HELP - Married and my husband is in arrears

[djohnson]

I'm gonna add my opinion with a twist.

I think covering your own ASSets is fine and what should be done. I also think that a good SP should also consider the child if anything happened to dad and be helpful in any way possible. If a SP can't do this then they don't need to be married and a SP in the first place. I disagree with leaving anything to the child as the CP would have full rein with it and it may not always benefit the child. I think to leave everything to your wife and have faith in that person to make sure child is taken care of in the way the parent that died would have wanted. I know many SP wouldn't do this. Those are the ones that really shouldn't be SPs to begin with and hopefully the spouse would realize that when making the decision.

 

[BethM]

why should an NCP though have to have it? Why shouldn't the CP too?

I don't think anyone has suggested that the NCP should be obligated in a way that the CP isn't also obligated. I carry life insurance, more than I would normally carry because my ex husband has made no provisions for his children should he die. I and them both would be left hanging if something happened to him. I have to cover my butt in case I'm ever left without the child support that he now pays. It's not my only source of income but with two children to raise it would be a big loss to us and I feel no shame in believing their father should be concerned with the financial loss to them if he should die.


I do not want to have to sell my house so that his first wife can have it.

I don't image his first wife would want your house. I can imagine that she would want continued financial help in raising the children she had with him long before you came along though. It isn't about the "first wife" getting your house. It's about the children he had before you entered the picture being able to continue to benefit financially which is their moral and legal right as his children.

I don't want a damned thing my ex husband has with his new wife. If he dies though and I am unable to care for HIS children you better bet it would crank my butt up to know she was sitting there with no financial concerns while I have to struggle to provide for his children. Any mother would feel the same way I do.

I have a 20 year old and a 13 year old. If I get hit by a truck tomorrow my 20 year old would have to finish raising his brother. Their father would have no interest. I've had to take care of finances and carry enough life insurance to make sure that my children could continue on without me. I don't think it's wrong of me or any other CP to feel that the NCP should have the same priorities.

A child support order should not die with the NCP. A child support order dies with the child if, God forbid that child dies. A child's needs does not go away at the time of a parents death and any loving parent would make sure their child's needs are taken care of no matter what the situation. In a perfect world that is.


If they were children of an intact family they wouldn't get their father's house or bank accounts if their mother were still living!


No but they would get it once their mother died. They would have an inherit right to the assets and property of their parents if their parents had remained married. Just because a child's parents make a choice to divorce, remarry and start a family elsewhere does not mean that child should have to give up something that was rightfully his due to a choice they didn't make.

When you marry a man or woman who has been married before and that marriage has produced children you are not in a marriage like "ANY" other marriage. Divorce and remarriage to someone else does not negate the rights of any child to claim a portion of a parents estate. You might like to think that your husband's obligation to his previous children ended with his marriage to you but you are wrong.

 

[brisgirl825]

why should an NCP though have to have it? Why shouldn't the CP too?

I don't think anyone has suggested that the NCP should be obligated in a way that the CP isn't also obligated. I carry life insurance, more than I would normally carry because my ex husband has made no provisions for his children should he die. I and them both would be left hanging if something happened to him. I have to cover my butt in case I'm ever left without the child support that he now pays. It's not my only source of income but with two children to raise it would be a big loss to us and I feel no shame in believing their father should be concerned with the financial loss to them if he should die.

If they were children of an intact family they wouldn't get their father's house or bank accounts if their mother were still living!


I don't image his first wife would want your house. I can imagine that she would want continued financial help in raising the children she had with him long before you came along though. It isn't about the "first wife" getting your house. It's about the children he had before you entered the picture being able to continue to benefit financially which is their moral and legal right as his children.

I don't want a damned thing my ex husband has with his new wife. If he dies though and I am unable to care for HIS children you better bet it would crank my butt up to know she was sitting there with no financial concerns while I have to struggle to provide for his children. Any mother would feel the same way I do.

I have a 20 year old and a 13 year old. If I get hit by a truck tomorrow my 20 year old would have to finish raising his brother. Their father would have no interest. I've had to take care of finances and carry enough life insurance to make sure that my children could continue on without me. I don't think it's wrong of me or any other CP to feel that the NCP should have the same priorities.

A child support order should not die with the NCP. A child support order dies with the child if, God forbid that child dies. A child's needs does not go away at the time of a parents death and any loving parent would make sure their child's needs are taken care of no matter what the situation. In a perfect world that is.

No but they would get it once their mother died. They would have an inherit right to the assets and property of their parents if their parents had remained married. Just because a child's parents make a choice to divorce, remarry and start a family elsewhere does not mean that child should have to give up something that was rightfully his due to a choice they didn't make.

When you marry a man or woman who has been married before and that marriage has produced children you are not in a marriage like "ANY" other marriage. Divorce and remarriage to someone else does not negate the rights of any child to claim a portion of a parents estate. You might like to think that your husband's obligation to his previous children ended with his marriage to you but you are wrong.


I do not want to have to sell my house so that his first wife can have it.

Couldn't have said it better. SPs need to think about what they're getting into before they start getting married and making babies with someone who has other children to provide for. What right does a person have to butt themselves in and make it so a child can't have access to their parent's assests in case that parent should die.

You are a very selfish person. If you were worried about what the ex could take maybe you should that have it out before you married a dead beat. I find it disturbing that you can serve your needs over that of a child b/c you either don't like the ex or are just that greedy.

Sarah

 

[brisgirl825]

https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?p=929929#post929929

Sarah

 

[brisgirl825]

Oh stop with this crap already! G-damn, this is such big pile of horse****, I have to bring a dump truck!

How in the hell is the new spouse "butting in" by protecting their own assets? A new husband/wife HAS EVERY RIGHT to protect THEIR ASSESTS from their spouse's ex & someone else's children. You might not like to hear that, but deal already. Your bias and anger is clouding your ability to read clearly.

My wife, for example, has every right to protect her assets from my children. That's not denying anything. Period!

Again, the new spouse has no responsibility to support someone's else children. Especially for the lame ass reason of 'just because' they married someone who has a family from a prior relationship.

Children have every right to their parents assets...that is legal. Sounds like your testosterone has left you just as biased as anyone else.
You sound like a great dad...really.

sarah

 

[abstract99]

I am new guys wife. My hubbie is not in arrears but in the even that something were to ever happen to him we have all of the assets in my name.

In other words if something happens to him his children are left high and dry? I don't mean this to sound offensive, although I know it does. It's just that I am the custodial parent and my ex husband has done the same thing.

EVERYTHING he owns is in his wife's name. She is the beneficiary of any insurance and should something happen to him my children would have no claim at all to any of his assets. Sorry but this is a man who lived for the day his wealthy father died so he could get his hands on that money. I just don't understand that attitude and how he can now turn around and cute his children out. I'm sure it's me he is attempting to cute out but it's his children he is actually hurting by such actions not me.

Hopefully your husband has made some sort of arrangement for his children to also share in any assets he has should he die. A trust or something. Being the ex wife I worry about the loss of CS should he die but mainly I worry about the message it would send my children knowing he made no arrangements for them to share in his assets the same way his father did for him.

I fully understand a new spouse wanting to protect their assets but, in my opinion, what I have belongs to my children. It won't ever belong to anyone I marry in the future and maybe my thinking is skewed but I would assume most parents would feel this way.

Oh no no no sorry. I reread it and saw my mistake. No, we put money into savings every month just for the sole purpose of providing support if Duane loses his job. He gets disability too so if he were to die the dis would transfer to kids. In all honesty I make a lot more than my husband does so most of what we have bouth was purchased with my own money. I care about the childrens well being too and we have taken measures to ensure that they are taken care of. I have just taken extra steps just in case plan A doesn't work out.

 

[abstract99]

WOW! Such controversy. I agree and disagree with a lot of it. I personally come from a well off family. If my parents were to die I know that I would be getting a large sum of money. Now is it fair that if my husband gets sick or something for monets maybe even years on end and dies that they seise all of my assets to cover the cost of CS? I personally don't think so. I'm not talking about going above and beyond in the protection think here but I maintain my own bank account, my car is in my name, everythink that I came into the marriage with is still mine if my husband dies. The children should still be cared for but I find no reason why whay I have should be taken from me if something happens to my husband. Like I said.... we have taken measures to ensure that the children are still cared for. However, I have also taken measures that if we run out of money in savings that we don't lose everything to a woman who has basically run off with my husbands children and won't let him even see them. It would be no different than if they were still married and he died. Would she get all of my stuff then? HEll no she wouldn't so why should she now that he has married me?
My husband came home to find his wife in bed with another man. Now she has gone off and gotten married to him and is enjoying a nice lifestyle living off of her new husbands trust fund. THE CHILDREN can have what they are entitled to but as far as I am concerned, she gets nothing of mine. Or for that matter anything that WE (my husband and I ) have bought as a family. It would be different if the children need it but she makes more in a hear than my husband and I do combined in 2.

 

[abstract99]

now now... I think she might have just misread. no biggie.

 

[brisgirl825]

This is NOT the issue. How many times do you need to be told things? Are you slow? Again, learn to r-e-a-d

The issue is the new spouse PROTECTING HER ASSETS from the ex. Period. You must not have any assets to protect. For God's sake, get a freaking clue. My wife is under no obligation to care for or provide for my children -- that were not concieved with her -- if something were to happen to me. HER finances. HER car. HER home. Just because she is married to me does not mean the ex is entitled to it. That IS fact.

If you want a world where the new spouse "inherits" everything and is therefore financially responsible for children she didn't create, then I suggest you build this fantasy world and move there already. I hear real estate is La La Land is relatively cheap for people of your intellect.



You are in no position to sling your elementary insults. But, if it makes up for your inability to see THE FACTS, then seek help. BTW, I am a great dad, bitch!

I bet you are a great dad...where are your kids? Oh that's right...not with you.

Yeah I am a bitch b/c I expect NCP to stand up for their kids. Just b/c you want a convient lay and marry someone, doesn't mean they get to take assest away from the children.

 

[haiku]

get a grip sweetie.....

why should an NCP though have to have it? Why shouldn't the CP too?

I don't think anyone has suggested that the NCP should be obligated in a way that the CP isn't also obligated. I carry life insurance, more than I would normally carry because my ex husband has made no provisions for his children should he die. I and them both would be left hanging if something happened to him. I have to cover my butt in case I'm ever left without the child support that he now pays. It's not my only source of income but with two children to raise it would be a big loss to us and I feel no shame in believing their father should be concerned with the financial loss to them if he should die.

***Umm my comment was directed to LDiJ, who I don't think was advocating only NCP's have life insurance, either, I was just pointing out CP's like you and moms like me should have some too, as some people think only the 'big' wage earner should have it, forgetting the cost of loosing the person who is the caretaker.****


I do not want to have to sell my house so that his first wife can have it.

I don't image his first wife would want your house. I can imagine that she would want continued financial help in raising the children she had with him long before you came along though. It isn't about the "first wife" getting your house. It's about the children he had before you entered the picture being able to continue to benefit financially which is their moral and legal right as his children.

I don't want a damned thing my ex husband has with his new wife. If he dies though and I am unable to care for HIS children you better bet it would crank my butt up to know she was sitting there with no financial concerns while I have to struggle to provide for his children. Any mother would feel the same way I do.

***Yeah, I AM a mother, and I have arranged to provide for my kid already, should something unforseeable like divorce or death happened, it would "crank my butt" -whatever that means- to see my husbands ex attempt to get a free ride off his death, by putting his youngest out of the only home she has ever known the home that was MINE, and was mine before I married my husband.....***

I have a 20 year old and a 13 year old. If I get hit by a truck tomorrow my 20 year old would have to finish raising his brother. Their father would have no interest. I've had to take care of finances and carry enough life insurance to make sure that my children could continue on without me. I don't think it's wrong of me or any other CP to feel that the NCP should have the same priorities.

A child support order should not die with the NCP. A child support order dies with the child if, God forbid that child dies. A child's needs does not go away at the time of a parents death and any loving parent would make sure their child's needs are taken care of no matter what the situation. In a perfect world that is.

***No, she likely would not want my house either, its to small for her-anyhoo, she might think she could get it, if someone told her she could sue for the balance of unpaid support till the kids were 18 though. Which was my only point. The house is my house with my husband, and the home of MY child. I expect my husbands ex to also have a home with her children. I expect her to do her part in caring for her kids with my husband the same way I do mine. And just as the support for my child ended with his death so does the support for hers. other than we would share the SS benefits for minors.

the only point I was making, were my husband to be in arrears at the time of his death I would expect only his property to be seized, and things like MY home to stay intact, to me and my child. And sure as heck if he is current, that she have no right my property jointly with him at all. As I would expect her to have taken care of that on her own, without his help. ****


If they were children of an intact family they wouldn't get their father's house or bank accounts if their mother were still living!


No but they would get it once their mother died. They would have an inherit right to the assets and property of their parents if their parents had remained married.
***Why yes they would along with any other kids that parent had along the way***
Just because a child's parents make a choice to divorce, remarry and start a family elsewhere does not mean that child should have to give up something that was rightfully his due to a choice they didn't make.

***No, being as I am a normal person, anything belonging to just dad, would of course pass equally to ALL his kids apon my passing. Even if I was cinderellas stepmother, there are laws to protect the rightful heirs, At this point in our lives the kids would not be looking at much of an inheritence anyway,LOL***

When you marry a man or woman who has been married before and that marriage has produced children you are not in a marriage like "ANY" other marriage. Divorce and remarriage to someone else does not negate the rights of any child to claim a portion of a parents estate. You might like to think that your husband's obligation to his previous children ended with his marriage to you but you are wrong.

***Umm I don't think anyone said that. Its not really about inheritance, we went off on a tangent, I think the question was about protecting HER property that was seperate from her husbands, from HIS debt. And yes anything I brought into this marriage belong to my child alone just as anything HIS EX brought to he marriage belongs to her kids alone, but HIS kids? mine and hers, They get to split it all equally. And certainly as his wife, if I survive him? It belongs to ME, until I die.***

put the shoe on the other foot for a minute-you die, and your ex gets your kids, and he sues your estate, and the only way to pay for it, is for your new husband to sell your family home? putting him and maybe the child you had together, or your step kids out on the street, how do you feel about that? is it fair? no of course it isn't they are not his kids!

 

[djohnson]

I feel sorry for you legal curiosity. Even as I agree that you should keep your assets safe from the ex because you don't know what could happen. I think you are doing for cold reasons. I feel sorry for your kids. I would do anything and give up anything for mine. I can't imagine a person thinking the way you do. If you are so well off, why would you want your children to do with out, even while you are alive. That's just sad for these kids.

 

[LdiJ]

Why?

I understand that it can be possible for a CP to sue an estate for the lifetime balance of support. I still think its ridiculous though. So for sake of conversation and not legalities...heres what I have to say.

personally I think life insurance is something all parents of minors should have, but it is thier personal choice.

why should an NCP though have to have it? Why shouldn't the CP too?
An NCP is just as "screwed" taking on the children fulltime as the CP is.

I have told this story before, about my husbands ex demanding an exorbitant insurance policy on his life. And she dropped it like a hot potato, when my husband demanded the same of her, and her lawyer could not refute the validity of my husbands claim.

with or without ins. though, a child support order should die with the NCP, other than the ability to get anything past due.

I didn't mean to imply that only the ncp should have life insurance. I think that BOTH parents should have life insurance. I am also not saying that I think that the law should require it....only that common sense should require it.

 

[abstract99]

OK OK OK..... Just find me the law that says the children are entitled to the SP's posessions and we will be done here. It would stand to say that if my husband pays for a car but me name is the one on the title then it woud be mine..... right? You guys are takingabout 2 different things here. OP was addressing arrears and half of you are talking about inheratence.

 

[haiku]

I didn't mean to imply that only the ncp should have life insurance. I think that BOTH parents should have life insurance. I am also not saying that I think that the law should require it....only that common sense should require it.

Oh yeah, I kind of thought thats what you were getting at, I just wanted to point that out to others, AND go off on MY personal tangent (lol) about women not depending soley on men to support thier children, no matter thier marital status etc..... I was in a debating mood yesterday......

 

[brisgirl825]

Texas

Since Texas is a community property state, I need to know what effect that will have on me. I recently purchased a home and was told that since Texas is a community property state, the property had to be recorded in both mine and my husbands name.

My husband owes arrears in child support and I need to know what I need to do in order to protect my home from anything happening. My husband is not on the loan of the house. Recently a restriction was placed on our joint bank account, which I am the sole contributor, and I had to appeal the case.

Please provide any useful information or tell me what type of attorney I should seek out.

Thanks,
Stressed

So they have a "joint" banking account that he never uses? That is his assest. Sounds like someone is making that up for the purposes of posting here

They bought a house and he doesn't contribute a dime to it? Again that is also an assest of his.

My husband and I own things jointly and that's how things should be. You marry someone and you take on everything...their debt, assests, and children. And if we were to die, the children would have equal claim to our things...the children we have together and my children. I'd hate to think that if I died, my kids could not lay claim to my assest to help with their future.

And this guy isn't the best dad around...he's behind in cs and this woman knew that. So instead of being smart and staying away, so she wouldn't have to worry about her assests, she marries and him and decides to hide his assests.

What a typical sp.

Sarah