Grandparent Visitation

[ditzymiss]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

I have obtained Grandparent Visitation, as I was the child's caregiver, (I lived with my son during the first 4 years of my grandsons life), then 2 additional years on a regular basis, not living with him. Does anyone know the definition of "caregiver" or the length of time you must have cared for the child, to be considered a "caregiver"?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NJ

I have obtained Grandparent Visitation, as I was the child's caregiver, (I lived with my son during the first 4 years of my grandsons life), then 2 additional years on a regular basis, not living with him. Does anyone know the definition of "caregiver" or the length of time you must have cared for the child, to be considered a "caregiver"?

If you've obtained GPV why does it matter?

 

[Just Blue]

If you've obtained GPV why does it matter?

Thank You Hon for making me NOT having to ask that obvious question.

 

[ditzymiss]

Because my son has been violating the order and I have filed papers for same and hoping to get the order modified and more specific. He is stating that I was not a caregiver "long enough", just following up on that remark and wondering if there is a specific length of time, although when we went before, the mediator (who was an attorney), knew the story and didn't say anything??

 

[LdiJ]

Because my son has been violating the order and I have filed papers for same and hoping to get the order modified and more specific. He is stating that I was not a caregiver "long enough", just following up on that remark and wondering if there is a specific length of time, although when we went before, the mediator (who was an attorney), knew the story and didn't say anything??

Why did you file for grandparent visitation in the first place? How long has it been since you were the "caregiver"?

How specifically, do you want to modify the order? You do realize that continued litigation between you and your son, over your son's child, is pretty much totaling your relationship with your son?

 

[ditzymiss]

I had lived with my son from 2004 to 2008, my grandson was only 3 wks old when this all started. In 2008 my son sold his home so I got an apartment, but continued to watch my grandson for sure twice a month overnight and many other times in between when he wanted it. This past September, my grandson started school. My son remarried a year ago and my present DIL doesn't like that I have a good relationship with the children's mother...I know crazy, but true. Because of that, my present DIL has forbidden me for the past year from being in their home, (son won't stand up to her). Guess my grandson starting school, was her chance to ban me completely, so the nite I was to pick him up as always, he said wife was crazy don't come....we argued...he said call ex-wife or take him to court, so I did. I have seen him some, thanks to his mom, and only 1 time from my son, when it should have been 4 as the order stated. Child's mother has enough people to share with and really doesn't want me using her time alot End of story

 

[ditzymiss]

Sorry I didn't answer all the questions....It has only been since September that I was the caregiver. the present order is 3 saturdays a month from 3-6pm....I now have off saturdays so am proposing one saturday 1-6pm and one friday overnight. I have had thursdays off for six years to accomodate my son's schedule as he has them every other thursday, but works, so in addition, as has always been, any wed overnight when they have off school thursdays and during the summer every other wed overnight. I would then forgo the saturday for the wednesday overnight. they don't have off that many thursday's when he has them and in the summer i would forgo sat for every other wed as they would be out of school. I thought that was better and more than fair, certainly less than what I had at HIS convenience.

 

[mistoffolees]

Because my son has been violating the order and I have filed papers for same and hoping to get the order modified and more specific. He is stating that I was not a caregiver "long enough", just following up on that remark and wondering if there is a specific length of time, although when we went before, the mediator (who was an attorney), knew the story and didn't say anything??

I don't think it has a specific definition, but let's get back to the facts.

You have a visitation order and claim that your son has been violating it. What does the order say (exactly) and how has he been violating it?

 

[LdiJ]

Sorry I didn't answer all the questions....It has only been since September that I was the caregiver. the present order is 3 saturdays a month from 3-6pm....I now have off saturdays so am proposing one saturday 1-6pm and one friday overnight. I have had thursdays off for six years to accomodate my son's schedule as he has them every other thursday, but works, so in addition, as has always been, any wed overnight when they have off school thursdays and during the summer every other wed overnight. I would then forgo the saturday for the wednesday overnight. they don't have off that many thursday's when he has them and in the summer i would forgo sat for every other wed as they would be out of school. I thought that was better and more than fair, certainly less than what I had at HIS convenience.

Grandma, please tell us exactly what your son's parenting schedule is. Obviously your time is coming out of HIS parenting schedule, therefore I would like to know what his parenting schedule is.

You jumped all over the place in that last post and completely lost me.

 

[ditzymiss]

My son's schedule is as follows: one week he has children wed 5pm to sat 6pm, the next week thurs 5pm to sat 6pm. He always works on thursdays. The order states that I am to have the children 3 saturdays a month from after work (which is 2pm) to 6pm. If the children should have an activity, i.e., birthday party, sport event, then he is to notify me 24 hours in advance, then I can take them or pick them up. The order simply says "planned activity" and should have been more specific, however, he knows what it meant. He stated in mediation that sat was a good day, they NEVER do anything. Suddenly, his wife is planning things. His wife planning things is NOT considered a planned activity, so that is a violation, futhermore only once has he given me 24 hour notice and the one week he DID let me have them, he texted me at 2:10 pm, I get done work at 2. I have gone to the police station each time and there are case numbers on file. The order needed to be more specific, but the definition of "activity" was defined in mediation, with myself, the mediator and his ex-wife present....it was Clearly defined.

 

[Proserpina]

My son's schedule is as follows: one week he has children wed 5pm to sat 6pm, the next week thurs 5pm to sat 6pm. He always works on thursdays. The order states that I am to have the children 3 saturdays a month from after work (which is 2pm) to 6pm. If the children should have an activity, i.e., birthday party, sport event, then he is to notify me 24 hours in advance, then I can take them or pick them up. The order simply says "planned activity" and should have been more specific, however, he knows what it meant. He stated in mediation that sat was a good day, they NEVER do anything. Suddenly, his wife is planning things. His wife planning things is NOT considered a planned activity, so that is a violation, futhermore only once has he given me 24 hour notice and the one week he DID let me have them, he texted me at 2:10 pm, I get done work at 2. I have gone to the police station each time and there are case numbers on file. The order needed to be more specific, but the definition of "activity" was defined in mediation, with myself, the mediator and his ex-wife present....it was Clearly defined.

You are really reaching here.

OP, you really need to step back and think about what you're doing here.

I can see you losing ALL contact with Dad AND your grandson.

 

[ditzymiss]

I don't like any of this and NOW he and his wife have involved the children by making my grandson choose and his wife telling them that "mimi called the police because we weren't home". There is a really strong bond between my grandson and myself and no not just on my end. He consistantly wants to stay here and last week, wondered why I wasn't going to his parent/teacher conference. His mom was going to school and working during the last six years and so many people had him on her end, I think he views me as the one stable constant person in his life. I don't know what to do. I feel if I drop it all, that I cannot trust my son to let me see him. He should have talked to me before hand, The night I went to pick my grandson up as I always did, I had talked to my son earlier in the day and all was fine, he never mentioned any problems, he waited until I was on my way there to say no don't come it will cause a huge problem she is freaking out. I can't trust someone that allows others to make decisions for him. The mother is ok, but she is another control freak and if I have to depend on her, my visits will be far a few between, more far. What do you suggest? What other alternative do I have? He said call my ex-wife or take me to court? I did what he said to do, I really thought that he hoped the court would make the decision and get him out of it all....guess not or guess the wife is pushing this to the max until the court makes a firm decision.

 

[Proserpina]

I don't like any of this and NOW he and his wife have involved the children by making my grandson choose and his wife telling them that "mimi called the police because we weren't home". There is a really strong bond between my grandson and myself and no not just on my end. He consistantly wants to stay here and last week, wondered why I wasn't going to his parent/teacher conference. His mom was going to school and working during the last six years and so many people had him on her end, I think he views me as the one stable constant person in his life. I don't know what to do. I feel if I drop it all, that I cannot trust my son to let me see him. He should have talked to me before hand, The night I went to pick my grandson up as I always did, I had talked to my son earlier in the day and all was fine, he never mentioned any problems, he waited until I was on my way there to say no don't come it will cause a huge problem she is freaking out. I can't trust someone that allows others to make decisions for him. The mother is ok, but she is another control freak and if I have to depend on her, my visits will be far a few between, more far. What do you suggest? What other alternative do I have? He said call my ex-wife or take me to court? I did what he said to do, I really thought that he hoped the court would make the decision and get him out of it all....guess not or guess the wife is pushing this to the max until the court makes a firm decision.

I suggest you back down, apologize to your son and let things simmer down.

 

[Just Blue]

Posting Hx folks...

 

[LdiJ]

Posting Hx folks...

She does have a bit of an odd posting history. A lot of the questions she asked never got answered which is unusual here.