Father allowed son to smoke marijuana?

[ray123]

What is the name of your state? Mississippi

I posted the "Failed Drug Test?" forum which will allow you to understand my situation. Last night at work I received a call from a person who notified me of the current situation. The person stated that my son told his father that his friends at the ball park were smoking marijuana and that he wanted to know what it felt like. My ex-husband stated that if his son was going to smoke marijuana he wanted them to smoke it together. This person claims to have smoked with my ex-husband and my son but wishes to remain unknown. I know that hear-say will not work but the main questions I have are these: How do I approach this because my son is very protective of his father and would lie for him. Do I go to OCS, the police department or both? Do I ask my son, knowing that he will go back to his father and tell him and in turn my ex will scare the witness with threats. How do I get the truth out? Is there some kind of good samaritan reward I could get approved by the police and my lawyer for the truthfull testimony of this third party? I just want the truth to be told and since my son lies for his father, Please help me with any advice.

 

[CourtClerk]

Make your son take a hair follicle test...

Then start questioning kiddo - and your son needs some drug treatment.

 

[ray123]

Do I need the fathers consent for a hair follicle test? I'm domicile parent but due to the current situation dad may not consent.

 

[CourtClerk]

Do I need the fathers consent for a hair follicle test? I'm domicile parent but due to the current situation dad may not consent.

If you have sole legal custody, no. If you have joint legal custody, yes. If you have joint legal, then go into court and have the judge ok the test.

 

[ray123]

I have joint custody of my son with me being the domicile parent so a judge would have to Ok it.

 

[CourtClerk]

I have joint custody of my son with me being the domicile parent so a judge would have to Ok it.

I've already answered that question if dad will not agree.

 

[escape2paradise]

What a nightmare! This is exactly the kind of crud I worry about with my druggie X.

Do you not have any idea who this witness is?

This is where a police officer/detective friend would come in handy. If you don't have one then you will have to play detective yourself. I would think about how to do this long and hard and then approach my son with the fact that you already know the truth, don't tell him you don't know who the other person is. If he thinks you already have this witness he may just spill the beans himself and in doing so give you the name of the witness. I would then subpoena that witness and have him testify under oath.

 

[ray123]

Thanks for your understanding escape. I don't have any idea who the witness is but another negative is that it happened about a year ago. One year ago and now someone just comes forward for my son! I've been so concerned for him because until recently he has been an A, B honor roll student and no he has 2 F's and a D. He also had sex and has been caught drinking. And I've read some of the forums and read members say"How do the drugs negatively affect your child? Your son is old enough to call 911. Please give me a break! Do people actually think that a child is going to turn over their own parent. Especially the on that gives no discipline and is the childs friend, not parent. My ex is also brainwashing my son and making him promises about living with him. He's been using the good gye act for years and I've kept my mouth shut. I've tried in the best interest of my son not to talk about his father but look what is happening. Sorry about rambling on, it's just I'm so stressed about my son from all this.

 

[escape2paradise]

Thanks for your understanding escape. I don't have any idea who the witness is but another negative is that it happened about a year ago. One year ago and now someone just comes forward for my son! I've been so concerned for him because until recently he has been an A, B honor roll student and no he has 2 F's and a D. He also had sex and has been caught drinking.

Those are all signs of drug use.

And I've read some of the forums and read members say"How do the drugs negatively affect your child? Your son is old enough to call 911. Please give me a break! Do people actually think that a child is going to turn over their own parent. Especially the on that gives no discipline and is the childs friend, not parent. My ex is also brainwashing my son and making him promises about living with him. He's been using the good gye act for years and I've kept my mouth shut. I've tried in the best interest of my son not to talk about his father but look what is happening. Sorry about rambling on, it's just I'm so stressed about my son from all this.

I think that people who have not had their own children alienated from them and never had to deal with an X that would be low enough to lure their own child into doing seedy things, don't get it. Really it is unfathomable to most that a parent would do drugs with their own child. It's unbelievable to them that their own child could be turned against them. Until they actually experience it or know someone else intimately that is happens to, they are likely to continue not to understand.

I can honestly say that two years ago I would never believe that my daughter could be turned against me. We have always been close, for years it was just her and I. She is my only daughter, we are the only girls in the house. Guess what, I would have been dead wrong. It is this very denial that makes it easy for the other parent to pull this off while you are completely unaware that it is happening. Before you know it, your caught up iright in the middle of it and you had better hope you are one of the smarter ones who figures it out before it is too late. I am glad I did not listen to everybody who kept saying "she's a teenager, they do these sort of things" Yes, teens do things, but they don't change who they are overnight and they don't treat a parent they once adored with disdain for trivial reasons.

My X has done the same with my daughter. Treats her like an adult. Tells her she is old enough to make her own decisions, that she doesn't have to listen to me. Tells her lies and half truths about me. Has forced her to do things she doesn't want to, all in the name of helping the cause for him to get custody. Some people are just sick and twisted and don't care about anyone but themselves. My X is one of them and sounds like your X is right there with him. This is abuse! Do whatever you can to fight it.

 

[CLBKLCDTB]

Make your son take a hair follicle test...

Then start questioning kiddo - and your son needs some drug treatment.

She could do an "at home test" as well

http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/9701/21/home.drug.test/index.html

 

[LdiJ]

If you have sole legal custody, no. If you have joint legal custody, yes. If you have joint legal, then go into court and have the judge ok the test.

I am not sure that I agree. Parents with joint legal custody can make routine medical decisions on their time, its major medical decisions that have to be made jointly. I am not sure that drug testing your teen is a major medical decision.

On top of that, how could dad even take that one to court for contempt? Wouldn't the judge be more likely to find it credible that dad was the one giving the child drugs, if dad hauled her into court for contempt for doing the drug test without his consent?

 

[stealth2]

A positive drug test is not proof that Dad allowed the kid to smoke (with or without him). Nor is an anonymous witness who claims to have seen it a year ago.

 

[LdiJ]

A positive drug test is not proof that Dad allowed the kid to smoke (with or without him). Nor is an anonymous witness who claims to have seen it a year ago.

Of course not, but it would be proof that the child needs help.

 

[SingleAZdad]

It sounds like your son is going through typical teenage experimentation. I understand the urge to take everything to court and have the wrath of the judge slammed down on your X, but that will likely backfire if your son is close with his father.

Why not simply confront the situation with your son? Tell him you KNOW that he has been experimenting with drugs and alcohol. Don't allow him to lie and wiggle out of it. Talk to him about what the drugs do to him. Experimentation is normal for kids. I'm not encouraging you to allow this behavior, but I don't think that running to court is always the best answer.

Educate your son on the long term effects of drugs and alcohol. Teenagers have ready access to drugs and alcohol, so don't think attempting to get sole custody will change the outside influences.

PS - both your confidential friend and your X are smoking pot. My bet is you have too.

 

[escape2paradise]

It sounds like your son is going through typical teenage experimentation. I understand the urge to take everything to court and have the wrath of the judge slammed down on your X, but that will likely backfire if your son is close with his father.

If his grades are slipping and he is getting caught it is likely more than experimentation. For every time they get caught there are many more times they didn't.

Why not simply confront the situation with your son? Tell him you KNOW that he has been experimenting with drugs and alcohol. Don't allow him to lie and wiggle out of it. Talk to him about what the drugs do to him. Experimentation is normal for kids.

That's just ignorant, not all kids experiment and sounds like OP's son may be beyond experimenting.

I'm not encouraging you to allow this behavior, but I don't think that running to court is always the best answer.

Educate your son on the long term effects of drugs and alcohol. Teenagers have ready access to drugs and alcohol, so don't think attempting to get sole custody will change the outside influences.

That all sounds warm and fuzzy!. Kids are taught repeatedly about the affects of drug and alcohol in school, some still choose to use drugs. A childs home life, friends and family, greatly influence whether or not a child will do drugs. OP is not wrong in trying to curb the influences in her son's life that encourage and allow drug use.

PS - both your confidential friend and your X are smoking pot. My bet is you have too.

That's a far reach!