fathers rights to my baby

[tinamaree83]

What is the name of your state? Utah

Ok...I had a baby with a man that I was never married to. He left me as soon as he found out I was pregnant. He wanted me to put the baby up for adoption. When I had the baby he came to the hospital for about 20 minutes, and I didnt put his name on the birth certificate. Now, my baby is 9 months old, and he is married to someone else. She (his new wife) just called me and said that they were going to fight for custody. Can they do that??
Also, he has been paying me child support. Does that give him a right to my baby?
Please help me! I am so confused and scared!
Thanks!

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? Utah

Ok...I had a baby with a man that I was never married to. He left me as soon as he found out I was pregnant. He wanted me to put the baby up for adoption. When I had the baby he came to the hospital for about 20 minutes, and I didnt put his name on the birth certificate. Now, my baby is 9 months old, and he is married to someone else. She (his new wife) just called me and said that they were going to fight for custody. Can they do that??
Also, he has been paying me child support. Does that give him a right to my baby?
Please help me! I am so confused and scared!
Thanks!

Is he court ordered to pay support or is he just doing so willingly?

If he has legally established paternity- then Yes, he has every right to file for custody/visitation. It's unlikely that he would take physical custody from you when you've been the caretaker, and the child is so young.(Unless he can prove you are an unfit parent) He does, however, stand a good chance at joint legal custody and a liberal visitation schedule. It's in the child's best interest to have an ongoing relationship with both of their parents.

 

[tinamaree83]

Utah

He is paying child support willingly. He has seen my son a few times, I am just scared that he is going to take him away from me for good.

 

[stealth2]

Even if he has not yet established paternity, he is entitled to file to do so and then for visitation/custody. I agree that the chances of his gaining custody are slim, but he would likely get visitation.

 

[tinamaree83]

Utah

So, if he proves paternity...can he then have his name put on the birth certificate?
Also, I was told that if he didnt take action within the first 24 hours after the birth, he had no legal right.

 

[stealth2]

Yes, he can petition the court to have the bc changed. And WHO told you he has to act w/in 24 hours? That's rubbish.

 

[tinamaree83]

a lady at the social services office told me that.
So, is there anything I can do to prevent him from taking my son? Any forms I can fill out? Someone was saying I need to get a decree of custody. Is that something I should do?
Also, do you have any idea what the visitation would be like for a baby of 9 months?
Oh, and what would I do if I wanted to have my mom take care of him if anything were to happen to me (death)? Is that a possibility?

 

[nextwife]

Get used to it- this is NOT exclusively "your" child, think "our" child. He need not be in any relationship at all with you, need not act within 24 hours, need not be a part of your life per se, in order to petition for joint legal custody, and very possibly shared physical custody at some point. And certainly liberal visitation. The child needs to spend time with BOTH of their parents.

 

[BethM]

You have been told he is going to fight for custody but has he actually gotten an attorney and started the process yet? If he has, have you gotten an attorney so that you can defend your position?

The only thing you can do to keep him from gaining custody is to be a good mother and not give him any ammunition to use against you in court. There are no forms you can fill out at this time. If he ends up filing for custody and visitation then you will get a ruling from a judge that will state what degree of custody you have over your son.

Visitation for a 9 month old would probably be limited to begin with. More than likely there would be no over night visits until he can form a bond with his father but do expect that, at some point your son will be spending nights and weekends and holidays with his father. It is, after all, best that your son know and have a relationship with both parents.

As far as your mother taking custody if you should die, that is probably not going to happen if your son's father becomes a part of his life. Your son is not an object that can be willed away. His father would have all rights to continue raising him in that event.

Unless he has something on you that can be used to prove you to be unfit there is no reason for you to fear any action he takes regarding custody and visitation. Don't be threatened by it and you might even put some thought into trying to work with the father and a mediator to come up with a solution that you both agree on. It would save money and, in the long run a civil relationship between your son's parents is what your son will need most.

 

[Gracie3787]

The bright side

Look at the bright side- your child has a father who:

1. Showed up at the hospital at child's birth.
2. Has seen the child several times in 9 months.
3. Is paying CS WILLINGLY and without an order.

It sounds like he is good Daddy material, so for your child's sake, please give him a chance to be a Dad.

 

[pissedoffmom]

Just to add... In a courts eyes, child support is considered as contact with a child. So he has in fact kept in contact with this child. If you try to keep him from seeing the child even though you accept the support he send this will NOT look good in court. Once paternity has been proven to him being the father he WILL have set visitation with the said child. After this if you don't comply with these visits the you might be looking at losing custody yourself and then YOU will be looking at fighting for visitation rights. So by saying this you treat him as if it could be you in his shoes trying to have a relationship with the child. I suggest you try to make this work for your childs sake. Forget about what has happened and TRY to get along with the dad and his wife because since he is married she WILL also be a part of your childs life if he is. BTW Good Luck and try to document all support paid to you and the visitation time that he does take.
BY THE WAY; better be sure that he IS the father or you could be looking at fraud since you have been collecting support w/o proof of paternity.

Anyone here can disagree or back me on what I have said to assure you one way or the other. Most of us here have been in the same boat at one point or another.

 

[greivingspouse]

Pissedoffmom;
As far as support being contact, it depends on the wording in the statute which varies from state to state. Are there any records of the support? If there are no records and the wording in the statute is correct ("or" only) then there is a "possibility" of abandonment, and I do mean POSSIBILITY. This would take the finness of a really good atty.

 

[SMURFEELAW]

Pissedoffmom;
As far as support being contact, it depends on the wording in the statute which varies from state to state. Are there any records of the support? If there are no records and the wording in the statute is correct ("or" only) then there is a "possibility" of abandonment, and I do mean POSSIBILITY. This would take the finness of a really good atty.

To the OP Please don't go here. this will only make you look bad in Court like if he handed you a check or kept receipts of things he bought the baby and he has seen the baby several times so no dad has not abandoned the child.


Sit back and relax be a good mom and when and if he files then deal with it as nicely as possible this is someone you will be dealing with for the next 17 years AT LEAST. Good Luck

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Utah

Ok...I had a baby with a man that I was never married to. He left me as soon as he found out I was pregnant. He wanted me to put the baby up for adoption. When I had the baby he came to the hospital for about 20 minutes, and I didnt put his name on the birth certificate. Now, my baby is 9 months old, and he is married to someone else. She (his new wife) just called me and said that they were going to fight for custody. Can they do that??
Also, he has been paying me child support. Does that give him a right to my baby?
Please help me! I am so confused and scared!
Thanks!

Can he fight for custody? Yes.

Will he win?...Joint legal custody (joint decision making) is a strong probability...primary custody is not unless he can prove you legally unfit...and that is very difficult to do.

Voluntarily paying child support doesn't give him any rights regarding the baby...establishing paternity does.

If he does file...he will first have to establish paternity. Once paternity is estabished he will be obligated for court ordered child support and will easily get a visitation schedule. It would start out gradual, but over time would get to the standard kind of schedule (overnights, holidays, summer weeks etc.)

Please don't be afraid. Unless he can prove you legally unfit he can't take your baby away from you. The worst you are facing is sharing the baby...and in most cases that would be a good thing for the baby.

 

[VeronicaGia]

What is the name of your state? Utah

Ok...I had a baby with a man that I was never married to. He left me as soon as he found out I was pregnant. He wanted me to put the baby up for adoption. When I had the baby he came to the hospital for about 20 minutes, and I didnt put his name on the birth certificate. Now, my baby is 9 months old, and he is married to someone else. She (his new wife) just called me and said that they were going to fight for custody. Can they do that??
Also, he has been paying me child support. Does that give him a right to my baby?
Please help me! I am so confused and scared!
Thanks!

This is not YOUR baby. Unless you are a single parent who adopted a child or went to a sperm bank to get pregnant, it is not YOUR child. If you wanted a child to be YOURS and YOURS ONLY, you should have done that. Go into court with that attitude and see how fast a judge makes you see this is HIS child also.

The child has the right his/her father. This isn't about you or your ex, it's about the child.