false accusations

[ditzymiss]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? nj
Here's my dilemma...someone called dyfs on my ex-daughter-in-law and rightfully so, however, it wasn't me, but she has assumed it was. She went to my grandsons school, told the principal to remove me should i come there, told another teacher that i was molesting my grandson AND said she was getting a restraining order. She has threatened them with punishment if they talk to me, even when they are at my son's home and is making my granddaughter write down any text messages from me to my grandson, while at my son's home. My son does not agree with any of this. Is there any legal recourse here?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? nj
Here's my dilemma...someone called dyfs on my ex-daughter-in-law and rightfully so, however, it wasn't me, but she has assumed it was. She went to my grandsons school, told the principal to remove me should i come there, told another teacher that i was molesting my grandson AND said she was getting a restraining order. She has threatened them with punishment if they talk to me, even when they are at my son's home and is making my granddaughter write down any text messages from me to my grandson, while at my son's home. My son does not agree with any of this. Is there any legal recourse here?

Have you been charged with anything?

Has anything actually been filed?

Why are you going to school at all?

 

[ditzymiss]

No I haven't been charged with anything that I know of. My sister recently passed away and I've been 3,000 miles away when all this happened, my son has been filling me in. I pick my grandson up from school occaisionally for my son and also do volunteer work there every once in awhile.

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? nj
Here's my dilemma...someone called dyfs on my ex-daughter-in-law and rightfully so, however, it wasn't me, but she has assumed it was. She went to my grandsons school, told the principal to remove me should i come there, told another teacher that i was molesting my grandson AND said she was getting a restraining order. She has threatened them with punishment if they talk to me, even when they are at my son's home and is making my granddaughter write down any text messages from me to my grandson, while at my son's home. My son does not agree with any of this. Is there any legal recourse here?

She can't force the school to remove you. If your son is OK with you being involved, you have every right to volunteer at the school. She most certainly can't threaten them with punishment for talking with you (well, she can threaten, but that won't go anywhere). She can, however, force them to not disclose any confidential information, but you can simply get that from your son.

As for the allegations and/or restraining order, she will have to prove it. Her word alone might get a temporary order, but there will be a hearing and she will be required to prove her allegations. You will definitely want an attorney if she makes a formal complaint.

 

[ditzymiss]

Thanks for the info. I remember when they got divorced, she tried to mandate some things that may or may not happen on my son's visitation time and the judge clearly told her, that what he does and who the kids see on his time is his business...do you know of any family court law that would address that issue? Thing is we can't control what happens when they go to their mothers. She has and is punishing the kids if they talk to me or see me, they are so afraid of her. I only see them on my sons time, so just wondering how she could legally be allowed to do that?

 

[mistoffolees]

Thanks for the info. I remember when they got divorced, she tried to mandate some things that may or may not happen on my son's visitation time and the judge clearly told her, that what he does and who the kids see on his time is his business...do you know of any family court law that would address that issue? Thing is we can't control what happens when they go to their mothers. She has and is punishing the kids if they talk to me or see me, they are so afraid of her. I only see them on my sons time, so just wondering how she could legally be allowed to do that?

She can legally punish the kids for anything she wishes - on her own time. If she wants to, she can punish them for tying their left shoe before their right one. Punishing them for talking to you is craptastic parenting, but without a court order, it's not illegal.

The courts are generally not going to want to get involved in what each parent does on their own time. Your son's judge has already made that clear. Frankly, your son needs to step in. If Mom is punishing the kids for talking to Grandma, he needs to tell her that's not acceptable. If she continues, he can ASK for the court to order her to stop, but I'd be surprised if the court would do that - and it probably wouldn't be enforceable, anyway.

 

[LdiJ]

She can legally punish the kids for anything she wishes - on her own time. If she wants to, she can punish them for tying their left shoe before their right one. Punishing them for talking to you is craptastic parenting, but without a court order, it's not illegal.

The courts are generally not going to want to get involved in what each parent does on their own time. Your son's judge has already made that clear. Frankly, your son needs to step in. If Mom is punishing the kids for talking to Grandma, he needs to tell her that's not acceptable. If she continues, he can ASK for the court to order her to stop, but I'd be surprised if the court would do that - and it probably wouldn't be enforceable, anyway.

I agree with this, but honestly, I would stay away from the school for the time being. Allow some of the furror from this whole mess to die down. Then your son can check the pickup list at the school and get you added back on to it after the dust has settled.

You might even back off from contact during dad's time for a few weeks as well until the dust settles a little bit. The kids are the ones who are bearing the brunt of this and you want some of the pressure to come off of them.

In the meantime, dad can have a serious talk with mom and hopefully convince her that she is being unfair to the children...and that you were not the one who called DYFS.

 

[ditzymiss]

thanks and i have out of necessity backed off, i've been 3,000 miles away for the last two weeks and will stay clear of the school for now. Ashame if emotionally abusing your kids was a felony offense with a heavy fine, so many kids would have a more normal life. My son cannot reason with her when she is in the "crazy" mode, no one can...it's just a bad situation. Guess my son thought divorcing her would end the craziness, it's only gotten worse;(

 

[ditzymiss]

Can anyone tell me if this is grounds for a civil suit. I have tried everything with this woman...befriending her...distancing myself, she is just out of control and I certainly don't need her spreading rumors of that nature that are totally untrue.

 

[mistoffolees]

Can anyone tell me if this is grounds for a civil suit. I have tried everything with this woman...befriending her...distancing myself, she is just out of control and I certainly don't need her spreading rumors of that nature that are totally untrue.

You're not getting it.

What she is doing is not illegal. You don't have grounds for anything. (In theory, if you could prove that she slandered you, you might be able to sue her for slander, but that's extremely difficult to win and I don't see that you have sufficient evidence for that, anyway).

Your son needs to talk to her. That's your only real option at this point. If your son is such a wimp that he can't even talk to her, there's nothing you can do.

 

[ditzymiss]

So, what you are telling me is that it is perfectly legal to go into a public school and tell them I am "molesting" my grandson? She has not gotten an order of protection and doubt she will, it has to be proved and she knows there is no proof, bc there is nothing to prove. My son has given up trying to talk to her, she is out of control, and is beyond reason, of which i might ad she has a loooong history of. She doesn't care if she hurts her kids in an effort to hurt me or anyone else she sets her sites on.

 

[Just Blue]

So, what you are telling me is that it is perfectly legal to go into a public school and tell them I am "molesting" my grandson? She has not gotten an order of protection and doubt she will, it has to be proved and she knows there is no proof, bc there is nothing to prove. My son has given up trying to talk to her, she is out of control, and is beyond reason, of which i might ad she has a loooong history of. She doesn't care if she hurts her kids in an effort to hurt me or anyone else she sets her sites on.

Were there criminal investigations regarding her alligation? Did CPS investigate?

 

[ditzymiss]

No, she hasn't to date gotten a protective order, nor informed CPS of any such concerns regarding me. Protective services were called on her bc there is abuse in her home, the case is still under investigation. I know in alot of lawsuits, if the lawyer accepts your case, he doesn't get paid if you don't get paid...is that also true in civil cases such as this?

 

[mistoffolees]

So, what you are telling me is that it is perfectly legal to go into a public school and tell them I am "molesting" my grandson? She has not gotten an order of protection and doubt she will, it has to be proved and she knows there is no proof, bc there is nothing to prove. My son has given up trying to talk to her, she is out of control, and is beyond reason, of which i might ad she has a loooong history of. She doesn't care if she hurts her kids in an effort to hurt me or anyone else she sets her sites on.

What I'm telling you is that you're not going to be able to prove anything and if she worded her 'accusations' properly, even if you COULD prove your allegations, she did nothing illegal or chargeable. And going after her as you're suggesting would certainly harm the kids even more than what she's doing.

I've been there. My ex accused me of all sorts of vile things and when I didn't take the bait, she eventually stopped.

Please do the kids a favor and start thinking about THEM rather than your hurt feelings.

 

[ditzymiss]

Believe me, I am thinking of my grandkids and really don't want things to escalate further. I've been ignoring all of this and had no contact with her. On the other hand, would you want people in the town where you have resided for 32 years and raised your kids there to think that you are a child molester? That is a horrible allegation. I know the teacher she said that to and know she would be willing to make a statement if I needed her to. There just doesn't seem to be a right way to end all of this. My son, his wife and I are just really tired of her constantly causing problems...if it's not one thing, it's another...how do you ever get an end to it all?