Grandparent Visitation

[ditzymiss]

Here's the problem with that. First last time I texted him in response to yet another ditched Saturday, I told him I loved him and that I understood where he was at and that everything would be ok. To that.....he sent me a lot F*** you's then called me and screamed I hate you I hope you rot in hell. Clearly the caring approach didn't work. If I drop this and let a substantial amount of time go by, I may lose all rights legally. My DIL is one vengeful person, she hates my ex-DIL and when we did speak, consistantly berated her and was devising ways to hurt her...she doesn't give up...she wants total control. I do sincerely feel she is mentally ill, therefore I don't see the situation getting any better should I ease up. I'm sincerely afraid to lose time with my grandson and by both their admitions, he would be seriously damaged if he were to be withdrawn from me. Saying that, then keeping him from me is kind of saying "he'll be damaged, but hurting her is more important"???? I am just dealing with some crazy people here.

 

[ditzymiss]

She does have a bit of an odd posting history. A lot of the questions she asked never got answered which is unusual here.
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Odd posting history? but you are right, I never did get the answer to the original question, which was do you have to be a caregiver for a specific amount of time as a grandparent to be legally entitled to visitation?

 

[mistoffolees]

Here's the problem with that. First last time I texted him in response to yet another ditched Saturday, I told him I loved him and that I understood where he was at and that everything would be ok. To that.....he sent me a lot F*** you's then called me and screamed I hate you I hope you rot in hell. Clearly the caring approach didn't work. If I drop this and let a substantial amount of time go by, I may lose all rights legally. My DIL is one vengeful person, she hates my ex-DIL and when we did speak, consistantly berated her and was devising ways to hurt her...she doesn't give up...she wants total control. I do sincerely feel she is mentally ill, therefore I don't see the situation getting any better should I ease up. I'm sincerely afraid to lose time with my grandson and by both their admitions, he would be seriously damaged if he were to be withdrawn from me. Saying that, then keeping him from me is kind of saying "he'll be damaged, but hurting her is more important"???? I am just dealing with some crazy people here.

Would you please answer the question I asked earlier? Exactly what does the order say?

You gave your schedule, but didn't give the exact wording of the order.

 

[ditzymiss]

Sorry, I thought I answered that. The order says that I am to get the children 3 saturdays out of the month. If the children have a planned activity, (birthday parties, sports events) that son is to give me 24 hours notice of that. And I am to get them overnight new years eve.

 

[ditzymiss]

I should say the reason for the notice is in case he needs to take or i need to pickup or they would be unavailable period. It would be impossible for all three to have planned activies on the same day.

 

[mistoffolees]

Sorry, I thought I answered that. The order says that I am to get the children 3 saturdays out of the month. If the children have a planned activity, (birthday parties, sports events) that son is to give me 24 hours notice of that. And I am to get them overnight new years eve.

What part of 'exact wording' don't you understand?

 

[ditzymiss]

well what part he doesn't understand. the "planned activity" needs to be more specific. we discussed what it meant, but they weren't specific in the order. 24 hours means 24 hours, not 2 hours, not 10 minutes...Again do you have to be a caregiver for a specific period of time?

 

[LdiJ]

well what part he doesn't understand. the "planned activity" needs to be more specific. we discussed what it meant, but they weren't specific in the order. 24 hours means 24 hours, not 2 hours, not 10 minutes...Again do you have to be a caregiver for a specific period of time?

You were asked to provide the specific wording. That means that you were asking to copy here, word for word (of course eliminating names) exactly what the court orders say...rather than your interpretation of the orders.

Yes, actually someone does need to be a caregiver for a specific amount of time before they get caregiver status legally.

A grandparent who babysits one day a week is unlikely to be regarded legally as a caregiver who has a relationship with the child that needs to be protected. A grandparent who provided full time daycare while the parent worked, for many years, might be regarded as someone with whom the child has a relationship that needs to be legally protected.

 

[ditzymiss]

Thank you for answering. I lived with my son for four years and cared for the children alot. Exclusively, every other thursday all day and that continued for six years, so I guess we can consider me a caregiver and that's what the attorney said in mediation.

 

[sometwo]

well what part he doesn't understand. the "planned activity" needs to be more specific. we discussed what it meant, but they weren't specific in the order. 24 hours means 24 hours, not 2 hours, not 10 minutes...Again do you have to be a caregiver for a specific period of time?

I think her user name says it all

 

[stealth2]

Her username DOES say it all.

OP - you get 12 hours a month. Deal with it.

 

[Mom_of_Two]

You were asked to provide the specific wording. That means that you were asking to copy here, word for word (of course eliminating names) exactly what the court orders say...rather than your interpretation of the orders.

Yes, actually someone does need to be a caregiver for a specific amount of time before they get caregiver status legally.

A grandparent who babysits one day a week is unlikely to be regarded legally as a caregiver who has a relationship with the child that needs to be protected. A grandparent who provided full time daycare while the parent worked, for many years, might be regarded as someone with whom the child has a relationship that needs to be legally protected.

Op, I think you might have been confused by what LdiJ stated. She said that watching the child once a week would probably NOT be considered a caretaker. It was pointed out that you would have had to watch the child full time...I imagine 32 plus hours a week. You said in your own words that you watched your grandson every other Thursday. This to me does not sound like a caretaker...it sounds like a Grandmother. Now, you sound like a Grandmother who may be totally overstepping and ruining any relationship you may have had with your son and, potentially, grandson. Maybe if you step back, like the others have suggested, and things can settle down, you might be able to rebuild your relationship with your son.

 

[CJane]

I'm a bit confused why you're trying to establish that you have a right to visitation when that's been already established in mediation/via court order.

However, the court order specifies that while you're allowed 12 hours/month and one overnight per year, it also specifies that if there are previously planned activities that they overrule your visitation.

In MY case, it is entirely possible that all three of my children would have "something planned" during any 4 hour period on a Saturday - even most Saturdays.

And because the order doesn't specify WHAT planned activities take precedence - regardless of what was "discussed", ANYTHING that is "planned" is considered a planned activity. Birthday party, trip to the zoo, swimming at the Y, mowing the lawn, volunteering, sports, time with the DIL's family, etc.

Honestly, I think if this had gone before a judge in a trial situation, you would have walked away with NO time, and if Dad had posted here for advice, he would have been STRONGLY advised not to agree to ANYTHING in mediation.

 

[majomom1]

I'm a bit confused why you're trying to establish that you have a right to visitation when that's been already established in mediation/via court order.

However, the court order specifies that while you're allowed 12 hours/month and one overnight per year, it also specifies that if there are previously planned activities that they overrule your visitation.

In MY case, it is entirely possible that all three of my children would have "something planned" during any 4 hour period on a Saturday - even most Saturdays.

And because the order doesn't specify WHAT planned activities take precedence - regardless of what was "discussed", ANYTHING that is "planned" is considered a planned activity. Birthday party, trip to the zoo, swimming at the Y, mowing the lawn, volunteering, sports, time with the DIL's family, etc.

Honestly, I think if this had gone before a judge in a trial situation, you would have walked away with NO time, and if Dad had posted here for advice, he would have been STRONGLY advised not to agree to ANYTHING in mediation.

That is what I was thinking too.

Now, Dad has a new family and kiddo is in school... things have changed. GM is going to lose big if she doesn't back off, because I doubt the court will keep that order that gives her visitation. It will be up to Dad, if GM gets any time.

 

[frylover]

I doubt that it matters legally, but I'm confused about how many children are part of the order. In some posts she states she is get the CHILDREN (plural) and in others she goes on about seeing her GRANDSON (singular). I don't how many children she is supposedly legally entitled to see, but she only seems to care about seeing one. I wonder if that has anything to do with dad's actions?

To ditzymiss: "Please tell us the exact wording of your order" means go get out the order and type, word for word, minus any names, what is on that piece of paper.