Does mom have a say in who dad brings around child?

[usedstepmom]

I have a lot of respect for a mother who wants to protect her child. I don't view that as being irrational. I, however, have been the step-mother who never does enough, no matter what I do. She will always view me as the "one who took him away" even though they were already apart when we met. I have always loved his child just as if she were my own. I guess maybe that threatens her or makes her insecure, but I hope the child will realize some day that bitterness doesn't solve anything. You can never have enough people to truly love your child. Even after I had children of my own, I always try to make her feel welcome and loved. My advice is keep doing the right thing and it will eventually pay off, at least in the eyes of the child.

 

[winn dixie]

The bottom line is if there is no visitation order established she doesn't even have to let the father have visitation...much less you...or be around the child. Get visitation established FIRST...the worry about the rest...

On a personal note...I am a step mother, and a mother...and my children will sonn have a step mother.

Stepmother sometimes get the short end of the stick...but if you do what is in the best interest of the child that is all that matters. Do not try to discuss matters of parenting with her....while you may love the child it is not your place....it must remain between the parents. Now if she invites you to take part that is different. But be courteous and let Dad handle mom. I have found that if you hand it over and just support them from behind the scenes life is much easier for everyone involved.

I know it is hard with someone who is very contolling but the more you try and "mark your territory" the more a control freak will dig their claws in.

Good luck to you...and have Dad get visitation established pronto.

Oh and by the way....when my ex husbands wife said I couldn't pick up the kids...he asked his attorney about it....see we are at a big geographical distance and my husband is active duty. When he was going to go get the kids he was put on duty and wasn't allowed to leave area. He asked if I could come get them...she said nope. We figured there was nothing we could do, but we contacted attorney...he called her attorney and I was told to go get them...so I did.
Long story short...I don't know why but Oklahoma would hold her in contempt if she didn't allow me (wife) to get kids...she owuld have been held in contempt for denial of visitaion. Maybe its because he is active duty....

Good Luck

 

[tbohio72]

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So why the hell hasn't Dad asked for standard visitation at this point?

A court ordered visitation order is underway as we speak. He mailed out his complaint to the Friends of the Court 10 days ago. He did not push court ordered visitiation because he had an ailing mother awaiting a liver transplant. He was afraid if he took the issue to court, the mom would hold the child at ransom and not alllow him to visit and he wasn't sure how long things would take. He didn't want time to pass and his mother not be able to visit her grand-daughter. The mom wouldn't bring the child 2 hrs to his mother's house to visit even though she was not able to travel and be too far from home because of being on a transplant list. She did make it up there a couple of times but in the end was not able to do it anymore. His mother passed away 2 months ago after contracting a terrible infection as a result of the long awaited transplant. So yes, he has now he has filed for visitation. We know he won't be able to bring the child to Ohio until age 4. When he is able to bring her to Ohio, I'll be the wife, not the fiancé (and yes I realize I still don't have a say or any rights) but I'm hoping she can't prevent him from bringing her to our home in Ohio just because "she's the mom and she has the say who her child is around" as she puts it. If it's a standard order, he'll get her 2 wks in the summer. We'll be married, so I don't know where the mom thinks she'll be staying other than our home. Poor kid. She is going to be the one who suffers. I would never say a bad word to her about her mother, but I know this conduct will not be reciprocated by the mother.

 

[seniorjudge]

So as a judge, would you hold this e-mail I sent the mother against the father? Have I ruined his case?

It's just one more stick of kindling that they will throw on the complaining fire.

A judge (I hope) takes a look at the parents first and then associates next.

If you haven't been abusing children, I wouldn't worry about it.