Email

[winn dixie]

What is the name of your state?
My ex insist on using my personal email as a means of contact. When my ex calls to talk to the kids and I get on the phone when they just hang up....if I ask a question they hang up. Then they will get on the computer and email a question and if they don't like the answer they write me emails 2-3 pages long that are just going on and on about everything I do wrong...and how I am a bad parent...they won't even ask me little questions by phone....I understand wanting to have an account of everything, butits getting ridiculous....like if I tell them no about anything at all they just go off on me through email. It is too the point where I dread turning on my computer!!!! I have received as many as 4 emails a day!!!!
Do I have to answer them through email only? I have just stopped answering any and all emails...I am willing to answer his questions on the phone. I just feel like if they starts ranting and raving I can simply say good bye....but in email I have to read about...I am just sick of it!!!!

 

[blendedfamily]

I'd simply tell him in an email if needed that your email is not a form of communication you wish to use...Tell him he may call you on the phone. Keep copies of these long rants if needed....and I think most email providors have a way to block sender.....I believe your under NO obligation to have email contact with them...But think ....you might have to listen to those long rants on the phone instead...lol

 

[winn dixie]

LOL...thank you for the reply...but on the phone I can hang up and he knows better than to keep calling as he has been in trouble before for harrasing me by phone...at home...through my husbands cell phone...he even went as far as calling the day care provider and leaving nasty messages.

He says he wasnts a record of every single thing that we talk about...but in reality I feel like he is just looking to picka a fight....I feel like I am under a microscope all the time.

I shouldn't be either...I do what I am suppose to do...I respect his rights as a parent and promote healthy relationships between him and the kids.


He just gets on these band wagons from time to tome and tries to find some new way to make me crazy....the last thing he tried was calling my husband and tellinh him I was a secret double agent....when he gets like this I refuse to talk to him about anythink not directly related to the kids...the last time I refused to engage in conversation with him he came to my job...I am a teacher and tried to get me to talk on front of my students...and one of my students is OUR own son. It is just maddening!!!

I have talked to my attorney about it.....he said I could take your $$ and we could file contempt...and he likely would be found in contempt but the judge would probably be mad because he would feel like I was wasting the courts time stupid stuff. Which I understand his point,,,,but don't I have a right to live without being harassed and worried who he is gonna call and bother next? It even says in our divorce decree neither party shall annoy or harrass each other by any means up to including a third party.

I am sorry to rant and rave but its just fustrating and I hope that by ignoring his demanding ways he will stop behaving this way...feel like I am dealing with a spoiled child!!!

 

[LdiJ]

LOL...thank you for the reply...but on the phone I can hang up and he knows better than to keep calling as he has been in trouble before for harrasing me by phone...at home...through my husbands cell phone...he even went as far as calling the day care provider and leaving nasty messages.

He says he wasnts a record of every single thing that we talk about...but in reality I feel like he is just looking to picka a fight....I feel like I am under a microscope all the time.

I shouldn't be either...I do what I am suppose to do...I respect his rights as a parent and promote healthy relationships between him and the kids.


He just gets on these band wagons from time to tome and tries to find some new way to make me crazy....the last thing he tried was calling my husband and tellinh him I was a secret double agent....when he gets like this I refuse to talk to him about anythink not directly related to the kids...the last time I refused to engage in conversation with him he came to my job...I am a teacher and tried to get me to talk on front of my students...and one of my students is OUR own son. It is just maddening!!!

I have talked to my attorney about it.....he said I could take your $$ and we could file contempt...and he likely would be found in contempt but the judge would probably be mad because he would feel like I was wasting the courts time stupid stuff. Which I understand his point,,,,but don't I have a right to live without being harassed and worried who he is gonna call and bother next? It even says in our divorce decree neither party shall annoy or harrass each other by any means up to including a third party.

I am sorry to rant and rave but its just fustrating and I hope that by ignoring his demanding ways he will stop behaving this way...feel like I am dealing with a spoiled child!!!

You aren't thinking of something that could be very important. If you continue with email, and you keep every email he sends, then you have hard proof of his rants and harassment...and hopefully he will have no proof that you are doing the same.

If you simply ignore all of the ranting, and answer only the needed questions, very calmly and clearly....then you are providing yourself with a good paper trail.

 

[Rushia]

You aren't thinking of something that could be very important. If you continue with email, and you keep every email he sends, then you have hard proof of his rants and harassment...and hopefully he will have no proof that you are doing the same.

If you simply ignore all of the ranting, and answer only the needed questions, very calmly and clearly....then you are providing yourself with a good paper trail.

This is exactly what I did with my children's grandparents. Finally after a month of this though, I threatened them with harassment and I haven't heard a word since.

 

[SM5NY]

First of all what a nut case he seems to be! Second, you are under no obligation to this man by e-mail. Change you e-mail address or ignore him. You are not obligated to listen to his ranting, and I don't think any court order would say you are...lol.
Leave yourself that clean trail. If he is going to think he can play that game, calling, e-mailing, come to your place of work and harrass you. Let him know you are not going to put up with it. If it gets out of control get a restraining order and get him for harrassing. In the mean time ignore him. No on should have to put up with that!

 

[Britlandco]

Ahhh! This is very familiar. Same thing happens here. I finally decided that I was under no obligation to respond to them by e-mail. And just this past week, I have decided to block the step-mom's e-mail from my account. I have never responded to them by e-mail. So she finally sent me the 3 page letter by mail!

Court papers are helpful for people who can not communicate. Just follow the visitation orders word for word and ignore the e-mails! They are leaving themselves a nice paper trail...print them off in case you need them later!

 

[winn dixie]

Well the plot thickens...i got a call from my ex today and he was ranting and raving that I HAD to give him an email address that he could reach me....I guess he got the point that I wasn't going to respond to him through my personal email. I told him that I didn't recall anything being in our agreement that I had to give himr one....he starts saying I am gonna take you to court. I wish he would....anytime you tell him no he acts like a spoiled child.

When I got reamrried he demanded to know where I was gonna be everyday of my honey moon....in our order it states that we have to be able to reach each other...like cell phone pager or voicemail....if we should go out of town. I told him I would be out of town...and I would have my cell with me...he told me I was required to tell him where I would be at EVERY moment...I was like no....you have my number....

this is just one of the many ways that he tries to annoy me. It is getting so crazy!!!!! I am so embarrassed that he calls even my husbands commander at work....I hate having to explain him to everyone because he always shows his butt everywhere!!!

I have talked to my attorney and he said I wouldn't get a restraining order because he is the kids father and he hasn't harmed me or them yet...and if I go the contampt route that the judge would be irritated.

Good Grief...why is there a shared parenting agreement then....he picks and chooses what he wants to abide by...he tries so hard to get me on any little thing to take me to court to try and hold me in contempt!!! But honestly I follow it....he just pitches a fit everytime I don't bend to his whim!!!!!!

It seems to me I should be able to live my life in peace!!!

 

[jslopez711]

What is the name of your state?
My ex insist on using my personal email as a means of contact. When my ex calls to talk to the kids and I get on the phone when they just hang up....if I ask a question they hang up. Then they will get on the computer and email a question and if they don't like the answer they write me emails 2-3 pages long that are just going on and on about everything I do wrong...and how I am a bad parent...they won't even ask me little questions by phone....I understand wanting to have an account of everything, butits getting ridiculous....like if I tell them no about anything at all they just go off on me through email. It is too the point where I dread turning on my computer!!!! I have received as many as 4 emails a day!!!!
Do I have to answer them through email only? I have just stopped answering any and all emails...I am willing to answer his questions on the phone. I just feel like if they starts ranting and raving I can simply say good bye....but in email I have to read about...I am just sick of it!!!!

I prefer the e-mails over hearing my ex. I don't know how long you have been separated or how old your kids are but it does get better.

So, careful what you wish for.

 

[Smarty Panties]

the last thing he tried was calling my husband and telling him I was a secret double agent

I'm sorry but that was hilarious. It doesn't sound like he's dealing with a full deck.

You do have the option of filing harassment charges at the police station...

 

[jslopez711]

I'm sorry but that was hilarious. It doesn't sound like he's dealing with a full deck.

You do have the option of filing harassment charges at the police station...

Hey, don't laugh, we've all been there. Ex does not want to talk because the anger is still fresh. There was a time when my ex would not even talk to me about our son's visit to the dr. without all of her issues spilling over. She used EVERY, and I mean EVERY oportunity to just loose it. It's funny now but then it was quite stressful. I still have problems with that woman but they are getting better.

And Smarty, you know that in the begening a lot of parents don't think staight.

 

[Smarty Panties]

Yeah but I never accused my ex of being an international spy! That is just soooo out there.

 

[winn dixie]

Thank you for the words of encouragement....the main reason I have just stoppped dealing with him through is that we have been divorced for almost 5 years....and I thought it would get better with time but it seems he has some new inventive way to annoy me. On the phone I can tell him what he needs to know about the kids and hang up.....and he has already been in trouble for phone harrassment.

I guess I just have to suck it up and ignore him like I would a child who throws a temper tantrum.

I really thought it would get better and sometimes it does, but like I said if I don't give him his way about something he gets well stupid!!!!


Thanks Again!!!

 

[jslopez711]

Thank you for the words of encouragement....the main reason I have just stoppped dealing with him through is that we have been divorced for almost 5 years....and I thought it would get better with time but it seems he has some new inventive way to annoy me. On the phone I can tell him what he needs to know about the kids and hang up.....and he has already been in trouble for phone harrassment.

I guess I just have to suck it up and ignore him like I would a child who throws a temper tantrum.

I really thought it would get better and sometimes it does, but like I said if I don't give him his way about something he gets well stupid!!!!


Thanks Again!!!

Just rember that when dealing with an ex like this, often times you are going to have to be bigger person and lean into the strike zone when it comes to some options with the kids. I have an ex just like the one you mention.

 

[WyattJ]

Been there Done that

Well the plot thickens...i got a call from my ex today and he was ranting and raving that I HAD to give him an email address that he could reach me....I guess he got the point that I wasn't going to respond to him through my personal email. I told him that I didn't recall anything being in our agreement that I had to give himr one....he starts saying I am gonna take you to court. I wish he would....anytime you tell him no he acts like a spoiled child.

When I got reamrried he demanded to know where I was gonna be everyday of my honey moon....in our order it states that we have to be able to reach each other...like cell phone pager or voicemail....if we should go out of town. I told him I would be out of town...and I would have my cell with me...he told me I was required to tell him where I would be at EVERY moment...I was like no....you have my number....

this is just one of the many ways that he tries to annoy me. It is getting so crazy!!!!! I am so embarrassed that he calls even my husbands commander at work....I hate having to explain him to everyone because he always shows his butt everywhere!!!

I have talked to my attorney and he said I wouldn't get a restraining order because he is the kids father and he hasn't harmed me or them yet...and if I go the contampt route that the judge would be irritated.

Good Grief...why is there a shared parenting agreement then....he picks and chooses what he wants to abide by...he tries so hard to get me on any little thing to take me to court to try and hold me in contempt!!! But honestly I follow it....he just pitches a fit everytime I don't bend to his whim!!!!!!

It seems to me I should be able to live my life in peace!!!

I had joint custody for nine years...I went through the same thing minus the emails. He expected everything of me. So I finally got a lawyer and went for sole custody. I was award sole custody on the base that joint means working together...not to use the other parent for everything or use against the other parent. You might want to look into getting sole custody...he can still have his visitation - I never changed the visitation we already had scheduled just the joint parenting agreement we had which we had stipulations to go by regarding parenting. Also kept that I get to claim taxes each year and we are still obligated to pay half on medical bills.

Also, keep documents of everything...meaning the emails, write down phone conversation - where and when and the date.