HELP ...living arrangements

[casa]

I know I'm going to regret asking this but how do you know what kind of permit they have? How do you know it's not going to be inspected and how do you know they are doing things not included in the permit?

Are the things they are doing that don't go with the permit good things as far as making the room better?

Hey Tig- Good questions safety-wise. However, as OPs already been told by county agencies and others...if she can't prove building codes (or city design review boards) have been disregarded- she'll have a hard row to hoe. What OP *Can* do is provide fire alarm ($15) and/or fire extinguisher ($10).

 

[tigger22472]

Hey Tig- Good questions safety-wise. However, as OPs already been told by county agencies and others...if she can't prove building codes (or city design review boards) have been disregarded- she'll have a hard row to hoe. What OP *Can* do is provide fire alarm ($15) and/or fire extinguisher ($10).

Well I ask because ONE.. this is involving a teenager who knows one parent (or at least step-parent) is playing into her hand. AND although I don't necessarily believe in getting a building permit and doing things not included in it, one it's not the OP's business really and secondly if it's things that will make the room better it makes the OP out to be that much more vindictive. I know people that have things like garages built and what not all the time and they aren't inspected so the inspection isn't a big deal as long as the person doing it knows what they are doing. I'm sure the mom and step-dad aren't looking to hire someone to put in electric that is liable to do it wrong, they would be risking everything. This whole thread is just moot really!

 

[clomicka]

Probably...

Hey Tig- Good questions safety-wise. However, as OPs already been told by county agencies and others...if she can't prove building codes (or city design review boards) have been disregarded- she'll have a hard row to hoe. What OP *Can* do is provide fire alarm ($15) and/or fire extinguisher ($10).

My husband has the info based on permit for the address of bio-mom and I don't have the "contractor lingo" - plans submitted were for a couple of walls w/drywall to enclose the laundry area from the garage. Not to build up walls in garage and ceiling for a bedroom. They have inspected per permit and are now doing half-@ss work on the enclosure for the room that will not be inspected...

SD gave us that info and bio-mom basically confirmed that work was being done to create a room. So permit doesn't match work being done. And you can't do anything really. If they were building it as a normal room with insulation and proper flooring and walls, we wouldn't be posting this thread.

So casa maybe fire estinguisher and fan or comforter will have to do....

Bio-mom will be the one who will be the "hurt" one in the end, not us. She has a wonderful place here and always will. We love her and provide for her as we do all our other children. We will not treat her differently because they do things differently.

 

[bliss_in_texas]

Holy Cow...........
If Dad is so concerned, why isn't Dad posting and asking questions?
Sorry to say, but sounds like OP has anger management and control issues
btw..I lived for a month and a half in a converted garage, in Florida, in Dec/Jan...with my infant son. I'm quite sure that my sister didn't have permits to make the quick arrangements she did and I was thankful for the space I had. I have a fifteen year old daughter who, I know, would be delighted to have her own large space, seperate from her siblings, no matter that it was a little rough around the edges. Sometimes kids tell one parent one thing and the other parent something different. You aren't making it any easier on this teen by complaining about her mother's home. It isn't your life and it isn't your home and it isn't your child, so you really need to back out and away.
If you are so concerned for this girl, get a lawyer or a mediator, sit down with this horrible pregnant woman, her hubby and yours and change some things legally, or better yet, go to court and ask for a social study. That'll bring the facts out in an unbiased way.

 

[clomicka]

You all seem to NOT read well

Holy Cow...........
If Dad is so concerned, why isn't Dad posting and asking questions?
Sorry to say, but sounds like OP has anger management and control issues
btw..I lived for a month and a half in a converted garage, in Florida, in Dec/Jan...with my infant son. I'm quite sure that my sister didn't have permits to make the quick arrangements she did and I was thankful for the space I had. I have a fifteen year old daughter who, I know, would be delighted to have her own large space, seperate from her siblings, no matter that it was a little rough around the edges. Sometimes kids tell one parent one thing and the other parent something different. You aren't making it any easier on this teen by complaining about her mother's home. It isn't your life and it isn't your home and it isn't your child, so you really need to back out and away.
If you are so concerned for this girl, get a lawyer or a mediator, sit down with this horrible pregnant woman, her hubby and yours and change some things legally, or better yet, go to court and ask for a social study. That'll bring the facts out in an unbiased way.

There was NO issue by us until SD complained. She just completed a room redecoration in her bio-mom's house just before the holidays and would like to stay in that room (she put alot of time into it). She spent 3 months hand painting some creative things and with her new high school next year doesn't want to go through it again; 6 months later. She doesn't want to move rooms; even though you all seem to think it is so great! We persued this as a request by SD herself. Give SD and US a break; please.

Once we found out all the details ourselves after her information; we then began to research what we might be able to do to help HER. Dad posted original message...I typed the rest with him sitting next to me. We both are in this together. Dad does care; seems more than bio-mom.

 

[stealth2]

And 14yo girls don't normally complain, right? My 13yo is lobbying to convert the basement to a bedroom. No doubt his Dad will pitch a hissy fit over it. Tough.

I'll repeat myself (again) - DAD should speak with a local attorney if HE is that concerned.

 

[bliss_in_texas]

There was NO issue by us until SD complained. She just completed a room redecoration in her bio-mom's house just before the holidays and would like to stay in that room (she put alot of time into it). She spent 3 months hand painting some creative things and with her new high school next year doesn't want to go through it again; 6 months later. She doesn't want to move rooms; even though you all seem to think it is so great! We persued this as a request by SD herself. Give SD and US a break; please.

Once we found out all the details ourselves after her information; we then began to research what we might be able to do to help HER. Dad posted original message...I typed the rest with him sitting next to me. We both are in this together. Dad does care; seems more than bio-mom.[


"We then began to research what we might do to help HER"
Help? What kind of help does she need? An intervention? Please..so, she doesn't want to do something, like design her own room so her new sibling can have space too - so that her mom can finish her pregnancy relaxed and not worried about the older child? She doesn't want to move rooms. Wah..at fourteen she should be taking some responsibility and showing some compassion and concern regarding the situation..and..so..should..you! At least she has a room and if mom and stepdad are going through all this work and investment to build her a new room, which they don't have to do, ( I mean, they could say "Sweetie, you are going to have to share a room with the new baby") she should be thankful, happy, involved and helpful. It sure sounds, after all your angry posts, that you want things YOUR way, not her way and that you will not stop or let things lie until you get what YOU think is right. I repeat, not your life, not your house, not your kid. Sounds like she's getting a lot more than a lot of kids have. Learn to deal with it. She isn't being abused, she isn't being denied or neglected. You aren't a judge, a jury or her parent, you have no right to judge her other family and every teenager complains about *something* I know, I have three and have heard every complaint in the book.
You have no case except that you won't get off the bio mom's case because you come off as seeming to think you are better than she is. Common issue with steps it seems to be. Let the mom be the mom and take care of things as she see's fit. If you don't like it, get a lawyer, waste money and time and alienate the relationships further. It seems like that is what you really want to do. Instead of attacking everyone's opinion and advice here and making it personal, why don't you re read the posts, absorb it and let this small issue go back to being a small child-parent issue instead of this huge dramatic thing you've made it into. (Tell her she's lucky, she gets an "extreme room makeover", half of america would love to be in her shoes)
I'm already putting on my helmet, I'm sure you'll go ballistic on me :/

 

[pypercat]

child's choice?

I'd check with your attorney... in my state, a 14 year old can choose which parent they would like to live with. You might have an impartial third party chat with your daughter about the pros and cons of living in a converted garage to see how she feels about it and then make a recommendation of modification depending on her response.
Best to you.

 

[stealth2]

I'd check with your attorney... in my state, a 14 year old can choose which parent they would like to live with. You might have an impartial third party chat with your daughter about the pros and cons of living in a converted garage to see how she feels about it and then make a recommendation of modification depending on her response.
Best to you.

GA is the ONLY state that allows a child to choose which parent to live with during the initial custody proceedings (and yes, the age is 14). Other states will allow a child to express a preference, but the JUDGE is the one who decides how much weight to give those wishes and is the one who makes the decision. NOT the child.

 

[clomicka]

grab a helmet why don't you!

There was NO issue by us until SD complained. She just completed a room redecoration in her bio-mom's house just before the holidays and would like to stay in that room (she put alot of time into it). She spent 3 months hand painting some creative things and with her new high school next year doesn't want to go through it again; 6 months later. She doesn't want to move rooms; even though you all seem to think it is so great! We persued this as a request by SD herself. Give SD and US a break; please.

Once we found out all the details ourselves after her information; we then began to research what we might be able to do to help HER. Dad posted original message...I typed the rest with him sitting next to me. We both are in this together. Dad does care; seems more than bio-mom.[


"We then began to research what we might do to help HER"
Help? What kind of help does she need? An intervention? Please..so, she doesn't want to do something, like design her own room so her new sibling can have space too - so that her mom can finish her pregnancy relaxed and not worried about the older child? She doesn't want to move rooms. Wah..at fourteen she should be taking some responsibility and showing some compassion and concern regarding the situation..and..so..should..you! At least she has a room and if mom and stepdad are going through all this work and investment to build her a new room, which they don't have to do, ( I mean, they could say "Sweetie, you are going to have to share a room with the new baby") she should be thankful, happy, involved and helpful. It sure sounds, after all your angry posts, that you want things YOUR way, not her way and that you will not stop or let things lie until you get what YOU think is right. I repeat, not your life, not your house, not your kid. Sounds like she's getting a lot more than a lot of kids have. Learn to deal with it. She isn't being abused, she isn't being denied or neglected. You aren't a judge, a jury or her parent, you have no right to judge her other family and every teenager complains about *something* I know, I have three and have heard every complaint in the book.
You have no case except that you won't get off the bio mom's case because you come off as seeming to think you are better than she is. Common issue with steps it seems to be. Let the mom be the mom and take care of things as she see's fit. If you don't like it, get a lawyer, waste money and time and alienate the relationships further. It seems like that is what you really want to do. Instead of attacking everyone's opinion and advice here and making it personal, why don't you re read the posts, absorb it and let this small issue go back to being a small child-parent issue instead of this huge dramatic thing you've made it into. (Tell her she's lucky, she gets an "extreme room makeover", half of america would love to be in her shoes)
I'm already putting on my helmet, I'm sure you'll go ballistic on me :/

Bio-mom promised her that she wouldn't have to move rooms and that brother was going in converted garage room since he spends less time with her. Now, it has changed (I am sure his father didn't agree with the idea either; for good reason). SD has a darn good right to complain. SD has to constantly deal with wahhh I am broke and can only do this for you. She constantly complains about having no money to buy groceries (but yet our support check is always there; as it should be); but you wouldn't know that from bio-Mom. If anyone is putting anyone in the middle "it is bio-Mom"; And you want to tell me "we are the wrong ones here". Our children know nothing of our finances; that is not their business to worry; but SD always will be running around in crappy shoes, torn clothes then we replace them as we can budget them. Oh I know; we should just take it up the "you know what" and always be there to replace funds on top of what we already send and make bio-mom's life comfortable as if she shouldn't be providing nothing for SD???

That is crap... If her and new husband couldn't afford to make rooms work or buy groceries for the one's they already have; then maybe they should have re-thought having children. She deals with her mother's whining about money everyday over very oridinary things that teenagers need; e.g. such as having tampons and pads, school supplies, clothes, shoes. (for a teen; she is not picky at all).

Don't tell me SD is asking too much. She fights for necessities that her Mom won't buy. She does chores and things and has limits to what she can have and do over at our house to earn "movie and activity money"

We will NOT treat her any different than other children and not let her earn money (allowance) and get her reasonable things she needs - just because Mom won't; please.

Let me break out the violin for all the bio-mom's sobe stories beating up on fathers who do average or above average thinking they owe their life to the mother's instead of the children themselves.

 

[clomicka]

Thx pypercat

I'd check with your attorney... in my state, a 14 year old can choose which parent they would like to live with. You might have an impartial third party chat with your daughter about the pros and cons of living in a converted garage to see how she feels about it and then make a recommendation of modification depending on her response.
Best to you.

Actually we have and have second appt in 3 weeks. A preliminary background check shows some interesting information about mom and new step dad...so I think we will be able to make some changes once we can get things started in the courts.

Thx for your comment.

 

[stealth2]

WE cannot make changes. WE cannot do anything. Only one person in your "we" can do squat. And it's not YOU.

 

[clomicka]

You are correct; they complain

And 14yo girls don't normally complain, right? My 13yo is lobbying to convert the basement to a bedroom. No doubt his Dad will pitch a hissy fit over it. Tough.

I'll repeat myself (again) - DAD should speak with a local attorney if HE is that concerned.

She does that with us; to us also, but it is not about necessity items... that should be a mute item.

Dad has spoken to atty and Dad has second appt in 3 weeks or so.

Thanks.

 

[clomicka]

WE is we...

WE cannot make changes. WE cannot do anything. Only one person in your "we" can do squat. And it's not YOU.

I have been with my husband since SD was 8 mos old. And We do everything together for our family.

If you want to get technical the bio-MOM has had at least 3 live in boyfriends and/or husbands called Dad by SD because she was told to do so by bio-MOM.

We have never done that and never will. I am a parental figure for her but I will never be Mom; and I have no problem with that.

By the way, husband has made appts with atty and I realize that I am not in the case, but WE work as a team when we parent our children.

 

[stealth2]

Whatever. Go ahead and call her "our" daughter in court. See what the judge thinks of it.