Help me I don't know what to do

[mamatrish87]

What is the name of your state? California
My problem is the non custodial parent wants our daughter 50% of the time. Sunday to sunday every other week. He does not pay child support, the d.a. consistantly mails him letters he refuses to respond. I have written proof that he is working, with address and phone number of his work. He is working illegally for cash. Is it possible that they will give him this much custody. I pay daycare and every other of her expenses by myself. I am married now, working full time, and it doesn't seem fair that he would get that much custody. He sees her every other weekend now, and I believe that should be enough! Am I way off here?He has also threatened my husband and my husbands tires have been slashed, what do I do? We went to court before and he was unemployed than too, they lowered his child support he wasn't already paying and gave him visitation, will I ever win?

 

[stealth2]

Would seeing your child every other weekend be enough for you if the shoe were on the other foot?

 

[mamatrish87]

honestly her being gone every other weekend kills me. But I would never have a child and not support them. Plus he brings her home 60% of the time and he cancel at least once every other month because he has to "work" at the job that he supposedly doesn't have.

 

[FJ1200guy]

Well, to go along with Stealths thinking, maybe it kills the dad also to be away from his daughter so much?
Your post is sorta all about you and him and your husband. I'd like to know how you think the Dad does when he's with the child, honestly. Is he a good dad? Why would you deny a man that is 50% responsible for bringing your daughter into the world his fair and equal time with her? Give more info, k? No mud-slinging, though.

 

[mamatrish87]

I honestly do not see your point. Maybe you guys could read my message again. He does not financially support her at all. He refuses to help pay for daycare.Children do not only need love they need money. Clothes are not free, shoes are not free and most importantly daycare is not free. If he takes her 50% is he going to take her to her school every day because children need to go to school too. And if so is he going to help pay for that school. People should not be able to have children and not support them but still get the gratitude. He as far as I know is hardly with her, like I said he "works"alot. She consistantly gets picked up by his mom and sister. Where is he? I don't know how you don't think child support has a say so in all of this. It is hard being a single mom, thank god i married a man who is willing to love and help support my daughter. That is how he should be, it's his daugther, not my husbands. Maybe I should just give him everything he wants and I will continue paying all her bills myself, including medical and dental. That should work for him, I am sure he would love it.

 

[HomeGuru]

I honestly do not see your point. Maybe you guys could read my message again. He does not financially support her at all. He refuses to help pay for daycare.Children do not only need love they need money. Clothes are not free, shoes are not free and most importantly daycare is not free. If he takes her 50% is he going to take her to her school every day because children need to go to school too. And if so is he going to help pay for that school. People should not be able to have children and not support them but still get the gratitude. He as far as I know is hardly with her, like I said he "works"alot. She consistantly gets picked up by his mom and sister. Where is he? I don't know how you don't think child support has a say so in all of this. It is hard being a single mom, thank god i married a man who is willing to love and help support my daughter. That is how he should be, it's his daugther, not my husbands. Maybe I should just give him everything he wants and I will continue paying all her bills myself, including medical and dental. That should work for him, I am sure he would love it.

**A: are you a single Mom or married?

 

[John Galt]

"I don't know how you don't think child support has a say so in all of this. It is hard being a single mom...."

Money and visitation are two different issues.

Weren't you the one that opened up and said aaahhh when it came to making this child?

j g

 

[stealth2]

Child support and visitation are two separate issues. If he is not paying the ordered support, you are free to take him to court for it. If he is not ordered to help pay for daycare, he doesn't have to - you are free to take him back to court to have that modified.

He, on the other hand, is free to take you to court for more visitation and/or a change in custody. A judge will decide if that's in the best interests of the children. Not whether you think it's fair or not.

 

[mamatrish87]

Ok so I need advice not critics that obviously have never been a single mom, which I was for three years. Yeah I opened my legs and I am taking care of my responsibilities. He stuck it in and is doing nothing. He is court ordered to pay $390 a month and half of childcare. But if he is working illegally for cash how are they supposed to garnish his wages? The d.a. is actually opening a case to take him to court because he is working under the table. Because here in california you are responsible for half of that child financially. Maybe you are fathers who don't take care of yours financially and if you do than you should think he should too. Or maybe you are bitter, because half of your check goes to your child. When I work 40 hours a week to take care of my child I believe the father should too. If you don't think so than you are sick in the head. It is not ok to be a dead beat dad. I have given my life to my daughter and so should he. So when he starts buying the clothes on her back and the shoes she is wearing than he can have her 50% of the time. Untill than he should get as much as he puts in. Well actually I am giving him more than he puts in.Seeing as he puts in 0%. He is a trouble maker who does not want to be a man, he wants his cake and ice cream too!So if anyone has real advice please give...I need my original question answered and maybe by some people who have actually been in my shoes.

 

[nextwife]

May I point out that statistics show time a child spends with their father is not to benefit the mom, or the father, it is to benefit the CHILD. Children who have good relationships with their fathers, which means regular significant time with them, DO BETTER.

Yes, you are correct in pursuing your options as to collection of CS, but do not confuse the two matters, they are legally unrelated.

The time your child spends with their father is not a reward or exchange for CS paid. It is time with the OP that is of benefit to your child.

 

[leech]

He isnt classified as a deadbeat dad if he actually wants to be apart of your childs life. Money is important, but be selfless right now and think about your daughter. Every child deserves TWO loving parents regardless of financial devotion. There are so many children who are fatherless period. Count your blessings.
The only legal advice you will probably get here is to get a lawyer. He will tell you of your rights and your capabilities and what your next step should be. Family Lawyers are pricey. Depending on where you live in California I may have a reference for you. Good Luck

 

[stealth2]

So when he starts buying the clothes on her back and the shoes she is wearing than he can have her 50% of the time. Untill than he should get as much as he puts in.

Well, legally that is not how it works.

 

[mamatrish87]

You are completely right about the best interest of the child, but I honestly believe she is spending the time with his mother and sister. And not her father. He is always working, why does he want more if he is not even there to use it. I believe he is doing it to break my heart. I have always worked to give him more, he is never willing to help me. And I am just tired of it, it is like he knows I can not do anything about. I can not afford the court fees, I barely make rent as it is. He tells me when he is bringing her home and refuses to follow the guidelines, hopefull the judge will see this.

 

[stealth2]

Your original question HAS been answered. He is free to file for more visitation or custody. A judge will make the determination.

 

[mamatrish87]

He isnt classified as a deadbeat dad if he actually wants to be apart of your childs life. Money is important, but be selfless right now and think about your daughter. Every child deserves TWO loving parents regardless of financial devotion. There are so many children who are fatherless period. Count your blessings.
The only legal advice you will probably get here is to get a lawyer. He will tell you of your rights and your capabilities and what your next step should be. Family Lawyers are pricey. Depending on where you live in California I may have a reference for you. Good Luck

I really wish I could afford a lawyer but like I said earlier I can hardly pay rent, we are so tight it is ridiculous, unfortunately I don't make alot of money and there is daycare expenses, rent, and house bills. That is why I would love to have a little help from him. If he would just give $20 here and there it would make a big difference, I honestly wish I could tell you what type of person he is. But what you guys hear is what the judge will hear. And no one will really know, I just feel as though I am being screwed. I hate the legal system. Thank you for your opinion it was alot more helpful you at least pointed out money is important others seem to think it is not at all.