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Ex's girlfriend picking up

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M

maryjo

Member
What is the name of your state? Fl

My ex husband is now working two jobs. Amazing since he would NEVER do that when we were together. Anyway, his girlfriend met me last weekend at the drop off/pick up spot because he was still working. He called me ahead of time and let me know she was going to be there.

I dont have a problem with this. I know our son isnt exactly comfortable with her but they have been together for more than 2 years now, might be married as far as I know, and they are living together in her house and have been most of the last 2 years. Son goes there every other weekend and spent half of last summer there. It isnt like he doesnt know her. I know at times she isnt the sweetest thing to our son. She does seem to have a chip on her shoulder but I havent figured out yet if that is just for me or if she is like that all the time. From what I have heard..she is pretty much like that all the time.

Anyway, my parents were furious with me for letting her take our son home last weekend. They think that should she ever get mad at my ex that she will take it out on our son. I suppose anything is possible but in the last two years she has never shown anything that would make me think she would do anything like that. My father said "If anything happens to him while he is alone with her, you will be responsible for it." I have no idea what that means. I asked but he wont explain. So, if they got into a car accident, for example, and my son gets hurt...then I will be responsible? I would be anyway..wouldnt I? I mean, for medical bills and such. If she did, by some odd chance, hurt my son on purpose....how could I be held responsible for that? Wouldnt SHE, or at the very least, my ex be held responsible for that?

I realize my parents are being hyper-sensitive. I just let them talk and then do what I think is best. I dont have a problem with her picking him up. If my ex needs to work and wants to work...then by all means...let him work! I am not going to go causing fights over every little thing. There isnt anything in our divorce papers saying that only he or I can pick up. And I dont want to go changing things now because there might be a time I cant pick up or drop off and then where would I be?

But other than the over dramatics, there isnt something I am missing here, is there? About me allowing her to pick him up? I mean, anything LEGAL that I should be dealing with?
 


J

JadalaStar

Junior Member
hmmm

No. If he is okay with and you are okay with it, you should be fine. As long as he always know where she is taking your son and he informs you correctly. If you ever have a concern and decide you do not want her to pick him up anymore, tell you ex husband this and he will have to pick up your son himself. Unless she is married to your ex and has gone through the proper channels to have gaurdianship of some kind, she would not be permitted to pick him up and if she should do so without permission it could be seen as kidnapping. So...make sure your ex husband always lets you know when she will be there instead of him and if she will be going anywhere out of the ordinary. If they have been together two years and you havent sensed any reason to distrust her (although I can understand not liking her) then I see no reason why you shouldnt allow her to pick your son up. I do reccomend that you try to make your parents see to reason. If you believe it to be a safe situation your parents need to respect that.
 
S

Silverplum

Senior Member
I would never let my parents be mad at me for how I ran my coparenting relationship. Watch out for that, ok? You are the parent, the adult in this situation.

If you are cool with it, then by all means allow the gf to pick up the child. Cooperation is a two way street. He IS working two jobs, after all -- and still wants to maintain his parenting time schedule. That's all good stuff.

Coparenting goodness is always worth flexing for, IMO. :)

maryjo said:
What is the name of your state? Fl

My ex husband is now working two jobs. Amazing since he would NEVER do that when we were together. Anyway, his girlfriend met me last weekend at the drop off/pick up spot because he was still working. He called me ahead of time and let me know she was going to be there.

I dont have a problem with this. I know our son isnt exactly comfortable with her but they have been together for more than 2 years now, might be married as far as I know, and they are living together in her house and have been most of the last 2 years. Son goes there every other weekend and spent half of last summer there. It isnt like he doesnt know her. I know at times she isnt the sweetest thing to our son. She does seem to have a chip on her shoulder but I havent figured out yet if that is just for me or if she is like that all the time. From what I have heard..she is pretty much like that all the time.

Anyway, my parents were furious with me for letting her take our son home last weekend. They think that should she ever get mad at my ex that she will take it out on our son. I suppose anything is possible but in the last two years she has never shown anything that would make me think she would do anything like that. My father said "If anything happens to him while he is alone with her, you will be responsible for it." I have no idea what that means. I asked but he wont explain. So, if they got into a car accident, for example, and my son gets hurt...then I will be responsible? I would be anyway..wouldnt I? I mean, for medical bills and such. If she did, by some odd chance, hurt my son on purpose....how could I be held responsible for that? Wouldnt SHE, or at the very least, my ex be held responsible for that?

I realize my parents are being hyper-sensitive. I just let them talk and then do what I think is best. I dont have a problem with her picking him up. If my ex needs to work and wants to work...then by all means...let him work! I am not going to go causing fights over every little thing. There isnt anything in our divorce papers saying that only he or I can pick up. And I dont want to go changing things now because there might be a time I cant pick up or drop off and then where would I be?

But other than the over dramatics, there isnt something I am missing here, is there? About me allowing her to pick him up? I mean, anything LEGAL that I should be dealing with?
Click to expand...
 
S

Shay-Pari'e

Senior Member
JadalaStar said:
No. If he is okay with and you are okay with it, you should be fine. As long as he always know where she is taking your son and he informs you correctly. If you ever have a concern and decide you do not want her to pick him up anymore, tell you ex husband this and he will have to pick up your son himself.
Unless she is married to your ex and has gone through the proper channels to have gaurdianship of some kind,
Click to expand...

I don't know about Germany, but this girlfriend is not going to be a guardian to this child.
Click to expand...
 
S

Silverplum

Senior Member
Shay-Pari'e said:
I don't know about Germany, but this girlfriend is not going to be a guardian to this child.
Click to expand...
That's for dang sure, Shay. Good catch, like a responsible Senior! :)

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
That cretin is running all over the boards, providing her Giant Insights and poor spelling to one and all. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
 
M

maryjo

Member
Silverplum said:
I would never let my parents be mad at me for how I ran my coparenting relationship. Watch out for that, ok? You are the parent, the adult in this situation.

If you are cool with it, then by all means allow the gf to pick up the child. Cooperation is a two way street. He IS working two jobs, after all -- and still wants to maintain his parenting time schedule. That's all good stuff.

Coparenting goodness is always worth flexing for, IMO. :)
Click to expand...

I think because we live with them, they think they have the right to run my divorce. Then again, they thought they had the right to run my marriage too. LOL! Overbearing mothers seem to run in my family. LOL! It just REALLY bothers my mother, because she HATES my ex, that he still has rights to his son. She got "lucky" with an ex who gave up rights to their child. My dad gave up right to his kids after his first marriage ended. He didnt have much choice. The mother refuse to let him see them and told them he was dead. It was another time. There wasnt anything he could do. Neither one of them had to deal with any of this stuff. They are pretty much of the mind set that the mother has all the legal rights. I tell them the stuff I learn here, they dont believe me.

I dont have any issues with it. Not now anway. Not until I have a REASON to be concerned. I know my ex isnt perfect...who is? But he isnt a bad father. We dont agree on everything when it comes to certain things, but what parents really do? My son wants his father in his life, his father wants to be in his life. I dont have any problems with that at all. It makes me sad when my ex calls and says he cant take him. Like this is his year for Spring Break but he told me today he probably wont be able to take him now that he has two jobs. I guess his girlfriend doesnt want to be a mother again since her two are already grown. LOL!

I am all for co-parenting. Its my son I am concerned about. I have been accused of wanting to make my ex happy because I dont fight him tooth and nail on every litle thing. It has nothing to do with my ex. I have NO feelings left for him at all! I just want things to be as normal and peaceful for my son...and myself...as possible.
 
M

maryjo

Member
Shay-Pari'e said:
JadalaStar said:
No. If he is okay with and you are okay with it, you should be fine. As long as he always know where she is taking your son and he informs you correctly. If you ever have a concern and decide you do not want her to pick him up anymore, tell you ex husband this and he will have to pick up your son himself.

I don't know about Germany, but this girlfriend is not going to be a guardian to this child.
Click to expand...

I am glad you said that. I didnt want to seem ungrateful but I didnt think that was correct.
Click to expand...
 
S

Silverplum

Senior Member
Always go for the coparenting and nonfighting way, if at all possible. It's best for everybody, especially the child. :)

maryjo said:
I think because we live with them, they think they have the right to run my divorce. Then again, they thought they had the right to run my marriage too. LOL! Overbearing mothers seem to run in my family. LOL! It just REALLY bothers my mother, because she HATES my ex, that he still has rights to his son. She got "lucky" with an ex who gave up rights to their child. My dad gave up right to his kids after his first marriage ended. He didnt have much choice. The mother refuse to let him see them and told them he was dead. It was another time. There wasnt anything he could do. Neither one of them had to deal with any of this stuff. They are pretty much of the mind set that the mother has all the legal rights. I tell them the stuff I learn here, they dont believe me.

I dont have any issues with it. Not now anway. Not until I have a REASON to be concerned. I know my ex isnt perfect...who is? But he isnt a bad father. We dont agree on everything when it comes to certain things, but what parents really do? My son wants his father in his life, his father wants to be in his life. I dont have any problems with that at all. It makes me sad when my ex calls and says he cant take him. Like this is his year for Spring Break but he told me today he probably wont be able to take him now that he has two jobs. I guess his girlfriend doesnt want to be a mother again since her two are already grown. LOL!

I am all for co-parenting. Its my son I am concerned about. I have been accused of wanting to make my ex happy because I dont fight him tooth and nail on every litle thing. It has nothing to do with my ex. I have NO feelings left for him at all! I just want things to be as normal and peaceful for my son...and myself...as possible.
Click to expand...
 
M

maryjo

Member
Silverplum said:
LOL, maryjo -- you're being very polite. :D

You can tell by a poster's history if they provide good advice or if they are a nutjob. :)
Click to expand...

I have gotten FAR too much valuable...FREE...help from the people at this site. I didnt want to take the chance at saying the wrong thing to the wrong person. ;)
 
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