HELP! - Summer Visitation is being compromised!

[lysah0505]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? New York

My Daughters state is Florida (Jurisdiction)

My Ex and I share joint custody of our 10 year old daughter. They live in Florida and I live in New York City. My problem is this. Last summer I was supposed to have summer visitation with her. He didn’t send her up. He refused to because he said that I hadn’t been a “good enough mother to her”. He based this on the fact that I had not sent child support payments to him for a year. I was not working. (This has now been settled with Child Support Enforcement and I’m now happily sending double the amount of what was originally ordered and added to the fact that when she was in my custody, he never sent a dime and I never bothered him for it). So he said he would send her to summer camp instead. (He never sent her there either). He said horrible things about me that he told me my daughter had said. She came to visit for 2 weeks during the holiday season. She came to me crying because she never said those things and she was hurt that he would say such things. He had told her that he was even having second thoughts about sending her over the holidays because he “didn’t feel like it”!

This weekend was my little sisters wedding. She was to be part of the bridal party. The tickets for her flight to and from Florida had been paid months in advance. This was to be a surprise for me from my sister. (Of course I found out about it but kept it to myself). My sister had the dress maker make a dress for my daughter that cost $200, ordered her flowers and bought her shoes to go with the dress. The dress was made a size 12 (my daughters size) and she would adjust it the morning of the wedding when my daughter could try it on and be fitted. Her flight up was scheduled to leave at 8:35pm the night before. Anxious, I called her house to see if I could find out who brought her to the airport. (Remember, at this point no one knew I was aware of the surprise). It would not be unusual for me to call her at that time. Her father picks up and I’m immediately alarmed. I asked for my daughter and he said that she was asleep. I thought he was joking until he woke her up and she came to the phone. I was mortified. Again I was being robbed of an opportunity to spend time with her. I called my sister who was to pick her up from the airport that night and let her know that he’s missed the flight. When she called him to find out what happened he said, ”Oh I missed it?” He didn’t even sound concerned. It was as if he had no intention of really sending her. Then he calls me and tells me about how he was sending my daughter up as a surprise from my sister and “Him”. That he never got a confirmation number on my daughter’s e ticket back home and refused to send her without it. (Why would she not have a return trip home?) I think he thinks I would do the same thing he did to me (the reason he has her now). I’m not like him, nor could I ever be.

Now I’m preparing to purchase her round trip tickets for her summer visit. Now he says that she may have to go to summer school for Math and might not send her to me this summer. I don’t believe this. She has been on the principle’s list in school every year since she started. She is an A student. If her grades went down in Math at all I highly doubt that it would be enough to warrant her going to summer school and missing yet another summer visit with me. That’s 2 in a row.

What can I do? I think he’s trying to keep her from me. I’m trying to do everything by the book. Please help.

 

[Zephyr]

if your court order gives you that time then file for contempt if he does not allow the visit, i hope you have documented the other incidents as well.

 

[lysah0505]

Contempt?

What will filing contempt do?

 

[LdiJ]

What will filing contempt do?

Does your order contain specific dates for summer visitation? If so, I would highly recommend you flying down there and picking up your daughter personally. Take a copy of your court order with you. If he attempts to stop you from picking her up call the police.

Another option would be to file a petition for contempt for last summer's visitation....and ask for it to be heard on an emergency basis because you believe he intends to deny again.

 

[lysah0505]

It just specifies summer vacations. Thanks for the advice. I think I'm going to have to do that unfortunately. What would have to happen to get things reversed?

 

[rm1759]

If your order does not have specific dates, you will have a hard time getting him on contempt. You need to modify your current order getting specific dates, for all of your scheduled visitation. For summer, you generally have a deadline to submit your time period to the other parent (ie "NCP will notify CP of when they will take their xx weeks of summer visitation by xx date.")

You should make sure you have specific dates for all holidays, and any other times you will spend with your child. If you can compromise with him, get it done in mediation. If not, you will have to let a judge decide.

Also, be sure to include who is responsible for transportation.

 

[stealth2]

What exactly does the visitation order say about summer visitation?

 

[lysah0505]

Wow i had no idea that I needed to specify dates. I'll be sure to get on that ASAP! According to the current order, he is responsible for transportation. We are also supposed to alternate Holidays. Although I don't think he's going to make things easy for her summer vacation with me. I strongly believe that he's trying to come up with another excuse not to send her.

 

[Ron1347]

If there's 'ONE' thing I've learned...it is that, when plans/orders are drawn up...be so 'specific' with 'everything', that it borders on the rediculous! If not even 'crosses' that border. As you can see, things can get pretty petty and controlling, if one or the other chooses to be 'that' vindictive.

 

[lysah0505]

So I see. how can I get things reversed? I believe I have grounds to do it. He speaks badly about me to my daughter and it makes her sad. When she tries to defend me, he yells at her. It's also implied to her that she shouldn't get her hopes up when visitations come around because he may not "feel like" letting her come.

 

[rm1759]

I'd still like to see what your current order says, exactly, about your visitation.

You don't need to get the order reversed, there are two ways to go about it. First, you could file for a modification. Have an attorney draw it up (you might be able to do this yourself, but if I were you, I would get an attorney), and file it in florida (I assume florida has jurisdiction?). More than likely, the judge will order you to mediation, and there you will sit down and negotiate to get the specific dates/times.

There might be another option. You also might be able to file for a clarification of the current order. Basically, you are saying that you and your ex do not agree on the interpretation of the order, and you need a judge to decide for you. Again, I would have an attorney do this as well.

You should get together a parenting plan, there are many good examples at this site:

www.deltabravo.net Look at the samples there, and they will give you ideas of how you should word it.

 

[Ambr]

I can see that you are going to need a VERY detailed parenting plan. Don't feel bad you aren't alone. The biggest part of the people on these boards have one or wish they had one that was detailed.

Now the one problem that I can see that you will probably run into is the expense of transportatin. Under generally guides, mom and dad split the costs. Now roundtrip tickets are less expensive, but I would think that you might have problems with dad paying his share etc. I would suggest putting some type of wording in there that you buy ticket to start the visitation (get her there) and he buy it to end (get her back to FL). That would stop those arguements. If you can't get that in there -- make sure there is a specific window date (two weeks out - cheaper roundtrip ticket) that he has to send payment for ticket.

You might try putting wording in there that he is responsible for payment of ticket if he denies visitation.

 

[Ambr]

Sample

Now IAAL had a really short and to the point example once upon a time and I ran a search, but I couldn't locate it.

BUT......here is a sample from www.deltabravo.net

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan7.htm

 

[lysah0505]

What the order states

This is exactly what the order states: (Although he has not complied with this)

IT IS THERE, ORDERED, ADJUDGED AND DECREED as follows:

1. That the Plaintiff and Defendant shall share joint custody of the minor child with the Plaintiff maintaining primary physical custody and the defendant secondary physical custody in the form of visitation rights set forth below:
a) The minor child’s summer break.
b) During odd number years, the minor child’s Easter Holiday and Christmas break from the day school lets out until December 26th.
c) During even numbered years, the minor child’s Spring Break, Thanksgiving Break, and Christmas Break from December 26th until January 1.
d) Open and consistent telephone contact.
e) At such other times as the parties may otherwise agree.

 

[Ambr]

This is exactly what the order states: (Although he has not complied with this)

IT IS THERE, ORDERED, ADJUDGED AND DECREED as follows:

1. That the Plaintiff and Defendant shall share joint custody of the minor child with the Plaintiff maintaining primary physical custody and the defendant secondary physical custody in the form of visitation rights set forth below:
a) The minor child’s summer break.
b) During odd number years, the minor child’s Easter Holiday and Christmas break from the day school lets out until December 26th.
c) During even numbered years, the minor child’s Spring Break, Thanksgiving Break, and Christmas Break from December 26th until January 1.
d) Open and consistent telephone contact.
e) At such other times as the parties may otherwise agree.

Man....that is wide open and leaves lots of room for interpretation. It almost reads that once school lets out, she is yours until school starts back up.

You really need to get it set up, if only to read the standard 6 week block of time for summer.