many things that I just sit there having to “defend” myself most of the time.

Will I will end now I don’t want to be too long winded. I will keep you posted. And thanks once again for the advice and support I have received from a few of you.

BHHunter

 

[bhhunter13]

111/3,279
I am also planning to open a custodial account for her this sunday and have $40 to $50 taken out my check to get deposited to an account in her name. I have already done the Gerber life insurance thing.
this is sooo funny. i care soooooo much for this little girl i hope that the drama that i am going through with her mom does not leave me to bitter.
BHHunter

 

[stealth2]

Doin' good, dude. I hope it all works out for you.

And props for taking the time to find your thread and add to it! That's damned impressive!

 

[djohnson]

Just a piece of advice, I don't know about where you are at, but here I was advised when opening a savings account for my SS and bio children, to not put the SS name on the account. As long as the mother has custody, she has the legal rights to make withdrews as custodian. It can be fought but would just cause more problems. If she is in anyway spiteful and vindictive and finds out about it, it could be all be for nothing. Just something to look into to be on the safe side.

 

[bhhunter13]

WHOW!!!!! thanks for the advice!!!!!! when you wrote "SS" did you mean social security number? so are you saying open the account in my name? so i guess she will have "legal" right to the Gerber account as well?
BHHunter

 

[SMURFEELAW]

"SS" means step son. When she opened an account for her step son the custodial mother had rights to it as the custodial parent. I just had my will written because I bought a house and my fiance and I aren't married yet. I wanted to leave "stuff" to my future step daughter but the attorney suggested that I put it in a trust for her so that the custodial parent (her mother) could not touch it. We also wrote up the house that way if something should happen to the both of us. The gerber thing shouldn't be a problem (since you determine the beneficiary) but I would check. Good Luck

 

[bhhunter13]

first off thanks stealth2 for the well wishes. thanks SMURFEELAW for clearing things up for me. i was told of putting things "trust" but had now idea what it meant. when i go to the bank tomorrow i will ask some question and do some investigating on my own. once again THANKS!!!

 

[bhhunter13]

117 / 3,848
10/12/04

Hi everyone it has been a very long time since I posted a message. But then again most of you who are here knows that going through the family court system is not as easy as 1-2-3!!

Well just to give you a brief update

custodial account
ok I did open up the custodial account for her and I put in $50 every 2 weeks to it. soon I will just get it directly deposited but for now it is part of our pay day week Sunday to visit the bank and put money into her account. OH and beside it is getting really cold anyway to be walking to a bank!! Hahha oh and it is in my name! I took the advice from one of the members.

forensic report
the forensic report FINALLY came in and it was not to “favorable” on my part. The examiner suggested that I take some “anger management” courses. I turned to my attorney and said “who is paying?” he said “you” I said “well I don’t have the money!!” I told him there is no proof that I need this what is it that I did that made her recommend this. He could not give me a straight answer.
Well I am just waiting to go over the report page by page with my attorney.

Next court date
Well the next court date is January 11, 2005. by then if we can’t come up with an agreement their will be a trial. Let’s just see I hope we can come up with an agreement.

I NEED HELP WITH THIS THOUGH…The last court visit the only thing the judge wanted to get off the table was the “order of protection” I have always insisted that I will NOT consent to it!! BUT my lawyer “persuaded” me to concede to it because it does not have the STAY AWAY CLAUSE which means I have to say away from her. As long as we are discussing our daughter that is fine. I can go to all doctor’s visits, school events things like that.

But I cannot stalk, harass, physically or mentally abuse her etc etc. I rationalized it and said OK I don’t do that stuff to begin with so no problem. But what my attorney failed to tell me that I found out 2 days later from reading the court papers is that this order of protection is in effect till September 15, 2006!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say when I read that I was PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I though it would last up until the next court date (which it always says) or until we decide custody.
Well I basically have till the end of the month to appeal this ruling.

So my question is “SHOULD I CONCEED TO THE ORDER OF PROTECTION AGAINST ME OR SHOULD I FIGHT IT?”

PLEASE reply to my question because I just want to get some idea of what might be my down fall in the near future of conceding to something I did not do. Or is this just the “norm” and is over looked as just a by product of 2 parents going for custody of their child and allegations being tossed left and right.

Once again thanks in advance for you advice and help. I wish everyone the best.
BH

 

[LdiJ]

117 / 3,848
10/12/04

Hi everyone it has been a very long time since I posted a message. But then again most of you who are here knows that going through the family court system is not as easy as 1-2-3!!

Well just to give you a brief update

custodial account
ok I did open up the custodial account for her and I put in $50 every 2 weeks to it. soon I will just get it directly deposited but for now it is part of our pay day week Sunday to visit the bank and put money into her account. OH and beside it is getting really cold anyway to be walking to a bank!! Hahha oh and it is in my name! I took the advice from one of the members.

forensic report
the forensic report FINALLY came in and it was not to “favorable” on my part. The examiner suggested that I take some “anger management” courses. I turned to my attorney and said “who is paying?” he said “you” I said “well I don’t have the money!!” I told him there is no proof that I need this what is it that I did that made her recommend this. He could not give me a straight answer.
Well I am just waiting to go over the report page by page with my attorney.

Next court date
Well the next court date is January 11, 2005. by then if we can’t come up with an agreement their will be a trial. Let’s just see I hope we can come up with an agreement.

I NEED HELP WITH THIS THOUGH…The last court visit the only thing the judge wanted to get off the table was the “order of protection” I have always insisted that I will NOT consent to it!! BUT my lawyer “persuaded” me to concede to it because it does not have the STAY AWAY CLAUSE which means I have to say away from her. As long as we are discussing our daughter that is fine. I can go to all doctor’s visits, school events things like that.

But I cannot stalk, harass, physically or mentally abuse her etc etc. I rationalized it and said OK I don’t do that stuff to begin with so no problem. But what my attorney failed to tell me that I found out 2 days later from reading the court papers is that this order of protection is in effect till September 15, 2006!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say when I read that I was PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I though it would last up until the next court date (which it always says) or until we decide custody.
Well I basically have till the end of the month to appeal this ruling.

So my question is “SHOULD I CONCEED TO THE ORDER OF PROTECTION AGAINST ME OR SHOULD I FIGHT IT?”

PLEASE reply to my question because I just want to get some idea of what might be my down fall in the near future of conceding to something I did not do. Or is this just the “norm” and is over looked as just a by product of 2 parents going for custody of their child and allegations being tossed left and right.

Once again thanks in advance for you advice and help. I wish everyone the best.
BH

WOW dude...this has been taking you a DARNED long time. Your daughter will be two in 4 months and you STILL don't have anything finalized.

I think that you made a mistake refusing to take the anger management class. Whenever somebody "official" suggests that you do something, its WISE to do it.

Its also wise to take the advice of your attorney.

Unless you want to still be in the same "unfinalized" situation in ANOTHER two years...LISTEN to what you are being told.